UPJOKE
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What prehistoric animal is the fastest at wrapping gifts?

The Velociraptor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

I don't mean to brag... but my Christmas wrapping is art. I wrap presents like it's an extension of my soul.

It just so happens my soul is twisted, torn, and barely held together with tape.

What’s the difference between wrapping paper with tape, and what’s wrapped inside it?

One is some present supplies and the other is a pleasant surprise.

My sister hates Christmas because it means wrapping, and she hates wrapping.

I tried to motivate her by saying she was more than capable of wrapping, but she wouldn’t listen. So I decided to help by dropping a beat for her.

What's better than a tall woman wrapping her legs around you?

A short woman trying like hell.

A poor man, a well off middle class man, and an extremely wealthy man in the 1% find themselves at the same event. The poor man and middle class man run into the wealthy man when they find out there's complimentary donuts and arrive to see him wrapping up 10 of the last 12 donuts and pocketing them

As the wealthy man is leaving he walks up to the middle class guy, motions to the poor man and whispers in his ear: "watch out, he's trying to take your donut.

I tried wrapping all the presents this year

But I just don't have the gift.

My friend is really good at wrapping presents

…you could say he’s gifted

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Gift for sweetheart

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for her
birthday. As they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration
he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but
not too personal.

Accompanied by the sweetheart's sister, he w...

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A Russian and Irish wrestler.....

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.
Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in ...

Wrapping paper isn't horrible.....

it's tear-able!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man needs a Christmas gift for his new girlfriend. . .

A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they’ve only been dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift – romantic, yet not too personal.

He asks the girlfriend’s younger sister to accompany him to buy them then she can point out a pair she’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam.

He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, except a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher g...

A gift from Kanye

A gal walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I got an anonymous gift for Valentine's Day, but I'm pretty sure it's actually from Kanye West," she tells the bartender. "What makes you think that?" the bartender asks. "The bad wrapping," she replies.

Wrapping Paper Cowboy

A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper.

Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were als...

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