UPJOKE
reindeerarcticbrown bearbearinuitgrizzlycarnivoremooseotterwolverinegrizzly bearpandacaribougorillafur

Polar Bear Jokes

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Hi my name's Andy

Two polar bear bros are chilling out on Greenland

They are getting a bit bored. But then suddenly one of them have an idea:

Polar bear 1 flicks the ear of Polar bear 2 and runs away while yelling: "you're too slow, you can't catch me!"

Polar bear 2 gets annoyed and starts running after Polar bear 1.

Polar bear 1 keeps running a...

The polar bear loves ice...

The bipolar bear sometimes love, sometimes don't

A Polar bear walks into a bar….

Sets down at the bar and orders a Gin……. AND tonic…. The Bartender then asks the Polar bear what’s the the pause??? The Polar bear looks down confused and says “I don’t know, my Daddy gave them to me…”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The latest scientific study on polar bears was just published

The study noted that loss of habitat in the north pole has caused some bears to migrate to the south pole, and also a severe increase in the number of manic/depressive symptoms in the bears studied. Due to lowering numbers, many bears were expressing sexual behaviors towards other bears of both sex...

How do you catch a Polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, place peas around the hole and when the Polar bear comes up to take a pea, you kick it in the icehole. :)

A polar bear walked into a bar.

"Two beers........... Please."

"Sure", said the bartender "but why the big pause?".

"I was born with them", said the bear.

If you encounter a polar bear in the wild, lie down and pretend that you're dead.

It's good practice for when you'll be really dead, five minutes later.

Where do polar bears keep their money?

In a snowbank.

A clown, a polar bear, an Irishman, a termite, and a pilot walk into a bar

The bartender says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

What do you call a polar bear on the South pole and another Polar Bear On The North pole?

Polar Opposites.

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ?

You get killed and eaten

What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?

A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Baby Polar Bear...

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?"
The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear."

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mo...

Am I a real polar bear?

Small white bear: Dad, am I polar bear?

Dad, a large polar bear: Yes, son, you are

S: A real polar bear?

D: Yes, a real polar bear

S: Is there any way I could be any other sort of bear?

D: No. 100% polar bear. Why, son?

S: 'CAUSE I'M FREAKING COLD!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polar bear cub who lives at the north pole...

He asks his dad, "Am I a polar bear?" His dad says


"I'm a polar bear, and your mother's a polar bear. That means you're a polar bear."


The cub asks "are you sure?"


Dad says" Of course I'm sure, go ask your mother.


Cub asks his mother "Am I a polar...

What do you call two Polar Bears on a date In Hawaii?

Lost

Why was the polar bear relaxed when watching TV?

Because he found a cool channel

[NSFW] A polar bear takes his broken car to be fixed...

He tells the mechanic what the problem is; "There is a LOT of smoke coming from the exhaust." he says, "I'll leave it with you and go grab lunch. I'll see you in an hour or so."

After a few hours Bob 'the polar' Bear returns.

The mechanic gets straight to it, and simply says "well I'm ...

A baby polar bear went out to play one day...

...but an hour later he was back inside. He asked his mom, "Mom, am I a brown bear?" His mom replies, "No, your father's a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, you're a polar bear. Now go back outside and play."

...a half hour later, the baby polar bear comes back in. "Dad... am I a grizzly bear...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

What kind of drug would a polar bear sell?

Coke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was a polar bear named Jerry.

Jerry hated living at the north pole and constantly bitched about it to the other polar bears.

“It’s too fucking cold here” he said. “The water is all frozen, there’s nothing to eat but penguins and I’m constantly covered in fucking snow”.

The other polar bears rolled their eyes and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This baby polar bear is walking around on the glaciers with his mom...

...and he asks her “mom, am I 100% polar bear?” Mom is taken back a bit, but reassures him “my parents and my parents parents were 100% polar bear, so you are also”.

The baby finds his dad devouring a seal and asks him “dad am I 100% polar bear?” Dad is taken back a bit, but reassures hi...

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear were sitting in the snow

The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?""Of course, son, you're 100% polar bear."A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, "Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100% polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly ...

How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice an...

What is a polar bear?

It is a Cartesian bear in a different frame of reference.

What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?

A fireside rug you can have a good hump on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub asks his mom

Cub: Mom, am I a polar bear?

Mom: Yes, of course you are.

Cub: ok

Next day

Cub: Mom, are you sure I am a polar bear?

Mom: I am a polar bear, you dad is a polar bear, you are definitely a polar bear.

Cub: ok

Next day

Cub: Mom, are you sure I a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

Polar bear asks mama bear

Son: Mom are you a polar bear?

Mother: Yes son im a polar bear.

Son: Mom is my father a polar bear?

Mother: You father is a polar bear too.

Son: Hmmm, Is my grandfather a polar bear?

Mother (answers nervously): Yes son your grandfather is a polar bear and whole f...

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the Polar bear?

Do not consume if seal is broken.

What is a polar bear’s favourite government agency?

I.C.E!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a polar bear ...

... surprisingly the store has one for sale. But the assistant warns the man:

"Do never, under any circumstances, tickle the bear behind the ears."

Of course, the man buys the bear and cheerfully takes it home. After a while he can't help the urge any more and tickles the bear behind t...

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

What is the difference between a polar bear and the World Series?

One has cubs

A polar bear who lived in the North Pole for 30 years decided he had enough of the cold.

So he started his trek towards somewhere warmer.

He rode a fishing boat to Canada and tried his luck there, but it was still too cold.

So he tried his luck again in Florida, but it was too hot.

Finally, he went to Ecuador and tried his luck there, only to discover how warm it is...

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer

The barman says $18 please.

The polar bear pays and takes a seat.

Bemused, the barman approaches and says "this is exciting - we don't get many polar bears in here!", to which the polar bear replies: "I'm not surprised with beer at $18 a pint."

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear?

It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.

A polar bear walks into a bar

The bartender asks him what he wants to which the polar bear replies, "I'll have................a coke." The bartender looks at the polar bear suspiciously and gives him his coke. The polar bear drinks the coke and leaves.

He comes back the next day to the bar and the bartender asks him what ...

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

Why did the polar bear join the terrorist group.

Because that is where the ISIS.

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?

First, you cut a giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the hole nice and even.


Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Yes, why?

Are you really sure?

Yes, of course you are a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, your grand parents are polar bears, you are a polar bear?

Definitely?

Yes! You were in the coca cola advert and the...

How did the hunter kill the polar bear?

He shot him right between the ice!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Mom, am I real polar bear?”

“Why yes son. Look at your polar bear claws and your white coat, of course you’re a real polar bear. “

“I guess your right, “ said the teenage polar bear.

A few days pass and the son (Fred) goes up to his father this time and asks him if he is in fact a real polar bear.

“Why ...

Why is the polar bear so friendly?

Cause he's an ice guy!

A Polar Bear walks into a bar...

... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."

The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."

The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

What's a polar bear?

A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.

What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?

The seal of approbation.

Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.

An old Inuit man approached me in a bar and asked if I knew how to catch a polar bear.

First, he continued on, you must trek out onto the ice where the bears frequent. Take your ulu and create a hole in the ice, the rounder the better. Take a bag of peas and set 7 around the hole at even intervals.

Then sit back and wait.

Once a polar bear comes around to take a pea kick...

What is a polar bear's favorite food? (Multi-questioned)

ICE-cream!

-What is a black bear's favorite food?

Blackberries!

-What is a grizzly bear's favorite food?

Campers.

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a polar bear?

Polar bears don’t have to hide from ICE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Polar Bear

A little polar bear goes to his father and says, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Dad replies, "I don't know son, go ask your mother." So the little polar bear finds his mom and asks, "Am I 100% polar bear?" Mom thinks about it for a while and says, "Well, I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bea...

A polar bear walks in to a bar...

He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.

The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."

...

...

...

Bartender says: "a Burger?"

PB: ...

...

...

...

BT: "Some wings?"

PB: ...

...

...

PB: "a beer"...

A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist’s office wearing a dress.

“What seems to be the problem today?” The psychiatrist asks.

“I don’t know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?”

“I think you’re just bi-polar.”

A Polar Bear Walks Into A Restaurant...

and says to the waiter, "I'll have a turkey sandwich and a large....coke". The waiter replies, "What's with the long pause?"
"I don't know," says the polar bear, "I've always had them.

----
Pause=Paws. No one thinks I'm funny.

How To Catch a Polar Bear

First, you find a big patch of ice see? A nice big patch of ice.

Then, you cut a large hole in the ice, about 8 feet around.

After this, you grab a can of peas. Open it very carefully as to not waste any and place peas in a circle right at the edge of the hole you just cut in the ice...

What does a polar bear get for lunch?

30 minutes like every body else.

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles?

Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south

Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife?

Scientist 2: or his husband...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polar Bear Cub

Walks up to its mother

"Mum, am I part Brown Bear?"

"No dear"

"Am I part Black Bear?"

"No dear, your all Polar Bear"

"Grizzly? Panda?"

"No why?!"

"Because I'm fucking freezing!"

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “can I get you anything?”

The polar bear replies, “why yes, can I get a pint of beer...

...

...

...and a bag of chips!”

The bartender, confused, asks, “why the large paws?”

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.