UPJOKE
happenstancejuxtapositionpositionconjunctionconcurrenceco-occurrencesimultaneityaccidentfortuitystatisticsfortuitousironyretrospectsynchronicityprobability

Coincidence Jokes

The coincidences

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said,

\- “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

\- “What a coincidence,” the farmer said.

\- “This is a special day for me; I am cel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Well….that’s a fu**ing coincidence.

Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this lab nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicin...

Dude1: Hey, what does coincidence mean?

Dude2: I don't know. But that's weird, that's what I'm thinking about, too.

An amazing coincidence happens every year in India

14th Feb Valentines day.
9 months later,
14th Nov Children's day.

One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.

Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.

Coincidence

A golfer enters a tournament and is assigned a caddie. On the first day, the golfer duffs a couple of key shots and does quite bad.

He tries to act undisturbed about it and plays the second day, which is even worse.

So he plays the third day and totally messes up every shot and has a...

A soldier approaches a nun.

"I don't want to be rude, but can I please hide under your dress? I'll explain later." Said the man.

"Go ahead", answered the nun.

Two high ranked army-officers walk up and ask the nun: "have you, by any coincidence, seen a soldier?"

After the officers disappear the soldier lea...

The height of coincidence!

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture.
When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity.”

“Oy vey,” said the father, “What have I done!”

He took his problem to his best frie...

4 men are in the hospital waiting room waiting for their babies The nurse walks in and tells the first man: "Congratulations you're having twins." The man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence, i work for the Minnesota twins."

The nurse tells the second man: "Congratulations you're having triplets."

The man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence, i work for the 3M company."

The nurse tells the third man: "Congratulations You're having quadruplets."

The third man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence i ...

“Dad, what does coincidence mean?”

“Weird. I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide...

The first old guy says to the second guy,

'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'

The second old guy says,

'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little des...

There are 24 hours in a day... and 24 beers in my fridge. Coincidence?

No, I'm just an alcoholic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was in an elevator one day & noticed an attractive woman running to make it before the door closed.

He held the door for her to get in and then politely asked her “what floor?” “3rd floor” she replied, “ I come here once a month to donate blood & they pay me $50”
“That’s a coincidence” said the guy because I come here once a month myself, donate semen & they pay me $200”. Just then th...

The biggest coincidence of all time

has to be that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946...

Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed. His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.

“God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye grandpa”

The father asked “why did you say good bye grandpa?”

The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”

The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had inde...

A large corporation hires a Tribe of cannibals...

And they tell them: "You have full rights as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody."

Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the Tribe into his office. The CEO says:

"Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?"

The chief of the Tribe checks ...

Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences’

I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’

I ran over 2 Miles yesterday

Such a coincidence that both unfortunate fellas had the same name.

Delivery coincidences,Haha!

Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins."

"What a coincidence," the man says. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

A little later, the nurse ...

Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name...

Hmmmm

Two dudes meet in a bar...

Two dudes meet in a bar and have a good time.

Then the door opens and two women enter the pub. Both men jump behind the bar, trying to hide.

They look at each other and one says "Do you see those two women? The one on the left is my wife and I'm having an affair with the one on the rig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four men are waiting for their wives in a marital ward.

edit: maternity ward, sorry my vocab is crap

They're all very anxious about becoming a father. After waiting some time, the doctor appears and congratulates the first man.

"Congratulations, your wife had twins!"

The man was relieved, but was a bit surprised. "What a coincidence...

A man is walking by his son's room, when he hears him praying...

...and he decides to poke his head in the door to see what he is saying.

"Dear God, I love Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Bye bye Grandpa."

The father thought this was strange, but didn't pay much mind to it, as his young son was just expressing his feelings.

The next day the man...

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.

*A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime.*

Daughter: God bless mommy and god bless daddy and god bless grandma and... goodbye grandpa.

Dad: why did you say that?

Daughter: I don't know, I just felt like saying it.

*The next day, grandpa drops ...

In the English language, the word "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" has the most number of syllables at 19.

This narrowly beats out the runner-up, "Gloria" (18 syllables).

Source: Catholic Exchange




Note: full disclosure, I heard this absolutely glorious (hah!) joke years ago, but when I was retelling it earlier thought of another way to set it up. It's just a grand coincidence t...

Teacher : Can anyone give an example of COINCIDENCE?

Student : Yes, teacher. My mum and dad married on the same day, same time.

When you just found out by a coincidence you have two aunts named Lee.

A pair aunt lee just happened

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is visiting a prostitute when she is noticing he seems distraught.

She asks him what's bothering him.

He tells her, "I sell furniture and if the furniture business doesn't pick up soon, I'll lose my ass"

She replies, "That's a funny coincidence. If the ass business doesn't pick up soon, I'll lose my furniture!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed....

A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know dadd...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad overhears his daughter...

One day, a dad overheard his daughter praying in her room. She said "bless mom, bless dad, bless grandmom, goodbye grandad". He found this weird but didn't say anything. A few hours later the family finds out that her grandad had passed away. The dad freaked out initially, but chalked it up to coinc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cellmates are talking on their first night in prison

They ask the first one, "so what are you in for, Mr. Weed?"

"Well, it's ironic, but I was actually busted by the cops with weed. How about you, Mr. Koch?"

"You're not gonna believe this, but I was actually caught with coke."

Amused at the coincidence, they turn to the third man....

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

My Vietnamese friends just got married, but by coincidence share the same last name so there was no hassle...

It was a Nguyễn-Nguyễn situation.

A dad walks by his son's bedroom...

And hears the kid praying. "God bless mommy, daddy and grandma. Tata, grandpa." The dad can't help but scratch his head. Still, he was glad his kid was praying. And so he went to bed.

The next morning, Grandpa was found dead on the floor of a heart attack. The dad is weirded out again, but de...

What is an atheist's favorite movie?

Coincidence on 34th Street

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The farmer and the ringmaster

Once upon a time, in a rural area, there was a poor, uneducated farmer.

One time, a circus came to the town. The farmer decided to visit it. After all, having spent all his life in his hometown, he had never seen such a thing. He was so excited and impressed.

During the ope...

Almost all coins look the same

This must be what we call a coincidence

A Jewish man was at home

A Jewish man was at home when his son came home and told him:

“Guess what dad, I just converted to Christianity!”

The man, confused about his son’s sudden decision, goes to his friend’s house and explains to him what happened. He replies:

“You won’t believe what happened. My son...

A man is listening to his daughter pray one night.

The daughter says, “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, and goodbye grandpa!” The dad asks her, “Why did you say goodbye grandpa?” She replies, “I don’t know, it just felt right.” The next morning the grandpa sadly dies. The man rubs it off as a coincidence and listens to her pray a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white guy gets “Wendy” tattooed on his dick.

It only shows “Wy” when flaccid.

He goes on vacation to Jamaica. In the bathroom peeing, he glances over at a Jamaican guy next to him and sees “Wy” tattooed on his dick too.

He says, What a coincidence! Is your wife named Wendy too?

The Jamaican man notices the guy’s dick tat...

Three old men are lounging in chairs on the beach in the French Riviera.

One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. With the insurance money I was able to retire here."

Another said, "Well that's a coincidence. I had a business that had a gas leak and blew up and the insurance money allowed me to retire here."

The third guy said, "You'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Monday and John called his boss because he was sick.

"Boss, can I get a day off? I'm sick today."

"No problem, you will make it up when you feel better. Is it something serious and will you be gone for a longer period?", the boss asked.

"I'll be coming in tomorrow, don't worry" John replied."Great, I will see you tomorrow then."

T...

An anti-vaxxer got a call from the Doctor.

The doctor said "Your test results are in and I'm afraid it's not good news."

"Nonsense," replied the anti-vaxxer. "I don't trust your pharmaceutical industry. My entire life I relied on homeopathic remedies instead of medication, and the only diagnosis I accept is based on my horoscope."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scott go into a bar:

The three men order themselves a pint. In a strange coincidence a fly lands in each mans brew.
The Englishman says, "I, I cont drink this. May i ave another?"
The Scot grunts and chugs his beer down fly and all.
The Irishman leans down really close, grabs the fly by it's wing and screams "S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and and Irishman all enter a pub, sit down at the bar, and each orders a pint.

By some incredible coincidence, three flies come along and each one lands in a separate glass.

The Englishman pushes his glass away in disgust and demands that it be replaced on the house.

The Scotsman scoops the fly out of his beer, drops it on the bar top, and continues to sip.
...

A father sees his 5 year old son praying in the middle of the night

He finds it odd but listens closely to it. The kid was praying 'Good night mommy, good night daddy, good night granny, bye bye grandpa'. The father finds it weird but doesn't think much about it. The next day he hears that his father in law is dead. The father finds it abnormal but thinks that it is...

Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

3 Guys Go To A Ski Lodge, But There Aren't Enough Rooms...

So they're forced to share a bed.

Middle of the night comes around and the guy on the right wakes up hysterical claiming he had the most wildest dream--someone was giving him a hand job!

The guy on the left woke up and from all the ruckus and said that's an awful coincidence...he was ...

Golfer: "You must be the world's worst caddy!"

Caddy: "No, that would be too much of a coincidence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a slip of the tongue

A guy boards the flight and looks over at his row mate to see they have something in common and strikes up a conversation-

Guy 1 - Wow, what a coincidence. We both have a black eye!

Guy 2 - Yeah, it was really just a slip of the tongue. I was at the ticket counter and the woman behind ...

A man wakes up on the 7th of July at 7 o'clock

When he wakes up, he checks his phone and sees that he has 7 missed calls and 7 messages from 7 differents persons. He finds the coincidence pretty funny, gets out of bed with a big smile and gets in his car.

Before starting the engine, he checks on his phone the location of his meeting, when...

To all the people who listen to my Indian accent and automatically assume I’m in IT, let me tell you something.

That’s just a coincidence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the doctor, and finds out that he's got chlamydia on his toes...

The Doc says, "Hmmm... what an odd coincidence. Last week I had a woman show up with a case of athletes cunt!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man takes a seat at a bar and waves at the bartender. “Gimme a shot of whiskey.”

Another man at the bar, notices his accent and asks, “You sound like a fellow Irishman. What county do you come from?”

“I come from Kildare” the man replies.

“Me too! What town in Kildare?”

“Maynooth, born and raised,” the man says.

“Me too! What a coincidence. What p...

The boy went to say his nightly prayers....

His father listened from the door as the boy said "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, God Bless Grandma, goodbye grandpa"
The next day the family awoke to found the grandpa dead, but brushed it off as an awful coincidence.
A few days go by and the boy is saying his prayer "God bless mommy, God ...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man are chatting in a bar. The Englishman says "We named my son George because he was born on St. George's Day".

The Scotsman says "Wow, what a coincidence! My son is called Andrew because he was born on St. Andrew's Day"

The Irishman says "I can't believe it! Wait till I tell you about our Pancake"

Guy walks in to an optometrist office and sais "Eye-Doctor"?...

Doctor sais, "oh what a coincidence,
I doctor too"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew goes into a brothel

— Hello, I’d like to hire the services of a woman called Alice

— What a coincidence, that’s my name. What do you want done?

— I… I want to be pegged

— Oh, how kinky. Why are you looking for this, my sweet mohel?

— Because I’ve always wanted someone named Alice to find out...

Did you know

Did you know ,

Jack the Ripper and

Whinnie the pooh

Both have the same middle names

Coincidence

1 stolen jokes an accident

1 stolen jokes an accident, 2 stolen jokes a coincidence and thousands of stolen jokes is r/jokes

An astrologer went to the doctor for her lab results.

*Before the doctor could say anything, the astrologer asks* What's your zodiac sign?

Doctor: Gemini

Astrologer: I knew it, Gemini are the most studious of all the zodiac sign.

Doctor: What's your zodiac sign?

Astrologer: Cancer.

Doctor: **What a coincidence.**

A Jewish man has a son...

...and he is very disappointed in his son's lack of interest in their faith. So he decides to send his son to Israel to learn a thing or two about Judaism.

When the son returns, the father asks "did you have a good trip?"

"So great, Dad. I learned so much, saw some great historical la...

a professional pickup line

A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting by herself at the bar. He sits next to her and, before he can say a word, she turns to him and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason." "What a coincidence," he replies. "I'm a lawyer, too."

A father heard his daughter praying inside her room...

Daughter: "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, Goodbye grandpa..."
Dad: Honey, why did you say "goodbye grandpa"?
Daughter: I don't know daddy, it just feels right.

The grandpa died the following day but that dad thought it's just a coincidence.
One week later, he he...

Doctor: "what's your zodiac sign?"

Patient: "I'm a cancer, why?"

Doctor: "oh, what a coincidence!"

A man and a woman meet in an elevator.

After making small talk the man asks the lady where she's headed.

" I'm going to the blood bank. They're paying 10 dollars to everyone who donates blood this week. " she responded.

The man responded back, " Oh, what a coincidence. I'm headed to the sperm bank. They are paying 100 do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf with the boss

A man and his boss skip work one weekday afternoon for a round of golf. They tee off at 1:00 and after 2 holes they catch up to a twosome of women. The women are playing unbearably slowly.

After waiting nearly an hour to play a hole, the men discuss how to get around these slow-playing wome...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.