UPJOKE
hitstrikeclapbumpsmashknockmake outsmackbonkbashrushslamslapwhamwhack

Banged Jokes

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity

She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

My neighbour banged on the wall at 430am this morning!!!!

Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.

They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?"

I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you"

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.

Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted...

"For goodness sake, keep it down!"

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"

"Sir?" I asked.

"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."

"Yes, sir"

"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you ...

My wife asked me "do I look fat in these jeans?"

I said "promise not to be mad whatever I say?"

She replied "yes of course!"

I said "I banged your sister".

I banged my third cousin this week

My brother said I should stop counting

I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

I never should have given dad my username.

Hear about the girl who banged her philosophy professor for a better grade?

He was deep in thot.

i banged a midwife once..

and i must say she delivered ...ba dum tisss

A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began...

...One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is showing off his new apartment...

After a night at the bar, he brings his friends up, where he has large brass gong and a mallet.

"What's with the gong and mallet?" One of his friends asked.

"It's not a gong, it's a talking clock," the man replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?"

"Yup."

"How's it wor...

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

So I banged my 3rd cousin the other day

I'm really surprised how I even managed to bang more than two of my cousins

I banged 2 girls with morning wood

I guess I can call it a tree-some.

My boyfriend slammed me onto the table and banged me all day long

Life as a keyboard is good.

Today I can finally say that I've banged all of my classmates

I'm homeschooled


***Sweet home Alabama***

John was at the grocery store buying beer for poker night with his buddies

When he is in the frozen food section a voluptuous redhead approaches him and says:

“Excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids”

John replied: “ohhh, we’re you that redhead that I banged in the bathroom at Shannon’s a couple of years back?, you certainly look good”

...

My neighbors yelled and banged my door 3 in the morning, literally 3!

Luckly, I was still up practicing my bagpipe.

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I banged this hot French student last week.

We were going at it doggie style and she told me she really loves the feeling when someone pulls on her hair. So I took a handful and pulled. She moaned and writhed around like her best orgasm ever!
Apparently I overdid it though, when I asked her if she wanted another session she said her armp...

An exam was taking place in Oxford's oldest and most traditional college...

The ancient hall was packed with students in deep concentration.

Halfway through, a student stood up, banged his desk and loudly demanded a pint of beer.

The head examiner, furious at the disruption, asked him to 'explain yourself at once'.

The student cited section 7.b of a lon...

Why are all the people on xbox who banged your mom 12

Cuz salt is a preservative

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife banged on the toilet door....

"Hurry up!" she shouted, "I need a shit!!"
"Fuck off!" I replied, "I'm trying to have a wank in here!!"
"So that's more important than my diahorrhea?!" she screamed.
I shouted through the door "I'm just about to come for fuck's sake, just wait a few moments will you??"

What an impati...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got gang banged by a group of magicians last night

They were full of fucking surprises.

Heard of the man who banged an ATM?

He came into a lot of money

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.