Hearing Jokes

I keep hearing people say these SoCal earthquakes are being caused by the heat or as punishment for how we have been acting. I think they are wrong.

It is actually the San Andreas's fault.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey Mouse is standing in front of a judge at his divorce hearing.

The judge says "OK Mr. Mouse, let me get this straight. You want a divorce from Mrs. Mouse because she's *silly*?"

Mickey replied "No! I said shes fucking Goofy!"

I'm a Sikh and really tired of hearing "sikh" puns on any post related to Sikhs

I'm sikh of this joke.

I went to the doctor with hearing problems

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homer is fat, Lisa is smart and Marge has blue hair"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again...

The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked.

The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep hearing people say that vaccines will make you artistic

But I’ve had my shots every year since birth and I still can’t draw for shit!

I told my doctor, “I have a problem with the hearing in one of my ears.”

He said, “Are you sure?”

I said, “Yes, I’m definite.”

A man is talking to an elderly lady about her hearing aid.

The man asks, "That's a nice hearing aid, where did you get it?" The woman says it was the best out there, and was really expensive. The man asks what kind it is, and the woman checks her watch and says "It's 12:30 love!"

I sent my hearing aids in for repair last month.

I haven't heard from them since.

[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?

Inmate: It’s bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Why don’t people like hearing jokes about popcorn?

They’re too corny

Why did the bankrupt woman have hearing issues?

Her money was in arrears

I've always loved hearing the word tinnitus

It just has such a nice ring to it

I went to the doctor fearing I might be losing my hearing.

Good news! The doctor didn't have anything bad to say.

He didn't have anything good to say either.

Come to think of it, he didn't have anything to say at all.

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