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After All Jokes

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I can't believe they're still together after all that shit!

Looks like my ass cheeks are really inseparable.

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

I'm never hungry anymore after all my friends left

Probably because they desserted me

You shouldn't be surprised at how your wife reacts to your puns. After all...

...she's a groan woman.

After all this time, I still haven’t tested positive for Covid…

…wouldn’t it be funny if it was just because I wasn’t sticking the swab far enough into my ear?

Crows aren’t so smart after all

The South Carolina Dept of Transportation found over 200 dead crows on highways recently, and there was a concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appear...

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After all these years, my wife still finds me sexy

Everytime I walk by, she says, "What an ASS"

My dad called. He said he's coming back home after all this years.

The Boomer Rang

after all the years of watching

I still don't know how to get to sesame street

My wife and I have decided we don’t want kids, after all.

If somebody out there does, we can bring them by tomorrow, anytime after 3 PM.

Why did Mrs. Claus finally leave Santa after all these years?

She found out about his other two hos.

I have always thought that the second letter in the word “Hive” is quite beautiful, after all .....

Beauty is in the I of the bee holder.

I was fired from my job as a Zoo Keeper after all the animals died

In my defence, all the signs did say "Don't feed the animals"

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After all that shit I'm surprised they are back together

Friend: who

Me: my ass cheeks

I know it's a shit post

After all these years I was finally able to hang my brother

s stocking on the mantle! Happy Holidays!

So, after all your time on the internet, have you learned how to avoid clickbait?

Doesn't seem like it

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Why are you putting your sexy lingerie? It's just a dentist appointment after all.

\- Yeah, but what if he is a pervert?

Got around to watching Doctor Who after all these years.

It was about time.

I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.

Or

Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?

Or

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

What else ...

The Dean at the community college called in her English as a Second Language (ESL) professor after all of his students stormed out of his first class and withdrew from the college.

"What in the world did you do to those students to make them all leave on the first day of class?", she asked him.

"Not much, I just gave them one sentence to read.", he replied.

"What was the sentence?", she wanted to know.

"John thought he was being thorough although all he di...

Alex was at the store and couldn’t decide between buying tinactin or lotrimin. After all....

He didn’t want to make a rash decision.

You gotta wonder if after all this global warming talk

If someone in a factory somewhere around the world in a straw factory will say

That's it. That's the last straw

Joseph knew how to build a proper table; he was a carpenter, after all.

Mary had a harder time, so she had Emmanuel.

After all the rioting and destruction Microsoft stock ($MSFT) will take off on Monday

Everyone will be looking for windows.

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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra.

And she's a bitch.

After all these years, I finally left my abusive relationship. I feel so relieved!

Now that I don't have to beat my girlfriend anymore, I have so much free time.

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This is a joke I wrote myself. It’s long, but I think it’s pretty good, personally…

This is a story about three friends who had known each other their whole lives.

They did everything together. You could not find one without the other two nearby. But, as so often happens, after graduation, they all went their separate ways. One of the friends went on to become a very success...

Investigation underway after all public toilets mysteriously disappear...

Police say they have nothing to go on.

The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes

the crossing on the road is still named after a Zebra.

Not so funny after all.

Little Jimmy came home from school one day and walked into his parents bedroom, where he saw his mom and dad going at it.
Without his mother seeing, Jimmy's dad gave his son a thumbs up and kept on going. The next day Jimmy's father comes home from work and walks into his son's room to see what h...

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I took my wife to the doctor’s to sort our her Tourette’s.

Turns out she she doesn’t have it after all. I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.

After all of these years, scientist have finally proven that diarrhea is hereditary..

It's in your jeans.

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Jake : "My sex life isn't that bad, all considered. After all these years I still fuck my wife once a week".

Joe : "Not bad ! Bit after all these years I can't complain either, I still do it every second day".
Andy : "That's cool. Myself i'm really lucky I guess. After all that time i still do it twice a day".
Jake : "But, Andy ! what are you saying ? You don't even have a wife !"

Andy : "...

I heard that the Brexit may not make such a big mess after all

But Theresa May

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Why women make better assassins....

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you...

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Why do you never see Old Suicide Bombers, after all they have less to loose?

Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed...

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

---

I really think OSHA should make an OnlyFans account

They're some of the leading experts in NSFW content after all

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After all this shit we've had between us, I'm glad we're still so close.

Said my butt cheeks.

What are they going to call the baby boom 10-12 months after all these people lock themselves in to hide from Covid-19?

I don't know, but in 2033, they'll be quaranteens.

Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god,

Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.

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All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Edit: alot of people moaning in the comments "this is a stupid joke, Trump did actually write some books so this makes no sense!?".

Look at the sub you are in, some of these posts you'll see will just be jokes. If you are the sn...

What did the basic girl say after all her writing utensils broke?

I literally cant even write now

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

My wife is turning 32 soon...

I’ve told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. “After all,” I said, “The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”

What happened to Mr. Chin after all 10 of his children disappeared?

He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder.

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An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

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Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

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