"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

I think that the geese in Canada are racists.

They kept yelling honk eh’ honk eh’ honk eh ‘!

What did the geese say to the ducks from Alabama?

When did you get so interbred?

Why do geese fly in a V formation?

Because if they walked it'd take too long.

Theodore was feeding geese when his friend David walked by

Say there, Theodore, what are you doing?"

"Why, I'm feeding these here geese, David."

"I can see that, but why do you keep staring at the bread crumbs?"

"Well, David, what's good for a goose is good for a gander."

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

What language do Brazilian Geese speak?

Portuguese

Why do geese fly south in the winter?

It's too far to walk.

How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encyclopedias?

They're flying in-formation.

When geese fly in a V do you know why one line is longer than the other?

There are more birds in that line.

A flock of geese passes by overhead, in class 'v' formation.

Dad: Do you know why one side of the 'v' is longer than the other?

Son: No, why?

Dad: Because it has more geese.

I’ve been looking to get rid of some male geese.

Would you like to take a gander?

Lots of people hit their heads at the geese bar.

More should duck.

Two geese walk into a bar...

Maybe one of them should've ducked.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a group of crows is called a murder, a group of geese is a gaggle, but do you know what a group of humans are?

Assholes. Just a bunch of assholes. Everyone of them.

If a very social person is called a "people person"...

Then wouldn't a very social goose be called a "geese goose"?

Whats the difference between a murder and Hamlet performed by geese?

Nothing, they're both fowl play

A gaggle of geese, a brood of hens, what do you call a group of turkeys?

A corporation.

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

How do black geese call to white geese?

HONKEY! HONKEY!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Newfie was going to Toronto on the Airplane and started talking to an Ontarian.

Newfie: Lord Tundrin' Geeses Bye, What do you do for a livin'?

Ontarian: Well, I'm a Psychoanalyst.

Newfie: Psychoanalyst, What the Heck is that?

Ontarian: It's hard to explain so I'll give you an example.

Ontarian: Do you own a Fishtank?

Newfie: Yes, I got a tank....

Why did the flock of geese cross the road?

Because they were afraid to fly United.

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

A guy walked into a bar one day and he couldn’t believe his eyes.

There, in the corner, sat a one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.

So the guy asked the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”

The bartender replied, “There’s a genie in the men’s room that grants wishes.”

The guy then ran into the men’s room, and sure en...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer buys a young cock.

As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At noon cock again screws 150 hens.

Next day, it's fucking the ducks and geese too. Sadly later in the day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says "you ...

What do you call a patio covered in waterfowl

a Porch-o-geese

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pub joke in the style of Geoffrey Chaucer - Bill Bailey

Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas tw...

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

So Roy Moore and a little girl walking through a scary Forest

The little girl turns to him and says, "Geese mister I'm really scared!".

And he says " How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer buys a cock to breed his hens...

The first day the cock fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the cock fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the cock...
Then, at the evening of the third day the cock is laying motio...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having sex with every hen it can find....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Son, what do you say when there's more than one goose?"

"Geese."

"Very good. What do you say when there's more than one cow?"

"Cows."

"Excellent. What do you say when there's more than one spider?"

"Shit!"

50 of the LEAST offensive jokes I know

1. What's a pirate's favorite letter? "**Arrrr!**" "No. Ya'd think so, but me first love be the C"
1. Why wasn't 6 excited that 7, her boyfriend, won her a prize at the fair? Because 711492.
1. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
1. Why d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The real 12 days of Christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein

69 Cash Avenue

Beaver Valley, Colorado

December 14, 1979

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With deepest l...

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

23 Limericks

These are all originals. The only way you saw one of these before this was posted is if you hacked my phone. If your name is on here, you owe me an upvote.

There once was a woman named June
Who was born about nine months too soon
She didn't have the luck
To be born by a fuck
She ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer buys a young rooster

As soon as it comes home, it screws all the 153 hens...
The farmer is impressed thinking about the eggs the hens would hatch. At lunch, the young energetic rooster again screws all the 153 hens.

The farmer got tensed up now. Next day, he finds the rooster screwing the ducks & the gee...

Little Piano Player

A man walks into a bar. He looks at the counter and see a tiny man, no more than a foot tall, playing a piano just as small. So the man walks up to the bartender and asks him about the tiny piano player.

The bartender say "I got him from the genie in the mens bathroom"

So the man goes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer buys a rooster for his hens but with a warning from the seller...

A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bar...

A joke my grandfather told me 40 years ago.

As some Canadian geese were flying overhead he pointed at them and asked me, "Do you know why that side of the V is longer than the other side? (He meant the V shape the geese were flying in as they migrated)
"No", I replied after thinking about it.
"Because there are more geese on that side."...

What are goosebumps for?

To slow down speeding geese!

Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster.

Stupid geese.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Brewster the Rooster

Saw a post today about a kid with a rooster named Brooster and remembered this old joke.

A farmer decides he needs a new rooster so he can expand his chicken coop, so he buys the most virile one he can find and names him Brewster. Within a day, Brewster has impregnated every hen the farmer ow...

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