Glimpse Jokes - 63 Hilarious Glimpse Jokes

Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.

The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.

He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!

"Must be a cat." He moves on.

Kicks the second sack: Woof! Wo...

My first joke on reddit. Hope it hasn't been told too often

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. he told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them.
one foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him.
the robber asked if anyone else had seen his face.
one customer, gazing ...

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A vicar was visiting one of his parishioners one afternoon, but when he knocked on the door there was no answer although he thought he caught a glimpse of her through the frosted glass.

So he wrote on a postcard "Revelation 3:20" >!Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone opens to me, I will come in !<and went home.

Later he heard his postbox rattle, but when he went, there was no-one at the door, only his card from earlier on which was now written "Genesis 3:1...

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Boob itch

A boyfriend walks in on his girlfriend scratching her breast. Delighted that he caught a glimpse of such a rare occurrence, he cries, "Boob itch!"

His girlfriend turns to him, slaps him in the face, and says, "Don't call me that! And you didn't scare me."

A leopard is walking through the jungle when he sees a lost dachshund in the distance...

He stealthily begins to stalk up on him, intent on making a meal of him. However, the dachshund catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye. Knowing that there's no way he can win a footrace against a leopard, he decides to employ other tactics; he sits down by a nearby pile of bones. Once...

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Young man moves into an apartment block….

On the first day he discovers the neighbour across the hall is a stunningly beautiful girl with a gorgeous body.

One day he’s just about to enter his apartment and his neighbour opens her door, she is just wearing a black lace negligee with matching panties, he can’t help but stare.

S...

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One ...

An arrogant boss

The secretary saw that her boss' zipper was open when he walked out of the bathroom.

Hey boss, "Your garage door is open."

The arrogant boss walked real close to her and said, "I hope you got a good look at my Ferrari."

The witty secretary quickly said, "No, but I did get a glim...

Idk if this is a repost but here goes

A psychiatrist is talking to one of his most difficult patients. "Let's go back to what you said last time, about how all of your troubles began, what was it, a year ago?"

"Sure thing, Doc. Well, as I said, I had gotten into the Airbnb scene at the time, and I had a couple of, "tenants", as i...

A masked burglar goes in to a bank

He goes to the teller, points a gun to her face and says "This is a robbery! If anybody moves or tries any funny business, they get shot!"
The teller then reaches over the counter and grabs the mask, revealing the face of the burglar.
The burglar says "you've seen my face!" and shoots her dead...

A mathematician was interviewing for a job

A mathematician was interviewing for a job. The interviewer asks him - "You are walking towards your office and running late for a very important meeting and you glimpse a building on fire with people screaming for help. What will you do?".
The mathematician thinks for a while and replies : "Peop...

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The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

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Dave was in love with Wendy...

As a sign of his devotion he got her name tattooed on his willy, just before asking for her hand in marriage. Now, when he was flaccid only the first and last letters of Wendy's name were visible. That night in bed Wendy noticed the "Wy" tattooed on his member. Upon inquiring Dave about it, he becam...

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There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

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Like father, almost like son.

Little 8-year-old Jimmy was getting ready for school in the morning, when he decided to go see what his dad was doing. He walked into his parents' room only to find that his dad wasn't quite dressed yet. He had his robe on, but it wasn't fastened and hung loose.

Little Jimmy glimpsed at h...

I finally figured out what to get my girlfriend for her birthday.

It's an antique German grandfather clock with a really nice espresso finish. I already know she will love it. I caught a glimpse of her search history last week and she's been trying to find a big black clock.

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My dad walked in on me whilst masturbating.

I caught a glimpse but I never saw him coming.

A man is sitting in his sports car at the traffic lights when a little girl on a bike asks him if he wants to race

"Sure," the man laughs. The light turns green and he floors the pedal. The car takes off like a shot and he leaves the little girl in the dust.

A few seconds later though, he sees something gaining on him in his mirror, *fast.* He just barely catches a glimpse of the little girl on her bike a...

A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp ... [long]

A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp.

He was urinating on one of the camp’s flowerbeds when he was arrested and given a punishment to move a pile of some 1000 bricks from a shed to a nearby site on the camp where some construction ...

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Wonder woman

Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

Superman was g...

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A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happines...

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Sexy Neighbor

A guy is talking to his buddy one day and he tells him "man, there's this new girl that moved in next door. She's drop dead gorgeous, but I can't go talk to her because every time I see her I get a raging boner. Rock hard every time I get a glimpse of her. I can't go talk to her like that, she would...

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If you have the time, here is Norm Macdonald's moth joke as presented in his book, "Based on a True Story".

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist says. What's the problem?

The moth says, where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vasilovich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one ...

Two guys are sleeping in the woods...

Two campers are sleeping in the woods, Bob and Jim. Bob wakes up his friend: "Hey Jim, wake up. Look up at the stars and tell me what you see."  

Jim: Well, I see a cloudless sky which will likely lead into a dry and balmy morning. I see that the North star is visible, meaning we are...

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A man vacationing in Jamaica goes to the bathroom, and notices a local at an adjacent urinal ... [nsfw]

Catching a glimpse as he walks up, he sees the name "Wendy" tattooed on the man's penis. A bit shocked he remarked, "Hey, Wendy is my girlfriend's name too! But, I don't think I'd love her enough to tattoo her name on my penis. Didn't it hurt?"

"Nah, man," the Jamaican smirked.

A bit t...

A married couple goes on safari....

A married couple goes on safari in Africa. Upon their arrival, they're greeted by a guide who shows them around as they explore the landscape and catch glimpses of the wildlife.

In the distance, however, there is a constant tribal drumming that continues day and night, without stop. It go...

An American, an Englishman and a Norwegian are sitting in a pub ...

An American, an Englishman and a Norwegian are sitting in a pub arguing on which of them are the best.

The American says "Well, when our Air Force is in the air, they are so massive you cannot even see a glimpse of the sky between them!".

"Thats nothing!" says the Englishman, "when our...

A young man's truck breaks down in rural Georgia right next to a farm

After trying (and failing) to fix his truck, he decides to ask the farmer if he can spend the night at his house. The farmer reluctantly agrees, saying "The only room I have available is across from my 18 year old daughter's room. I don't want to see you trying anything." As the farmer leads the you...

13...13....13....

A guy is walking by a mental institute and hears a voice inside that keeps repeating "13, 13, 13, 13..."

After a while he stops and wonders what in the world the guy is doing, he starts walking towards the wall and he keeps hearing it "13, 13, 13, 13".

After trying to jump and catch a...

A penguin is driving through the Arizona desert when his car breaks down

He pulls into a nearby mechanic station in search of assistance.

The mechanic catches a quick glimpse of the car and tells the penguin, "I'll go ahead and check it out. Come back in about 30 minutes and I'll have a diagnosis for you."

"Alright then," replies the penguin as he waddles o...

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Stormy Seas Ahead

Officer Lanvin was saying his goodbyes to his family because his vessel, the HMCS Beauregard was taking to the ocean for a 6 month long mission.

Through teary eyes, he waved to his family, uncertain about the future, wanting to cherish the view of them waving to him because it would be so lon...

A man goes for a walk...

and as he walks he approaches the local mental institution, on the other side of the wall he can hear the patients chanting "3! 3! 3! 3!". His curiosity has been piqued by all the commotion coming from within so he decides to take a glimpse through a hole he sees in the wall, as he bends down and pe...

In the 1950's ol' Joe died and approached the gates of heaven

Being his natural self, he brought his ol' trusty gun with him.
Saint Peter greets him and says:
"You cannot enter heaven with a gun, my son"

Obviously ol' Joe is pretty upset and walks in circles trying to figure out what to do and actually manages to catch a glimpse through the gate...

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4 nuns....

4 Nuns (Mary, Clarence, Enid and Steph) were involved in a horrific car crash that killed them all

Next thing they knew they were all standing in front of the pearly gates with St Peter greeting them with a friendly smile.

As they drew closer Peter said “Before I can let you pass into ...

The Russian pretzel

Three Americans were up against a very large Russian in a wrestling meet. They were nervous because he had a famous move called "The Russian Pretzel," which often landed his opponents in the hospital.

When the first American caught a glimpse of him, he said, "Coach, he's HUGE. I'm scared."...

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Change of Heart

A young couple who recently met are on a date in the park late one evening. They're getting ready to go home, but before they get in their car, the girl says she has to take a pee.

They don't see any public toilets. So the guy, being a gentleman, leads her to a nearby bush and tells her to d...

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The Invitation

A writer decides to get away from it all so he can finish his novel undisturbed, so he rents an isolated cabin way up in the mountains and takes up residence in it. His closest neighbor is several miles away, but he does catch a glimpse of him from afar once in a while, when the neighbor is out hunt...

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So an American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom...

An American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom. They step up to the urinals next to each other and undo their trousers. The Jamaican man happens to glance over to his side while going about his business and catches a glimpse of the American man's member. He notices a f...

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The tenant calls furiously his landlord...

Puzzled by the call, the landlord goes to the tenant's house and knocks the door. As the door opens, he glimpses next to the roof a small fish moving its tail gracefully.

**Tenant**: Oh here you are, how dare to ask such a rent for this crappy house??

**Landlord**: I'm not following yo...

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Woman was at the hairdresser

Hairdresser was making small talk, “what’s new?” She says.

The woman replies, “ I am about to go on vacation. I’ve been saving for years and next week I leave .”

“Flying or driving?” Asks the hairdresser.

“I’m flying Jet Blue”.

“Jet Blue? They’re awful. The seats are t...

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Carl woke up.

It was 1 hour before dawn again. He always woke up early these days.
Carl was a lone survivor. It had been 2 years 3 months and 5 days since the start and he was still going strong, he guessed he was just lucky.

He was down to his last bullet. Ammo had practically run dry about a year ...

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

A message to the people of the Moon

In 1968, NASA was testing equipment to be used for Moon missions. They went to the Arizona desert to perform their tests.

While tests were in progress, an old Chief approached a NASA engineer to ask questions through his grandson, acting as interpreter.

"The Chief wants to know what ex...

Once upon a time there was an egg...

This egg was very smart, even at a very young age he decided to be the most successful chicken in the world! During his chick years he was so hardworking and competitive that he was always top of the class and graduated a couple of months younger than his peers. Of course, naturally he was accepted ...

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So two guys are driving in the middle of nowhere...

And their car breaks down.

They had no cell service, so they started walking. Eventually they come upon a house surrounded by fields of fruit. They knock on the front door and say to the man who answered the door. "Hey man, our car broke down a couple miles back and it's getting late. Do you ...

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Behold the bacon tree...

Three young solders are huddled behind a rock prepping to go and face the onslaught of fire ringing around them, when suddenly the world plunges into silence that not even the birds disturb. It's almost peaceful for a moment, if it weren't for the threat just beyond thier protective boulder.
The ...

A man visits a chicken farm.

A man visits a chicken farm to buy some eggs. He knocks on the farmhouse door, the farmer opens it and invites him in. After picking out a box of a dozen eggs, the man caught a glimpse of a golden shine coming through a slightly opened door to his left. The man asks the farmer about the light and is...

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get over here!

"You know, I went fishing up on Warwoman this weekend and saw something I ain't never seen before in my life... I was just driving along mindin' my own business... I guess I was doin' about 40 at the time, and I caught a glimpse of something in the rear view mirror... Next thing I know, I looked up ...

The carnival is in town so Bruce invites Garry to spend a romantic warm summer evening with him wandering around the attractions.

Bruce wins a Cupie doll and gives it to Garry. They eat corndogs and cotton candy and both of them are thinking this is the best night of my life.
Then they come across the giant ferris wheel and Garry says “lets go on that big wheel it’s my all time favourite ride in the world.”
Bruce says “...

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A farmer has 1000 chickens.

He keeps them all in a large barn behind his house. He makes a comfortable living from selling their eggs. One day, however, the chickens' egg production drops off sharply. Days and weeks go by, and the chickens continue to lay fewer and fewer eggs. Worried for his livelihood, the farmer makes a num...

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida. They settle in a small little house. The neighbors are a little skeptical, being their race and all, so they keep an eye out on their plot for a few days. To his suprise, he sees that the family is one of th...

A Day in the Life of a Cheerio

One day in Cheerio City, an ordinary young Cheerio started his day. He decided to get a job. He was nearing his sell by date and figured it was time. There are three social classes in Cheerio City: the Regulars, the Wheats, and the Frosteds. The young Cheerio was simply a Regular and had little to n...

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The ladder to success.

A man is walking home from work one day and passes by a ladder against the side of a building. A strange looking individual in a croaky voice says to him, "would you like to climb the ladder to success?"

"What a silly pun!" Said the man, "I'm in no hurry, why not!"

So the man starts c...

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Robin Hucking

I once knew a guy named Robin. Robin Hucking. Yes, Robin. He hated his name. Everyone called him Hucking, or Huck.

Great guy. Best friend I ever had. Right up to the day he died.

Hucking did have one problem. He was a high rise construction worker with a bad case of acr...

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NSFW A guy goes to get his girlfriend a dog for her birthday.

This guy's girlfriend wants a dog for her birthday. He decides he's going to treat her, and heads too a local dog breeder. He says, "I want to buy a dog for a girlfriend". He looks at a few of the various breeds, asks how much one of their cute puppies cost. The man replies, "$1,500 plus shots." He ...

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Leprechauns do exist

A man walks into the men's bathroom to take a piss. Low and behold, after a few seconds into relieving himself a very short man walks in and begins peeing in the urinal next to him. Curious about the little fellow, the man looks over the wall separator and tries to get a glimpse of the smaller man's...

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Once upon a time, there was a sand dune with legs.

Duney they called him, truly one of a kind - a war hero of great accomplishment and honour, until that one fateful night.

It was 7PM, and the sun's glow was falling. Duney was exhausted, stumbling with his gun's barrel scraping along the desert's sand.
That was when Duney's world entered ...

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Jim was suspicious that his wife had been cheating on him. He took off from work early to see if he could catch her in the act. Driving up to his apartment Jim caught a glimpse through an open window of a strange man walking around in his dining room. Now convinced his wife has been unfaithful, J...

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The Saved Man and the Clairvoyant

DISCLAIMER: I'm pretty sure I had read this joke here before, but I was reminded of it today so I'm going to "pay homage" to it by doing my best recital of it. It's long.

A man walks into a pub, orders himself a pint, and sits at a small table in the corner by himself. He enjoys his beer for...

No place like home...

Tom had lived in New York City for 30 years now. As he looked out the window of his office suite, he realized it was Christmas Eve.

He had been so absorbed with the company business and without a family of his own, had really not been paying attention to the holidays. As he stared at t...

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A man isn't happy with the size of his... [long]

John has a date planned with a very attractive young lady in a few weeks, and he's a bit nervous.

You see, John is a fairly successful single man. He's got good looks, money, a luxurious loft apartment, and a convertible sports car. You can be sure that all of the ladies want him, but of all...

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An old joke a good friend of mine told me.

There was a traveller going for a drive through some deep dark woods. At around 3 AM, he found an inn to stay at for the night. He went up to the front counter and asked the manager if he has a room available. "Yes, we have one more room up for rent. It's 10 bucks a night, you interested?" He takes ...

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When I was 10

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumb...

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