Les Jokes - 31 Hilarious Les Jokes

Our friend Les is really upset because he failed his French Lit exam.

The result made Les Miserable.

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Les gooooo

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Ass...

The best dog joke ever - credit to Sir Les Patterson

Woman takes her dog to the vet because it's having hearing problems.

The vet says "Its because it has so much hair in it's ears. Once a month, get some Nair and spread it in it's ears, it'll keep the hair growth down."

Sure enough the woman goes to the pharmacy to get some Nair, and w...

What do you call a guy on a diet?

Les

I was walking down the street with my wife..

And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.

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Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic

So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Les, give me the bottle opener."

"I didn't bring it," says Les. "I thou...

I asked Yoda for a two word review of Les Miserables

"Lame is."

I just saw Les Miserables in the theatre

Personally I think the whole rebellion thing was staged

What do you call two french women kissing?

Les biens

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A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

The poker game

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.

When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les' wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, Jim, upon trying to sit back up again, hit...

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

My half Native American friend Les tried to teach me to rain dance, but we could only ever muster a light mist...

I guess I'm just going to have to make dew with Les.

[OC] Why do French teeth break more readily than English teeth?

Because they‘re *les dents*

Did you hear about the famous musician who was buried in a guitar-shaped coffin?

He had to have 8 Les Paulbearers.

(Co-written by u/no_need_really)

If a Christian rock band had a Gibson, they could be called "The Five Gospels, Les Paul."

I hate it when youtubers have really big tit...

les and I click on the video purely to see what they named their video

People keep telling me I need to drink “Less” whiskey

I can’t find that brand anywhere.

What kind kind of triangle is a tortilla chip?

An i-salsa-les triangle

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What do you call a good French transvestite homosexual?

Les Bien

What do you call a bean who likes other beans?

A les-bean.

An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.

She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"

So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"

"He slapped my left cheek."

So the father slapper his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenge...

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Thank you Russia...

for this beautiful green tractor! Woke up one day to see this massive beauty on my front road. Too bad it didn't have any fuel, had to tow it to my garage to fill her up.

Seems like I could store plenty of stuff in these 2 big boxes at the top. "Miss suh les"? Is that a new Russian word...

Why is the LSU football team like my car?

They both used to have Les (less) Miles!

Three Men are Arrested...

Three men are arrested on suspicion of bank robbery. The Chief of Police is waiting for the file, which a young Sergeant brings him. "So, who are the perps?" The Chief asks, as the Sergeant looks at the files. "Victor Hammon, Timothy Rogers, and Lesley Arrane." The Sergeant replies.

The Chie...

Woman Attacks her Husband

This woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars.

Judge: "First Offender?"

Woman: "No. First a Gibson Les Paul. Second a Fender."

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A man goes to the Doctor

A man goes to the doctor with a severe speech disorder, determined to discover it's origins.

After many, many tests the doctor comes in with a solemn look on his face.

"werp ducktor, waths da calls of my Airelments?!" The man asked.

The doctor replied. "It appears that your spe...

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My grandfather was a WWII vet...

He said he went to Paris back in the day, and went into this lounge called "Les Jardin Rois" got drunk and pissed on the bar, banged all the waitresses, beat up the bouncer and threw a chair through the front window.
Naturally, I went there on vacation one year and tried the same shit, got my a...

Une blague en Français - For french people only

Une femme avoue à son mari qu'elle a un fantasme depuis plusieurs années de faire l'amour pendant qu'un grand noir leur fait du vent avec une feuille de palmier.

Après y avoir bien réfléchi, le mari décide de demander à son collègue de l'aider.

Le lendemain, ils sont donc tous les 3 (l...

Bruce Springsteen...

after a long successful life finally dies and goes to Heaven. St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and says, "Bruce! We're so glad you're finally here! God's a big fan, you know."

Bruce, of course, is flabbergasted. "Really?"

"You bet! In fact, he's arranged to have the whole E ...

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Sean's been to the pub drinking stout all evening.

He's very drunk and it's late.

The barkeep announces "Last Call!" Sean protests and the barkeep tells him, "Sean, it's time ya drink up a get yeself home."

Sean hoist his drink and drains it and commences to get up from the bar stool.
Thud! He lands arms and legs akimbo on the...

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