I'm not thrilled my wife is into bondage

but my hands are tied

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later. "Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says. "Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.

Doc says, "No, you've got bowel cancer."

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired. “What makes you say that?” Bill explained, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around..."

"That every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend was cooking breakfast in nothing than a T-shirt... ...when I came downstairs, she told me she needed me to have sex with her right away...

Needless to say I was thrilled, so we did it right there in the kitchen...

...she immediately went back to cooking... we didn't usually do stuff like that, so I hesitantly asked, "so...what was that all about?"

She said, "I had 5 minutes left on the casserole, but the timer broke."

The Pope decides to take a cross-country tour across America, beginning in California and ending in New York.

Somewhere in the Mid-West, the Popemobile breaks down, and while it’s repaired, the Pope continued his journey with a limousine rental.

After a few hours, the limousine driver rolled down the glass partition, and spoke: “I know I’m not supposed to talk to you, your holiness, or highness - I’m...

The penguin and the mechanic

A penguin is driving a rental car through Arizona when, suddenly, the air conditioner stops working. The penguin, frantic with the heat, swerves into the first car repair shop he sees.

Penguin jumps out yelling, "Quick, quick! Drop everything and fix my air conditioner. I'm literally dying...

A young man was showing of his new sportscar to his girlfriend

she was thrilled at the speed.

"If i do 200 km/h, will you take all of your clothes off?"

The girlfriend felt adventurous, and said "yes, of course"

He brought the car up to the 200 km/h benchmark. However, he was unable to keep his eyes on the road and the car swerved, then ...

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The 40 year old virgin.

John was 40 years old, but still a virgin. He tried everything possible to get laid, but to no avail. So as a last resort, he decided to pray to the angels up in heaven.

He made it a habit of praying, before going to bed.10 years passed and on his 50th birthday, an angel appeared before him ...

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Nymphomanical Jill Used Dynamite Sticks for a Thrill

They found her vagina
in South Carolina
and one of her tits in Brazil

A man goed bear hunting for the first time in a long while...

Hiding in the woods he spots a bear through the scope of his hunting rifle. He aims... shoots... and hits the bear!

Excited to hit the bear in one shot he grabs his gear and runs over to where te bear was hit. But to his disappointed, the bear is not there and not a single trace of blood can ...

A shipwrecked mariner has spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: “The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still...

I'm super-thrilled to announce that I am now a member of the DNA!

You know, the National Dyslexia Association!

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One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage.

While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and asks her about the trunk.

She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. ...

Priests are thrilled...

They get to keep their gatherings under 10.

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

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A man was in a long line at the supermarket. As he got to the checkout he realized he had forgotten to get condoms.

So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to register.

She asked, “What size condoms?” The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, and she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and ...

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Dude just got married and is thrilled with idea of having sex almost every day.

Almost on Monday

Almost on Tuesday

Almost on Wednesday...

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk" if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the s...

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What do you call someone who gets a sexual thrill from killing an animal?

A PETA-phile.

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A good man dies and goes to heaven where God, impressed by the man's life record, grants him one final wish.

"Well, God, I know this seems petty, but I've never won at blackjack."

That's okay, my friend, God says, and He snaps His fingers and He and the man are sitting at a blackjack table in Vegas. The man puts up a $1,000 bet. The dealer's showing a 6 and the man's showing a 17. The man signals th...

Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.

*Baste on a True Story.*

I'm not to thrilled with our solar system

I rate it one star

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Three men are standing outside a jewellery shop looking at an expensive ring in the display window

The first man says, "That ring is perfect for Karen. I just wish I could afford it."

The second man says, "I was planning on proposing to Julie soon. She'd love that ring."

The third man says, "Okay, I'll make you both a deal. Whichever one of you gets to the bottom of the street first...

As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump...

I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I’m not going out because of one...

I thought by now you'd realise

A taxidermist and his apprentice are working late into the night to get their big project done - a full size lion on a purpose built stand. This once-mighty big cat had been killed in a fight with another lion, and was being fixed up for display at a natural history museum. The taxidermist had skill...

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What does sex and bungee jumping have in common?

The thrill only lasts about 30 seconds,and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

My grandfather is a Russian immigrant, so the last few years have been really hard for him. But I'm thrilled to share that he's achieved his dream of opening a bakery!

Please join me in wishing him luck with Vladimir Gluten.

Sweet Aroma

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose...

I originally wasn't thrilled at my girlfriend's idea for me to have a beard...

But it's growing on me.

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There is a fella who is talking To his body and says, I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday.

She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" The first fellow does just that. The next d...

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

Cannibalism is a real thrill

Nail-biting from start to finish.

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A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"
...

An old snail walks into a car dealership

An old snail walks into a car dealership and tells the salesman he's looking for the flashiest, most expensive sports car he's got. The old snail explains he's been working hard and saving his whole life and this car is to be his reward.

The salesman is thrilled and shows the old snail a brig...

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A small town Sheriff catches a rapist and con man.

While thrilled that he finally caught the two, he wasn't sure what to do with them as the town jail in need of repairs and he didn't have staff to watch them.

He got the idea of letting the townspeople teach them a lesson and to raise money at the same time.

The next day, he tied the...

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It’s a little boy’s seventh birthday.

For his birthday, his parents buy him a really superb cowboy outfit. I mean, it’s got everything: the boots, the spurs, the tiny plastic revolvers. The boy is thrilled; he doesn’t take the outfit off all day.

That evening, the little boy’s parents take him out to an ice cream parlor for a ...

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In a recent survey on why men like BlowJobs 6% like the feeling, 12% like the thrill and...

...82% just like the silence.

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(Subject matter: Anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough) There once was a lady named Jill

Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...

A comely redhead was thrilled.....

......... to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man.
"Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the tr...

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A boy asks his girlfriend over for dinner to meet his parents.

He tells her he will pick her up at 6 and his parents are seeing a show afterwards, so they will have the house all to themselves. She’s nervous, but also excited, so goes shopping to pick out some lingerie for their big night.

She and the chatty assistant just click and get to talking about...

An old woman was sitting next to her fire one day when suddenly a spark jumped out and turned into a fairy.

The fairy told the old woman she could have three wishes.

The old woman thinks for a while and then asks for the following:

1) she wants 10 million dollars

2) she wants to be 18 years old again

3) she wants her faithful tomcat, Tiger, to be turned into a healthy 19 year o...

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It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life...

Author's note - Wrote this from memory. When you tell this joke in person, act out the stuff in brackets.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

It’s World War II, just before dusk. And a Native American Code Talker named Grey Beaver was running for his life from a German patrol. One of the benefi...

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

I saw my neighbor carrying bags of shopping up to his apartment, impressed, I offered him a hand.

He wasn’t thrilled with my applause

An orange, a pea, and a lemon are barhopping

They visit bar after bar, getting as many drinks as they can before they're cut off, and getting further away from home.

Orange notices a large hill, and suggests rolling down it to get back home. The pea and the lemon think this is a great idea, and they all climb up the hill.

Now a...

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Frenchman in Morocco

A Frenchman seeking some thrills travels to Morocco and decides to go bungee jumping off the top of mosques. As he bounces back into the air, all of the passerby in Morocco are in awe and one Moroccan passerby decides that he wants to try it himself.

He finds the Frenchman at a nearby cafe a...

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When the bathroom is closed at the local bar, a man makes a bet with the bartender [Longish Story]

"Sorry sir, the bathroom is closed. You will have to go elsewhere", stated the bartender.

"Elsewhere, you say?" said the man, the wheels slowly clanking into place in his head forming an idea. He ushers the man into the closed bathroom by the sink. "Since I can't pee in this toilet like my gr...

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An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

A son asks his father to chaperone a school field trip.

Father was thrilled, it's the first field trip of the school year. His son asks only one thing: NO dad jokes.

Dads are dads though! So father cracked off one after the other all day for his son's entire class and the son was totally embarrassed.

Before the field trip was over father g...

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

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An elderly couple goes out for dinner to the same restaurant they'd had their first date at 50 years before...

They have a little wine and grow tipsy. The lady asks her husband, "Do you remember what happened the first time you took me to this restaurant?"

"Yes," the old guy says with a wink. "I took you out back and made love to you up against the back fence."

She takes another sip of wine. "I...

A mobster kidnaps a biologist, an electrical engineer, and a physicist

He sits them down and tells them, "I need a way to win a horse race every time. You are each going to think up a plan for doing this... Or else. "

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "
...

There was a pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers

He was a man who led with gentleness, faith, and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world.

As the pope approached the Gates of heaven, St Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome, Your Holiness. Your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has...

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A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horney.

One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he ...

There was once a little boy

For his 2nd birthday he was given a little tractor with pedals. He loved it so much that it started an obsession with tractors.

By his fourth birthday, he already had 30 tractors of different sizes and colours.

As soon as he learnt how to read, he started filling his shelves in his bed...

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Four Men Went Golfing Together

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill.

The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a fri...

Is there a doctor on this flight?

It finally happened! The flight attendant asked "is there a doctor on this flight?" and I leapt up and said yes!


Did a tracheotomy at 30,000ft with a razor blade and ballpoint pen.


He didn't make it, but the thrill was undeniable. Thinking of going to doctor school now...

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A man invents a device that makes food come to life

He's been working on this project for years, his family, those he trusted enough to tell, never believed in him. "Now they'll see" he thought. His device was ready and he got out a small piece of ham from the refrigerator and placed it into the containment chamber. He crossed his fingers and pushed ...

My buddy was trying to quit smoking...

...so I decided to help him out by making smoking seem terrible. I told him how smelly he was afterwards. I told him all the health statistics I'd read. I showed him pictures of diseased lungs. I think I finally got through to him when I soaked his cigarettes in gasoline. He was thrilled with me, I ...

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Depression Era Prostitute NSFW

Three generations of prostitutes were hanging out on the street corner talking about their day.

The youngest complains “I just sucked that guy off and all I got was a lousy $50!”

The middle aged one says “$50?!?! Hell, when I was your age I would be thrilled with $10!”

The eldes...

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A Wall Street stockbroker decides to go off the grid completely

He’s had enough of that dog eat dog lifestyle and the stress and rat race of NYC.

So he buys a cabin in a remote part of the Adirondacks. Closest neighbor is miles away on a neighboring mountain. Pure solitude, nature, zero cell phone service, no electricity.

Months go by and he has ze...

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The world's press gathers...

...at a press conference announced by the team at CERN in Geneva. The CERN spokeswoman steps up to the speaking podium and smiles broadly at the assembled reporters, microphones and cameras. She begins to speak.

“Thank you all for joining us today. We have some major announcements to make...

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An Irish peasant

An Irish peasant named Kory Andrea grew up knowing nothing but potatoes. His dad farmed potatoes, and his dad farmed potatoes, all the way back a thousand years. He had spent the entirety of his first twenty years on this Earth farming and harvesting potatoes.

One day, as if suddenly, the pot...

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know if they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a litt...

A man ends up in a 30-year coma.

After waking up, he receives a phone call from his bank.

He hears: "Dear Mr. Johnson, we are sorry to say that due to recent economic events, the total value of your investment portfolio is $950 billion."

The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital bar to get a coffee as soon ...

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A man walks into work with a smile

Every morning, he walks in and passes the security guard with a great big grin on his face. One day, bleary eyed, the security guard asks him why he's so chipper every morning.

"Well, it's simple. Every morning when my alarm goes off, I rub my wife on the shoulder and say 'Blondie, Blondie, e...

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A frog

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."

I finally beat that boss!

...however, my co-workers aren't thrilled about it...

A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist [OC]

So, the multimillionaire is lying there on the couch, and he says, "I have this problem where I buy things. Big things, little things. It doesn't matter if it's a good deal or not. It doesn't matter whether or not I need it. It's the thrill of the purchase. In fact, yesterday I pulled out my wa...

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Junior Builder....

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She ...

A trip to the doctor...

Doctor: "You'll be thrilled to hear that you don't have cancer in your liver. It was all in your head!"

Me: "Oh great!"

Doctor: "No, brain cancer is way worse."

A man sees an ad in the paper

The ad reads "Guaranteed program to help you get fit!"

The man thinks to himself "you know, I can stand to lose a few pounds" and calls the number. A man answers the phone and says "thank you for contacting us. We offer 3 plans. The first is our lightest plan and the third is our most intens...

My son Anakin loves that I named all of our children after Star Wars characters

My daughter Chewbacca, however, is less thrilled.

The old shoemaker

Chet is going through his recently deceased father's stuff. He finds a twenty year old shoe repair claim ticket from Ginsberg's shoe repair.

Knowing that old man Ginsberg had been running his shop for over 30 years, Chet, on a whim decides to sees if he can claim his father's shoes.
...

Jim asks his formerly obese friend Phil how he has lost weight so fast

Phil replies, "I tell you my secret. There's this clinic I went to. They have a special program that makes you lose weight incredibly fast. Here's the address."



So next weekend Jim has his first appointment at the clinic. He is welcomed by the doctor who sends him upstairs to the firs...

A small local zoo is losing business because it has a terrible track record keeping its animals alive.

The customers are noticing the sickly animals and they're not coming back.

In a desperate ploy the zoo decides to hire a new position. They hire an ambitious young man to dress up as a gorilla.

"It's an easy job", they explain in the interview. "Climb up and down the ropes, swing on...

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My little nephew is going to grow up to be such an asshole.

Check this out, it’s his birthday a couple of weeks ago, and, being that his mother (my wife’s sister) doesn’t have much money, we decide to get him a really nice gift. You know, something a 7 year old kid would be thrilled with. So we buy him a full-size trampoline. This thing is like 10 feet acros...

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...

I don't know why.

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

"My brother was telling me he received a Valentines day card today"

"Awe, he must've been thrilled. "

"No, not really, it was from his cell mate. "

My wife got really mad when she found me kissing her twin during a drunken dance at a wedding.

He is not too thrilled about it either.

Prom

Prom was approaching at Central High School, and Doug needed a date. He got the nerve up to ask a popular and pretty girl, Susan, to prom. To his surprise, she said "yes." He was so excited, he went to a tuxedo shop that day to secure his rental. There was a very long line, as many other boys were r...

Dr. Amrak, superintendent of the Tidder School District, was nervous about the upcoming budget meeting.

All of the schools in the district needed new benches and tables in their cafeterias. Unfortunately, the Tidder Comets were in a difficult financial situation, and all of the estimates for the cafeteria furniture were way too expensive. One day before the big meeting, Dr. Amrak told his secretary,...

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors.

He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works.
He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive ...

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A man brings his young son to a bar...

... and orders a beer. The son asks "Daddy, can I have a beer too ?"

The father asks "Son, does your penis reach your asshole yet ?

- Well I don't think so no

- You can't drink then."

Then the father lights a cigarette. The kid asks "Daddy, can I smoke too ?

- Son,...

If life was like middle school

Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?

Criminal: Nope

Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum secu...

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A Christmas Joke

A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in s*x.
Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.
So she takes the pills home and puts o...

A woman gets accidentally pregnant as a teenager and ends up giving birth to twin boys...

Unfortunately, she is forced to give them up for adoption since she doesn't have the resources to support them, and the father wants nothing to do with them since he is a teenager himself. In the hope that she will get to see them some day, she leaves her personal information with the adoption agenc...

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Lovely Couple

An 81 year old man and his 80 year old wife are sitting together on the couch after celebrating their 60th anniversary. The mood is nostalgic.

Wife: "Do you remember what you thought the first time you saw me?"

Husband: "Yes, as clearly as if it was yesterday. I thought, 'gee I'd lik...

The Worst Bar on the Beach

Ben and his friends decided to visit the worst bar on the beach in Clearwater, FL.

The beer was warm, the food was bad, and the service was terrible. But all across the ceiling, various types of meet were displayed- turkey, bacon, ham, pork loin- you name it.

But Ben persevered and m...

I slept with a married woman on V day

Wife was thrilled, needless to say.

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As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent.

Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him
in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got
tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple of weeks wer...

The President of Ethiopia pays a visit to Moscow to meet Vladimir Putin

So the two sit down and discuss their politics when Putin says, "Hey, I'm bored, we have a fun little game we play here called Russian Roulette. We should play it."

"How do you play?" The President of Ethiopia asks.

"Easy, here's a pistol. It has a round and some empty slots. Point th...

A Classic!

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in af...

A guy drives by a bridge and was stopped by a police...

Police: Congratulations sir! You are the millionth car to drive by this bridge since its opening. Here is your lucky reward of $10,000.

A reporter in stand-by rushed in to interview the lucky driver.

Reporter: Congratulations on your win! Can you tell me how do you feel now, and what w...

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A man goes to see his urologist

about a problem he's having. "Well," says the doctor, "let's have a look at the little- Jesus Christ, that's quite the schlong you've got there!" - "Yeah, you see, it's 15 inches and scares the girls away. I'd really like to have it shortened by a few." The urologist contemplates the man's request s...

A blonde goes to court

A blonde goes to court.

Eventually the judge says: “I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole the 10000 US$.”

The blonde is thrilled: “Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?”

A blonde gets her car damaged in a hail storm

It's a mess. looks basically like a golf ball--dents everywhere. So she takes it to a body shop, and the technician sees she's blonde and decides to have some fun. He tells her that the fix is simple, that as soon as the tailpipe is cool, to blow into it and all the dents will just pop right out.<...

Three guys are in a hospital waiting room

Each of them has a wife in labor and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of their bundle of joy. The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations...your wife has given birth to twins!" The man says, "Wow, that is such a blessing. Twins! Imagine that! You know what's funny, though? ...

A man decides to ask out the quiet girl from town...

He shows up to her home and asks her mother to call for her. The only thing to do in their small town is a carnival in town so after a long quiet drive they make it to the fair. After walking around not talking the man, frustrated, asks her, "What did you have in mind for tonight?" She responds, "we...

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates.

Jesus says, "Congratulations, you've all made it to heaven. However, God decided to replace the stairway to heaven with a 100-mile highway. How loyal you were to your spouse in your life decides the quality of the vehicle you get."

The first man walks up to Jesus. He says, "I was completely l...

I went to a theme park today, but I honestly thought it was a waste of money.

If I wanted to wait ages for a quick thrill, I'd go home to my wife.

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

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On a cold night, during the Korean War, A young lieutenant arrives at a lonely Army camp.....

He was sent to replace the company commander who fell ill. The men greatly liked the old commander and weren't thrilled about getting a new one.. needless to say, the young lieutenant had a hard time fitting in but that didn't stop him from trying.
One night, while doing paper work, he saw severa...

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