"Stop! Thief!" shouted the fishmonger.

"Don't move a mussel."

...it's like what the mussel said to the clam...

“I wouldn't wish that on an anemone!"

What do you call a shellfish that is really into BDSM?

A mussel bound freak.

Sean Connery and a mussel are watching a movie...

The mussel is eating pop corn.

"Could you passh me shome pop corn?" asks Sean Connery

"No get your own!" answers the mussel

"Oh, come on! Don't be sho shellfish!"

Went to a seafood disco last night

Pulled a mussel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A disheveled man with a shrunken head walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to relax, so the curious bartender feels comfortable enough to inquire about the man's tiny noggin.

"Sorry to be intrusive.. but how did you end up with such a tiny head?" Asks the bartender.

The man replies: "I was the captain of an elite naval vessel pat...

What kind of car do they drive in the ocean? (I made this one up a few years ago)

Mussel Cars

My girlfriend left me today because I quit taking her to seafood restaurants.

Turns out she was only with me because of my mussels.

Why did the chubby fish connoisseur not worry about his weight?

Because it was all mussel.

Did ya hear about the lobster that went to the party??

It pulled a mussel

Last time I went fishing I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I don't quite remember the rest of the day.

All I really know is that I pulled a mussel

Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.

"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.

"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.

"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient an...

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the endangered Mollusk exhibit?

An aquarium employee ran up to the railing and shouted "I'll go get help, don't move a mussel!

What Italian dictator is either the strongest, or the fishiest?

Benito Muscle-ini or Benito Mussel-ini

A fisherman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, can you help me!? I've hurt my hand!"

The doctor takes a look and says, "It's nothing too serious, you've pulled a mussel."

Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?

Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.

Top 10 worst jokes!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."


3.Two peanuts walk into a ba...

Why was the clam limping on Monday morning?

Because he went clubbing at the weekend and pulled a mussel.

Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?

It had excellent mussel memory.

How do oysters get around?

In mussel cars.

I've never dated a clam

but i have pulled a few mussels

Girlfriend is having trouble opening an oyster at dinner.

She hands it to me to open. Just as I pry it open, I say,

"The easiest way to open this is with a little mussel"

Why is the sea so strong?

It has a lot of mussels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
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