A pack of geese is a gaggle

But a pack of camels is why my dad never came back

What do you call a family of geese crossing a road?

speed bumps

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A farmer buys a young cock

As soon as he gets home it fucks all of his 150 hens.
The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens.

Next day it's fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly, later in the day the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its hea...

Why do geese fly south for the winter?

Because it's too far to walk!

I’ve got some racing geese for sale.

Let me know if you want a quick gander

What do you call a city filled with protesting geese?

Honk Kong

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So a group of crows is called a murder, a group of geese is a gaggle, but do you know what a group of humans are?

Assholes. Just a bunch of assholes. Everyone of them.

what do farmers say when they let geese and ducks out?

release the quacken!

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

I use geese to spread the right political messages

It's a proper gander

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The S’wan (long)

A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, run by a few gruff sisters.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. T...

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Know why geese kill more humans every year than sharks?

Because it's really hard for geese to kill sharks.

Seriously though, fuck geese.

The king of animals

So a sheep had a big house in the middle of nowhere. After some time she noticed some pigs wandering around and they asked to move in for a week or two, they promised the sheep that during those two weeks they'll help her build a small cottage she wanted right next to her house. As they were buildin...

When geese fly in a v-formation why is one side longer than the other?

Because there are more geese on that side.

(My 90 year old great uncle claims to have made this up, I dont know if he did or not but I love it)

It's not winter until the geese are done flying...

And the tweakers strip all the copper out of air conditioning units.

Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander

Theodore was feeding geese when his friend David walked by

Say there, Theodore, what are you doing?"

"Why, I'm feeding these here geese, David."

"I can see that, but why do you keep staring at the bread crumbs?"

"Well, David, what's good for a goose is good for a gander."

A man walks into a bar

So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.
So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”
And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants...

[TIL] The scientific reason Canadian geese flight pattern is always more geese on one side.

Geese can't count

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

I’ve been looking to get rid of some male geese.

Would you like to take a gander?

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A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

What language do Brazilian Geese speak?

Portuguese

Two geese walk into a bar...

Maybe one of them should've ducked.

How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encyclopedias?

They're flying in-formation.

What do you get when you run over geese?

Goose bumps

A gaggle of geese, a brood of hens, what do you call a group of turkeys?

A corporation.

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

I think that the geese in Canada are racists.

They kept yelling honk eh’ honk eh’ honk eh ‘!

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A Priest and a Cowboy are walking in the desert

They come across a flock of geese so the cowboy pulls out his two guns and empties them in the direction of the geese.

"Fuck, I missed!"

"Do not use that word, child, for God will smite you"

They walk on and come across yet another flock of geese. Same thing.

"Fuck, I mis...

Why did the flock of geese cross the road?

Because they were afraid to fly United.

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

How do black geese call to white geese?

HONKEY! HONKEY!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

A flock of geese passes by overhead, in class 'v' formation.

Dad: Do you know why one side of the 'v' is longer than the other?

Son: No, why?

Dad: Because it has more geese.

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

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Why did the goose cross the road?

To go be a dick to someone else.
Geese are dicks

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

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"Son, what do you say when there's more than one goose?"

"Geese."

"Very good. What do you say when there's more than one cow?"

"Cows."

"Excellent. What do you say when there's more than one spider?"

"Shit!"

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A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having sex with every hen it can find....

If a very social person is called a "people person"...

Then wouldn't a very social goose be called a "geese goose"?

What do you call a patio covered in waterfowl

a Porch-o-geese

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Pub joke in the style of Geoffrey Chaucer - Bill Bailey

Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas tw...

A joke my grandfather told me 40 years ago.

As some Canadian geese were flying overhead he pointed at them and asked me, "Do you know why that side of the V is longer than the other side? (He meant the V shape the geese were flying in as they migrated)
"No", I replied after thinking about it.
"Because there are more geese on that side."...

What are goosebumps for?

To slow down speeding geese!

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A farmer buys a cock to breed his hens...

The first day the cock fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the cock fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the cock...
Then, at the evening of the third day the cock is laying motio...

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

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A farmer buys a rooster for his hens but with a warning from the seller...

A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bar...

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster.

Stupid geese.

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Brewster the Rooster

Saw a post today about a kid with a rooster named Brooster and remembered this old joke.

A farmer decides he needs a new rooster so he can expand his chicken coop, so he buys the most virile one he can find and names him Brewster. Within a day, Brewster has impregnated every hen the farmer ow...

Little Piano Player

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the counter and see a tiny man, no more than a foot tall, playing a piano just as small. So the man walks up to the bartender and asks him about the tiny piano player.

The bartender say "I got him from the genie in the mens bathroom"

So the man goes...

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