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Actors Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

Edit: Apparently somebody posted this joke to Twitter in October and that makes me a piece of shit.

¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?

00Heaven

First the writers went on strike, now the actors …

who’s going to clear all the tables in Hollywood restaurants?

why do we tell actors to "break a leg"

because every play has a cast

The actors strike is delaying the release of Oppenheimer

That’s okay, it was probably going to bomb anyway.

Actors strike update: Kevin Bacon joins the picket line in sweltering Hollywood

He's going to sizzle out there

I visited the actors strike today

There was a lot of drama.

Top 5 highest Paid Black Actors

1. Terry Crews $800,000,000
2. Bill Cosby $400,000,000
3. Will Smith $350,000,000
4. Robert Downey Jr $300,000,000
5. Denzel Washington $280,000,000

Why can’t snooker players become actors?

They’ll miss their cue.

What do you call it when two actors are spying on each other?

thespianage

What do actors do when they make a mistake?

They react.

What has 12 writers, 20 actors, and 3 plots?

The Hallmark Channel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was going to be a great TV show about the Air Force, but one of the actors was accused of sexual misconduct…

so they cancelled the pilot.

Three action movie actors decided to do a movie about classical composers...

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good way to start a speech at a pornography actors Christmas party…

“You know guys, we’ve been through so much this year, that we really ARE family!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some porn actors are like major Hollywood stars.

They receive backend revenue for their films.

How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. They hold on the bulb, and the world revolves around them.

Why are motion capture actors no longer allowed to pick the tightest fitting mocap-suit?

Because it constantly turned on the cameras.

Trump quits US actors' union

Makes sense, why stay with a union after quitting your career in showbusiness?

Who are the two most impunctual actors in Hollywood?

Jenny S’late and Christian S’later

Why are chickens the cheapest voice actors?

They only charge a buck, a buck a buckaw.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just found out that the Oscars is a big fucking lie all the way along

Those people they invite to their ceremonies are all paid actors

I know a film director that only hires overweight actors and actresses, even if they're terrible.

I think it's flabbercasting.

I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.

I said I’m sure they’re fine, it’s just a stage they’re going through.

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who’s gonna be who

RDJ said “I’ll be Beethoven” and Hugh Jackman said “I’ll be Freddie Mercury” and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said “I’ll be Bach”

Does anyone know of any actors that can help cure my lisp?

I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.

A shout out to Jussie Smollette

On hiring black actors for what has been a traditionally white role.

1. What do you call a fight between celebrity actors? ( more)

1. **What do you call a fight between celebrity actors?**

**Star Wars!**



**2. What do you call a man with two pieces of wood on his head?**

**Edward Woodwood!**



3. **What do you call a pig that knows karate?**
**Pork chop!**


4....

One of my favorite actors is Mark Ruffalo, but I’ve always wondered...

How many buffalo could Mark Ruffalo buffalo, if Mark Ruffalo could buffalo buffalo?

Three dead improv actors are told that only those who died a horrible death are allowed to enter Heaven due to overcrowding

So, the first thinks for a second and then explains to St. Peter that he got home and found his wife naked in bed in the middle of day. Suspecting adultery, he had searched their 10th floor apartment until he finally found a man hanging from the balcony by his finger nails.

Overcome with jeal...

Why don't gymnasts make much money as actors?

They normally perform non-speaking rolls

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

only one cause they don't like to share the spot light

Where do actors that don't pay taxes perform?

in the audit-orium

Have you heard about the troupe of actors who supported themselves by making and selling camel milk cheese?

The called themselves the Drama Dairy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the exasperated porn director say when his actors finally showed up on set?

It's about fucking time!

“The Irishman” stars Italian actors and I think I know why...

...the Irish actors were too hungover to make it to set on time.

Some famous actors decide to make a movie about classical musicians

They immediately begin to claim roles.

Robert Downey, Jr. says “I’ll be Mozart.”

Nicolas Cage says “I’ll be Beethoven.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach!”

Jussie Smollett paid two black actors to beat him up,

when Liam Neeson would have done it for nothing.

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