Why did the military arrest all the pigeons?

They were starting a coo.

Ive got the world's best homing pigeon

How do I know he's the best? I've sold him 87 times this week.

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The mayor of Phoenix was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Phoenix .

He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop, the people of Phoenix could not walk on the sidewalks, or drive on the roads..

It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidew alks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the May...

TIL when musicians perform on stage, the sound bounces around the room off the walls, however, when a pigeon performs on stage, the sound does not bounce. This is because...

...a coo sticks.

For as long as I can remember, I've had a thing about pigeons.

I think they're fascinating creatures, robust, hardy birds that thrive the world over yet can live on just breadcrumbs and worms.

It was 'pigeon this' and 'pigeon that' as a child, my mom used to joke that I'd BE a pigeon if I could.

It was a bit of a struggle maintaining relationsh...

A man's wife accuses him of "testiculating"

"What the hell is *testiculating*?" the man asks.

Looking both irritated and impatient, his wife responds, "It's when a man is talking bollocks!"

The man considers this for a moment."Tell me something," he finally says. "Are you on your period?"

"Yes," his wife answers. "Why?"...

I just wanted to share some exciting news! Today I was the unexpected high bidder in an auction for the worlds best sounding pigeon...

It is quite a coup!

I asked a tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a pigeon into my pubic region.

He took a look at the picture and agreed to do it for $120.

It looked amazing. So, a couple weeks later, I went back and asked him to give me a matching tattoo on my palm. He looked again at the picture and said, “That will be $240.”

I said, “Why the price jump? You did the exact same...

What did the rich pigeon call the poor pigeon?

A pheasant.

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There are two statues in a park, one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits pat...

What's the difference between a pigeon and a Texas oilman?

The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Mercedes.

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Did you know that pigeons die when they have sex?

Well the one I fucked did

Today a criminal pigeon was remanded to jail without bail

Apparently he was a flight risk

What do France and a pigeon have in common?

Every 5 minutes, there is a coo (coup)

Anti-vaxxers are like teaching a pigeon to play chess...

They don't know jack about it, they don't wanna hear you explain it, and in the end they knock down the pieces and strut around like they won the game.

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I've started a team called "The Pigeons"

We shit on the competition.

What do you call a pigeon that always steals your food ?

A burden.

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and...

Did you know? If a singer sings on stage their voice will echo but if a pigeon coos it doesn't

Because acoustics

What does a pigeon with sunglasses on say?

Coo man coo

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The statues

A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each other for hundreds of years out in a park. One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds and ...

I think the pigeons are planning an uprising.

They keep saying coup, coup, coup.

Musicians play in an auditorium and their sound bounces around. A pigeon makes a sound and it doesn't bounce around. Why not?

A coo sticks

(Stolen from a FB post and I'm sure has been here 50 times but whatevs I liked it :))

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Two statues (one nude male, one nude female) sit beside each other at the entrance of Central Park…

One day, very early in the morning, an angel comes down from heaven. He looks the statues up and down, and with a flick of his wrist, \*POOF!\* he turns the statues into real people.

The man and woman stare at each other in amazement, but their attention soon turns to the angel, who's quite s...

The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died.

Talk about killing two birds with one's tone.

I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay...

... again.

Pigeons are just like doves.

Except no one invites them to weddings.

My brother was arrested for feeding pigeons at the zoo.

He was feeding them to the lions.

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

What's the difference between a pigeon and a syrian toddler?

That the pigeon flies complete, and the toddler in parts.

Just started a business selling birds. The profits are brilliant.

So far I have sold some homing pigeons 25 times this week already.

What's the difference between divorced men and pigeons ?

The pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's

Three old ladies are sitting in the park feeding the pigeons.

All of a sudden a large man jumps in front of the trio, pulls open his trench coat and flashes his manhood.

The first old lady immediately has a stroke. The second old lady also had a stroke but the third old lady's arms were too short to reach.

What's the similarity between pigeons and politics?

Both have left and right wings.

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What do you call a wood pigeon that kisses cocks?

A wood pecker

Pig says oink, cow says moo. What does hostile takeover pigeon say?

Coup.

In his spare time my dad races pigeons

I don’t know why, he never beats them.

What do pigeons have in common with the Syrians?

They both go 'coup coup coup'

I asked my pet pigeon what he thought of my new shoes

he said it was coo

The perfect woman

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous ...

A canary and a pigeon were on the street when an angry man with a bag of pastries approaches where they were standing

The man was very angry and kept throwing his bread, cakes and the rest of it in random directions as he just couldn’t control his rage and felt the need to throw his stuff all over the place. As he neared the canary and the pigeon he pulled out some more pastries from his bag and threw them wildly a...

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[blonde] A blonde woman and her boyfriend were sitting in the back yard.

A pigeon flew over them and pooped on his head. "Get some toilet paper" he said. "What for?" the blonde asked. "He must be half a mile away by now"

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Feeding pigeons

Two guys are feeding pigeons in the park.

'These pigeons are just like politicians,' says one.
'Really? How so?,' replies the other, dutifully.
'As long as they're at our level, they'll eat out of our hands. But as soon as they get to the top, they just shit on us.'

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An old Russian Communist is on his deathbed.

His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says,

"Vasya, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me."

"Oh, no worries buddy." says Vasya.

The Communist then ...

There are so many pigeons in major US cities

I wonder if they are planning a coup.

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Arguing with an anti-vaxxer is like playing chess with a pigeon...

No matter how good at chess you are, the pigeon will just knock over pieces, shit on the board, and then fly back to its flock to claim victory.

Becoming pigeons can be extremely time consuming...

It took a pig eons to become one.

Why can't pigeons have a military?

Because the risk of a coup is too high

With Net Neutrality gone I’m finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won’t be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

People say that I'm a bad person...

But I think they're just jealous that they can't kick a pigeon as far as I can

I get concerned when a bunch of pigeons start gathering together

I worry they’re arranging a coo

I walked in front of my home and found a bunch of pigeons sitting around and I shoed then all off

I was afraid that they might be planing a coo

How do you spot a revolutionary pigeon?

They're the ones walking around shouting "Coup! Coup!"

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Pigeon Droppings

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yuck!" yells the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for?" replies the man. "He must be half-a-mile away by now."

You can not lose a homing pigeon

If your homing pigeon does not come back, then what you have lost is a pigeon

I wrote a joke about pigeons.

Stoned pigeon poetry: High Coo

What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?

Coo.

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Two nude statues...

Two nude statues - one of a man, one of a woman - stand on opposite corners of a park, facing each other. After decades, a fairy godmother sees them and, feeling impish, turns them human. "You have an hour to do anything you like, then it's back on the pedestals with you."

The woman looks at ...

Yesterday I killed a pair of pigeons with an unmanned flying device.

You could say I killed two birds with one drone!

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A town in the southwest is struggling with a pigeon problem...

The pigeons invaded the town and were pooping on everything. The mayor solicited companies to find someone who could help with the problem.

One day a man came and claimed he could rid the town of all the pigeons in one day. The mayor, skeptical, asked how he planned to accomplish this.
...

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Found this on AskReddit

A farmer went to the market to buy a rooster to mate with his hens. Another farmer sold him one and warned him how horny the rooster was.

The farmer took the rooster home and as soon as he put it into the pen, it has sex with every chicken. 10 minutes later it then had sex with every chicken ...

Pigeons...

I've just seen a flock of pigeons in army unifoms.

I think it might be a military coo.

Did you hear about the Pigeon rebellion?

Yeah, it was a "coo" d'etat.

What sound does a Venezuelan pigeon makes?

Coup Coup Coup

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The Blue Pigeon.

There once was a medium sized city on the countryside. The villagers were happy, economy was thriving, education in top form, and few complaints could be made.

One day a pigeon arrived. The next day another. And the next day the pigeon population doubled again. This happened until the villag...

What do you call a dead pigeon?

A pige-out

...made it myself...

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After taking his seat on a plane, a young man was startled to see a pigeon strapped in next to him....

After taking his seat on a plane, a young man was startled to see a pigeon strapped in next to him.

After take off, he asked the flight attendant for a cup of coffee, but the pigeon yelled over him "Get me a whiskey, now!"

A few moments later the attendant returned with the whiskey, bu...

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So there's a huge pigeon problem in Arizona...

There are pigeons and pigeon shit all over cars roads, sidewalks, everywhere. A citizen has a meeting with the state guy in charge of fixing the problem, and says "hey man, I can fix this easily, and I'll do it for free. The only thing I ask is that nobody asks me any questions, or I get a million d...

A small city is over run with pigeons.

The mayor has exhausted all the city's resources but nothing seems to be working on the pigeons.

A lone man walks into the office and tells the mayor he can get ride of all the pigeons free of charge. His only stipulation is that the mayor cannot ask him any questions. If anyone ask the man e...

Did you guys see Eevee's new flying-type evolution in Sword and Shield?

It's called Pigeon.

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A man and woman statue magically cone to life...

In the park there is a statue of a man and woman, both nude. One day they are granted the ability to come to life, but for only 15 minutes.

They both look at each other and smile then run behind the bushes.

Almost immediately there is giggling and the bush is shaking like crazy.
...

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So there are these two statues in a plaza

and they've been placed in such a way that they stare deep into each other's eyes. They are stuck like this, never able to touch or talk.
One day, God grants them an hour of life out of pity. They immediately run into each other's arms and embrace the joy of the situation.
They spot ...

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