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What's the difference between a regular toad and a horny toad?

A regular toad says ribbit ribbit. A horney toad says rubbit rubbit.

Which toad is a great actor?

Russell Croak

What did Toad say when Toadette told him to scoot over in the twin size bed?

I don’t have Mushroom

I love Toad from Super Mario

you know, the little guy with the mushroom head. He always made me laugh.

He's a real fungi.

What do you call a Toad that teaches Karate?

Mr. MiFroggie

Why did Princess Peach dump Mario for Toad?

Because he just wasn't as much of a fun guy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

If I had to choose to hang out with either Mario, Luigi or Toad. I'd pick Toad.

He seems like a fungi.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you differentiate a frog from a horny toad?

The frog says, "Ribbit-ribbit."

The toad says, "Rub-it-rub-it."

What happens after a frogs car breaks down?

It gets toad away

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals...

I'll show myself out - thank you

Toad seems so chill when he hangs out with Mario.

He’s such a fungi

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the horny toad say when designing a sex toy?


*Credit goes to Brian, random guy sitting next to me on couch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest....

Kind of pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Any way ... this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you do, and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please m...

A granny walks in to a doctor's office with a toad on her head

A granny walks in to a doctor's office with a toad on her head.
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor-
"This massive wart grew out of my ass",
answers the toad

*Przyhcodzi baba do lekarza*, classic Polish joke

Why didn't Toad get an invitation to Mario's Party?

Because even though he's a fun guy there isn't much room.

A man goes to a doctor with a large, dirty toad on his head.

The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

And the toad replies, "Hey, Doc, there's something stuck to my ass."

What happened to the frog who parked illegally?

he got toad

Why did the genie turn the man into a toad?

He rubbed him the wrong way.

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South American Blow Job Toad

A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.

The guy asks, "What's in the box?"

The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad."

The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?"

The older guy nods. The young gu...

A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back,

"Naw man, you're in de-nile"

What's a toads favorite drink?


Why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her e...

What is a toad's favorite kind of beer?

One with a lot of hops.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A yellow toad in the land of Oz...

A poor little toad was born the color yellow in the land of Oz. None of the other toads would play with him, and so he had a rough life. As he was crying about his situation, while sitting on a toadstool one day, the good witch came by.

The kind hearted sorceress heard his sobbing and sto...

why are frogs bad at parking?

They always get toad

Why did Melania blow Donald Trump?

She thought if she kissed a toad he'd finally become a prince.

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Nsfw When God created Adam, he gave him the job of naming the animals.

Horny toads,
Dik diks

It was then that God decided that he needed to create women.

Just another pirate joke

So there is an amphibian who grew up as a tadpole, and every day, he would see these giant ships passing around him and wanted to take a ride on one.

He asked several captains of the ships if he could ride with them but they all turned them down, saying "What use would I have for an amphibian...

Did Stormy say it looked like a toadstool or

a toad’s tool ?

What health ailment do elderly frogs suffer from?

Ribbit-toad arthritis

I'll see myself out...

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A bear was hunting a rabbit through a forest.

They passed a magic lake, where a magic toad lived. The toad called them over and said "because you are the first animals I have seen, I will grant you three wishes each.

The rabbit said that the bear should go first.
The bear said "I wish for all bears except me, in this forest to become ...

What happened to the frog sat on double yellow lines.

It was toad away.

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Boy discovers where babies come from

Boy that lives in the country is coming of age and starting to discover himself. He goes out in the woods and is touching himself when suddenly something shoots out of his penis and lands on a rock.

Concerned that something is wrong with him he runs back home to tell his dad what happened. H...

The Purple Violet

Timmy was starting kindergarten, and on his first day he was pretty nervous.
First, the students went around and said their names, and something fun about them.
“I’m Mary, and I like dolls!” said Mary.
“I’m Johnny, and I like action figures!” said Johnny.
When it was Timmy’s turn, he...

A pastor decides to blow off his Sunday service and go golfing.

"See that?" St Peter says to God, pointing down at the errant preacher teeing up at the first hole.

"Yup" says God, "I'll fix him, the little truant!"

WIth that, God waves his arm, and the vicar tees off.

The ball hits a tree, flies straight up in the air, where it's caught by a...

Two pieces of tarmac walk into a bar...

They are both arguing about who is the toughest piece of tarmac

One says ‘Oh I’m the toughest piece of tarmac I’m from the M1, the post popular toad in Britain!’

The other says ‘I’m from the M5! my road sees the most accidents in Britain!’

They continue arguing until a green pie...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar..

..he orders 3 shots when he realizes he needs to go take a piss

He steps next to a guy and while doing his job, he sees that the other guys dick is absurdly huge.

The guy with a huge dick asks: "Would you like to have an enormous dick like I do?"

The other guy nods hastily.

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A teacher is asking children how their weekend went...

And young Johnny said, "It was great, Miss! Me and my Dad went to the outback! We stuck big sticks of dynamite up cane toads' arses!"

The teacher replies, "Johnny! The correct term is 'rectum'."

"That's right, Miss! Wrecked 'em! Blew 'em to bits!"

Top 10 Funniest Animal Jokes

Q. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
A. It gets toad away.

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Learned in church camp when I was 10 or 11. The only joke I know.

So there was this yellow toad, he wants to be green like his buddies. He goes to the Dr. and gets a blood transfusion to turn himself green. A while later he returns to the Dr. "Hey doc, you did a good job. But I have one dick is still yellow". The Dr. tells the toad that he can't do an...

I'd do a joke about amphibians.

But they've all been toad.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A newly made fairy godmother is walking through the forest...

when she hears the sound of crying. She follows the sound and discovers a yellow frog. "Why are you crying?" she asks the frog. "Look at me," he responds, "I'm yellow all over. The other frogs laugh at me and I just can't take it anymore."

"Well," says the fairy godmother, "I just happen...

Why wouldn't the frog lend his hammer to the mushroom?

Because it's a toad's tool.