What do you call a dead pelican?

A pelican’t.

Opened a restaurant called "The Pelican"

Nobody appreciates the big bill though!

Sometimes I feel like a Pelican

Everywhere I turn there is just a huge bill

What a wonderful bird, the Pelican.

His mouth can hold more than his belican.

What do pelicans and Verizon have in common?

They can both shove their bills up their asses.

Why are pelicans able to dive into the ocean they way they do?

Because they're called peliCANs, not peliCAN'Ts.

I ate pelican at a fancy restaurant.

The service was fantastic but the bill was enormous.

[Pelican family pay for meal with $100 notes]

WAITER: Don't any of you guys have smaller bills?

PA PELICAN: \[Dignified\] We're as God made us, Sir

You're walking along a sea front with some chips

But every time you try to eat one, a sea bird swoops down and steals it.

Suddenly, a mystical old woman appears and says she can cast a bird repellant spell on your chips to create a force field which sea birds cannot pass through.

Annoyed, you ask her to give it a shot. She succeeds a...

What's a pelican's favorite sport?

*fly* fishing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First dirty joke an adult ever told me, what's yours?

A pelican spots a frog in a marsh and swallows him whole. The pelican flies off and reaches a great height. Suddenly the frog pokes his head out of the pelicans butt and yells out to the pelican "Hey,how high are we right now?", the pelican replies "About 100 meters.", to which the frog nervously re...

What do you get if you cross a pelican and a zebra?

Two streets further away.

I went to the Pet store to buy some exotic breeding birds

The Assistant said "have you got a Store card?"

I said no but I think I've just excited a Pelican

I went to a curry house and ordered the pelican curry

It was really nice but the bill was massive

What's the difference between a seagull and a pelican?

You can't sea a pelican.





Note: I'm actually on laughing gas rn btw.

I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger.

It was good, but the bill was enormous.

Toronto Raptors: We are the only sports team named after a dinosaur!

New Orleans Pelicans and Atlanta Hawks: Well technically -

So I went to this restaurant called Pelican's...

food was great; huge bill though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The creator of mad libs died this week.

His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.

Terrible what they do these days

We've been reading in the papers lately about terrible cruelty someone is causing to our winged friends by the shore, as many Pelicans have been found with their beaks cut off.

Police suspect a local bill collector is behind it all.

A boy asked his father one morning...

Boy: Dad, where did I come from?

Father: You were born from a giant white cloud, then brought here by a fat pelican with a worn-out hat.

Boy: But mother said she gave birth to me!

Father: ... Your point?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What have an Ostrich, a Pelican, and the tax man got in common?

They can all stick their bills up their arse.

(Credit: Billy Connolly)

Bird Jokes

Just some random bird-brain jokes...

What do you call a bird that picks its nose? A flicker

What do you call a bird that works at a restaurant? A wader

What bird can do more that others? Pelican

What two birds met in the insane asylum? A cuckoo and a loon

What bir...

What kind of underwear does John Grisham use?

Pelican Briefs

I'll go find a bridge

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