Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.

Props to him

I am a huge fan of R.E.M did you see the photo I got with them backstage after their concert,

that’s me in the corner...

Houdini has just finished a magic show and walks backstage, only to be grabbed roughly, knocked out, and tied up.

When he wakes up, he's in an abandoned warehouse, and a man in a ski mask is standing over him, a sheep by his side. The sheep is using its teeth to tie him up with a very strong rope, which confuses him. Houdini smiles, remembering that he can get out of any knot known to man. He tries to untie the...

My friend and I were backstage with band U2 and two other people.

I said “hey look, I’m here with u2, you two, and you too!”

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A mercurial rocker hands out backstage passes...

A mercurial rocker of a popular band was known to give out many backstage passes. Now this happens all the time in the music industry; however this rocker always handed out the same pass to many women, and never changed it. The pass was for Tulsa OK, and he'd give out the large TULSA backstage pas...

A lead singer gets blown by a big fan backstage at the end of a concert and all the band members find him naked.

Group: Ewww! Get a room!

Singer: I would if you could fit three blades the size of a jet engine into my living room!

Marcel Marceau and Charlie Chaplin were booked to perform at a benefit.

Naturally since they were both silent performers, their acts relied purely on physical humor. The night of the performance they were backstage comparing notes and discovered they had planned to do almost the same bits: man stuck in box; man pulling rope; man walking against the wind; etc.

I ...

Why the long face?

There’s a horse in middle school, he doesn’t really have anything going for him, he’s watching MTV, sees jimmy hendrix playing, wants to be like him, asks his parents for a guitar, they deliberate but then give him one, he plays, gets really good, then gives up
Few years later, he’s in high schoo...

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An actor gets his first big break...

"Hark, for yonder art thou cannon," the actor states. The part only had the one line.

The director looks excited. "Perfect!" he yells. "You have the job."

"Awesome, when do-" the actor starts before being interrupted by 2 large security guards. They pick him up by the arms and legs and...

A man was studying to be a filmmaker...

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap...

In 1964, a couple of former St. Louis Cardinals baseball stars were on vacation in Wales....

Red Schoendienst and Stan Musial decided to head to the UK on vacation with their wives after the 1964 Major League Baseball season. The two had retired as players the year before and had just finished their first full season as members of the staff - Musial as vice president, Schoendienst as a coa...

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A number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims.

At this point, you must understand two things:

1. There's a long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather ...

A Sports Medicine Physician went to Wrestlemania one year to study the rate of concussions among the performers.

While backstage, he bumped into John Cena, and asked him if any of the matches qualified for Continuing Medical Education credit.

The Doctor of Thuganomics looked the physiatrist dead in the eyes; paused, then slowly replied: "No. You can't CME."

A blonde goes onto a game show.

The game show goes something like this: There are 3 contestants and 100 jokes that the host tells. Once a contestant laughs at one of the jokes, they are out. If one of the contestants gets through all 100 jokes without laugh, they win a million dollars.

So the 3 contestants are a blonde, a b...

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My wife made me some novelty tickets to exchange for sexy times.

Sadly she didn't make me any backstage passes.

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The terrible 2nd place prize

A girl enters a game show that allows her to win a trip to space and visit the cosmos at the furthest regions of our solar system. The girl must compete in games related to space and physics to determine if she’s got what it takes to go.

After hours of grueling physical and emotional trauma t...

The daughter of a melon farmer and a travelling musician met one day and fell in love at first sight

The woman’s name was Angie, a beautiful, red-haired woman with a smile so magnetic and radiant one couldn’t help but fall head-over-heels; the musician’s name was Zachary, a strapping, young lad with flowing, blonde hair and broad shoulders, just wide enough to give him a powerful physique yet not i...

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A traveling salesman is passing through a small town.

He sees a sign for a circus. At the bottom it says “See the amazing Goldstein”. He has some time to kill, so he figures what the hell and stops in. It’s the usual dog and pony show until the very end, when there’s a drum roll, the lights go out, and a single spot shows a table in the center ring w...

The Rhyming Competition

The was a very classy rhyming competition and after a long day of working through the brackets there were only two contestants left.
While his opponent waited in a sound-proof room backstage, the defending champion takes the podium. His name is Preston Hughs, a scholar, gentleman, and has many of...

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The Silent Debate

Note: This is a joke best told in person by somebody who's not afraid to go all out with gesticulations and accents.

The silent debate was a yearly event that was the Super Bowl of the intellectual world. It was watched live by tens of thousands, and broadcast on countless major networks. Fo...

New Job.......

Barry is seated at a small table in a warmly lit coffee shop sipping coffee.
Barry’s friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. (Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.) He spots Barry and joins him at the table.
BARRY: Did you find a job?
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a...

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Supreme Court.

The US Supreme Court was just chilling out backstage when suddenly Justice Roberts is like "oh guys my favourite blow job is when she cups my balls with both hands" .

Justice Scalia is like "John, you crazy, it's really important that one hand is on the shaft".

"Shut it Antonin you d...

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