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You Like To Jokes

What do you call friends you like to eat with?

Tastebuds

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said.

They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight gue...

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What movie would you like to see?”

I said, “You pick.”

She said, “You pick.”

I said, “I don’t care. You pick.”

She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

Would you like to hear a joke about nitric oxide?

No

Upon arriving in hell, I was surprised to find a clerk asking me, “In which military would you like to serve?” Turns out Alexander the Great, Napoleon, and Otto Von Bismarck overthrew Satan centuries ago and have been fighting each other ever since.

"Oh, that’s an easy one, ” I reply.

The clerk looked at me, skeptical.


“You don’t even want to talk to a recruiter? They can tell you all about the perks of each side.”

“No thank you. I know Napoleon will never lose.”

“Well, that’s a pretty stron...

- In a scale 1 to 10, how much do you like to argue?

\- Would it be possible to make the scale from 1 to 20?

\- No

\- Why not?!

Would you like to hear a construction joke?

**Well, I’m still working on it...**

The gas Argon walks into a bar. The barkeeper says "What would you like to drink?"

But Argon doesn't react.

What would you like to name your horse?

Me: Mayo

Stablemaster: Why? He's not even a white horse!

Mayo: *neighs*

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"

Blonde: "In three months."

Would you like to be the sun of my life?

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?


Her: Awww... Yes!!!


Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

Hello, I am crow. Would you like to give to charity?

Caw caw caw caw


.......


It's four good caws.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you like to have sex while listening to music, always pick a live album

... that way you'll get applauded every 3-4 minutes

Me: Would you like to join us for some beers after work?

Coworker: No, my Faith doesn’t allow that.

Me: Oh sorry, are you a Christian?

Coworker: Yes, but Faith is my wife’s name.

Interviewer: How would you like to spend a nice weekend?

Interviewer: " A: Spending you time with your wife, or...."

Old Man: "B, B, B!!!"

Man: would you like to go out after this drink?

Women: I have a boyfriend

Man: Thats fine, but I’ve to close the bar.

Would you like to try Ethiopian food?

So would they

Waiter: Would you like to hear today’s special?

Me: Yes, please. Thank you.

Waiter: Sure. Today is special.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Would you like to dance?

A man noticed his friends had been feeling down lately so he decided to set them up on a date. He told the first friend that he knew a great girl and the man was overjoyed, but he warned his friend that she was very self conscious of her weight and not to bring it up. No problem.

He called t...

Would you like to hear a german joke?

Tut mir leid so ein Ding existiert nicht

Edit 1: Grammar

Girl: What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people.

Girl: Really? I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends.

Guy: I know.

I asked my stepson "what would you like to call me"

"Pop" goes the weasel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which fast food joint would you like to see in space?

Personally, I'd love to see Five Guys on Uranus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl said to me "Would you like to go out?"

Happily, I replied "Yes, please."

"Good," she smiled. "Now get the fuck out of my house. I don't know how you got in but every second you stay here I get more uncomfortable"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you like to have after sex?

My money back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute says to a Yorkshireman, "Would you like to sleep with me for 100 quid?"

The Yorkshireman says, "I'm not tired, but I could do with the money"

Husband asks wife 'What would you like to do with my body?

Wife 'Identify it'

Would you like to go and eat some dried fruit?

Great, then it‘s a date!

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