Mourn Jokes - 72 Hilarious Mourn Jokes

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What do you call a boner at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

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My favorite pornstar died last night.

I woke up today with mourning wood.

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won’t take any part in it.

So wake me up when it’s all over

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Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am...

I'm not really a mourning person.

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Anna is Still in Mourning

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago and her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immed...

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash...

... Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says:

"Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you", she says to th...

I was mourning one of my friend in cemetery

and when leaving, I noticed a guy kneeling to a tombstone beside, he was extremely sorrowful, I’ve never seen a guy could cry like that.

I took a glance at him, but he didn’t noticed, he just kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”

So, I walked to him, and said, “Sorr...

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A rich Yorkshire man is mourning the loss of his dog

He decides to memorialize it by getting a cast made of it. He goes to a jewelers and asks for a gold statue making of its likeness. The jeweler asks, "Do you want it 18 karat?" He replies, "No, I want it chewin a bone, you daft cunt!"

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I got a boner when I read that my favorite porn star died

I had mourning wood.

I get erections at funerals. "Mourning wood," if you will.

It's hard to come up with an original erection joke. The competition is stiff.

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Why did Bilbo have a boner at his own funeral?

Because old Hobbits die hard.

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What’s a good title for necrophilia porn?

Good mourning.

Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.

"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the ro...

An 85 year old woman was mourning her husband's death.

She decided to commit suicide.

So she thinks about it, wondering "how do you kill an 85 year old woman?", and she comes to the conclusion that she would shoot herself with her husband's gun.

She pondered,"where would you shoot an 85 year old woman?" And she realized, "in the heart". ...

Joke (Dark) The widow in mourning.

My co-worker had just lost his wife.
After he came back to work, I went to speak to him and give my condolences.

Me: Really sorry to hear about your wife

Co-worker: It's OK, I will survive. This is not the first time it has happened.

I was surprised.

Me: Sorry, I did...

What is the status of a hippo that is mourning because of his recently passed wife?

In the Nile

looking for puns for my mourning grandmother

Hello r/jokes,

My 89 year old grandmother, Tash Tash, loves puns. My grandfather died on Friday and Tash Tash could a laugh. What are some of your favorite puns that I can share with her? A recent favorite of hers goes like this:

**What do you call and alligator in a vest?
An inv...

A man died and the whole country was in mourning

then it became the afternoon, followed by the evening and then the night.

A recent widow, Elizabeth, gets dressed up in her mourning cloths and goes shopping for the week

She's known the butcher for years and says "Every year my husband insisted on a turkey for Easter. But now that he's dead, I can have whatever I want! I was thinking I'd do a nice roast or maybe a meatloaf. Is that traditional?"

The butcher just shakes his head. "No, black Betty. Ham or lamb...

My brother is always grumpy at breakfast, I'm always happy at funerals

He's not a morning person, I'm not a mourning person

What is the Funeral Director's favourite drink?

He can't start his day without his *Mourning Coffee*.

I don't see how someone could mourn the loss of a Chinese dictator.

It just seems unbereaveable to me.

Everyone mourns our fallen heroes...

But I'm the only one who cried when I dropped my deli sandwich

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A Japanese teenager is mourning the death of his friends at a funeral

His grandpa, who was there with him, says “It’s been years since then.. mind if I say something?” The japanese guy says “Sure,”. The grandpa says “Za Warudo”.

“Thanks. That means the world to me”

2 old buddies mourning the loss of a friend

2 old friends are catching up at an old pal's funeral. One takes a moment to pause and finally asks the question.

"So... How'd it happen?"

To which the other responds.

"Well, as I understand it, he went to the doctor the other day and the doctor said he was 'as healthy as a hors...

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are working on a building site...

High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.

"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myse...

A mourning man goes to see Jesus

He walks up to messiah, eyes red from crying.

"Oh Jesus, he snivels", "I need you help. My father died and I ... I need you ..."

"My child, I am here for you, and I knew your father, he was a good man and is certainly in heaven now."

"Comforting as that is, Jesus, I ...

The villagers mourned the king and his jester after an unfortunate sewage accident.

The town casts down frowns when their crown and his clown drowned in the brown.

When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you...

Three friends are sitting in a bar drinking, when one turns to the others and asks, "When you die and you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy thinks and says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a grea...

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The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

Time passes. The patrons filter out. Eventually the bartender grows old. His children mourn him at his passing, and meet the grave in their turn. The city crumbles under the intrigues of time and war, and new cities lay their foundations upon the old. These, too, crumble. Humanity itself grows old, ...

Why didn't the widow attend the 9am funeral?

She wasn't a mourning person

It is always difficult for me to attend funerals

I suffer from a condition called mourning wood.

A woman named Lorraine Lee introduced her boyfriend, Frank, to her family for the first time.

As Frank greeted Mr. and Mrs. Lee, Lorraine's stunning sister, Claire, whispered something to him. Curious and suspicious, Lorraine decided to check on them and found Frank and Claire in bed together. Lorraine confronted Frank, who pleaded for another chance. Reluctantly, Lorraine agreed, but made i...

What illness gives you tears and heartache?

Mourning sickness.

The husband of the woman next door died.

The husband of the woman next door died. After the funeral, the widow shut herself inside the house for most of the day. The only time the widow would leave her home was at the crack of dawn, where she would stand outside and wail loudly in her yard until noon, before quickly retreating into her hom...

Lars, Sven and Ole were asked, “When you’re in your casket, and friends and neighbors are mourning you, what would you like them to say?”

Lars said, “I vould like dem to say dat I vas a vonderful husband, a fine spirtual leader, and a gut family man.”
. Sven said, “I vould like dem to say I vas a vonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in da lives of people.”
. Ole said, “I vould like dem to say, ‘Loo...

A very attractive nurse was working a hectic schedule of double shifts all week...

So she didn't really have time to do laundry. She had no clean underwear so she just figured she'd throw on some scrubs and head to work.

Her shift that day was a nightmare. She lost 3 elderly patients while she was in the room cleaning. She took a short break to mourn, then headed to care f...

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For years, my wife and I had sex as soon as we woke up. Sadly, she passed away.

Now I wake up every day with mourning wood.

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Two lovers of a recently deceased woman, both named Jack, attended her funeral.

They did not know about each other, nor the woman’s apparent penchant for lovers named Jack. They both, despite their typical emotional despondency, ended up caring for this woman over their respective affairs. Upon meeting and talking, at the reception, they realized they had both been played. Both...

Did you hear about the Asian guy who was so terrible that nobody mourned his death?

He was unbereaveable.

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Old Mr. Rutledge died peacefully in his sleep and was taken to the morgue.

While fixing him up for the funeral, the mortician naturally got a look at the old dead man naked. He was so awestruck at the size of Rutledge's penis that he called his assistant in. Wow, good on you, Mr. Rutledge! That thing's gotta be the size of a baseball bat!" the assistant commented.

L...

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My wife is yelling at me for having a boner at her mothers funeral

My response, “I can’t help it, it’s mourning wood”

Silly Dry Humor.

There were three brothers, Foot, Footfoot and Footfootfoot.

They were living their lives for years but someday Foot became gravely ill and died.After 1 month of mourning Footfoot said to Footfootfoot.

Brother it's been 1 month of mourning and crying over our brother's grave, I can't ta...

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For ...

I'm a "morning" person.

Every morning when I wake up, I'm mourning the fact that I'm no longer sleeping.

Two lawn workers were taking a break in the yard

From down the block they heard a familiar mournful tune coming from the local church.

"Guess there's a funeral in town today," one man said. "Wonder who died?"

The second man said "I'm not sure but usually it's the one in the coffin."

I was going to get up early to join the queue to pay respects to the Queen. But I slept in.

Guess I'm not a mourning person.

This guy is walking by a graveyard

He hears a guy moaning…

Why did you die?
Why did you die?

Why did you Die?????

The guy was disturbed and ran over?

I have to ask are you mourning a spouse ?

How about a child?

The man responded : no nothing like that.

Why did you die??? <...

What do you get when YouTubers Rhett & Link pass away?

Good Mythical Mourning

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Once upon a midnight dreary

Once upon a midnight dreary,

While I pron surfed,

Weak and weary,

Over many strange and spurious of ‘hot xxx galore’

While I clicked my fav’rite site,

Suddenly there came a warning,

And my heart was filled with a mourning,

Mourning for my dear amo...

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people.

I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

What does a necrophiliac get when he wakes up at the morgue? NSFW

Mourning wood.

I'm sorry.

Why do funerals always happen before noon?

It's the perfect time in the mourning

My mom had two conjoined sisters and both of their names were Andra. When they were murdered, I gave up joking.

And mourned my double entendres.

How do you greet people at a funeral?

"Good mourning!"

My preacher started a sermon with this joke the other week that was actually pretty funny and i thought i would share it with you guys

Alright so in this small rural town there lived two brothers. All of their lives they went around doing horrible things to people that ranged from Vandalism, Stealing, Battery, etc. One day one of the brothers dies and the other brother goes to the town preacher to arrange his funeral and asks him,<...

What is the scientific name of a Weeping Willow?

Mourning Wood

I was asked to deliver a eulogy at a funeral that is scheduled for 5:00am.

I had to decline. I'm not much of a mourning person.

What did Jesus say when he switched from Intel to AMD?

Do not mourn me for I have Ryzen.

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After My wife passed away it took a long time for me to be able to have sex with another woman.

I guess I had mourning wood.

Did you hear about the funeral that took place before lunch?

Some would say it was in the mourning.

A drummer needed a car, but only had $200

A drummer desperately needed a car, any car, to get to work, but he only had $200. He called his friend who owned a used car lot and explained the situation.

“You’re in luck,” the friend told the drummer. “I’ve got a brand new Jaguar. Runs great. Looks great. For you, only $200. One small pr...

A man goes to the vet

A man goes to the vet with his dog, and says "there's something wrong, I can't get her to wake up!"

So the vet brings the man to the examination room, and puts a stethoscope to the dogs chest and mournfully says "I'm sorry sir, your dog is dead"

The main sobs and says "isn't there anyt...

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The farmer and the neighbor boy (sorry for the mobile format)

This lonely farmer likes to sit on his porch his every mourning. One mourning, as he’s sitting there, a boy comes walking down the road carrying a giant roll of duct tape.

The farmer asks “what are you doing with so much tape?” The boy replies “this isn’t just any tape this is duck tape. I’...

These days I've been checking the news first thing in the morning.

Lately, it's been my mourning routine.

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(NSFW) A guy named Richard opens up a wooden coffin shop

He calls it Dick’s Mourning Wood

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Two whales.. John and Jenny are swimming in the ocean.

John is mourning the recent loss of his father who was killed by a whale fishing boat.

A few days later John and Jenny come across an similar looking Boat... with excitement John realizes that it’s the fishing boat that killed his father ... he is seeking revenge for the death of his father!...

Starbucks has starting to offer free drinks during funerals

They acknowledged the need for mourning coffees

Mayonnaise

In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.

But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans...

Three highly decorated police officers die

in a wild shoot-out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.

God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I...

what did the necrophiliac get at the funeral?

moUrning wood

W H E E E E E Z E ! ! !

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