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Black Bear Jokes

What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear confrontations, the Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and be alert for bears while in the field. …We advise that outdoorsmen wear small bells on their clothing so as not to startle b...

So this black bear walked into a restaurant...

So this black bear walks into a restaurant. Ok, wait, I know what you’re thinking, why’s it have to be a BLACK bear? Ok, fine, it was a brown bear... no wait... that still won’t work. Polar bear? Maybe a grizzly bear, though, I guess technically that’s still brown. You know what, it doesn’t matter. ...

What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?

If you climb a tree to escape, a black bear can climb up the tree and you eat you.

The grizzly bear will knock the tree down and eat you.

What's the difference between a brown bear on a bicycle and a black bear on a bicycle?

Bearly much, they're bicycly the same.

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Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled
up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on
his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.


The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I mau...

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Black Bear in Bar

A big black bear walks into a bar and orders a brown beer.

Bartender says, "we don't serve big black brown beers in this bar".

Bear says, "listen hear, I'm a big black bear and I want a brown beer, bartender" and the bear turns to the woman sitting next to him and eats her.

Bart...

Frank goes hunting in the woods by himself.

He comes across a small black bear drinking from a stream so he shoots and kills it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a large black bear.

"Hey", says the bear. "You just killed my cousin. What's your name?"

"Um....Frank", the hunter says nervously.

...

Two bears are swimming in water, a black bear and a white bear. Which one dissolves?

The white one, because it's polar.

How to deal with black bears and brown bears when hiking.

1. Always wear bells to warn the bears you are coming and not startle them into a charge.
2. Always carry bear mace and spray it in the air towards the bear because they have sensitive noses.
3. Always inspect bear droppings to tell what kind of bears are nearby. Black bear droppings mostly ha...

One day, a black bear walks into a bar...

The bear begins to get some strange looks, but he was use to this being a black bear and all. Everyone in the bar was acting a little strange around him, but then he sat at the bar and the bartender began to serve him.

Bartender: Ummm...So what can I get you?

Bear: Let me get a shot of...

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Tiger Woods Goes Golfing With a Black Bear

One morning, Tiger Woods goes to his usual golf course to play a morning round of 18 and notices a black bear approaching him from the woods off the first tee. Alarmed, Tiger starts to retreat when the bear casually asks Tiger what he's doing. Having never spoken to a black bear before, Tiger was ...

Two bears are walking along.

The little bear says "What kind of bears are we Mommy?"

Mommy says "We are Polar Bears my son."

So they keep walking a little bit and the little bear asks "Are you sure I don't have some Grizzly Bear in me?"

Mommy says "No. We are pure Polar Bears."

So they walk a while ...

I was hiking with some friends

on a forest trail one day when we encountered a black bear approaching us. I told everybody, “Don’t run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as possible”
Then the bear rose up on his back legs and said, “Don’t run away from him or approach him. Make yourself look as big as po...

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A hunter gets a new gun...

So a hunter gets a new gun one day and decides to go hunting with it. He goes out into the woods and stumbles upon a nice-sized black bear, so he takes his gun and shoots the bear dead. Then he feels a tap on his shoulder...

The man turns around and sees this huge brown bear and the bear says...

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Hiking advisory

Hikers who visit this forest should be aware that both black bears and grizzly bears can be found here. We suggest the following precautions for your safety.

Please wear small bells on your clothing to alert wildlife of your presence so they stay away. Please have pepper spray with you at all...

Pure Breed?

A Polar Bear and his son were walking through the icy glaciers, when the little Polar Bear says to his father, "Dad... are we pure blooded Polar Bear?" The father bear looks at his son and says, "Why, yes son, of course we are!"

The next day the little Polar Bear is hunting for seals with his...

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbi are camping together

Around the campfire they each claim to be the best at winning converts to their respective faiths. To settle the friendly dispute they decide to seek out a bear and try to convert it. The next day they fan out in different directions into the woods, planning to meet back at the campsite in twelve ho...

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A Polar bear cub who lives at the north pole...

He asks his dad, "Am I a polar bear?" His dad says


"I'm a polar bear, and your mother's a polar bear. That means you're a polar bear."


The cub asks "are you sure?"


Dad says" Of course I'm sure, go ask your mother.


Cub asks his mother "Am I a polar...

Bear PSA

The National Park Rangers are advising hikers and campers in National Parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.

They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming f...

What is a polar bear's favorite food? (Multi-questioned)

ICE-cream!

-What is a black bear's favorite food?

Blackberries!

-What is a grizzly bear's favorite food?

Campers.

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A Hunter goes Hunting

A hunter heads to the woods to hunt bears. After 2 long weeks, he did not see any. So when a cubs appear in is sight, he says "fuck it"

BAMN!

Cub drops dead.

"tap tap tap" somethings taps on his shoulder.

He turns around and see a big black bear. The bear says :

"T...

Two guys are out hunting deer.

The first guy says "Did you see that?"

“No" the second guy says.

“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead.”

“Oh.”

A couple of minutes later, the first guy says "Did you see that?"

“See what?"

“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill,...

Alaskan Bear Hunting Trip

A man saves up his money all Summer to go on an Alaskan bear hunting trip. He gets out into the wilderness and tracks through the underbrush for hours when he finally spots a little black bear. He gets that bear in his sights and BANG shoots him dead!

At just that moment he feels a tap on his...

Two physicists go hiking

A theoretical physicist and an applied physicist go hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Suddenly they spot a black bear running towards them. The applied physicist starts taking off his boots.

The theoretical physicist says, "It's not possible to outrun a bear."

The applied physicist say...

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A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

The KGB, the FBI and the Cia are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investiga...

When hiking near bears...

...you should always wear a bell around your neck and carry a can of extra strength pepper spray.

To figure out what type of bears are near your trail, you can examine their droppings.

Black bear droppings are a dark colour and may contain plant material.

Grizzly bear droppings...

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Two guys, Billy and Bob, head out in the woods, hunting for bear...

They hike to where their tree stand is, in the thickest part of the forest, set their bait, climb into the stand, hunker down and wait. Before too long, a small black bear comes by to check out the bait, and the hunters shoot it dead. They climb down and begin the work of butchering the carcass, whe...

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A fur trapper walks into a bar

A fur trapper walks into a small town bar. He tells the guys at the bar "I bet you a drink that I can identify any animal pelt, and what it was killed with, by touch alone." Amused, one man went out to his truck and got a pelt out. The trapper was blindfolded and handed the pelt. "Ah, gray squirrel,...

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UNCLE CASEY'S GUIDE TO BEAR IDENTIFICATION WHILE BEING CHASED:

UNCLE CASEY'S GUIDE TO BEAR IDENTIFICATION WHILE BEING CHASED:
If you're running& running and wind up in a tree and the fucker follows you...it's a black bear.

If you're running& running and wind up in a tree and the fucker shakes you out...it's a brown bear.

If you're runni...

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Two men are sitting having coffee in a diner. One of them goes to buy lottery tickets...

Two men are sitting in the diner, having their usual morning coffee.

“Well, I’m off to buy some lottery tickets” says the first guy.

“No.” Says the second man. “You shouldn’t buy lottery tickets!”

“And why not?” asks the first guy.

“Well let me put it this way” the second...

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When Americans annoys Russians .

There was a group of Americans camping in the wild forest , suddenly there was a black bear walking towards them so they ran away recklessly .

However they accidentally destroyed Russians' campsites when escaping from black bear, how could Russians let them go like this ? They caught up t...

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In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the President narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, the FBI, and the N.Y.P.D. The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the for...

Bear joke my co-worker told me

So a man and his three friends are sitting in a bar, one of them says to the others

“im the greatest bear hunter there ever was”

2 of the 3 friends disagree and say

“no way i am”

an argument breaks out until the 4th man who said nothing pipes up and says

“i ha...

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Black hand....

A stranger walks into a wild western town, he's a stranger passing through and needs to find a bed for the night.

He calls in at the local saloon and finds himself a place at the end of the bar while he tries to figure out his best options of a bed. The place is rammed, card games, piano play...

There's a protocol when it comes to bears [Long]

If you go camping, you should carry bells so not to startle a bear and be attacked, and pepper spray in case it does.

It would help to learn the scat of the bear, so you can avoid areas with dangerous species.

Brown and black bear's is small and dark.

Grizzly's is large, light i...

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The Bear Hunter

One day a hunter took his trusty Winchester to the mountains to hunt for bear. He hid behind a rock that overlooked a beautiful valley and waited.

Soon a brown bear appeared by the stream which ran through the valley. The hunter aimed and fired and killed the bear dead.

Suddenly then t...

A hunter went out on a hunting trip. He took his sons cigarettes by mistake.

He had an excellent day. He shot 2 bucks, a boar, a black bear, and a unicorn.

3 Bears walk into a bar

I made up this joke in the shower the other day and have been trying to decide if it is a Great Bad joke or an Awful real joke. I hope you have an opinion on it.

A Black Bear, a Grizzly Bear, and a Panda walk into a bar.

The Black bear walks up to the bartender and says, "Excuse me si...

Being in the recreation and natural resources field, I enjoy this every time I hear it

Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can te...

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[NSFW] A huntsman wanders into the woods...

And he stumbles across a small brown bear. He pulls up his shotgun, and kills the animal. As he's celebrating, he gets a tap on the shoulder; it's a black bear.

"You didn't want to be doing that buddy. I either kill you, or I do you in the butt."

The huntsman is taken aback, but eventu...

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Police training

2 FBI agents, 2 state troopers, and 2 Detroit cops are sent out to the woods for training.

At the end of the training, the instructor tells the class he’s going to release a rabbit and they are to track it, capture it, and bring it back.

First, a rabbit is released for the FBI agents, ...

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The Black Knight is coming (NSFW)

One day, a minstrel was passing through the forest when he came upon a small inn. The minstrel was thrilled at the opportunity to get a clean bed, some hot food, and most importantly one of the inn's famous forest beers, which were legendary.

Later in the evening, the minstrel was about to g...

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Dave is a well known, respected hunter, known to be the best in the state.

One night, he is sitting in a bar with some friends, and an out of state hunter stops in the bar.
He overhears Dave’s friends talking about how he’s the best and says, “there is no way he is the best hunter in the state!”

So Dave bets him that he can not look and guess what an animal was ...

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A contest is announced for all the police agencies in the world

A contest is announced for all the police agencies in the world and after all the qualifying rounds were completed three police agencies were shortlisted for the finals, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, France National Police and NYPD.

Just so it happened that a tiger was terrorizing a near...

Bear Attack

An elderly man visits his doctor one day.

"I have some exciting news, Doctor!", exclaimed man, with excitement.

"What is it?", asked his doctor.

"My wife took a pregnancy test last week and, well.. we're expecting a child! Isn't it great!?"

"What!?", expressed the doct...

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