Mussel Jokes - 26 Hilarious Mussel Jokes

"Stop! Thief!" shouted the fishmonger.

"Don't move a mussel."

...it's like what the mussel said to the clam...

“I wouldn't wish that on an anemone!"

Did ya hear about the lobster that went to the party??

It pulled a mussel

Why is the ocean so powerful?

Because it has lots of mussels.

An oyster goes out clubbing.

It was a good night. He pulled a mussel.

Sean Connery and a mussel are watching a movie...

The mussel is eating pop corn.

"Could you passh me shome pop corn?" asks Sean Connery

"No get your own!" answers the mussel

"Oh, come on! Don't be sho shellfish!"

A fisherman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, can you help me!? I've hurt my hand!"

The doctor takes a look and says, "It's nothing too serious, you've pulled a mussel."

Last time I went fishing I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I don't quite remember the rest of the day.

All I really know is that I pulled a mussel

Went to a seafood disco last night

Pulled a mussel.

Did you hear about the kinky whelk?

It pulled a mussel.

This doesn't work in American English.

In British slang, if you chat someone up and they like you, you have *pulled*.

Sorry I failed!

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the endangered Mollusk exhibit?

An aquarium employee ran up to the railing and shouted "I'll go get help, don't move a mussel!

What Italian dictator is either the strongest, or the fishiest?

Benito Muscle-ini or Benito Mussel-ini

My girlfriend left me today because I quit taking her to seafood restaurants.

Turns out she was only with me because of my mussels.

Why did the body builder go to the crustacean church?

He heard that it was a good source of mussel mass

Why was the clam limping on Monday morning?

Because he went clubbing at the weekend and pulled a mussel.

What kind of cars do shellfish drive?

Mussel cars.

How do oysters get around?

In mussel cars.

Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?

Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.

Did you hear about the wimp at the seafood buffet?

He tried to pull an oyster from the serving tray, but ended up pulling a mussel.

Girlfriend is having trouble opening an oyster at dinner.

She hands it to me to open. Just as I pry it open, I say,

"The easiest way to open this is with a little mussel"

Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.

"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.

"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.

"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient an...

Why is the sea so strong?

It has a lot of mussels.

I've never dated a clam

but i have pulled a few mussels

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A disheveled man with a shrunken head walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to relax, so the curious bartender feels comfortable enough to inquire about the man's tiny noggin.

"Sorry to be intrusive.. but how did you end up with such a tiny head?" Asks the bartender.

The man replies: "I was the captain of an elite naval vessel pat...

Top 10 worst jokes!

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1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

3.Two peanuts walk into a ba...

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
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