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Alligators Jokes

Alligators can live up to 100 years...

Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
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Did you know Alligators can grow up to 15 feet?

Most only have 4
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Alligators can be your friends.

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.
Right at the back of the farm, there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the farmer decid...
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It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart.

One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
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Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...
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A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin...

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

“How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager.

“$300” – he replied.

“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde.

The store manager said h...
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Alligator Shoes. (Long)

A Blonde woman walked into a small Louisiana shoe store, and looked around at all of the footwear on display. After a few moments, a salesman walked over to her, and politely asked “Can I help you, ma’am?”

“Yes,” the blonde woman replied, “I’m interested in these alligator leather shoes.” Sh...
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The average life expectancy of alligators is about 50 years...

So there is no rush, you indeed can see it later.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alligators and condoms....

...two things I don't fuck with.

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An Australian guy with an alligator walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bar, sets the alligator on the counter and asks for a free drink. Bartender tells him "Sorry, we don't do free drinks here." Aussie says "What if I showed you a trick? " Bartender tells him "It will need to be a really cool trick if you want to earn a free drink."

So, the Au...

what's the worst thing about wild alligators?

their wild allegations
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The rich alligator collector and his beautiful daughter

Once there was a rich man who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool behind his mansion. He also had a beautiful single daughter.

So, one day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give ...
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What do you call a disease sexually transmitted through alligators?

Gatoraids

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A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator...

Bar man: "You need to leave because if that alligator bites someone I'll get sued!"

Alligator owner: "No no he's tame! Watch I'll prove it."

He then zips down his fly and puts his cock inside the alligators mouth. The alligator keeps its mouth open the whole time. He then zips his pant...

Alligators can grow up to 15 metres...

The joke doesn’t work with the metric system...
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A man and an alligator walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Whoa man, you can't have an alligator in here!"
The man replies, "Don't worry, its a trained alligator."
Bartender, "I don't care if its trained or not, you can't have a fucking alligator in a bar."
Man, "Alright, check this out." The man then opens the alligator's mout...

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Pet Alligator

A man walks into a bar with a live alligator under his arms. Dumps the animal on the bar counter and asks for a beer. The bartender almost shits his pants and shouts: "What the hell is wrong with you, get that thing out of here!!"

Man: "Don't worry, I tamed my pet gator very well and he won't...

What do wounded alligators drink?

Gatorade
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Why don't alligators watch movies?

Because they live in swamps.
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Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet

But most of them only have 4!



How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them sees you later, the other sees you after a while!
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I've decided to save money on cat food by getting a bird bath.

Don't @ me. Predators and water go together in nature. Alligators and swamps. Sharks and oceans. Catholic priests and baptism fonts.
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If two alligators have reach an agreement...

... do they have a crocodeal?
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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

Why are alligators on the endangered species list?

Reptile Dysfunction
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A young blonde woman is working at a shoe store...

...and has been pestering her boss to give her a discount on a pair of designer alligator shoes she's had her eye on since she started.

Unwilling to sell these pricey shoes at a loss, the owner keeps refusing. Finally, one day, the blonde loses her temper and yells: "Fine! You know what? I'll...

What do you call alligators interested in real estate?

A: Invest-igators
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What do you call a SWAT Team of Alligators?

Gator-Raid
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So a man says to Steve Irwin “How often do alligators mate?”

Steve asked: “How often do they what?”
Man: “mate”
Steve: “what?”
Man: “HOW OFTEN DO THEY MATE?”
Steve: “HOW OFTEN DO THEY WHATTTTT????”
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What do you call a couple of alligators with problems in the bedroom?

A reptile dysfunction.
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A man walks in to a bar with an alligator.

A man walks in to a bar with an alligator. He says to the entire bar "I bet you all a round of drinks that I can put my testicles in this alligators mouth for 10 seconds, and remove them unharmed!" Everyone shrugs and says why not.
The man drops his pants, opens the gators mouth, inserts his bal...

A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...

but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.

She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.

Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.

She took aim and shot the creatu...
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Where do alligators that can't accept the truth go?

Da Nile
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I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer

Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction
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