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What do you call a dead pelican?

A pelican’t.

Opened a restaurant called "The Pelican"

Nobody appreciates the big bill though!

Sometimes I feel like a Pelican

Everywhere I turn there is just a huge bill

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First dirty joke an adult ever told me, what's yours?

A pelican spots a frog in a marsh and swallows him whole. The pelican flies off and reaches a great height. Suddenly the frog pokes his head out of the pelicans butt and yells out to the pelican "Hey,how high are we right now?", the pelican replies "About 100 meters.", to which the frog nervously re...

What has a pelican, an ostrich, and the IRS all got in common?

They can all shove their bills up their backside.

Dad joke: Pelican catches a fish and shows it to his buddy…

Pelican’s buddy: wow, nice size catch.

Pelican: yeah, it definitely fits the bill.

I ate pelican at a fancy restaurant.

The service was fantastic but the bill was enormous.

Why are pelicans able to dive into the ocean they way they do?

Because they're called peliCANs, not peliCAN'Ts.

A heck of a bird is a Pelican

It's beak can hold more than its Bellycan

[Pelican family pay for meal with $100 notes]

WAITER: Don't any of you guys have smaller bills?

PA PELICAN: \[Dignified\] We're as God made us, Sir

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A seagull, a pelican, and a stork walk into a bar.

The bartender albeit shocked, asks the gentlebirds what they'll be having.

To which the seagull says "ill have a sex on the beach." The bartender nods in acknowledgement. The stork speaks up next saying, "ill have a panty dropper." Again the bartender nods. He looks to the pelican and asks th...

I went to a curry house and ordered the pelican curry

It was really nice but the bill was massive

I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger.

It was good, but the bill was enormous.

What's a pelican's favorite sport?

*fly* fishing!

What do you get if you cross a pelican and a zebra?

Two streets further away.

A bunch of different birds are chilling in a large group when

Another type of bird comes out of nowhere. "sorry lads I've just arrived from europe!" says the bird,

"Ukraine?" askes another. "Nah mate I'm a pelican"

What's the difference between a seagull and a pelican?

You can't sea a pelican.





Note: I'm actually on laughing gas rn btw.

A Pelican walks into a bar

The bartender says to the Pelican, “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept big bills.”

So I went to this restaurant called Pelican's...

food was great; huge bill though.

A boy asked his father one morning...

Boy: Dad, where did I come from?

Father: You were born from a giant white cloud, then brought here by a fat pelican with a worn-out hat.

Boy: But mother said she gave birth to me!

Father: ... Your point?

Toronto Raptors: We are the only sports team named after a dinosaur!

New Orleans Pelicans and Atlanta Hawks: Well technically -

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What have an Ostrich, a Pelican, and the tax man got in common?

They can all stick their bills up their arse.

(Credit: Billy Connolly)

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The creator of mad libs died this week.

His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.

Terrible what they do these days

We've been reading in the papers lately about terrible cruelty someone is causing to our winged friends by the shore, as many Pelicans have been found with their beaks cut off.

Police suspect a local bill collector is behind it all.

I went to the Pet store to buy some exotic breeding birds

The Assistant said "have you got a Store card?"

I said no but I think I've just excited a Pelican

Why did the girl marry the bird instead of the fruit?

Because the fruit cantaloupe, but the bird pelican.

Bird Jokes

Just some random bird-brain jokes...

What do you call a bird that picks its nose? A flicker

What do you call a bird that works at a restaurant? A wader

What bird can do more that others? Pelican

What two birds met in the insane asylum? A cuckoo and a loon

What bir...

What kind of underwear does John Grisham use?

Pelican Briefs

I'll go find a bridge

"The Frogs in Prague Defy Catalog"

According to a research team at Charles University in Prague, the local amphibians have very peculiar migratory habits. In recent years, a new sub-species have been identified which is not native to the area around the Czech capitol. The research has been carried out with the help of many students a...

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So Jesus and Moses are about to tee of at 18...

they are about 500 yards away from a par 5, and moses is the first to hit. He gets up and smacks one pin high, 2 feet away from the hole just from his drive. Looks at Jesus and says "i'd like to see you beat that one messiah". So, Jesus gets up, hits one 36 yards to the complete left directly into ...

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