UPJOKE
listeneardiscoverseecatchoverhearpick upfindeardrumlearnsoundtrymishearget wordfind out

I'm American, and I'm sick of hearing that America is the stupidest country in the world.

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world...

After hearing me sing, my music teacher said that I should be tenor.

Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.

A week ago I sent my hearing aid to be repaired...

I haven't heard anything since.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his hearing aid?

**WHAT?!?!**

Why did the jury cry at the molester’s hearing?

It was a very touching trial.

I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes.

They've all been done done.

Misunderstanding

An old man with hearing problems crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!” The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband notices that his wife’s hearing is deteriorating, and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.



“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and a...

Healing hearing

Leroy walks into a bar and finds the preacher there offering to pray for anyone. Leroy gets in line, and the preacher asks: "What can I do for you?" He replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear and prays with all his might. Finally,...

Man goes to confession, complaining of hearing voices

"Father, everyday I hear a voice telling me how bad I am, and chastising me for all the things I've done wrong in my life. Am I possessed?"

"No", says the priest, "just married".

The new associate pastor, nervous about hearing confessions asks an older priest to listen in.

Several penitents later, his mentor offers a few suggestions.“Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand,” he says. “Try saying things like, ‘I see, yes, go on. I understand. How did you feel about that?”The new priest tries out the words and gestures.

The old priest say...

what can you say at a funeral and a harrasment hearing?

"we are here today because this person touched us in some way"

A man is sitting alone at a bar when he hears a quiet whisper right next to him.

Seemingly out of nowhere, he hears, quietly but clearly, "Wow, you've got really great hair!" Confused, the man looks around for a moment and sees nobody else around him and concludes that he must be hearing things.

After sitting drinking his beer and snacking on some nuts at the bar for a wh...

When a cougar needs hearing aids, what is she now called?

A deaf leopard.

A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.

"Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear."

The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days."

The next morning, the priest requeste...

A old man thinks his wife is losing her hearing.

He calls the doctor about it and the doctor says he can do a little experiment to determine the severity, "Ask her a question from the next room in a normal tone of voice, and keep asking while coming closer until she can hear you. That way you know the
range of her hearing."

That night, h...

My grandma got a new hearing aid.

“It was $5,” she said.

“What kind is it?” I asked.

“Ten-o-clock.”

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.