2 christians were stranded in a desert.

The first was called John and the second was called Jack. They were extremely hungry and thirsty.

In the distance, they saw a mosque gleaming in the middle of no where.

John suggested to go and pay the mosque's Imam a visit and ask for some food and water. Jack agreed but suggested to ...

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone get...

There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.

So John and Mike went to the Mosque ...

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One day after sex, my girl told me she used to be a Christian.

Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."

Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."

I was Christian before...

A muslim man flirting with a woman

Woman: I was Christian before

Muslim Man: I dont care. I dont mind what your religion is. What is important is that I like you.

Woman: You dont understand. That was my name before. Christian

A Christian couple have a baby

Miraculously, when the baby is delivered it starts talking to the midwives. The vicar present points to the baby and cries joyously, "Look! The Father hath come unto this child!" The baby looks at the vicar annoyed and says, "Tell me about it, you'd think they could have waited till I was out!"

Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rustling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive grizzly charging towards him!

He runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams: "God! Help me!"

Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent, and the river stops running. Then the atheist hears a powerful voice: "You have denied my ex...

My Buddhist friend was stopped by a Christian

They asked if she would consider following the word of Jesus Christ. She replied, “no thanks, but maybe next time around.”

Two prawns, Steve and Christian are hanging out when they meet a magic Cod.

The Magic Cod grants them each a wish.

Christian wishes for a lovely big prawn house. Poof! He has a lovely big prawn house.

Steve wishes to become a shark so nobody would mess with him anymore. Poof! Steve's a shark.

Over the coming weeks the two grow apart, Steve's getting ...

Saving a Christian

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”

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He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

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He said, “Yes.”

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I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

&#x200...

Jesus asks a Christian, "What's up with all those crosses? Which part of my story makes you think I like crosses?"

The Christian replies: "I don't know, but you seem to be quite attached to them."

A Jew, Christian and Muslim sitting in a room

Because they are friends

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John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

I named my cat Christian ...

...because it was grey.

Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs?

He's a Pabst-ist.

Edited to help /u/visualshocker get the joke

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A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew are watching the Super Bowl.

Sitting directly behind one of the field goals, they've had the best seats in the house to a terrific contest.

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With only one second left on the clock, a kicker runs up to potentially seal victory.

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He kicks the ball hard and true, and it sails rig...

Christian Drugs

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciple...

Muslim, Christian and a Buddhist

A Muslim a Christian and a Buddhist argue about which god is real, so they decide to jump of a cliff and prove the other wrong.

The Christian goes first.

On his way down he says " Jesus Jesus Jesus " and dies on impact

The Buddhist goes second.

On his way down he says " ...

I broke up with my girlfriend when she told me she used to be Christian.

I only knew her as Christina and this was too much of a shock.

I'll never forget the Do's and Don'ts my Christian Health teacher taught me in highschool.

Do's: Don't

Don'ts: Do

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A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while . . .

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as ...

In the shark infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns, one called Justin and the other called Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed-upon prawn. “I hate being a prawn,” says Justin. “I wish I were a shark.”

Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. “Your wish is granted,” he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid that his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-maneater lonely and frustrated. So...

Jack, a renown atheist, dies...

... and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, ...

Marie is a devout Christian

She gets married and, in the next years, has 12 kids. Shortly after her last child is born, her husband dies. A few months later she remarries and, over the following years, has another 15 kids. However, like her first husband, her second husband dies after her last child is born.

Refusing to...

A Christian priest, a Muslim priest and a rabbi are asked what method they use to give money with God and the community.

The Christain priest goes first. He draws a circle and throws all the money into the air. "Whatever falls into the inner part of the circle is mine, whatever falls on the outer side of the circle is God's and the communities.

The Muslim priest goes second. He draws a straight line and throws ...

An atheist goes for a walk in the woods.

“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked ...

What did the christian say to the ladies at the gym?

Hallowed be thy gains

Will be opening up a Christian gym soon.

Can't decide what to call it, Jehovah's Fitness, or CrossFit.

A Christian, Muslim, and atheist walk into a bar

And they wake up in the hospital a few hours later with minor head injuries.

Why the hell would you walk into a bar?

After many faithful years as a Christian, John's dedication finally paid off as he found himself the girl of his dreams.

At the wedding he walks over to his best friend for advice.
"Hey man! What is it that I'm supposed to do when I get her all alone after the wedding?"
"Ah, that's simple. You just take your most prized-possession and stick it in where she pees."
"Ah! Thanks dude!"
"No problem!" ...

A Christian, a Jew, a Pagan, a Muslim, and an atheist walk into a cafe

They drink coffee and have a reasonable, mild-mannered conversation because they're adults.

A joke I heard from my pastor last sunday

A Buddhist, a Muslim and a Christian quarrels over whose god is the most powerful. They eventually decided to have a competition by showing that their god can save them from a grave danger.

So they all went to the edge of a cliff. The buddhist said "I will jump off this cliff but as I call t...

What did Jesus say after he resurrected on the third day?

“You crossed the wrong guy”



I think all the redditors will agree, with this joke, I nailed it

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends

A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie.

One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio...

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A Jewish man and a Christian man are on a plane

On this plane, they have a debate about which religion is more valid. Neither manages to convince the other, but it was a nice friendly conversation. Suddenly, the plane starts to smoke, and ends up crashing in the ocean. Once they're on the safety raft, and the Christian sees the Jewish man cross h...

I used to be Christian....

Her: I used to be Christian.

Him: It’s all right, I don’t really care for those sorts of things.

Her; Thank god! It’s so much better now that I’m Christine!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wi...

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There was an earthquake at the Christian Brothers' monastery and it was leveled.

All fifty brothers were transported to heaven at the one time.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Let's go through the entry test as a group. Now, first question. How many of you have played around with little boys?"

Forty-nine hands went up.

"Right!" said St. Peter. "You for...

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Why does Jesus hate Christian rock?

#Because it fucking sucks.

TIL Christian bands have a favourite chord.

G sus

The Muslim kid who went to a Christian school.

There was this Muslim family who went to a regular public school. Their child wasn’t doing well in school. They thought he needed more attention, so they put him in a private Christian school. When he went there, his grades skyrocketed, and as soon as he got home he would run up to his room and stud...

"I used to be a Christian"

The girl said. The boy chuckled "that's fine what made you Convert?"
The girl turned and said "I feel more like a Christina than a Christian"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew, and an atheist go to a coffee shop

A Muslim, a Christian, a Jew and an atheist go to a coffee shop ... and they communicate, have fun, drink coffee, and become good friends. This is what happens when people are not assholes.

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi...

A priest, a swami, and a rabbi were arguing as to who were the best at their job. So they decided to go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it to their respective religion. After several hours, they met up again at a local disco to share the result of their venture.

The priest...

I found a wallet today and as a good Christian I thought, "what would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine.

I was born Christian.

Then I changed my name when I was old enough.

A group of Christians are tasked with changing a lightbulb.

The Charismatic changes it easily; his hands are already up.

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The Roman Catholic refuses; he prefers candles.

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The Pentecostal changes it while his friends pray against the Lord of Darkness.

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The Christian Scientist can't,...

Two prawns called Christian and Terry are out for their morning swim.

Soon they happen upon a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wi...

How many good Christian women are there?

There are nun.

Three christian missionaries stumble upon a cannibal tribe in a tropical jungle

They are immediately captured, and taken back to the village.

​

The first missionary is brought in front of the chief, who amazingly speaks good English.

He tells the first missionary, "head out into the jungle, find a single fruit, and bring ten of its kind back. Don...

I have a Christian friend who only eats fish

He’s a prescyterian

Christians don't get angry.

They get cross.

A Christian, an Athiest, and a Vegan walk into a bar...

How do you know? Because they all told you

A doctor, priest, policeman, dog, Christian, comedian, blind man, Rabbi, firefighter, and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says, "My life is a joke."

Why are christians not able to do trigonometry?

Because Jesus took away their sin.

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I was talking to a Christian the other day...

He said gay sex is wrong in his eyes. I told him your supposed to put it in your bum.

A detective ask a Christian after him saved a couple from house fire....

Detective : "You're a brave. Not everyone has courageous to jump in a burning house like you".

Christian smile: "It's my duty as a Christian to save other."

Detective : " So do you know why this house suddenly caught on fire?"

Christian : " 5 years ago when they moved in here , ...

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My girlfriend’s parents don’t like me because I’m not Christian.

I’m religious,.

They just like that son of a bitch Christian more.

Why do Christians hate science?

They always think of it as two Adams bonding.

A Christian Arab was talking to a Muslim Arab...

They were both arguing on why wine is not allowed. While they were talking the Muslim Arab's wife brought out grapes.

The Christian Man pointed at the grapes and said "the wine comes from the grape so what is the difference".

Next to the Christian man sat his wife and daughter. The Ar...

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A Jewish guy sat down opposite a Christian man in front of the church,

As services began, people walked in and stared down the Jew. They then put *obviously* large bills into the Christian man’s plate. This went on for a few days until the priest decided to help the Jew out. “Son. I don’t really think this is a great place for you to try and collect money. Maybe go in ...

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."

The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm ...

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Shower sex is like Christian rock

It sounds exciting at first but then it's just awkward and disappointing

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.

They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.

The Christian draws a circle and says, “We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.”

The Muslim says, “No no no. Whate...

A man dies, and wakes up on a beach...

There is nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy.

Suddenly, Satan comes up to him. "Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me." he says....

A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man.

Following the words of the Bible, "Be fruitful and multiply," they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact.

A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman'...

I've got a Christian mobile

It's pray as you go

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Breaking: Evangelical Christian scientists have devised "a cure for homosexuality"!

One problem: It's a repeat-application suppository

"i used to be a Christian"

She said to her boyfriend, he replies "that's ok, I don't mind" relieved she says "oh that's great, I'm so much more comfortable being Christine"

Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.

The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:

'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"

"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.

Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the chu...

One day every Christian woman on the earth became pregnant

Millions of women suddenly all become pregnant at once, the odd thing was that all of the newly pregnant women were Christian so the pope decided to hold a press conference the next day

A man stood up in the crowd and said "look we all know why we're here, do you have any idea why all your fe...

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A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew walk into a bar...

After a few drinks, they start talking about how they came to their respective faiths. The Christian tells his story first: "One day I was traveling across the Atlantic Ocean when we got caught in a terrible rainstorm. I had lost complete control of the ship, so I got down on my knees and prayed to ...

My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.

It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

To combat drug addiction, Christians are now rebranding herion as "Jesus"

One should never take the Lord's name in vein.

A Buddhist, a Muslim, and a Christian all jump off from the top of a 100-floor building to prove their faith can save them.

The Buddhist jumps first. As he's falling, he chants "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha." Sure enough, about halfway into falling down, he magically starts slowing down and he gently lands on the sidewalk. "Thank you, Buddha." he says with tears.

T...

A Buddhist, a Christian, and a Muslim are standing on the top of a cliff.

The Buddhist says, "If I jump, Buddha will save me" and he jumps. As he's flying toward his doom, he's yelling "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha!" When he is about to hit the ground, a large hand swoops in and carries him to safety.

The Christian, seeing this, says, "If Buddha saved the Buddhis...

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Why do Christians hate Gays..?

Cos the last time a dude got nailed..

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oh, my," said...

A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it.

“Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he’s decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”

The rabbi strokes his beard and says, “Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up...

2 Christians are lost in the Arabian desert

The first day is hot, and they're miserable after running out of food and water. The night is surprisingly cold and even worse than the day. The second day and night are even worse.

On the third morning, hotter than the past 2 days, they see a mosque. "We're saved!" exclaims one. The othe...

I got banned from a Christian dating site

I suppose "hung like Jesus" *was* a poor choice for a username.

A nice Christian joke

A man asks his wife to make him coffee, she refuses and states that he should instead make her coffee. He asks her why he should make her coffee and she says it's because the Bible says so. He states that if she can proove that the Bible says so he will fold and make her a cup of coffee. So she take...