Someone just throw a handful of Omega 3 capsules at me.

I'm OK though, they are just super fish oil injuries.

Today is going to be an exciting day for me, we are going to find the time capsule i buried when I was a kid

I Can't wait to see how big my puppy has got

A man on my street used to fill his own prescription pills.

He'd buy the capsules and fill them with powder.

After 10 years of filling prescriptions for the neighborhood, it was discovered that he was drying out dead cats and grinding them into powder to fill the capsules.

He was a caterpillar.

Sorry.

What do you call a time capsule from WWII?

A mine.

Want to come out of the capsule and do a spacewalk with me?

No pressure.

For my graduating class' 20th reunion, we're digging up our time capsule from freshman year

I cant wait to see how big my dog Sparky got

A story with a happy ending

I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig."

โ€œWell, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry. I can'...

Timmy meets his future self...

Little Timmy was awakened from a sound sleep to a bright flash and a strange capsule like object in his bedroom. As Timmy cowered with his sheet pulled up to his chin, a door opened and out stepped a man who was the adult version of Timmy. In a soothing voice he told Timmy that he was his future s...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man buys a drink at a bar...

and places it down next to him deep in thought.

Suddenly a biker enters the bar and sits down next to the man, takes his drink and downs it one gulp.

"watcha gonna do?" the biker sneers.

The man breaks down into tears.

"Shit man, I didn't think you were going to cry, man ...

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