Parcel Jokes

I replied, "You've got the wrong house then, haven't you?"

She told me, “ I don’t want a lot for Christmas.”

I'm still hiding, I'm hungry and it's dark, help!

"If not in, leave with neighbours."

I tried one more time and nobody answered, so I walked to their neighbour's front door.

A young couple answered. I said, "Get in the van, I've been told to take you with me."

I wonder who's sending the other one?

But another stamp will just make it heavyer

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 18.
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I think I've got the shakes.

A dwarf rides up to a brothel on the back of a donkey holding a honeycomb wrapped in oilskin. He walks up to the madam.

"My good woman, I've been alone on the road for weeks. I would trade you this donkey," he said, gesturing at the beast he rode in on, "For a room and a woman, and this honey... read more

We aim to deliver your parcel tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.

Pasta Parcel.

Pasta parcel

"Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now."

Parcel-y

I thought I’d try and impress the postman today. I woke up in a great mood and I KNEW my parcel was being delivered today, so I thought I’d try and make the postman’s day a little better too. So I had breakfast, made myself a coffee and sat by the door waiting for him.

11am, he strolls up th... read more

When parcel is delivered in Car it’s called SHIPMent . When delivered in Ship it’s called CARgo

The police officer then gets out of the car, and asks an old gentleman, "who owns the property?" The old man tells the officer that he does, and asks what he can do for him.

The officer, “I’m here to inspect your property for illegally grown drugs.” The old gentleman says, “Well, you go righ... read more

Bill Parcells

Pass the parcel

"Hi sir, UPS, I've got a parcel for your next door neighbour"

"Oh then you've got the wrong house sir, he lives over there, bye"

Parcel Tongue

A good friend of mine died last week. His wife asked me to speak at his funeral, but to please keep it short. When the time came, I was pretty emotional, but I was able to do it. I stood up, walked to the front of the room, and said "A small parcel of undeveloped land". I guess it was what she wante... read more

I sent recently sent Reddit a joke about receiving parcels. Half of the viewers said they didn't get it. Must've been a problem with the delivery.

Parcel-tongue

Parcel-tongue

Where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked.

I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son.... read more

He said that my Parcel was too heavy and that I needed to put more stamps on it like that's going to make it lighter.

His English is remarkably good, and we were talking about the difficulties of our jobs during the pandemic.

"It's a complete hassle being a delivery man at the moment", I told him. "We have to be extremely careful handling the mail and we have to stand back, wait and watch to see that people ... read more

A woman is driving with her son in the back seat to a new drive through service that allows for letter and parcel drop offs without having to get out of the car. It's supposed to be convenient.

When she gets there to drop off her letter there's a boom gate and a sign that says, "this boom gat... read more

Parcel tongue

And cannot escape. They do however get to chose the method of their deaths.

the American goes first, surrounded by the tribe, his friends tied up watching, he asks for his shotgun and one shell. He declares "Long live the dollar and the American way!" And puts the muzzle up under his chin and... read more