My neighbour banged on the wall at 430am this morning!!!!

Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.

They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?"

I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you"

I banged my third cousin this week

My brother said I should stop counting

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An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow

An old Scottish fisherman is visiting Glasgow. Since his wife passed away years ago and he has not been active since then, he decides to take the opportunity and go the red-light district.

After a short negotiation on the street, he follows a tall, skinny lady into a darkened hotel room. Fuck...

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So this supermodel is teaching math class

All the boys would be entranced by her amazing figure, and they have a hard time paying attention. Meanwhile all the girls are jealous because she’s stealing all of their men.

One day, she was giving a lecture on graphing, so she told everyone to pull out their calculators. One boy’s calcula...

A tale of two prawns

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.
Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a praw...

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"

"Sir?" I asked.

"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."

"Yes, sir"

"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you ...

It's What's in the Inside

"Tell me, what do you look for in a man?"

"Honey, I like my man the same way I like my watermelon."

\-----

He thought about this for a moment.

"That's an interesting analogy, and one *I've* never heard before." "I like the way you think."

"Oh yeah?? You know what...

Bert and Ernie served as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years.

Bert and Ernie worked together as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years. They'd traded jokes, played pop music and generally made peoples lives a touch brighter as they trundled to their workplace.

Now though, there was a silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax from civil defen...

i banged a midwife once..

and i must say she delivered ...ba dum tisss

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted...

"For goodness sake, keep it down!"

So I guess there was this rancher who was growing a really weird breed of cattle.

They were a really vivid blue green color.  No one could believe it... They thought he was airbrushing them or painting them or using Instagram filters or photoshop.

Finally an fda inspector--Neal Beal was his name--wanted to go out to the ranch and see for himself whether these cows were re...

Hear about the girl who banged her philosophy professor for a better grade?

He was deep in thot.

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity

She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

My boyfriend slammed me onto the table and banged me all day long

Life as a keyboard is good.

So I banged my 3rd cousin the other day

I'm really surprised how I even managed to bang more than two of my cousins

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.

Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

What happened when Moses banged his shin into the corner of the coffee table?

HE-BRUISED IT!!

A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began...

...One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walke...

Sir Galahad lost his horse during a battle. He trudged towards a farmhouse and banged on the door. When farmer John answered, Galahad asked: "Do you have a horse I could borrow?" John shook his head. "But tell you what, I have a massive Saint Bernard." Reluctantly, Galahad mounted the mutt.

Seeing his predicament, John's wife Mary exclaimed: "You can't let a Knight out on a dog like this!"

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

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My favorite joke

I went to go visit my friend Chuck on his farm out in Greater Minnesota, and he's showing off his barn, crops, and livestock. When we get to the swine corral, there's an enormous boar... with three wooden legs.

So I ask him, "why does that pig have three wooden legs?"

"Well, Steve, tha...

I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

I never should have given dad my username.

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

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What did the breadstick say to the pretzel who banged his mom.

You are one twisted motherfucker.

Today I can finally say that I've banged all of my classmates

I'm homeschooled


***Sweet home Alabama***

My neighbors yelled and banged my door 3 in the morning, literally 3!

Luckly, I was still up practicing my bagpipe.

I banged 2 girls with morning wood

I guess I can call it a tree-some.

Math

“I had a great day today.” “Why?” “Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, ‘Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?’”

A smoking room in a big tech corporation

A smoking room in a big tech corporation (because the equipment is so fragile and sensitive that smoking is not allowed nearby). A lot of smoke and talk - circuits, chips, boards, punch cards and so on.

Then a young technician suddenly says, "Why we're always talking about tech things only? W...

Why are all the people on xbox who banged your mom 12

Cuz salt is a preservative

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