UPJOKE
stoppolicecrimeseizurecapturejaildetentionprisonimprisonmentdetainapprehendapprehensionnabcopcatch

Arrested Jokes

A Serb, a Croat and a Bosniak are arrested in Iran for drinking alcohol.

The court sentences them to 10 whip lashes each, but everyone is allowed to make a special request beforehand.

First up is the Serb. "I request a pillow strapped on my back!" he says. After 2 lashes it rips apart and his back gets completely torn open.

Second up is the Croat. "I reques...

I got arrested at the airport last week...

Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.

Police arrested two kids yesterday

one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.

I was arrested for drinking battery acid.

But I wasn’t charged.

Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes

As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.

My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed

I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was

I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety

...before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything

Did you hear they arrested the devil?

Yeah, they got him on possession.

Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs..

I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber

A man was arrested and taken to an interrogation room

He says to the police officer, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."

"You are the lawyer," says the policeman.

"Exactly, so where's my present?"

Why was the piano teacher arrested?

He kept fingering A minor.

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

Why was the child’s blanket arrested?

For being an accessory to a kid napping.

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got arrested for killing a black man.

They charged me with impersonating a police officer.

I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician!

I was just sitting there doing nothing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arrested for being too good in bed!

My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"


After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.

I tried to start farming crows, until I was arrested.

They charged me with attempted murder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Army officer was arrested completely nude, chasing a woman through a hotel lobby.

His lawyer was shrewd and got him freed on a technicality. Army regulations specifically state an officer need not be in uniform, provided he is properly attired for the activity in which he is engaged.

The creator of winrar is arrested

His trial is expected to last forever

A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. How...

A man was arrested for telling a joke which called Vladimir Putin stupid.

He was tried and sentenced to 15 years and 3 months in a work camp.


When asked about the strangely specific sentence, the judge explained that he gave 3 months for insulting the president, and 15 years for divulging state secrets.

What was the cat arrested for?

Charges of purr-jury

I got arrested at Target for stealing a kitchen utensil once.

It was a whisk I was willing to take.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the man arrested for sexual relations with a sheep?

He's no longer on the lam.

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

my friend was arrested for stealing luggage from airport, his trial didn't last more than an hour

It was a brief case

An actor suffering from dementia just hit my car. I got him arrested..

As he was getting arrested he kept saying “do you know who I am???”

A man took a dark photograph and was arrested

He was charged with indecent exposure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay

They arrested me

Two guys were arrested for stealing a calendar

they each got six months.

I'm so sorry....

Three ducks got arrested and had to go to court

The first duck gets up on the stand, the judge says "Tell me your name and what you did wrong." The first duck says "my name is Quack, and I got busted for blowing bubbles in the pond." Judge says "Ok, you go to jail for 3 days."

The second duck gets on the stand and the judge asks the same t...

Why was the Movie Director arrested?

He made a huge scene in public.

What was the chef arrested for?

>!For a salt and batter!<

I went to the store and got arrested because of a simple misunderstanding.

When the lady at the register said strip down facing me, it turns out she was talking about my credit card.

Recent political joke circulating in China

Three men who don’t know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.

The first man said: “I opposed covid testing.”

The second man said: “I supported covid testing.”

The third man said: “I administered the covid tests.”

Three men are in prison in Soviet Russia...

... And they start explaining how they wound up in prison.

The first man says, "I was five minutes late to work, so I was arrested for sabotaging Soviet productivity."

The second man says, "I was five minutes early so I was arrested for espionage, spying on Russian industrial secrets."...

I was arrested for illegal fishing even though there was clearly no "fishing prohibited" sign...

...apparently that's "very clear" if you're in a hotel lobby with an aquarium.

Why was the mime arrested?

He committed an unspeakable crime

My friend was arrested for spray painting graffiti and he tried to deny it.

But…the writing was on the wall.

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose?

Arrested apparently

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey was arrested

A monkey was arrested today when he started throwing flaming feces at zoo employees. Three of the zoo employees were rushed to the hospital with turd debris burns.

An elderly woman is arrested for stealing a can of peaches and is brought before the judge.

The judge asks: "How many peaches were in the can?"

The elderly woman replied: "Six, Your Honor."

Judge: "In that case, you will go to jail for six days, one for each peach."

Her husband raises his hand and says:

"Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."

A student got arrested for taking home parts from the human anatomy lab

He said he was just trying to keep abreast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You are being arrested by the silent orgasm police!

Please come quietly

Why did the duck get arrested?

He got caught selling quack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the mule farmer get arrested?

He had his ass out in public.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.