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Monologue Jokes

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips.

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My school was performing the Vagina Monologues last week...

I knew something fishy was going on.

Disturbance in church

A priest talks to a man who visits church religiously every sunday with his wife. The wife tends to fall asleep during his monologue and starts snoring rather loudly, and he'd like the husband to do something about it. They decide to use a knitting needle, where the husband would poke her when the p...

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through his monologue without laughing.

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college

My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

I'm looking for a joke

I heard a monologue once on the radio here in the UK.

The monologue is in a film noir style and I'm pretty sure it starts with "I was working on a case. I was working on a case because I couldn't afford a desk" and has other lines such as "A tall Blonde walked past the window, I knew she was ...

My dyslexic support group held a slam poetry competition

Doug got first with a great piece about racial tensions in America.

Anna got second with a touching monologue about women's rights.

I got third by smashing an urn.

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Guy bets a quarter that he can make his friend's boob move without touching them.

She, of course, calls BS on that, despite the dude's extensive monologue on how this is knowledge has been passed down generation after generation, father to son, since the dawn of, well, you get the picture. But she's still having none of it. However, he persists elaborating on and on over the myst...

Useful Metric Equivalents

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 m...

In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library.

Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.

-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014

The tale of the clever dog

Once upon a time, a plane crashed inside a tropical islands little jungle. A dog, being the last passenger alive, decides to abandon the plane in hopes of finding a way out of the jungle.

While walking in the jungle, the dog notices a tiger behind it. The riger not knowing that the dog is awa...

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The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

A famous film director announces that he wants to make a movie called The Life of Frank Sinatra...

... He also announces, in a strange twist, that he'll be holding open auditions for the lead role. Now this young, up-and-coming actor hears about this chance, and thinks to himself, "Oh man, this is my chance for a big break!" So he hires the best acting coach he can find and goes to him with some ...

The camping story

A couple of years ago I went out camping in the woods with a few of my friends. It was a dark and stormy night, and we felt very alone in our little tent, so we started telling scary stories.

I described how the hills we were in used to be coal mining country, and the coal mines were dark and...

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