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Donald Trump was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy”. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a “tragedy”.

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs ove...

What’s a horse’s primary concern when voting?

A stable economy.

My friend fell in love with a girl from his primary school so he gave her a big kiss

Now he can't teach there anymore

If Biden wins the primary and runs against Trump...

It's going to be an uncomfortably close election.

What's the primary difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, What is your name?

Bob

And what is your question, Bob?

I have 3 questions.

First, why did the USA invade Iraq with...

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A primary one teacher was speaking to her class on the first day of term.

"Alright class, I'd like everyone to tell me what they did over the summer holiday. Remember, you're not at nursery any more, so you need to use grown-up words now. Jamie, you go first."

So Jamie excitedly stood up and said:

"I went on a choo-choo!"

The teacher grimaced and repl...

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A primary school student told his teacher he found a dead cat

The teacher asked him how did he know it was dead the boy replied “I pissed in its ear” the teacher looked shocked and shouted “You Did WHAT” “you know” explained the boy “I leant over and went pssst in its ear and it didn’t move

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3 [NSFW]

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Primary 4.
I am smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy ...

Vladimir Putin shows up in one of the Moscow's primary schools

After the welcoming ceremony there is some time for the students to ask the President a few questions

Little Sasha stands up and says:

I only have 2 questions:

1. Why did Russia take over the Crimea?

2. What are Russian soldiers doing in Ukraine?

Before Putin was a...

Two kids meet on their first day of primary school.

"I've always been clever," says one kid. "I've been walking since I was 9 months old."
"You call that clever?" says the other. "I let them carry me around until I was 4."

Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

I met my girlfriend in primary school.

I can't wait til she goes to college.

The EU has finally decided to adopt English as its primary language, over German.

The European Union has just announced an agreement whereby English will be its official language rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year ph...

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I read a sign outside my local primary school saying: "Slow children playing."

I thought, fucking hell that can't do much for their self-esteem, but then I realised that they probably won't be able to read it.

What is the difference between an Afghanistani Primary School and a Taliban Base?

What would I know, I am just a drone pilot.

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The Republican primary race should be called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

It's way too long, and the protagonists are becoming more juvenile as it goes on.

Hillary Clinton goes t o a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says
And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?

2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of ...

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A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.

A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"

A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."

The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."

After the recent wave of Trump primary victories, what did Nancy Reagan request for her funeral before she died?

To be laid to rest beside the remains of the Republican party

My local council just installed a zebra crossing near the primary school

What a waste of money, I've never even seen a zebra in this town

What did little John Cena say to his primary school teacher when she gave him his report card?

You can't C me!

The medical research community recently announced a plan to substitute lawyers in for rats in medical experimentation. They cited three primary reasons...

(1) There are more lawyers than rats.

(2) Some people like rats.

(3) There are some things a rat simply _will_ _not_ _do_.

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Sherlock Holmes and John Watson were walking past an American primary school...

And Sherlock Holmes points and says "Elementary, my dear Watson".

Watson, realizing how obvious this is, replies "No shit, Sherlock"

A joke I've known since primary school.

A huge flood occured one day, and an entire town is swallowed up by the water.


A man driving a boat comes by a man that's trying to stay afloat.


**"Quick, get on my boat!",** he said.


The semi-drowning man replies that God will send him help and save him. And so the...

I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher

They have small pupils.....

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

A reporter at an interview asked Donald Trump..

A reporter at an interview asked Donald Trump the following question: "Can you tell us, Mr. President, why did you cut primary school funding and why did you raise government prisons' funding by 200%?"


"Well I'm certainly not going to go back to primary school, am I?"

King of the Crouton

Bobby Hill asks his father, Hank:

"What are the primary ingredients in a Caesar salad?"

Hank Hill responds:

"Dang it Bobby, that's an easy one.
Romaine and romaine accessories"

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it..

So we had some drinks. Cool guy. He's going to run in the Democrat Primary because at this point, why not.

Why is everyone criticising EA?

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this pa...

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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

The difference between a raven and a crow.

A raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They are called pinion feathers.

A crow has 16.

So, the difference between a raven and a crow is basically a matter of a pinion.

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The Alaskan Miner

Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.

He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

"Firstly...

There once was hippo child prodigy.

Just by hanging around tourists, he learned to talk, and soon thereafter to read.

Eventually, he started attending a nearby primary school for humans and he turned out to be very very smart indeed, even by human standards. Typing, thanks to his symbiotic oxpecker buddy, made him a prolific au...

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A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him

"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the ...

The Zoo Joke (Long)

So there's this zoo, and this zoo isn't very affluent, but, if someone visits the zoo, it is definitely to see their gorilla.

One morning, the workers come in early to open the zoo like normal and find, to their great sadness, that their famous gorilla has died of old age. The zoo staff are ...

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of

the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree

to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from

the current position as a result of failure to p...

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Will I Live to see 80?

Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He
said I was doing fairly well for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think ...

My dad said there's too much red, yellow and blue in my house.

That's not my primary concern right now.

So last week I had my driving test

Halfway through the test, we passed a primary school and unfortunately someone walked out into the road, it took me completely by surprise. I was really upset that I'd failed my test, until the examiner assumed me that it was fine, it was only a minor.

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Heaven is a big place

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates together having all perished in different circumstances. Seeing the lineup they all wonder what separates them from access into the gates of heaven. As time goes by the line disappears and the three men find themselves next up. Peter is standing with a hand on t...

Three surgeons are sitting in a bar...

... getting drunk and talking about the great successes in their careers. The first takes a shot and says, 'I had a a patient, a concert pianist. He severed all ten of his fingers in a freak cooking accident with a very sharp knife. I meticulously reattached them, and within a year, he played a conc...

Half as mad

A teacher from primary school asks Peter a question,

Teacher: "Peter; suppose that a car is moving at a speed of 100 mph suddenly brakes and the driver flies out through the windshield at a certain force and lands on the road. What would be my age?"

Peter thought for a moment and repli...

Top 10 Reasons a Gun is Better Than a Woman

10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

8. If you admire a friend's gun, and tell him so, he'll let you try it out a few times.

7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.<...

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The teacher and little Johnny

As part of a class language test a teacher asked her primary school class to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

Sarah put her hand up and said "over the weekend we visited my grandfather on his farm, I was fascinated by all the animals he had"

The teacher replied "That was very goo...

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The Little Red Racing Car

A joke I heard back in my Primary school years. I remember finding it hilarious at the time.

*****

There was a family who had a pair of twins, both a mere 4 years old. One was a charming little boy, the other a dainty, coy girl.

One day, the girl and her mother went into the sho...

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Muslim terrorists commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins

I just go to the local primary school

Johnny's math skills

The village priest pays a visit to the local primary school. After introducing himself and his church, he also wants to see how much the kids have learnt already and asks little Johnny: "So Johnny, if you have 8 appples and you give me 4, how many apples do you have left?" "4, Sir", little Johnny re...

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Timeline of r/jokes

Primary Beginning: (Small Community) Decent jokes, good laughs.

Secondary Beginning: (Decent Sized Community) Good Jokes, Very Good laughs.

Early Middle Years: (Large Community) Faction of Reposters have begun to show themselves.

Later Middle Years: (Huge Community) Most of the ...

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faster than light

A school inspector walked into a class of primary students. Trying something different than the usual reading exercises, he asked the class, "What do you think is the fastest or happens quickest?"

A few hands went up.

The first student says, "Blinking. It happens in an instant and the...

In the 1900s an English town had fallen on really hard times

For decades its primary industry had been its textile mills, but now the mills were all closed and unemployment was at an all-time high.

Desperate, the town's mayor looked frantically around for other industries to bring to his town. He found that there was a man in Germany who waslooking fo...

Fred

A man gets pulled over by a cop for speeding.

The cop asks him, "what is your name?"

The man replies "Fred."

The cop asks "What's your last name."

"I don't have one."

The cop is unsure of how this is, so he asks "Why don't you have a last name?"

The man begi...

Right or Wrong

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Tony raises his han...

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I'm sexually attracted to one of my students

I knew that becoming a primary school teacher was a bad career choice

Long

A primary school class has just returned to school after the summer vacation. The teacher asks them, one by one, to come up to the blackboard and draw something exciting that happened during their holidays. First up was Jimmy. Jimmy draw a series of diagonal lines across the blackboard. What's that ...

The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived

One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"

The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."

Then a ...

a chicken goes into a library

goes right up to the librarian and says "Bawk".

the Librarian is surprised at the weird chicken and has no idea what to do.

the chicken repeats "Bawk" and points to a book. the shocked librarian gives him a book and the chicken leaves.


the next day the chicken returns and sa...

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ISIS has reportedly acquired a shitload of cutting edge weapons technology from the Korean black market.

Recent photographs suggest that the technology is known to have an Iris Scanner, S Pen, a 12 MP primary camera and a really mindBLOWING battery life.

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New husband has a problem.

So he goes to the hospital to see his primary physician.

"Doc, my new wife is a dynamo. Every time she touches me I go off. You got anything to help me last long enough to satisfy her?"

"Just the thing," the doctor replies, pulling a starter pistol from his desk. The big red kind that...

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There was once a captain of a football team..

for whom English wasn't the primary language, so he was still learning to speak it from his teammates now and then.

There came a huge club championship, at the final of which the captain found his team winning towards the end of the match. So he asks a teammate to provide him with good lines ...

Trip to the aquarium joke

The other week I was in the aquarium having a whale of a time (pardon the pun). I saw sea horses, sharks, turtles, the whole shebang. But I couldn't wait to get to my favourite creature. I don't know why but I've always been fascinated by eels. I did a project on them in primary school and since the...

Have you heard of the, great, ancient Greek philosopher Mediocrates?

His primary philosophical viewpoint is "eeeeehhh"

Any good chemistry jokes?

A ketone and a primary amine walk into a bar and yell "Let's get Schiff based!"

Why couldn't the hemiacetal maintain a healthy relationship with his family?
He wasn't very stable and was never seen without alcohol.

An organic chemist wanted to reduce a ketone, but not the ...

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You know is an election year when...

...you type "P" into your browser and Primary Results comes up before Porn.

break it up

A teacher at a primary school sees three children fighting "Timmy! Sally! Jerome! Stop that at once and go see the headmaster!" so the children dust themselves down and trudge off to the headmaster's office. "Well children," said the stern headmaster "Its very naughty to fight and I might have to gi...

Another Soviet Joke

In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.

"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to he...

Spanish/English Joke(s)

I am attending a wedding this weekend. I am gearing up on jokes (sick ones, family ones, racist ones, etc). My best friend's girlfriend primary language is Spanish, but she speaks very good English (not perfect, but pretty damn good). Anywho, I am looking at reddit to help me out with a good Spanish...

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The Five-Kick Method (long)

A very famous and successful attorney from NYC was hunting ducks in the countryside. He was having a bad day in the woods as there didn't seem to be any ducks at all to be hunted. Then, all of a sudden, he saw the most beautiful, fattest duck of his life swiftly take off, so he aptly aimed and shot ...

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So there's this boy, and he really loves tractors... [xpost from funny.]

He developed an exceptional love for tractors at quite a young age. He had grown up on a farm and his father was a farmer, his father's father was a farmer, and so on. He wanted nothing more than to, one day, buy his own tractor and take over his father's jobs on the farm. The boy maintains his obse...

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