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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

An Englishman, Frenchman, American and Mexican are on a plane…

Plane starts going down and the pilot yells “we need to cast off weight to make a landing but there is only one parachute!”

So the Brit decides to be valiant and be the first to jump. “God save the Queen!” and he jumps out.

The Frenchman follows suit: “Vive le France!” and out he goes....

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?

Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the statue of liberty?

Of course. The statue of liberty cant jump.

How do you spell 'Liberty' in Russian?

'G U L A G'

Once an American, a French and an Indian were travelling in an airplane.

To find out where they have reached, the American stretched his hand out of the plane and said, "We have reached America".

The other two asked how for which he replied,"Well my hand hit the Statue of Liberty".

Next the French stretches his hand out and said,"We have reached France"....

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A literal version of 'your joke, but better': I got a tattoo of my girlfriend's name on my penis...

...in full, the tattoo says "FOR AMY" on it.

So I went to a bar, had a few drinks, went to take a leak, and noticed the guy next to me had "FOUR EARTH" tattooed on his.

I couldn't help but laugh and say to him "First off, you misspelled "FOR", secondly, you really think you'll get ever...

Why do so many Incels take a tour to the Statue of Liberty?

So they can finally get into a woman.

Jerry Falwell Jr is leaving Liberty university...

he says he wants to spend more time watching his family.

The statue of unity and the statue of liberty walk into a bar

"So buddy", asks the statue of unity "How's the liberty in your country"?

"Same as unity in yours"

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The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

From my fiancée: Once upon a time, there was a gal who lived in Liberty, OH.

She followed her dream of becoming a fashion designer and opened a store with her own fashion line.

There was a cranky old guy living down the street who absolutely loathed her work, and every day he would come to the store and publicly denounce whatever was in the window.

Then, he mov...

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An American, a Chinese and an Indian went on a world tour by Air.

The American proudly declared "we have reached my homeland USA" pointing at the Statue of Liberty.

After some hours, the Chinese pointed at the Great Wall of China and exclaimed "friends, we have reached China".

More hours went by and all eyes were on the Indian. He calmly opened the w...

Jerry Falwell Jr has resigned his post as president from the school that his father founded

When reporters were seeking a statement, he was not at Liberty to respond

A pregnant woman is hit by a car

She is sent into a coma for 1 year. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies, "Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."

She says,"...

A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...

The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

What's six feet tall and has an enormous dong?

The liberty bell.

TIL why Liberty Mutual's commercials are so bad

They only pay for what they need!

I should've realized that before just now...

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A friend told me about his trip out with his grandson.

This is what he said. "Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 6 year-old grandson asked if he could say grace."

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And ...

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At the beginning of class, the teacher introduced: "Children, today we welcome our new friend from Japan, his name is Suzuki Shakira."

Let start our lesson today by a few quizzes about American history !

\- Who said "Give me liberty or give me death." ?

The whole class was silent, only Suzuki raised his hand:

\- Patrick Henry, Philadelphia,1775.

\- Excellent ! Next one, who said "...government of the peo...

What type of tea does Uncle Sam drink.

Liberty.

Statue of Liberty

How do you know the Statue of Liberty isn't French?
It doesn't have both arms raised.

And yes I know the French manufactured the Statue of Liberty and gave it to the United States

What does the Statue Of Liberty stand for

She can't sit down.

What do they call American Liberty in Israel?

A valid target.

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Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

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An American and a Russian are arguing over which country offers their citizens more freedom.

The American says, “I could take a piss on the Statue of Liberty in the middle of the day and nothing would happen to me.”

The Russian says, “Oh ya, I could drop my pants and take a shit in the middle of Red Square at lunch time and nothing would happen to me.”

They finish off a couple...

Denise and WHAT?!

##

A woman falls into a coma as she is giving birth. When she wakes up a few weeks later, the doctor greets her with some news. "Congratulations! You had twins; a boy and a girl. Since you were in a coma, we gave your brother the liberty of naming your children." "What did he name them?" she...

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Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the
Americans' liberty, so they gave you...

Hairstyle Competition

Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!

It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle...

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Donald Trump.

I heard this was the subreddit for old jokes that aren't funny and won't die.

 

 

 

 

______________________________________________________
**Edit:** My goal (reddit bucket list type thing) was to create an organic, original,...

MILK THE COW

A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk.

The young man said "I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning!" He then continues and says ...

Benjamin Franklin and George Washington walk into a bar and sit down next to Trump.

Franklin turns to Trump and says: "I do not believe you understand the value of liberty, my good fellow."

Trump turns to Franklin and gives him a $100 dollar bill and says: "Of course I do. Money rules this world, Mr. Franklin. That's all I need to know!" Trump taps Franklin's portrait on ...

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Girl hooks up with a black guy, doesn't know his name.

As he strips down, she notices his dick is tatooed, and says, "Oh, so your name is Wes?"

He says, no, I just love my country. In a second, it's gonna say, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable ...

Paul Revere’s Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want,...

What kind of tea did the American colonists like?

Liberty

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A guy got a job working at the FBI

After years of training and studying for this moment he got hired to work for the FBI. His first mission given to him was to make his way to New York at the Statue of Liberty to meet up with an informant for a sting operation. After arriving at the place and waiting for three hours he got tired, Ren...

An American, a Frenchman, and a Colombian are all on a plane

The American sticks his hand out of the window and says,
“Look! We’re in my country.”
“How can you tell?” Says the Frenchman
“I can touch the Statue of Liberty.”
Sometime passes, The Frenchman then sticks his hand out of the window and says,
“Oh, we’re in my country now.”
“How can...

There was a water shortage in town and and an order came down from the commanding general,

“No liberty until the water situation improves.” All of the units on the base complied except a small contingent of navy Seabees led by a crusty old warrant officer. Come Friday night all of the troops on base were confined to base except the Seabees. They were turned loose in the town and proceede...

Why did they put Patrick Henry in a submarine?

Because he said "Give me liberty or give me depth".

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Three explorers...

...were going through the Amazon forest, one American, one French and the last Portuguese. Suddenly, they were captured by a cannibal tribe.

Tied to woods in the middle of the village, they hear scared for the proposition made by the chief cannibal.

"Each of you can make any wish. If I...

A french guy, an italian guy and an amarican on a plane.....

Among others, there are three guys on a plane. One is french, the other is italian and the third one is american.

The american says: "I bet I can guess where we are without looking outside, just by extend my arm out of the window". The other two go "Well, lets see". So he puts his arm outside...

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History lesson

A teacher was attempting to teach American history to her elementary students. She said I will give you a famous quotation from history and I want all who know who said it and when to raise their hand. She said "Give me liberty or give me death." The only one that raised a hand was a Japanese boy. S...

You know this country is in bad shape

When the Statue of Liberty has to work part time as a sign spinner.

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How do you piss off a 132 year old woman?

Stand on the Statue of Liberty and piss off.

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Little Johnny knows his quotes.

Little Johnny was in class while the teacher was giving an oral quiz on History. "Who said 'Give me liberty or give me death'" started the teacher. Johnny raised his hand.

A ittle Japanese exchange student piped in: "Patrick Henry, 1776"

Again: "Four score and seven years ago..." Johnn...

World Trip

An American, a Englishman and a Russian are on a plane flying around.



Suddenly, the American puts his hand outside and exclaims: "Wonderful, the land of the free below us."

The Englishman and the Russion look at him and ask: "How do you possibly know?"

The American says:...

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The long-distance eyesight competition

A world championship eyesight competition is taking place in Japan. After several days, the 3 final runner-ups have to prove to the world, the audience and the judges who has the world's best long-distance eyesight.

The first guy steps up into the podium. He looks toward the West and squints ...

Don't blame Trump for this immigration policy,

Lady Liberty tried to come over from France 130 years ago and they still haven't let her in!

One nation, under Trump, divisible...

Trade liberty and justice for Wall.

The presidents of the United States, France, and Brazil are on a plane

At one point, the president of the United States sticks his hand out the window and proclaims,

"We are flying over the US."

The others ask how he knows.

"Because I just touched the Statue of Liberty."

A while later, the president of France sticks his hand out the window ...

Emigrating to America

Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York.

Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed ...

On a dark and stormy night...

...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.

No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt ...

My grandson gets home

from school and says these kids were telling him the Liberty
Bell was cracked because hummingbirds thought it was a giant flower
and kept crashing into it."Well that's a humdinger if ever I heard one."

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