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Aren Jokes

A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren’t dumb

A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her “what’s 2+2?” The little girl shivers and squeaks out “T-three?...

Why aren’t school shooting jokes funny?

They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..

Jokes about unemployed people aren’t funny.

They just don’t work.

Koalas aren’t bears.

Even though they’re koalafied, they failed bearification.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poop jokes aren’t my favourite kind of joke.

But they are a solid #2.

Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

They don’t have the right koala-fications

Math jokes aren’t my favorite.

But I’ll make one if I halve two.

Servants aren’t born

They’re maid

Some people aren’t shaking hands because of COVID 19.

I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

Crows aren’t so smart after all

The South Carolina Dept of Transportation found over 200 dead crows on highways recently, and there was a concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appear...

Why aren’t ants getting covid?

They have anty bodies.

Sanctions aren’t Sanctions

Putin warned that the sanctions imposed by the West are “akin to an act of war”.

Someone needs to let him know that they’re not sanctions.

They’re “Special Financial Operations”



*not my joke but haven’t seen it posted here*

My wife is never gonna believe why her valentine gifts aren’t here today.

I ordered her balloons from Temu but they keep getting shot down.

Jobs from the 90s that aren’t around anymore:

Steve

So there’s a man I’ve been seeing for the last couple months, and honestly, things aren’t going too badly.

Problem is, no one else can see him.

My little brother is throwing a tantrum because we aren’t having German sausages for dinner

He’s being such a brat

How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren’t porno movies included in the Oscars?

I mean winning an Oscar pretending to be the Queen of England is one thing, but looking like you’re enjoying two dicks in your ass, now THAT’S acting.

I feel like, in mythology, Neptune is just a copy of Poseidon

Like whoever created Neptune literally read what Poseidon’s main powers were and was like “Ctrl C”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Blonde][NSFW] The blonde asked her gynecologist “Why do I finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina?”

The amused doctor replied, “Those aren’t postage stamps, they’re the stickers that come on bananas”

Ewoks aren’t meant outside

They are Endor pets

A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren’t sick.

He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.

“Wow” said someone in the back. “Imagine the score he co...

Guns aren’t lethal!!!

I did a survey of people who got shot and the result was that gunshots have a 100% survival rate

Police related jokes aren’t funny

So give it arrest

Why aren’t there any hobos from Indiana?

Because beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

Why aren’t programmer jokes funny?

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A man is at the eye doctor to get a check up, his Doctor says “your results aren’t good”

The Man ask if he can I see them, the doctor says “probably not”

You know what infertility jokes aren't?

Childish.

Roses aren’t red..

Violets are gray..
Ever since i looked at the at the sun, i have not been having a great day.

Most of the posts here are medium.

They aren’t rare and they are definitely not well done.

Did you hear they just passed a law that you aren’t aloud to laugh out loud in Hawaii?

They only allow A low ha

Condoms aren’t safe!

I was wearing one, and I got hit by a bus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chair asks his dad “dad why aren’t you a high chair?”

The dad chair says “because I’m not 15 and I have shit to do”.

Why aren’t children allowed to watch movies about green ogres?

Because of all the Shrexual content.

Some people just aren’t nutritious

Zombie: “Brains...brains...”

Flat Earther: “Hi!”

Zombie: (Hesitates. Moves on.)

“Brains...”

A kid is selling lemonade…

The boy’s sign reads “1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1

A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.

The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.

As the construction worker walks away, he t...

A Holocaust survivor passed away, went to heaven, and told God a Holocaust joke

God: Holocaust jokes aren’t funny

Holocaust Survivor: I guess you had to be there

Unpopular opinion: frisbees aren’t heavy enough

Discus.

Fed ex’s jokes aren’t that good

But they have great deliveries

I know why super hot girls aren’t political...

...no matter what party wins, they still get invited to it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife is in ICU, things aren’t looking good.

During night shift, they are giving her nightly bed bath. As they are washing her lady parts, the nurses notice that her heart rate increases, breathing is getting deeper, blood pressure is holding steady.

So they come get me and tell me what happened. They say they have a crazy idea and thi...

Two quarters aren’t worth much....

But 50 Cent is worth about $30 million

There’s a guy going around pushing Parisians into their river. People really aren’t happy about him,

He’s making them go inseine.

People in Finland aren’t typically violent during confrontations.

So while they may not start the fights, they sure do Finnish.

As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...

So Noah asked them, ”Why aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”

Why aren’t there any religions of blind people?

They can’t see who’s following them.

Why aren’t vegans allowed to eat pudding?

Cuz you can’t have your pudding if you don’t eat your meat.

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren’t prostitutes allowed near prisons?

Because a sentence shouldn’t end with a proposition.

I think my deaf girlfriend is falling in love with a deaf friend of hers.

I’ve been noticing——the signs aren’t good.

Hippity hoppity people aren’t property

-Abraham Lincoln

A sixth grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans.

A sixth grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans.

Despite them not knowing what a Trump fan was but wanting to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well, all except for little Timmy.

The teacher looks over to little Timmy and asks, “Timmy, why are you bein...

How many birthdays does it take for someone to realize they aren’t funny?

I know I’m not funny just laugh so I feel good... it’s my birthday

Doctor, these suppositories aren’t working!

Are you sure you’re using them the right way? Ask the doc

What do you think I’m doing?

Shoving them up my A?!&(:

Last night, while watching old “Little Rascals” movies, I realized cattle aren’t herbivores, they’re omnivores.

If you give them the opportunity, they’ll eat Buckwheat and Alfalfa.

I really don't understand how Karen’s aren’t in better shape...

They’re always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions

Potatos aren’t very attractive

...until they’ve been with someone appealing for a while.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Participation ribbons aren’t useless

The one in my cup holder keeps my coffee mug from rattling

Why aren’t aliens going to visit our solar system?

They looked at the reviews. Only one star.

[OC] Why aren’t pirates into virtual reality?

They prefer AR.

(I’ll show myself out.)

Some melons aren’t married.

The can’t elope

Why aren’t more conservatives protesting the sales of pre-shredded cheese?

I thought we were trying to make America grate again.

If life is just a game, then mosquitos aren’t bugs

They’re features

Why aren’t there many pictures of the Sphinx from the back?

People get uncomfortable taking pictures of its sphinxter

Why aren’t Barbie dolls made of plastic anymore

Because the Kardashian’s took it all

The only jokes we aren’t allowed to tell are 911 jokes

Saying one of those would bring the whole building down

Why aren’t there many famous female mime artists?

The glass ceiling.

French Fries aren’t made in France

They’re made in Grease

Why aren’t horses allowed in the Catholic church?

Because they’re neigh sayers

Mohammad, a child of Arab parents was enrolled in a school in New York. On the first day, his teacher asked, ‘What is your name?’ The boy replied, ‘Mohammad’.

‘From now on your name is Harry as you are in America,’ she said.

In the evening, when he came back, his mother asked, ‘How was your day Mohammad?’ He said, ‘My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and my name is Harry.’ His mother slapped him and said angrily: ‘Aren’t you ashamed of trying t...

There are 3 types of people in the world; those who are good at math...

And those who aren't.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Joke (Long)

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
As things really started getting hot, the girl stopped the guy and said, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge ...

Why aren’t there any Walmarts in the Middle East?

Because there’s a Target on every corner

Me: “Happy Pi day!”

Her: “Aren’t you a few days late lol?”
Me: “Sorry, I was being irrational”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know that chicken wings aren’t virgins?

Because they are always bone-in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Porn actors/actresses aren’t just good at sex.

They’re fucking professionals!

My friend asked, “Aren’t you concerned Florida will be submerged from climate change?”

I replied, I thought that’s what we were all trying to do, then we’ll stop.

Why aren’t lifeguards good at saving hippies?

Because they’re too far out.

So Canada has declared that they aren’t sending athletes to the Olympics this year.

Why start now?

How come there aren’t any Irish lawyers?

Because they couldn’t pass the bar.

Know why there aren’t more jokes about Jim Jones?

Punchlines are always too long

How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.

The 13th amendment makes it illegal to buy people as they aren’t property

Apparently, government officials don’t apply

My girlfriend just told me, “I’m leaving you.”

Me: Is it because I’m too literal?

Her: Well, it’s because we aren’t working out.

Me: No problem. Let’s get a gym membership together.

The four letters in the word queue aren’t silent.

They’re just at the back of the Q.

What’s a Russian online portal where you can see what shows aren’t available in your country?

Nietflix.

French investigators aren’t sure how the fire started. But Quasimodo said:

Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out.

My wife and I decided after 13 years of being married we aren’t going to have kids.

We’re still trying to figure out how exactly to break the news to them

In companies, if vice presidents are called V.P. why aren’t presidents called P?

Because they ain’t wise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A widowed mother of 3 is worried her children aren’t getting enough iron in their diet.

Not sure what to do, she mixes bb’s into their oatmeal. Later that day the first child comes running in the kitchen:

“Mama Mama - Guess what!?! I peed a bb!!”

“Oh, that’s good,” the mother assured, “that means you’re getting your iron.” And she gave the little tyke a cookie and sent ...

Hey aren’t you the guy that pronounces Chers name wrong?

Sure

What do you call somebody who says they are Swedish but really aren't?

An artificial Swedener

‘Olympic throwing sports aren’t what they used to be.’

Discus.

Before starting a family, most couples aren’t aware of the side effects.

When the baby arrives, they become apparent.

The devil whispered in my ear you aren’t good enough, you’ll never amount to anything.....

I whispered back, at least I didn’t lose my golden fiddle to some hillbilly in Georgia.

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