What do you call a family of geese crossing a road?

speed bumps

Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander

I saw a bunch of geese and ducks on the lawn in front of the Tyson processing plant. Initially I thought of how horrible it was that they were there flaunting their freedom to the condemned chickens, but then I thought no.....

it's just fowl behavior.

"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

Theodore was feeding geese when his friend David walked by

Say there, Theodore, what are you doing?"

"Why, I'm feeding these here geese, David."

"I can see that, but why do you keep staring at the bread crumbs?"

"Well, David, what's good for a goose is good for a gander."

What did the geese say to the ducks from Alabama?

When did you get so interbred?

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

[TIL] The scientific reason Canadian geese flight pattern is always more geese on one side.

Geese can't count

What did the Brazilian pig say to the Canadian geese?

I'm pork you geese!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a group of crows is called a murder, a group of geese is a gaggle, but do you know what a group of humans are?

Assholes. Just a bunch of assholes. Everyone of them.

I think that the geese in Canada are racists.

They kept yelling honk eh’ honk eh’ honk eh ‘!

When geese fly south in a V formation. One line is always longer. You know why?

There's more geese in that line.

What language do Brazilian Geese speak?

Portuguese

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

A flock of geese passes by overhead, in class 'v' formation.

Dad: Do you know why one side of the 'v' is longer than the other?

Son: No, why?

Dad: Because it has more geese.

How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encyclopedias?

They're flying in-formation.

Two geese walk into a bar...

Maybe one of them should've ducked.

I’ve been looking to get rid of some male geese.

Would you like to take a gander?

Canadian geese are very easy to find...

They are always saying sorry

If a very social person is called a "people person"...

Then wouldn't a very social goose be called a "geese goose"?

Why did the flock of geese cross the road?

Because they were afraid to fly United.

A gaggle of geese, a brood of hens, what do you call a group of turkeys?

A corporation.

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

How do black geese call to white geese?

HONKEY! HONKEY!

What do you feel when you accidentally run over and kill a group of geese crossing the road?

Goosebumps

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a young cock.

As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At noon cock again screws 150 hens.

Next day, it's fucking the ducks and geese too. Sadly later in the day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says "you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the goose cross the road?

To go be a dick to someone else.
Geese are dicks

A guy walked into a bar one day and he couldn’t believe his eyes.

There, in the corner, sat a one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.

So the guy asked the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”

The bartender replied, “There’s a genie in the men’s room that grants wishes.”

The guy then ran into the men’s room, and sure en...

What do you call a patio covered in waterfowl

a Porch-o-geese

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pub joke in the style of Geoffrey Chaucer - Bill Bailey

Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas tw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a cock to breed his hens...

The first day the cock fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the cock fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the cock...
Then, at the evening of the third day the cock is laying motio...

So Roy Moore and a little girl walking through a scary Forest

The little girl turns to him and says, "Geese mister I'm really scared!".

And he says " How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Son, what do you say when there's more than one goose?"

"Geese."

"Very good. What do you say when there's more than one cow?"

"Cows."

"Excellent. What do you say when there's more than one spider?"

"Shit!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having sex with every hen it can find....

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a young rooster

As soon as it comes home, it screws all the 153 hens...
The farmer is impressed thinking about the eggs the hens would hatch. At lunch, the young energetic rooster again screws all the 153 hens.

The farmer got tensed up now. Next day, he finds the rooster screwing the ducks & the gee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a rooster for his hens but with a warning from the seller...

A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bar...

Little Piano Player

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the counter and see a tiny man, no more than a foot tall, playing a piano just as small. So the man walks up to the bartender and asks him about the tiny piano player.

The bartender say "I got him from the genie in the mens bathroom"

So the man goes...

A joke my grandfather told me 40 years ago.

As some Canadian geese were flying overhead he pointed at them and asked me, "Do you know why that side of the V is longer than the other side? (He meant the V shape the geese were flying in as they migrated)
"No", I replied after thinking about it.
"Because there are more geese on that side."...

What are goosebumps for?

To slow down speeding geese!

Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster.

Stupid geese.

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Brewster the Rooster

Saw a post today about a kid with a rooster named Brooster and remembered this old joke.

A farmer decides he needs a new rooster so he can expand his chicken coop, so he buys the most virile one he can find and names him Brewster. Within a day, Brewster has impregnated every hen the farmer ow...

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