A pack of geese is a gaggle

But a pack of camels is why my dad never came back

What do you call a city filled with protesting geese?

Honk Kong

Why do geese fly south for the winter?

Because it's too far to walk!

what do farmers say when they let geese and ducks out?

release the quacken!

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

I’ve got some racing geese for sale.

Let me know if you want a quick gander

I use geese to spread the right political messages

It's a proper gander

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

It's not winter until the geese are done flying...

And the tweakers strip all the copper out of air conditioning units.

When geese fly in a v-formation why is one side longer than the other?

Because there are more geese on that side.

(My 90 year old great uncle claims to have made this up, I dont know if he did or not but I love it)

Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander

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Why are geese such assholes?

Big duck energy

Theodore was feeding geese when his friend David walked by

Say there, Theodore, what are you doing?"

"Why, I'm feeding these here geese, David."

"I can see that, but why do you keep staring at the bread crumbs?"

"Well, David, what's good for a goose is good for a gander."

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A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

What do you call a family of geese crossing a road?

speed bumps

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So a group of crows is called a murder, a group of geese is a gaggle, but do you know what a group of humans are?

Assholes. Just a bunch of assholes. Everyone of them.

A man walks into a bar

So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.
So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”
And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants...

[TIL] The scientific reason Canadian geese flight pattern is always more geese on one side.

Geese can't count

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

What language do Brazilian Geese speak?

Portuguese

How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encyclopedias?

They're flying in-formation.

"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

I’ve been looking to get rid of some male geese.

Would you like to take a gander?

Why was the detective concerned when the baseball team of all geese won the World Series?

He suspected fowl play.

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A Priest and a Cowboy are walking in the desert

They come across a flock of geese so the cowboy pulls out his two guns and empties them in the direction of the geese.

"Fuck, I missed!"

"Do not use that word, child, for God will smite you"

They walk on and come across yet another flock of geese. Same thing.

"Fuck, I mis...

Two geese walk into a bar...

Maybe one of them should've ducked.

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Know why geese kill more humans every year than sharks?

Because it's really hard for geese to kill sharks.

Seriously though, fuck geese.

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A farmer buys a young cock

As soon as he brings it home, it fucks all of the farmer's 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens.

Next day, it's fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly later that day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures began circling over...

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

Canadian geese are very easy to find...

They are always saying sorry

A gaggle of geese, a brood of hens, what do you call a group of turkeys?

A corporation.

I think that the geese in Canada are racists.

They kept yelling honk eh’ honk eh’ honk eh ‘!

How do black geese call to white geese?

HONKEY! HONKEY!

A flock of geese passes by overhead, in class 'v' formation.

Dad: Do you know why one side of the 'v' is longer than the other?

Son: No, why?

Dad: Because it has more geese.

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A gaggle of geese, a pride of lions...

... and here's how we might classify these groups:

- a brat of boys
- a giggle of girls
- a tedium of accountants
- a stitch of doctors
- a whine of losers
- a jerk of politicians
- a stagger of drunks

Why did the flock of geese cross the road?

Because they were afraid to fly United.

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

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"Son, what do you say when there's more than one goose?"

"Geese."

"Very good. What do you say when there's more than one cow?"

"Cows."

"Excellent. What do you say when there's more than one spider?"

"Shit!"

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A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having sex with every hen it can find....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the goose cross the road?

To go be a dick to someone else.
Geese are dicks

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A farmer buys a cock to breed his hens...

The first day the cock fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the cock fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the cock...
Then, at the evening of the third day the cock is laying motio...

A joke my grandfather told me 40 years ago.

As some Canadian geese were flying overhead he pointed at them and asked me, "Do you know why that side of the V is longer than the other side? (He meant the V shape the geese were flying in as they migrated)
"No", I replied after thinking about it.
"Because there are more geese on that side."...

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

If a very social person is called a "people person"...

Then wouldn't a very social goose be called a "geese goose"?

What do you call a patio covered in waterfowl

a Porch-o-geese

So Roy Moore and a little girl walking through a scary Forest

The little girl turns to him and says, "Geese mister I'm really scared!".

And he says " How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

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Pub joke in the style of Geoffrey Chaucer - Bill Bailey

Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas tw...

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

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A farmer buys a rooster for his hens but with a warning from the seller...

A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bar...

What are goosebumps for?

To slow down speeding geese!

Little Piano Player

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the counter and see a tiny man, no more than a foot tall, playing a piano just as small. So the man walks up to the bartender and asks him about the tiny piano player.

The bartender say "I got him from the genie in the mens bathroom"

So the man goes...

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster.

Stupid geese.

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Brewster the Rooster

Saw a post today about a kid with a rooster named Brooster and remembered this old joke.

A farmer decides he needs a new rooster so he can expand his chicken coop, so he buys the most virile one he can find and names him Brewster. Within a day, Brewster has impregnated every hen the farmer ow...

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