Why are coyotes howling in the night?

Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.

Wile E. Coyote's edit to his post on reddit about his plan to catch Roadrunner

"Holy cow, I did not expect for this to blow up."

What’s the difference between a flea and a coyote?

One howls on the prairie, the other prowls on the hairy

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I told my wife that I was going to stop running around my local roads and join a gym instead.

“Why?” she asked. “You’re in much better shape than you were before, and it hasn’t cost a cent!”

“Yes” I replied, “But I’m tired of having to outrun that fucking coyote.”

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A woman was driving through a remote section of desert at night and was thoroughly lost.

Suddenly, a coyote ran into the road ahead of her. Slamming on the brakes, the woman was astounded to see a man come running from out of the darkness toward the coyote. In one smooth motion, the strange man took his pants down, grabbed the coyote by it's back legs and began furiously sodomizing the ...

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Coyote Problem

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" sol...

Hear about the blonde coyote?

She chewed off three of her legs and she was still caught in the trap.

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Three blondes are walking through the woods

shortly into their walk, they find tracks on the ground.

"Look at the size of these rabbit tracks!" Said the first blonde.

"You moron, those are raccoon tracks." Said the second blonde.

"You two are so stupid, these are obviously coyote tracks!" Said the third blonde.

Two...

Pony and Eagle walked up to Coyote

Pony tells Coyote: "I am very mad at Eagle. Will you yell at him for me?"

Coyote: "Why can't you yell at him yourself?"

Pony replies: "Because I'm a little horse."

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This is a long one that requires audience interaction. It’s always given me great return.

To preface this joke: you may alter the story as you see fit. Make it personal and use elements of your real life to make this a convincing story. The only key points that must be consistent will be highlighted in the text. The audience interaction will be italicized.

_________

The Cat...

I just went on a scavenger hunt.

Killed 3 vultures and a coyote.

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Ponderisms:

Can you cry under water?







How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?







Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra p...

Do you know what really gets my goat?

Coyotes

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Three cowboys were sitting around a campfire....

...when the first one decided to brag about how manly he was.

"You know, just last week, a few coyotes came into my ranch, and I had to beat them off with my bare hands."

Not wanting to be outdone in manliness, the second cowboy said "Yeah, I hate it when stuff like that happens. Just ...

Two blondes are walking in the woods

Two blondes are walking in the woods and come across a set of tracks. One looks at them and says "Wow, wolf tracks!"

The other looks down and scoffs. "Those are coyote tracks, not wolf tracks. Look at the size!"

"No they are not" says the first. "I've spent most of my life walking ...

Why California is broke and Texas is not.

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.<...

A Perfectly Reasonable Explanation..

This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it.

"Oh my God!" she exclai...

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