UPJOKE
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Karen Jokes

Karen goes to the psychic...

"Two men, Bob and Carl, both want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?"

"You will marry Bob. Carl will be the lucky one."

What’s Karen’s favorite song

Mask off by future




Edit : THANK YOU FOR MY FIRST EVER GOLD!

Two Karens are having lunch together

The waiter stops by and asks "Is anything okay?"

A Jew, an Hindu and Karen survive a plane crash in the woods

They walk together trough the woods throughout the day and into the night looking for help.

At last, they find a little wooden house with a lit window and a barn next to it.

The Jewish man says:

"Finally, someone who can help us! Let's ask the owner if we can stay the night and ...

Karen's 911 call

Karen was cleaning Kyle's rifle and shot him by accident. She calls 911.

"It's my husband," said Karen. "I've accidentally shot him... I've killed him," she sobbed.

"Please calm down, ma'am," the 911 operator tried to sooth her. "Can you please make sure he's actually dead?"
...

What kind of clothing do Karens wear?

A lawsuit.

A group of crows is called a murder. What do you call a group of Karens??

A migraine.

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

Karen came into my restaurant the other day and asked, "Can you tell me about the menu please?"

So I kicked her out and told her that the men I please are none of her business!!

Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?

Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine. the doctor tries to persuade them

the extrovert denies

" you won't be able to go to public gatherings anymore"

the extrovert agrees to take it



the alcoholic denies

"you will ha...

How many Karens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, She just stands there holding it while the world revolves around her.

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

Karen

Police arrested two Karens yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.

How many Karen's does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness

Son: Dad, what's the opposite of Karen?

Dad: Umm, I don't know, Sharon...?

Son: But I thought Sharon was Karen.




Edit: Thank you u/Ri0tp0p0 and u/CulturedCroissant for the awards! :)

What do you call three Karens walking into a bar?

The KKK

I'll see myself out

Why are Karen's so bad robbers?

Because they don't wear a mask

What is Karen's favorite drink?

White whine

Karens husband dies...

Karens husband dies. After a few days, she starts missing him, so she buys an Ouija board and contacts her husband.

Karen: Honey, can you listen to me?

Husband: Yes

Karen: Are you happy in afterlife?

Husband: Yes

Karen: Is it better than your life on earth?

...

The first Karen to get sick was..

Impatient Zero

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well. Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately. .

Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think we should stop turning normal names like "Karen" into slurs

It's a real Dick move.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karen back at it again

Karen pays a rare visit to the doctor one morning.

The doctor, surprised, asks: “What seems to be the problem, Karen?”

Karen responds, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart ALL the time.”

The Doctor nods, “Hmm.”

“My farts do not stink and are silent, but I fart all ...

A single Karen is called a Karen. A group of Karens is called ...

a homeowners association.

Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete?

She wanted to see the task manager.

All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens?

An HOA

Karen

My mum usually complains about everything but lately she's gotten bored of it. I guess you could say that she's past the point of Karen.

Karen comes home from work.

Karen: I left my job today, I couldn't work for that man after what he said to me.

Husband: So what did he say.?

Karen: "Karen, you are fired."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do retail workers call rude and snotty customers “Karen”?

Because they would loose their job if they called them a “Cunt”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Karen survive the acid attack?

By being a basic bitch

What do schizophrenic Karens do for a living?

They are managers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between modern art and a Karen in a drive-thru?

One's a contemporary, the other's a temporary cunt.

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry"

"...but you can't count Missouri twice."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People need to stop calling me "Karen" It's so offensive.

Me: That's fine we'll go back to what we used to call you.

Karen: Thanks....

Me: You're welcome, Miserable fucking Bitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where is it announced that a Karen has died?

The obitchuary

Karen

Karen was bragging to her manager one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of her boasting, her manager called her bluff, “OK, Karen, how about Reese Witherspoon?”

“No dramas boss, Reese and I are old friends, and I can pr...

In France, we have Karens too

They are called "American tourists".

Handling a Karen is like handling a crocodile.

They're only dangerous if you let them open their mouths.

What's a Karen's pronouns?

Sue/Them

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

At the risk of sounding like a Karen, I just wanna know why...

...do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near.

What is a Karen’s favorite film?

Minority Report

A server walks up to a table of Karens and asks...

Good evening ladies. Is anything alright tonight?

A Karen’s favorite store

Where do Karens go to shop and to meet other Karens?
A K-Mart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Karen use a dildo?

To come plain.

What do they call 'Karens' in Europe?

Americans.

What is the cat equivalent of a Karen?

Carol Baskin

What do you call a large group of Karens?

A Home Owner's Association

How does Karen change a light bulb?

She puts it in and waits for the world to revolve around her

What do you call a bunch of Karen's up a tree?

A Country.

What did the waiter say to the table full of Karens?

Is anything all right?

Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.

She's an essential oil worker now.

Karen went to Bethlehem

She demanded to see the manger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karen is at the zoo

One day while at the zoo with her son, Karen passes by the chimpanzee exhibit. They are very rowdy & when Karen had her back turned, one threw feces right at her head. Upset, Karen stormed to the nearby animal caretaker.

‘Sir! These disgusting apes are very rude! Did you just see what the...

Four Karens are sitting in a restaurant...

A waitress comes up to their table and says "Good afternoon ladies, is anything alright?"

What does a karen do when they get mad at a computer?

They demand to see the task-manager!

What's a heard of Karen's called?

Kunts

Why did Karen marry Plankton?

Because now she can always speak to the manager.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat...

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this f...

Karen

What is a group of dogs called?
A pack
What is a group of humans called?
A gathering
What is a group of Karen's called?
A complaint

Why were Karen and her two year old son crying?

They were both having a midlife crisis.

Today at work, some Karen told me she didn't appreciate me being so condescending towards her.

That means I talk down to people.

Why is baseball telecaster Karen's preferred job?

She gets to speak with the manager after each game

Why are Karens bad at photoshop?

Because they don't know how to use a mask.

Why did dyslexic Karen go to the Christmas nativity?

To see the manger.

Karen walks into a library

She goes to the librarian says,
"I want a Big Mac and a Coke please"

Librarian looks at her puzzled and says
"This is a library Miss"

Karen replied,
"Oh yes sorry"
(whispers) 'I want a Big Mac and a Coke please'

Why can’t Karens get anything done on a Windows computer?

They keep summoning the Task Manager

(Sorry: this came to my mind as I was getting frustrated with my slow computer)

I came up with this in math class

This guy goes to interview for a job. He’s really nervous about it, because this job is a super big opportunity for him. He goes in, and the interviewer introduces herself, saying “Hi, my name is Karen”. They immediately start talking about the job, and the guy is answering all of Karen’s questions ...

What is a Karen America?

An automobile.

What did the alien Karen say when she landed on Earth?

Take me to your manager.

Chad and Karen are driving home from Thanksgiving.

After a grueling time with the relatives, tensions are high when Karen suddenly points to a Starbucks and says she wants to stop for a latte.

Chad really wants to get home but pulls over anyway. Thirty slow minutes later she finally returns with her coffee.

Once back on the road, the...

God damn it karen

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. 

Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends her back ...

A group of girls named Karen, Jane and Ruth often hang out. What are Karen and Jane like by themselves?

Completely Ruthless

A Karen boards a flight to Paris and takes a seat in first class that is not hers.

The first flight attendant politely asked her to move to her seat in coach. The Karen smugly replied, "I am going to Paris and I will sit wherever I please."

The second flight attendant approached her sternly and demanded that she move to coach to take her proper seat. The Karen shouted loudl...

A Group of Karens

Is the collective noun for a group of angry, uneducated and entitled white women called a trump of Karens?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are standing outside a jewellery shop looking at an expensive ring in the display window

The first man says, "That ring is perfect for Karen. I just wish I could afford it."

The second man says, "I was planning on proposing to Julie soon. She'd love that ring."

The third man says, "Okay, I'll make you both a deal. Whichever one of you gets to the bottom of the street first...

I think it is time to reconsider calling people 'Karen'. It is rude...

We can all be Karen's in our own ways. I just realized I'm a computer Karen.



Every time something is taking too long, or the slightest inconvenience happens, I immediately want to see the task manager.



\*sorry\*

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