What did the Catholic Church say when they first saw the Shroud of Turin?
“Holy sheet!”
A patient walks into an optometrist's office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there's any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
"Doctor, I think am having hallucinations. Every time I open my eyes, I see really dark things. Evil. Malice. Hatred. Plague. I am seeing the worst in everything. Nothing look...
A man and his wife go on a vacation
Days pass until unfortunately, the wife dies.
At the funeral parlor, the undertaker approaches the man and after offering his condolences, says
'We have a wide range of services. We can bury your wife in a coffin like Christians, we can have a cremation like indians, mummification ...
My dad told me this one so i thought i might share
In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.
He finds him, and asks:
– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"
He pauses for a second, looks a...
A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...
So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.
Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...
Grim Reaper
Late last night, I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, I saw Death come to take me. He stuck out one bony finger from his shroud and motioned for me to follow.
“Please!” I begged. Just give me a few more years.” Death just silently shook his head.
“I’ll do anything,” I exclai...
A couple had their first daughter and were deciding on a name.
The man decides he wants to call her Hope. The woman says “I like Love, let’s call her that!” They come to the resolution to name her Love, since that’s what the wife wanted so badly. Times goes by and baby Love is born a happy baby. Love continued to be a happy baby all through elementary school. H...
In the early 1400's, a little town in France was down on its luck...
Unemployment was high, and everyone who needed money pretty much lived their lives in front of the job board in the middle of the town.
Well, one fine morning, the city priest walked to the center of town and posted a page that read, 'Help Wanted: Bell Ringer.' The groans that pervaded the cr...
(long) Three men die together and end up in front of the gates of Heaven...
St. Peter states to the three men "It is not widely known but in order to get into Heaven, you need to answer a simple question about religion." so, he turns to the first man and asks, "what is Easter?"
The man pauses and says, "Is that the holiday where we gather around the table with our fa...
a man wakes up on a merchant ship after a night of heavy drinking
upon waking, he is greeted by the ship's captain, who offers him a hearty handshake and a loaf of bread.
The man quickly realizes he's been shanghaied and asks when and where he will be able to get back to shore.
the captain laughs and says, "well it's going to be a few months young ma...
Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.
Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.
"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...
Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog
He sat and sighed beside the road -
His engine's gasket blown.
His car was old and cold and towed.
The man was left alone.
-
'I need to find a place to stay
Until it's fixed,' he spoke -
But as he rose to walk away
Arrived a band of folk. ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The Watchmaker
The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.
But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...
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