A polar bear walks into a bar

Bartender: What'll you have? Polar bear: I'll have a gin and...................tonic. Bartender: OK but why the big pause? Polar bear looks down and says: I don't know...i was born with them.

What is a polar bear’s favourite government agency?


I'm totally into polar bears.

Some people call me crazy.

I'm completely Inuit.

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A baby polar bear asked his dad.

Am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are. You are all polar bear, your parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are hon...

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

How to catch a polar bear

First you cut a big hole in the ice, then you put peas all around the hole. When a polar bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the icehole

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A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat?

Burrrr - Gurrrrs.

What do you get when you mix a Grizzly Bear with a Polar Bear?

A Bi-Polar Bear.

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

What is a polar bear ?

It's a cartesian bear which changed its coordinates.

(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?

First, you cut a giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the hole nice and even.

Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

What do yo call a polar bear at the beach?


How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice an...

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A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and sexual attraction to both sexes..

I guess you could say they’re Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.

A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist’s office wearing a dress.

“What seems to be the problem today?” The psychiatrist asks.

“I don’t know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?”

“I think you’re just bi-polar.”

Why don't polar bears ever get married?

Because they all have cold feet.

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“Mom, am I real polar bear?”

“Why yes son. Look at your polar bear claws and your white coat, of course you’re a real polar bear. “

“I guess your right, “ said the teenage polar bear.

A few days pass and the son (Fred) goes up to his father this time and asks him if he is in fact a real polar bear.

“Why ...

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “can I get you anything?”

The polar bear replies, “why yes, can I get a pint of beer...



...and a bag of chips!”

The bartender, confused, asks, “why the large paws?”

How To Catch a Polar Bear

First, you find a big patch of ice see? A nice big patch of ice.

Then, you cut a large hole in the ice, about 8 feet around.

After this, you grab a can of peas. Open it very carefully as to not waste any and place peas in a circle right at the edge of the hole you just cut in the ice...

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice.
How's everyone doing?

A polar bear walks into a bar

The bartender asks him what he wants to which the polar bear replies, "I'll have................a coke." The bartender looks at the polar bear suspiciously and gives him his coke. The polar bear drinks the coke and leaves.

He comes back the next day to the bar and the bartender asks him what ...

Why is the polar bear so friendly?

Cause he's an ice guy!

What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?

A fireside rug you can have a good hump on.

Hey girl, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Just enough to be awkward when meeting a girl, hi my names steve.

Polar bears aren't the best animals in the world.

But they're all white.

Travel advisory: Polar bears visiting the South Pole have been reporting extreme manic depression.

It's not easy being bipolar.

What's the difference between a Trump voter and a polar bear?

One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.

What does a polar bear need to go through to publish a book ?

The seal of approbation.

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a polar bear ...

... surprisingly the store has one for sale. But the assistant warns the man:

"Do never, under any circumstances, tickle the bear behind the ears."

Of course, the man buys the bear and cheerfully takes it home. After a while he can't help the urge any more and tickles the bear behind t...

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A Polar Bear Cub

Walks up to its mother

"Mum, am I part Brown Bear?"

"No dear"

"Am I part Black Bear?"

"No dear, your all Polar Bear"

"Grizzly? Panda?"

"No why?!"

"Because I'm fucking freezing!"

A polar bear walks in to a bar...

He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.

The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."




Bartender says: "a Burger?"

PB: ...




BT: "Some wings?"

PB: ...



PB: "a beer"...

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear?

It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal.

Where does a polar bear keep his money?

In a snow bank.

What's a polar bear?

A rectangular bear after a coördinate transform.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"


... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

What does a polar bear get for lunch?

30 minutes like every body else.

My 5 year old cousin told this one at my Grandmas today. "How to capture a polar bear."

First, you dig a hole in the ice, second, you place peas all around the hole. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

Why did the polar bear join the terrorist group.

Because that is where the ISIS.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Polar Bear

A little polar bear goes to his father and says, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Dad replies, "I don't know son, go ask your mother." So the little polar bear finds his mom and asks, "Am I 100% polar bear?" Mom thinks about it for a while and says, "Well, I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bea...

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Baby Polar Bear had a question for his dad

"Dad, am I 100% polar bear?" Hos dad smiled and responded "Baby Polar Bear, your mom is 100% polar bear, and I am too. Grandma and Grandpa are 100% as well. You are definitely 100% polar bear."

Unconvinced, Baby Polar Bear went to his mom. "Mom, am I 100% polar bear?" Mom grinned lovingly and...

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So there's this family of Polar bears

There's a father a mother, a baby polar bear and the mothers father also stays with them. One day the baby polar bear goes up to his mother and asks "Mom, am I completely polar bear." His mother replies "Yes of course. Your father is completely polar bear and so were both of my parents.". So the bab...

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TIL: The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the $2 coin in view of its demise due to global warming.

At the height of political correctness, they will replace it with two gay deer.

The coin will be called "two fuckin' bucks."


What do Polar Bears contribute to the local newspaper?

The Arcticles.

How to catch a polar bear

Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.

Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come al...

Two polar bears meet up for the first time...

Two polar bears meet up for the first time. It's a bit awkward, neither of them know what to say then one starts jumping up and down. The other polar bear looks confused and asks "Why are you jumping up and down?" The jumping polar bear responds "I was trying to break the ice."

A Polar Bear Walks Into A Restaurant...

and says to the waiter, "I'll have a turkey sandwich and a large....coke". The waiter replies, "What's with the long pause?"
"I don't know," says the polar bear, "I've always had them.

Pause=Paws. No one thinks I'm funny.

A polar bear brings his car in to the mechanic

Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the p...

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Canada plans on removing the polar bear from the Tonnie.

And replace it with two gay deer, it's called two fucking bucks.

A Polar Bear walks into a bar...

... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."

The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."

The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."