Weddings Jokes

After the ceremonies and wedding meals, all three grooms happened to be at the bar at the same time and they got talking about how they were looking forward to their wedding nights.

The first groom said "Hey we should let each other know how we got on. How about, at breakfast, the number of ... read more

He liked to keep them brief:

Gorbachev: You want to marry her?

Groom: Da

Gorbachev: You want to marry him ?

Bride: Da

Gorbachev: Then so be it.

He was a master of the So-be-it union

They've only gotta invite one family

Oh, they're not picky at all! They just want their rings to have several carats.

Dearly beloved
We are scattered here today

Because they only use one side of the church

Can't-elope

So now I just do the same to them at funerals.

A dishtroyer.

They cantaloupe

You know why Jedis stay single?

Any fight, they use Divorce

They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Turns out he was pretty baroque after all.

the older guests would come over and poke me saying "You're next.". They stopped doing it when I started doing it to them at funerals.

At a Catholic wedding, the bride is pregnant.

At a Mormon wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.

At a United Church wedding, the minister is pregnant.

At a Unitarian wedding, the minister and her wife are both pregnant.

*Adapted poorly from a joke about Jewish denominat... read more

The cantelope

Especially since I'm not a great dancer. Most of the songs tell you what to do. Like when they play "Do The Twist," you twist. They play "Jump Around", you jump around ... There was, however, that unfortunate night I got kicked out when the DJ played "Come On Eileen."

it seemed that all my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in he ribs and say, "You're next". They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

A Huge Grant

As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thou... read more

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, *“Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”*


We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

Because they loose a friend on both occasions.

I normally have to ask which side is for the groom and which is for the bride but in Alabama, they're all family!

All the old aunts would grab my cheek and whisper in a conspiring voice "You're next."

They only stopped saying it when I began doing the same to them at funerals.

Because they can't elope

The husband-to-be wakes up in the morning, plays a round of golf and counts the minutes until he has to be at the altar.
The wife-to-be, on the other hand, wakes up in the morning and is panicking. She immediately begins to organize things, making sure everything is in proper order. In her mind ... read more

Remember when you’d go to a wedding and all the old dears and grannies would come up to you - they’d start poking you in the ribs with their pointy fingers and say ‘you’re next, you’re next’ with a big grin on their face...

Well I put an end to all of that - I started doing the same thing bac... read more

Being asked to be the ring bearer

Duxedos!

After all a Dothraki wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair.

Even the cake is in tiers!

At the reception, the old folks always came to me telling: "You're next! You're next!"

This suddenly stopped after I started doing the same at funeral services.