How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Yes, why?

Are you really sure?

Yes, of course you are a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, your grand parents are polar bears, you are a polar bear?

Definitely?

Yes! You were in the coca cola advert and the...

What is a polar bear’s favourite government agency?

I.C.E!

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice and then put peas around it.

That way when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

*My favorite joke as a kid. Has stuck with me for years.

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

How did the hunter kill the polar bear?

He shot him right between the ice!

A polar bear walks into a bar

Bartender: What'll you have? Polar bear: I'll have a gin and...................tonic. Bartender: OK but why the big pause? Polar bear looks down and says: I don't know...i was born with them.

What is a polar bear?

It is a Cartesian bear in a different frame of reference.

What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat?

Burrrr - Gurrrrs.

What do you get when you mix a Grizzly Bear with a Polar Bear?

A Bi-Polar Bear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

I'm totally into polar bears.

Some people call me crazy.

I'm completely Inuit.

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A baby polar bear asked his dad.

Am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are. You are all polar bear, your parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are hon...

What do yo call a polar bear at the beach?

Lost

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

Why are polar bears so good in conversations?

Because they live on broken ice.

(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?

First, you cut a giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the hole nice and even.


Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

A polar bear who lived in the North Pole for 30 years decided he had enough of the cold.

So he started his trek towards somewhere warmer.

He rode a fishing boat to Canada and tried his luck there, but it was still too cold.

So he tried his luck again in Florida, but it was too hot.

Finally, he went to Ecuador and tried his luck there, only to discover how warm it is...

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“Mom, am I real polar bear?”

“Why yes son. Look at your polar bear claws and your white coat, of course you’re a real polar bear. “

“I guess your right, “ said the teenage polar bear.

A few days pass and the son (Fred) goes up to his father this time and asks him if he is in fact a real polar bear.

“Why ...

How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and sexual attraction to both sexes..

I guess you could say they’re Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.

Why don't polar bears ever get married?

Because they all have cold feet.

A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist’s office wearing a dress.

“What seems to be the problem today?” The psychiatrist asks.

“I don’t know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?”

“I think you’re just bi-polar.”

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “can I get you anything?”

The polar bear replies, “why yes, can I get a pint of beer...

...

...

...and a bag of chips!”

The bartender, confused, asks, “why the large paws?”

What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?

One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.

Polar bears aren't the best animals in the world.

But they're all white.

Why is the polar bear so friendly?

Cause he's an ice guy!

Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?

The seal of approbation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a polar bear ...

... surprisingly the store has one for sale. But the assistant warns the man:

"Do never, under any circumstances, tickle the bear behind the ears."

Of course, the man buys the bear and cheerfully takes it home. After a while he can't help the urge any more and tickles the bear behind t...

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

Where does a polar bear keep his money?

In a snow bank.

A polar bear walks in to a bar...

He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.

The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."

...

...

...

Bartender says: "a Burger?"

PB: ...

...

...

...

BT: "Some wings?"

PB: ...

...

...

PB: "a beer"...

A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polar Bear Cub

Walks up to its mother

"Mum, am I part Brown Bear?"

"No dear"

"Am I part Black Bear?"

"No dear, your all Polar Bear"

"Grizzly? Panda?"

"No why?!"

"Because I'm fucking freezing!"

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear?

It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.

What's a polar bear?

A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Polar Bear

A little polar bear goes to his father and says, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Dad replies, "I don't know son, go ask your mother." So the little polar bear finds his mom and asks, "Am I 100% polar bear?" Mom thinks about it for a while and says, "Well, I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bea...

My 5 year old cousin told this one at my Grandmas today. "How to capture a polar bear."

First, you dig a hole in the ice, second, you place peas all around the hole. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby Polar Bear had a question for his dad

"Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Hos dad smiled and responded "Baby Polar Bear, your mom is 100% polar bear, and I am too. Grandma and Grandpa are 100% as well. You are definitely 100% polar bear."

Unconvinced, Baby Polar Bear went to his mom. "Mom, am I 100% polar bear?" Mom grinned lovingly and...

Why did the polar bear join the terrorist group.

Because that is where the ISIS.

How to catch a polar bear

Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.

Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's this family of Polar bears

There's a father a mother, a baby polar bear and the mothers father also stays with them. One day the baby polar bear goes up to his mother and asks "Mom, am I completely polar bear." His mother replies "Yes of course. Your father is completely polar bear and so were both of my parents.". So the bab...

A Polar Bear walks into a bar...

... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."

The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."

The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."

Two polar bears meet up for the first time...

Two polar bears meet up for the first time. It's a bit awkward, neither of them know what to say then one starts jumping up and down. The other polar bear looks confused and asks "Why are you jumping up and down?" The jumping polar bear responds "I was trying to break the ice."

A Polar Bear Walks Into A Restaurant...

and says to the waiter, "I'll have a turkey sandwich and a large....coke". The waiter replies, "What's with the long pause?"
"I don't know," says the polar bear, "I've always had them.

----
Pause=Paws. No one thinks I'm funny.

A polar bear brings his car in to the mechanic

Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the p...

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