How do you catch a Polar Bear?

You bore a hole in the ice and sprinkle peas around it. When the bear takes a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

Why was the polar bear relaxed when watching TV?

Because he found a cool channel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was a polar bear named Jerry.

Jerry hated living at the north pole and constantly bitched about it to the other polar bears.

“It’s too fucking cold here” he said. “The water is all frozen, there’s nothing to eat but penguins and I’m constantly covered in fucking snow”.

The other polar bears rolled their eyes and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A world champion in grizzly bear hunting wanted to shoot a polar one

He's got yet another prize in USA for hunting grizzlies, proving he's the best there is. Doesn't matter how hard it would be to hunt one, he would track them and hunt them.

One day he wanted the challenge, and thought he would step up his game and hunt for polar bears. He's no expert in polar...

A baby polar bear went out to play one day...

...but an hour later he was back inside. He asked his mom, "Mom, am I a brown bear?" His mom replies, "No, your father's a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, you're a polar bear. Now go back outside and play."

...a half hour later, the baby polar bear comes back in. "Dad... am I a grizzly bear...

How to catch a polar bear

First, go to the Arctic and dig a large hole in the ice.

Next, open a can of peas and place the peas around the edge of the hole.

When the bear steps up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.


Sorry. I'll see myself out

[NSFW] A polar bear takes his broken car to be fixed...

He tells the mechanic what the problem is; "There is a LOT of smoke coming from the exhaust." he says, "I'll leave it with you and go grab lunch. I'll see you in an hour or so."

After a few hours Bob 'the polar' Bear returns.

The mechanic gets straight to it, and simply says "well I'm ...

A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says...

A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says

“What’ll it be today?”

The bear says “give me a gin and.........................tonic”

The bartender says “sure thing but why the big pause?”

The bear looks down and says “I dunno? I was just born with them. “

It...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub asks his mom

Cub: Mom, am I a polar bear?

Mom: Yes, of course you are.

Cub: ok

Next day

Cub: Mom, are you sure I am a polar bear?

Mom: I am a polar bear, you dad is a polar bear, you are definitely a polar bear.

Cub: ok

Next day

Cub: Mom, are you sure I a...

One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear were sitting in the snow

The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?""Of course, son, you're 100% polar bear."A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, "Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100% polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly ...

I hate being bi-polar.

Its so awesome.

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a polar bear ?

You get killed and eaten

What’s the Most Stupid Animal in the Jungle?

The Polar Bear

What is a polar bear's favorite food? (Multi-questioned)

ICE-cream!

-What is a black bear's favorite food?

Blackberries!

-What is a grizzly bear's favorite food?

Campers.

If you encounter a polar bear in the wild, lie down and pretend that you're dead.

It's good practice for when you'll be really dead, five minutes later.

What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?

A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee

I’m tired of people saying bears are like humans and that’s why you should care about the polar icecaps melting.

If bears were like humans they would be fine. The polar bears would steal land from the grizzly bears, have all the panda bears build them railroads. Send all the koala bears to Australia, all the gummy bears to San Francisco they’ll be fine. They’re start a country called Bearica and have a half bl...

What does happen to polar bears if they sit on ice too long

Polaroids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar cub goes to its mom.

\- Mom, is dad a polar bear?

\- Yes, my darling.

\- Is uncle Jim a polar bear?

\- Yes, son.

\- What about aunt Cindy?

\- Yes, she is a polar bear too.

\- Grandpa? Is grandpa a polar bear?

\- Yes. Grandpa is a polar bear. Same with grandma.

\- A...

Bought A Pair Of Polarized Sunglasses

Some people like 'em, some people hate 'em.

Polar bears used to be brown but through evolution, they turned white

because Police were shooting them



\-Mark Normand

Bi Polar

I hate being bi polar its amazing

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Two scientists bring a polar bear to the South Pole

Scientist 1: So this polar bear can survive in both the north *and* south poles?

Scientist 2: that’s correct. However, he’s prone to mood swings in the south

Scientist 1: maybe it’s his wife?

Scientist 2: or his husband...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A baby polar bear asks his mom

"Momma am I 100% polar bear?"

"Of course you're 100% polar bear" she answers "go ask your father."

So he asks "Daddy am I a 100% polar bear?"

"Of course you're 100% polar bear.
I'm 100% polar bear, your mom's 100% polar bear.
Her parents are 100% polar bear,
my pare...

When I was told I was bi-polar...

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

Polar bear asks mama bear

Son: Mom are you a polar bear?

Mother: Yes son im a polar bear.

Son: Mom is my father a polar bear?

Mother: You father is a polar bear too.

Son: Hmmm, Is my grandfather a polar bear?

Mother (answers nervously): Yes son your grandfather is a polar bear and whole f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This baby polar bear is walking around on the glaciers with his mom...

...and he asks her “mom, am I 100% polar bear?” Mom is taken back a bit, but reassures him “my parents and my parents parents were 100% polar bear, so you are also”.

The baby finds his dad devouring a seal and asks him “dad am I 100% polar bear?” Dad is taken back a bit, but reassures hi...

Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?

They can’t get the wrappers off them...

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Hi my name's Andy

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the Polar bear?

Do not consume if seal is broken.

My sister is so dumb, she tells everyone she is bipolar

Because she is working at two different strip clubs.

Why does Santa need to have all of his maps custom made?

He uses polar coordinates!

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a polar bear?

Polar bears don’t have to hide from ICE

Tom Brady is a very polarizing sports figure.

On one hand, he has FIVE super bowl rings. But on the other hand, he only has one.

Why do you never invite polar bears to parties

Because they never break the ice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Mum are you sure I'm a polar bear?

Yes, why?

Are you really sure?

Yes, of course you are a polar bear, I'm a polar bear, your dad is a polar bear, your grand parents are polar bears, you are a polar bear?

Definitely?

Yes! You were in the coca cola advert and the...

How did the hunter kill the polar bear?

He shot him right between the ice!

What is a polar bears favourite thing to eat?

Burrrr - Gurrrrs.

What is a polar bear?

It is a Cartesian bear in a different frame of reference.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear ask his mom:Mother are you sure that i m a polar bear and not some other kinde of bear ?

His mother sais she s sure that he s a polar bear.Then the bear goes to his uncle and asks him:Are you sure that I m a polar bear and not some other kinde of bear?the uncle sais that he is sure that he is a polar bear.Then the bear goes to his grandma and ask her:hey grandma are you sure that i m a ...

There was once a world with red and blue bees.

(LONG) (but worth it)

The red and blue bees were more or less polar opposites. So there were establishments for their respective colors.
In this world there is a blue bee, and he had been keeping an eye on this beautiful red bee. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask her out, because he wa...

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer

The barman says $18 please.

The polar bear pays and takes a seat.

Bemused, the barman approaches and says "this is exciting - we don't get many polar bears in here!", to which the polar bear replies: "I'm not surprised with beer at $18 a pint."

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?

The dentist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two soldiers

Two soldiers were stationed at a secret base on Greenland. The only entertainment they had was a worn out deck of cards and as time went on the two soldiers became bored with the cards, so to keep them selves entertained they started doing dares to each other.

At first it started out easy lik...

What is a polar bear’s favourite government agency?

I.C.E!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming in from the snow one evening, a polar bear cub asked his mother, “Mom, am I 100% polar bear?“

His mother replied, “Yes, son! I am 100% polar bear and your father is 100% polar bear so that makes you 100% polar bear.“

Still not satisfied, the cub went to his father who gave him the same answer. “Of course, son! Both your grandmothers were 100% polar bear and both your grandfathers were...

(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?

First, you cut a giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the hole nice and even.


Then, when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A baby polar bear asked his dad.

Am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are. You are all polar bear, your parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are hon...

What do yo call a polar bear at the beach?

Lost

How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice an...

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and says to his mother...

“Mom, are you sure I'm a purebred polar bear? I'm not part grizzly bear or anything?"

She says, "Of course you're 100% polar bear. I'm a polar bear, your dad's a polar bear, you're a polar bear."

The next day after school, he asks his father. "Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you s...

I don't know why people are so scared of Polar bears?

Personally, I'm terrified of them Bi-polar bears. They keep assuring you they're only "curious" and then you wake up face down with your pants off and you never hear from 'em again.

I'm totally into polar bears.

Some people call me crazy.

I'm completely Inuit.

Polar bear: Don't you just love these little igloo snacks...

Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Mom, am I real polar bear?”

“Why yes son. Look at your polar bear claws and your white coat, of course you’re a real polar bear. “

“I guess your right, “ said the teenage polar bear.

A few days pass and the son (Fred) goes up to his father this time and asks him if he is in fact a real polar bear.

“Why ...

What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the north pole and his winters at the south?

a bi-polar bear.

I found out today my brother’s bi-polar.

Apparently he likes male and female polar bears.

Did you hear about my fight with the polar bear?

Snow Problem

Today's performance of Hamilton was canceled in Chicago due to the polar blast.

Once again Brrrr kills Hamilton

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

A polar bear who lived in the North Pole for 30 years decided he had enough of the cold.

So he started his trek towards somewhere warmer.

He rode a fishing boat to Canada and tried his luck there, but it was still too cold.

So he tried his luck again in Florida, but it was too hot.

Finally, he went to Ecuador and tried his luck there, only to discover how warm it is...

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every girl is a bi

You just gotta figure out if it's polar or sexual

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a polar bear ...

... surprisingly the store has one for sale. But the assistant warns the man:

"Do never, under any circumstances, tickle the bear behind the ears."

Of course, the man buys the bear and cheerfully takes it home. After a while he can't help the urge any more and tickles the bear behind t...

Why is the polar bear so friendly?

Cause he's an ice guy!

Why don't polar bears ever get married?

Because they all have cold feet.

A male polar bear walks into his psychiatrist’s office wearing a dress.

“What seems to be the problem today?” The psychiatrist asks.

“I don’t know. Here lately it just seems like everything makes me angry and that I have no way to control my emotions. What do you thinks wrong?”

“I think you’re just bi-polar.”

What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?

A fireside rug you can have a good hump on.

Some people think that the Arctic and the Antarctic are the same....

But in fact, they're polar opposites.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “can I get you anything?”

The polar bear replies, “why yes, can I get a pint of beer...

...

...

...and a bag of chips!”

The bartender, confused, asks, “why the large paws?”

A polar bear walks into a restaurant..

The polar bear tells the waitress,
"I'll have a Diet Coke, a double cheeseburger and a-"
...

...

... "side of fries."

"What's with the long pause!?" The waitress asked.

The polar bear replied,
"I was born with them."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.