The 117+ Best Tube Jokes

Two English gentlemen are commuters, using the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”

One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
“Give me a da...

A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

Now that Elon Musk has bought Twitter and laid off half the staff, he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook and doing the same with them. To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…

…He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

A bloke bumped in to me on the tube the other day and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."

I told the officer I w...

Looking back, I'm glad I didn't get that YouTube internship

I really dodged a bullet

Is it okay to compare a man getting “the snip” with a woman getting her tubes tied?

After all, there isn’t a vas deferens between the two ovum

I replaced my friend's chapstick with a tube of glue.

So far, he hasn't said anything about it.

After I broke up with my short girlfriend, she started a YouTube channel dedicated to trashing me.

I said "well that's a little ex stream"

Found this on YouTube a few years ago

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest b...

What do you call five tubes of human toothpaste?

The winners of the 2023 Darwin Awards!

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

A duck walks into a pharmacy, grabs a tube of Chapstick® and puts it on the counter.

Cashier says, "That'll be $2. Cash or card?"

The duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

What do you call the YouTube channel of a werewolf who works on submarines to stay out of the way of full moons and copies all the documents for the captain?

Lycan sub scribe

It's 2023, and I still tell my subscribers on YouTube to wear a mask.

Because who knows? My video could go viral.

What do you call a werewolf on YouTube?

A Lycansubscribe.

What Do You Call A YouTube Sensation With A Computer Virus?

A social influenza.

Does anyone else remember seeing the Annoying Orange on YouTube?

I sure do.

He was in the white house for four years.

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I had an operation on my penis the other day, they shoved a tube down my shaft.

It was very eye opening.

Now that there are YouTube shorts does that make all the other videos longs?

Or Pants?

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Hey guys, YouTube recommended me a video on "How to identify if a guy is gay".

Easiest would be to ask them, then again we wouldn't know if they're gonna give a straight answer.

One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge...

It'll be called YouTwitFace.

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What's the difference between your mother, and your father's hamster tube?

One's a fat prostitute and the other's a fat prostate chute.

Sometimes, when Mother’s Day comes around, I feel bad for all those test tube babies

…who didn’t have a mother.

But then I remember they got a womb with a view.

If you have a child, you can name them “one million subscribers on YouTube”

Then you can tell people you hit one million subscribers on YouTube

Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolate?

So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.

The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"

The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"

The Pope excla...

At the tube station earlier I saw a homeless man sitting on the floor with a three legged dog next to a sign that read: “Help, I’m starving.”

He can’t be that hungry, he hasn’t even finished his dog.

Dad, do you know how much toothpaste is in one tube?

"No I don't. How much?"

"from the couch to the TV stand and back."

Four worms were placed in four separate test tubes

The first was filled with beer, the second with wine, the third with whiskey, and the last with water.

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

- Worm in beer: dead
- Worm in wine: dead
- Worm in whiskey: dead
- Worm in water: alive

The teacher asks, "Wh...

My wife is into these pimple popping videos on YouTube.

She's completely abcessed.

This racist blonde with 3 kids got her tubes tied...

because she read that 1 child in 4 is black.

What do chemists like to watch on YouTube?

Reaction videos.

What is the benefit of being a test tube baby?

Having a womb with a view.

What Is The Difference Between A Tube And A Foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder, and the other a silly Hollander.

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Okay I'm going to reach back in my memory here and pull out an old Buddy Hackett jokes. If you've never heard of him before I'd suggest that you look him up on YouTube. He was in a few movies. The one I remember was was it's a mad mad mad mad world. I might have missed a mad or two on the title.

So I'm walking down the street one day. Minding my own business. When down the middle of the street. To Hurst came by. One following the other. Behind that, there was a man with the biggest dog I've ever seen in my life. And behind that it was like 97 guys, all with their wallet in their hand. So be...

YouTube disabled the dislike counter.

I would say that everyone disliked that, but I honestly can't tell.

What does YouTube and the US Police have in common?

They take people down before they're proven innocent.

What do adult cam models and anti-vaxxers have in common?

Both always end up lying in bed deep-throating a plastic tube.

What is the most popular tree on YouTube?

A face plant

I had a dream (true story) that I was watching YouTube videos on how to turn large animals into cars.

Taxidermy.

How did the man feel when he dropped his tube of toothpaste?

Crest-fallen

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Just saw a junkie at Wal-Mart put his whole dick in a tube of Planter's Cashews

Dude was fucking nuts.

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In the next few months, Jeff Bezos plans to go into space. There he will be forced to stay inside a small metal room and piss in a tube.

I guess he is just trying to relate to his employees.

Two people walk onto a stage, both holding metal tubes. One sings and the other raps. How do you tell which is which before they start performing?

Easy: The singer’s got pipes, and the rapper’s got bars.

What happened to Satan’s YouTube channel?

It got demon-itized

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What do YouTube and Small Penis fetishists have in common?

They both only fuck the little guy.

My dumbass brother made a YouTube video by firing dad's taser at the camera.

What happened next will shock you.

How do you identify a Christian extremist YouTube video without watching it?

It has 665 likes.

I keep seeing clips from “An Inconvenient Truth” on my YouTube homepage...

Must just be the Al Gore-ithim

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In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

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Most YouTube ads are only unskippable for 5 seconds, so they try to cram something surprising + the brand name in the first 5 seconds of the ad.

Hence you get ads that are basically Samuel L. Jackson screaming "Capital One, mothafucka!"

“YouTube Red” is a mouthful of a name.

Why not just call it “RedTube”?

A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top.

She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits.

Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, "Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me."

The bartender replies, "What makes you think she's a balle...

You know what happens when you post a Legend of Zelda song on YouTube...

A copyright strike is imminintendo.

After 8 months of trial and error, hundreds of hours of YouTube, losing money, almost giving up, I can finally say I made my first $100 trading stocks

Never mind, I'm in the red again.

What is a pirates favorite YouTube genre?

ASM ARRR!!

My mom is like a YouTube apology video

She never admits she’s wrong

What is common between YouTube and our government?

Both break their own laws

A gem from the YouTube comment section

"This watch has tremendous sentimental value to me. My father sold it to me on his deathbed." -Woody Allen

I wanted to make a joke criticising YouTube and how ridiculous it's gotten in there

But first, a word from our sponsor RAID: Shadow Legends!

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Saw this joke on YouTube and originally disliked it, but I eventually came around to it. (I'll change it up a bit, though.)

There's this single dad with three kids. One day, the circus comes to town. The guy says, "Come on, kids. Let's go to the circus."

So they get there, and they sit in the front row. The elephants come out, the jugglers come out, and the clowns come out. One clown says in a funny voice, "Uh, ca...

How do you support a werewolves YouTube channel?

You lycan subscribe.

I randomly encountered a video on YouTube that’s says "How to stop procrasinating”

I thought it was beneficial to me since I am constantly procrastinating, so I saved it to watch later

I saw all the people complaining about inappropriate YouTube ads, and at first I thought they were kidding. Then I saw a Trojan condoms ad.

I thought they were horsing around.

I once met a girl who confused a tube of KY Jelly with super glue

I asked her how it happened, but sadly her lips were sealed.

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When two people kiss, they create a long tube....

...with a butt hole at each end.

My YouTube video with no audio just got taken down.

John Cage gave me a copyright strike.

Most people hate clickbait YouTube titles and thumbnails.

But this clickbait Reddit post is way worse.

What does Jeffery Epstein and me being offered 30 days of YouTube premium have in common?

We both skip the trial.

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

What is the wealthy dude who makes bread on YouTube called?

Mr Yeast

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

What does 2020, YouTube’s algorithm, and Reddit’s karma calculator, have in common?

Nobody knows how it really works and is just hoping for the best.

Way too much time on my hands so I decided to make a bong out of a pineapple and paper towel tube. Didn't want to leave the house, so tried to smoke oregano, but found it really hurt my throat. Tried black pepper, but it just made me sneeze...

Moved on to some ground ginger, but the smoke made my eyes water.

Went on the internet where it says banana peels can be smoked, but couldn't get them dry enough to combust.

Checked under the sofa cushion, found an old bent up cigarette, placed it in the bowl, took a deep hit and real...

As I watched an ongoing fued between two YouTube makeup influencers I couldnt help but wonder...

Was this because their relationship was based on a bad foundation?

40 years ago today, Louise Brown became the first test tube baby...

She had a womb with a view.

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YouTube rewind 2019

That's it, the whole fucking joke

I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

I made a YouTube video about the violence I endured as a writer on board a U-boat

Just hit subscribe.

Why will the Moon replace YouTube

It has lots of big craters

This joke brought to you by my girlfriend, you wouldn't know her, she goes to a different school .

I dropped the expired blood tubes as I was handing them to my coworker

Now there’s bad blood between us

So a horse is watching YouTube and...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the m...

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A tube of toothpaste is a real asshole design.

You can get the stuff out, but you can't get it back in.

YouTube reminds me of your mom

It went down on all of America last night.

You tube

Police say their investigation into the shooting at the YouTube headquarters has been hampered by having to sit through a 5 second advert before interviewing each witness

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My chemist wife sometimes uses a test tube as a dildo

She likes it but I think its fucking vial

My wife said she would leave me if i suggested getting her tubes tied again...

But i think she's just ovaryacting.

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What do you call the world's sexiest test tube baby?

Danny DeVitro

Why should you turn off autoplay before showing your kid a YouTube video?

You never know what Elsa's coming on next.

When YouTube keeps recommending Iron Man videos after you seen Endgame

“Everywhere I go, I see his face”

A terrible YouTube joke

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Demon."

"Demon who?"

**"DEMONETISATION!"**

I saw a YouTube video where a magician had ten of his friends climb up on a platform, then he made them all disappear.

It was really amazing! A magician with friends!

What is the difference between baseball players and London Tube drivers?

Baseball players are out after three strikes.

2 test tubes

‘We have two test tubes here,’ said the professor of IVF studies from Monash University. ‘They contain two carefully synthesized ingredients that we can now use to create human life. Solution A is a genetically engineered copy of all the ingredients in the female ovum, while Solution B replicates th...

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YouTube Review 2018 actually does represent the year 2018 pretty well...

Shitty

I started reading YouTube comments recently

Because cutting myself just wasn't doing the trick anymore.

I like those comedy shorts you see on YouTube sometimes.

Or 'dwarves', if you want to be all politically correct about it.

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Taking diet advice from people on YouTube...

Is like taking sex advice from me.

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

What do Baptist churches and YouTube comment sections have in common?

They both claim that they're first.

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So, A man walks into bar with a cat in a pringles tube and an emu...

The bartender asks where he got an emu.

"I was down in india, doing a bit of vacationing, when I found an oil lamp lying by the side of the road. Naturally, I rubbed it, and a genie popped out! That's how I got these here animals."

"You wished for a cat and an emu?" the bartender a...

YouTube is the nicest company ever...

They just want to even the playing field so their competitors have a chance to catch up to them.

The recent shooting at YouTube was pretty terrible.

I guess the shooter had one too many videos demonitized.

A kid asks his dad how much toothpaste is in a tube. He says "i don't know..."

Kid: "it's almost from the bathroom to the kitchen!"

NSFW: Sperm 1: God I'm getting tired! How long 'til we reach the fallopian tubes?

Sperm 2: Still a long way to go..........We've only passed the tonsils.

I uploaded a video to YouTube of me filming around my windowless house.

Zero views.

I got the tube to work today.

Good job too! I haven't been able to use toothpaste all week.

What is a YouTube Heroes favorite comment?

[removed]

I’m starting a YouTube channel about my fixation with lizards and snakes. What am I going to call it?

A Reptile Dysfunction

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

If life was a YouTube video...

Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.

Did you hear about the aspiring YouTube star that died from the flu?

He finally went viral.

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What's the worst thing about being a test tube baby?

... knowing your dad's a wanker

I went to make a joke on the Para-Olympic's YouTube channel

but the comments were disabled.

Why did the test tube go to college?

To become a graduated cylinder.

I decided to watch some YouTube videos today

Should I sell my car or house first

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a tube of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

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