A w‌‌oman w‌‌as h‌‌aving a‌‌n a‌‌ffair w‌‌hile h‌‌er h‌‌usband w‌‌as a‌‌t w‌‌ork.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay s‌‌he w‌‌as i‌‌n b‌‌ed w‌‌ith h‌‌er b‌‌oyfriend w‌‌hen, t‌‌o h‌‌er h‌‌orror, s‌‌he h‌‌eard h‌‌er h‌‌usband’s c‌‌ar p‌‌ull i‌‌nto t‌‌he d‌‌riveway.

“Oh M‌‌y G‌‌od –‌‌ H‌‌urry! G‌‌rab y‌‌our c‌‌lothes,” s‌‌he y‌‌elled t‌‌o h‌‌er l‌‌over.“‌‌And j‌‌ump o‌‌ut t‌‌he w‌‌indow. M‌‌y h‌‌us...

Cardi B was hosting a private pool party...

With music bumping, and social media blowing up with post about where it was, tons of fans were trying to get in, but bouncers turned them all away unless Cardi B gave approval herself.

As the party reached its peak, screams started coming from the pool and everyone rushed out getting water ...

My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.

It was a real pane in the asp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cleopatra had it all: perfect tits, a tight little waist, legs that didn't quit...

...and an absolutely killer asp

Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?

I'm pretty sure he has Asp burgers.

A young man wanted to know the secret of life. So he asked a pair of wise, immortal, dolphin-like creatures. The dolphins told him they'd share their wisdom, but only if the young man completed their quest.

"First," said the male dolphin, "you must venture out into the forest and locate the Golden Mina Bird. Place it in this magical bag" -- and the dolphins handed him a golden, silk bag made of the finest materials -- "and make your way to the edge of the forest."

"There, you will come to the De...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man bought his wife sexy lingerie for Women's Day...

Seventy-five year old Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for his wife for Women’s Day.
Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvi...

The obligatory "cattle guard" joke for the next president

Stolen from [Snopes](http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/cattleguards.asp)

For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), t...

Poverty and Chastity

In January I spent a couple of days at a Benedictine monastery in California. It was a gorgeous place, with a courtyard garden full of fragrant orange trees and a retreat house full of antiques. When I first came through the door, one of the brothers glided up to me and said, "I know what you're thi...

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