UPJOKE
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Saber Jokes

What's the temperature of a light saber?

Warm Warm

(X post) Weaponized Saber-tooth cats would be a real menace.

They're armed to the teeth.

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are engaged in a light saber battle...

...when suddenly Darth grabs Luke by the tunic and pulls him close. "Luke, I know what you are getting for Christmas", he says to the young Jedi.

"How? How could you possibly know what I am getting for Christmas?" Luke says skeptically.

Vader replies: "Because, I felt your presents."

What do you call a bad saber picture on the internet?

Sword Art Online.

If you could save a child from a horrible disease and a lifetime of misery, or have a light saber...

what color would you pick?

A saber-tooth tiger arrives at a cave party

Where it's friends had been partying with a bunch of cave-people.

"I see I'm too late," says the tiger.

"Yup," says another. "Everyone's eaten"

English lord returns home and finds his wife in bed with her lover...

... He quietly leaves the room, and calls the butler:

\- John, could you please bring me my saber.

John brings the saber. The lord takes it and enters the bedroom. A few seconds later he comes out, wiping the saber with a handkerchief, and tells the butler:

\- John, please bring...

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

Bad VR star wars joke

So there's a guy playing at VR game his friend walks into the room and sees him swinging his hands around like he's swinging a lightsaber and he assumes he's playing beat saber and judging from the height of his swings there are a lot of low blocks his friend taps hin on the shoulder and says hey ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on his first day as a crewman of a pirate ship

A man is on his first brutal day as a crewman of a pirate ship. He is swabbing the decks, heaving ropes, and emptying pisspots. All the horrible jobs delegated the new sailor.

Then out onto the deck steps the meanest, crustiest, saltiest pirate captain you can imagine. He's got a peg leg,...

So Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are locked in their final showdown...

...light sabers are flashing, the balance is delicate, but suddenly Luke knocks Darth's weapon away. As it's skidding out of reach, Luke moves in for the final blow. Quickly, Darth holds up a hand and says "Luke, wait! I need to tell you something". Luke, sensing a trap, asks why he should do such a...

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals...

So a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The chieftain has them bound and brought to the village square, where he announces their fate. "For trespassing on our land," he says, "you will all be sentenced to death! You will be killed, skinned, eaten, and have your hides tann...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Summers goes to his 20th High school reunion...

He sees and old friend of his. The guy is wearing a 3 cornered hat, he's got a peg leg, a hook on his right hand, and a black patch over his left eye.

Summers says, "Robey, this is a reunion, not a costume party. What's up?"

Robey says, " Well I always said I wanted to be a pirate, and...

A man is in court

(Long but worth it)

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."
Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ...

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