A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says...

A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says

“What’ll it be today?”

The bear says “give me a gin and.........................tonic”

The bartender says “sure thing but why the big pause?”

The bear looks down and says “I dunno? I was just born with them. “

It...

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A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

A polar bear walks into a bar

"A rum and … coke please." He asked the bartender.
"Certainly", replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"
The bear looked down, "I don’t know, I was born with them.”

"I have the right to bear arms", the bear added.

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A baby polar bear asks his mom

"Momma am I 100% polar bear?"

"Of course you're 100% polar bear" she answers "go ask your father."

So he asks "Daddy am I a 100% polar bear?"

"Of course you're 100% polar bear.
I'm 100% polar bear, your mom's 100% polar bear.
Her parents are 100% polar bear,
my pare...

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

Know how to catch a polar bear?

Cut a big hole in the ice, and surround it with peas.

When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ?

You get killed and eaten

If you encounter a polar bear in the wild, lie down and pretend that you're dead.

It's good practice for when you'll be really dead, five minutes later.

What does happen to polar bears if they sit on ice too long

Polaroids

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Hi my name's Andy

Polar bear asks mama bear

Son: Mom are you a polar bear?

Mother: Yes son im a polar bear.

Son: Mom is my father a polar bear?

Mother: You father is a polar bear too.

Son: Hmmm, Is my grandfather a polar bear?

Mother (answers nervously): Yes son your grandfather is a polar bear and whole f...

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This baby polar bear is walking around on the glaciers with his mom...

...and he asks her “mom, am I 100% polar bear?” Mom is taken back a bit, but reassures him “my parents and my parents parents were 100% polar bear, so you are also”.

The baby finds his dad devouring a seal and asks him “dad am I 100% polar bear?” Dad is taken back a bit, but reassures hi...

Why do you never invite polar bears to parties

Because they never break the ice

What is a polar bear's favorite food? (Multi-questioned)

ICE-cream!

-What is a black bear's favorite food?

Blackberries!

-What is a grizzly bear's favorite food?

Campers.

What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?

A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee

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What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?

They can’t get the wrappers off them...

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the Polar bear?

Do not consume if seal is broken.

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Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Yes, why?

Are you really sure?

Yes, of course you are a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, your grand parents are polar bears, you are a polar bear?

Definitely?

Yes! You were in the coca cola advert and the...

What is a polar bear?

It is a Cartesian bear in a different frame of reference.

What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat?

Burrrr - Gurrrrs.

I'm totally into polar bears.

Some people call me crazy.

I'm completely Inuit.

What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?

One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles?

Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south

Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife?

Scientist 2: or his husband...

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a polar bear?

Polar bears don’t have to hide from ICE

How did the hunter kill the polar bear?

He shot him right between the ice!

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A bear ask his mom:Mother are you sure that i m a polar bear and not some other kinde of bear ?

His mother sais she s sure that he s a polar bear.Then the bear goes to his uncle and asks him:Are you sure that I m a polar bear and not some other kinde of bear?the uncle sais that he is sure that he is a polar bear.Then the bear goes to his grandma and ask her:hey grandma are you sure that i m a ...

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer

The barman says $18 please.

The polar bear pays and takes a seat.

Bemused, the barman approaches and says "this is exciting - we don't get many polar bears in here!", to which the polar bear replies: "I'm not surprised with beer at $18 a pint."

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

What is a polar bear’s favourite government agency?

I.C.E!

How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice an...

What do yo call a polar bear at the beach?

Lost

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

Polar bears used to be brown but through evolution, they turned white

because Police were shooting them



\-Mark Normand

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

Why are polar bears so good in conversations?

Because they live on broken ice.

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

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Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

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A baby polar bear asked his dad.

Am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are. You are all polar bear, your parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are hon...

(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?

First, you cut a giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the hole nice and even.


Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

Did you hear about my fight with the polar bear?

Snow Problem

A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist’s office wearing a dress.

“What seems to be the problem today?” The psychiatrist asks.

“I don’t know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?”

“I think you’re just bi-polar.”

Why is the polar bear so friendly?

Cause he's an ice guy!

A polar bear walks into a bar

The bartender asks him what he wants to which the polar bear replies, "I'll have................a coke." The bartender looks at the polar bear suspiciously and gives him his coke. The polar bear drinks the coke and leaves.

He comes back the next day to the bar and the bartender asks him what ...

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“Mom, am I real polar bear?”

“Why yes son. Look at your polar bear claws and your white coat, of course you’re a real polar bear. “

“I guess your right, “ said the teenage polar bear.

A few days pass and the son (Fred) goes up to his father this time and asks him if he is in fact a real polar bear.

“Why ...

Why don't polar bears ever get married?

Because they all have cold feet.

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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a polar bear ...

... surprisingly the store has one for sale. But the assistant warns the man:

"Do never, under any circumstances, tickle the bear behind the ears."

Of course, the man buys the bear and cheerfully takes it home. After a while he can't help the urge any more and tickles the bear behind t...

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “can I get you anything?”

The polar bear replies, “why yes, can I get a pint of beer...

...

...

...and a bag of chips!”

The bartender, confused, asks, “why the large paws?”

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear?

It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.

A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

A polar bear walks in to a bar...

He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.

The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."

...

...

...

Bartender says: "a Burger?"

PB: ...

...

...

...

BT: "Some wings?"

PB: ...

...

...

PB: "a beer"...

What's a polar bear?

A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.

What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?

The seal of approbation.

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

Why did the polar bear join the terrorist group.

Because that is where the ISIS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.

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A Polar Bear Cub

Walks up to its mother

"Mum, am I part Brown Bear?"

"No dear"

"Am I part Black Bear?"

"No dear, your all Polar Bear"

"Grizzly? Panda?"

"No why?!"

"Because I'm fucking freezing!"

What does a polar bear get for lunch?

30 minutes like every body else.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Polar Bear

A little polar bear goes to his father and says, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Dad replies, "I don't know son, go ask your mother." So the little polar bear finds his mom and asks, "Am I 100% polar bear?" Mom thinks about it for a while and says, "Well, I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bea...

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Baby Polar Bear had a question for his dad

"Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Hos dad smiled and responded "Baby Polar Bear, your mom is 100% polar bear, and I am too. Grandma and Grandpa are 100% as well. You are definitely 100% polar bear."

Unconvinced, Baby Polar Bear went to his mom. "Mom, am I 100% polar bear?" Mom grinned lovingly and...

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