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Dad, a girl invited me over to her house

"Oh that is great, Billy. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises... Actually, no. I don't trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget." ...

Person 1 says: I like Eminem

Person 2 says: Well, I prefer Skittles.
Person 1 says: No- I meant the rapper.
Person 2 says, confused: Why would you eat the wrapper?

Guys, stop making jokes about Eminem and the candy M and M's

He's just a wrapper

My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.

It gets her Snickers in a Twix.

What do you call an Amazon warehouse worker who likes hip hop?

A bubble wrapper

(My 15yo son came up with this while assembling his computer chair popping the bubble wrap to a beat)

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe....

They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time.

The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!”

The brunette mom opens her daughter’s purse second, holding ...

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Speed demon Grandma

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually join...

"The garbage needs to go out. It's full of candy wrappers."

"Is Eminem in there?"

How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King didn’t put a wrapper on his Whopper.



Funny in 3rd grade, still funny now.

Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents?

Because Kanye is Trump's favourite wrapper.

I have a York Patty Wrapper from 1941

Its in mint condition

What is the difference between a professional wrapper and a professional rapper?

One is employed seasonally and the other is unemployed!

What do radical Islamic wrappers spit?

Allahu Ak-BARS

The best joke I ever heard from a Laffy Taffy wrapper

Why do kangaroos hate rainy days?
...
The kids have to play inside.

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An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

What's the best smelling insect?

This was found on the back of my Laffy Taffy wrapper. The answer is deodor-ant.

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be ab...

Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?

They can’t get the wrappers off them...

Really annoyed my Wife last week by opening a box of celebrations...

I changed all of the wrappers around.

She really got her Snickers in a Twix!

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Long, but worth the read. Wrote it myself.

In the darkest corner of my basement I sat alone. Eyes puffy from hours of crying and yet tears still streamed down my face. A lone snot bubble formed as I wiped my nose on my sleeve. I refused to use my hands. I looked down and in the pale moonlight streaming through the window I could tell the...

A young man's grandma finds his condoms

She has never seen one before, and after opening the pack, carries it to him and asks "It said 'condom' on the wrapper. What's this for?"

The man is naturally a little embarrassed about the situation, and thinking quickly replies "Oh, they keep my cigarettes dry when it rains!"

Thinki...

Why does Nick Cannon refuse to celebrate Christmas?

Because he is a terrible wrapper.

A little boy excitedly rushes into a candy store that sold some unusual goods...

Inside he meets the owner who takes him around the store and shows him all of the products. There were lots of different ones, candy shaped like a dog biscuit, the grass a cow would eat, the worms a bird would eat and even one that looked like a T-bone steak!

The boy is awe-struck and can’t ...

Do you like M&Ms?

Yeh, I like the candy and the wrapper

What’s the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?

Traffic Jam

**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.

M&Ms should change their packaging.

They should make it a white wrapper.

Condoms were invented in Afghanistan

At first, they were just wrappers made of goat skin.

Then the Americans came along and improved them. By taking it out of the goat.

Why should you keep the package that M&M's are put in when you buy them?

Because M&M is the best wrapper

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Six chocolate bars

An old man, sitting on his porch one nice day, sees a chubby little boy walk down the street to the store. On the way back the boy is carrying six chocolate bars, and proceeds to sit down not far from the old man's lawn, peel open the chocolate bar wrappers one by one and eat the candy inside. Whe...

Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled?

Because he's a bad wrapper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monkey Business

A man goes to the zoo on his day off, he is walking around checking out the animals. Then he gets to the gorilla exhibit.

A huge bruiser is sitting there, chilling. The guy finishes his sandwich and tosses the wrapper in the garbage bin. The gorilla grabs a piece of paper lying close and tos...

Why are the streets of North Korea so clean?

Because your life is worth more then a gum wrapper!

Christmas Jokes!

Saw these Christmas one-liners. If everyone is drunk at Christmas, these might be funny!

Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: a wrapper!

Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: Why is Santa so jolly...

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I found my daughters diary and read it.

So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.

For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out...

A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.


One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for anothe...

What is a Mathematician's favorite thing to drink?

Root beer.

(tbh: found on a Laffy taffy wrapper)

What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around while I go on ahead.

Credit goes to a Laffy Taffy wrapper from some years ago.

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Man a Gets Job as 'Chief Tester' at a Durex Factory!

A man goes for a job in a Durex factory. The interview goes great and the lucky guy is offered the job immediately. The interviewer asks "would you like to see what you will be doing?" and the man agrees it would be good to get a feel for his new task.

They walk out into a large manufacturing...

I found an unused condom that broke

I call it Chance the Wrapper

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Need help figuring out a Laffy Taffy joke

I just got this joke on a Laffy Taffy wrapper, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what this jerk-off Kyle P. is trying to get across. The joke is, what did the x-ray say to the broken bone? That bone should get a loan!

Why is the x-ray machine saying this? Is the joke that it rhymes? ...

What do you call an Elf that sings?

A wrapper!

Merry Christmas.


I hope you got what you wished for. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Emigrating to America

Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York.

Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed ...

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Snowboarders will Understand

Four snowboarders - a German, a Swiss, an Australian, and a Canadian - are taking a chairlift up a mountain. The German boarder pulls out a bottle of beer from his jacket, drinks it, and tosses the empty over the side.
"Ah," he sighs. "We have so much beer in Germany!"
Next the Swiss boarder ...

What's more impressive than the talking dragon?

A spelling bee.

Credit goes to a cheesestick wrapper!

I just did 50 crunches in an hour...

the wrappers are everywhere.

Just been reading how more people die from choking on sweets' packaging than the sweets themselves.

Gums don't kill people, wrappers do.

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