Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

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A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

A polar bear walks into a bar.

He walks up to the bartender and says “I’d like a seven and............................... seven.”

The bartender says, “What’s with the big pause?”

The polar bear says, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”

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What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

How do you catch a polar bear?

You have to cut a hole in the ice and then line the outside rim of the hole with peas. Then you hide and wait. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Hi my name's Andy

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This baby polar bear is walking around on the glaciers with his mom...

...and he asks her “mom, am I 100% polar bear?” Mom is taken back a bit, but reassures him “my parents and my parents parents were 100% polar bear, so you are also”.

The baby finds his dad devouring a seal and asks him “dad am I 100% polar bear?” Dad is taken back a bit, but reassures hi...

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Am I a polar bear? Asks the baby polar bear

Baby bear: am I a polar bear?

Mama bear: well I’m a polar bear and your dad is a polar bear so of course you’re polar bear

Next day,
Baby bear: am I a polar bear?

Papa bear: well your mom is a polar bear and I’m a polar bear so yes son you have to be a polar bear

Nex...

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a polar bear?

Polar bears don’t have to hide from ICE

Why do you never invite polar bears to parties

Because they never break the ice

Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?

They can’t get the wrappers off them...

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the Polar bear?

Do not consume if seal is broken.

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Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Yes, why?

Are you really sure?

Yes, of course you are a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, your grand parents are polar bears, you are a polar bear?

Definitely?

Yes! You were in the coca cola advert and the...

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A bear ask his mom:Mother are you sure that i m a polar bear and not some other kinde of bear ?

His mother sais she s sure that he s a polar bear.Then the bear goes to his uncle and asks him:Are you sure that I m a polar bear and not some other kinde of bear?the uncle sais that he is sure that he is a polar bear.Then the bear goes to his grandma and ask her:hey grandma are you sure that i m a ...

A polar bear walked into a bar.

"A rum and...................... coke please." He asked.

"Certainly", replied the bar man, "but why the big pause?"

"I was born with them", answered the bear.

What is a polar bear?

It is a Cartesian bear in a different frame of reference.

What is a polar bear’s favourite government agency?

I.C.E!

I'm totally into polar bears.

Some people call me crazy.

I'm completely Inuit.

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer

The barman says $18 please.

The polar bear pays and takes a seat.

Bemused, the barman approaches and says "this is exciting - we don't get many polar bears in here!", to which the polar bear replies: "I'm not surprised with beer at $18 a pint."

How did the hunter kill the polar bear?

He shot him right between the ice!

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Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

What do you get when you mix a Grizzly Bear with a Polar Bear?

A Bi-Polar Bear.

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice an...

What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?

A fireside rug you can have a good hump on.

What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat?

Burrrr - Gurrrrs.

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A baby polar bear asked his dad.

Am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are. You are all polar bear, your parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are hon...

(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?

First, you cut a giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the hole nice and even.


Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

What do yo call a polar bear at the beach?

Lost

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

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A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and sexual attraction to both sexes..

I guess you could say they’re Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.

Polar bears aren't the best animals in the world.

But they're all white.

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“Mom, am I real polar bear?”

“Why yes son. Look at your polar bear claws and your white coat, of course you’re a real polar bear. “

“I guess your right, “ said the teenage polar bear.

A few days pass and the son (Fred) goes up to his father this time and asks him if he is in fact a real polar bear.

“Why ...

What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?

One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.

Why don't polar bears ever get married?

Because they all have cold feet.

A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist’s office wearing a dress.

“What seems to be the problem today?” The psychiatrist asks.

“I don’t know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?”

“I think you’re just bi-polar.”

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “can I get you anything?”

The polar bear replies, “why yes, can I get a pint of beer...

...

...

...and a bag of chips!”

The bartender, confused, asks, “why the large paws?”

How To Catch a Polar Bear

First, you find a big patch of ice see? A nice big patch of ice.

Then, you cut a large hole in the ice, about 8 feet around.

After this, you grab a can of peas. Open it very carefully as to not waste any and place peas in a circle right at the edge of the hole you just cut in the ice...

Why is the polar bear so friendly?

Cause he's an ice guy!

Where does a polar bear keep his money?

In a snow bank.

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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a polar bear ...

... surprisingly the store has one for sale. But the assistant warns the man:

"Do never, under any circumstances, tickle the bear behind the ears."

Of course, the man buys the bear and cheerfully takes it home. After a while he can't help the urge any more and tickles the bear behind t...

What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?

The seal of approbation.

Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear?

It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.

What's a polar bear?

A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.

Why did the polar bear join the terrorist group.

Because that is where the ISIS.

A polar bear walks in to a bar...

He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.

The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."

...

...

...

Bartender says: "a Burger?"

PB: ...

...

...

...

BT: "Some wings?"

PB: ...

...

...

PB: "a beer"...

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A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

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Little Polar Bear

A little polar bear goes to his father and says, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Dad replies, "I don't know son, go ask your mother." So the little polar bear finds his mom and asks, "Am I 100% polar bear?" Mom thinks about it for a while and says, "Well, I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bea...

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A Polar Bear Cub

Walks up to its mother

"Mum, am I part Brown Bear?"

"No dear"

"Am I part Black Bear?"

"No dear, your all Polar Bear"

"Grizzly? Panda?"

"No why?!"

"Because I'm fucking freezing!"

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

My 5 year old cousin told this one at my Grandmas today. "How to capture a polar bear."

First, you dig a hole in the ice, second, you place peas all around the hole. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

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Baby Polar Bear had a question for his dad

"Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Hos dad smiled and responded "Baby Polar Bear, your mom is 100% polar bear, and I am too. Grandma and Grandpa are 100% as well. You are definitely 100% polar bear."

Unconvinced, Baby Polar Bear went to his mom. "Mom, am I 100% polar bear?" Mom grinned lovingly and...

How to catch a polar bear

Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.

Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come al...

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So there's this family of Polar bears

There's a father a mother, a baby polar bear and the mothers father also stays with them. One day the baby polar bear goes up to his mother and asks "Mom, am I completely polar bear." His mother replies "Yes of course. Your father is completely polar bear and so were both of my parents.". So the bab...

A Polar Bear Walks Into A Restaurant...

and says to the waiter, "I'll have a turkey sandwich and a large....coke". The waiter replies, "What's with the long pause?"
"I don't know," says the polar bear, "I've always had them.

----
Pause=Paws. No one thinks I'm funny.

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