Mosque Jokes

They hadn't had food or water for days, and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.

"Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some food and something to drink. You'll be Hassan, and I'll be Muhammed", said Roger.

"No way, man. ... read more

Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. The... read more

And when you stepped out of the mosque and into the street, you could be sure you would come across a beggar or two. Some were so regular that they were almost glued to their chosen spots. Mulla Nasruddin knew that this was a good place for them to be. After all, people came out from their prayers f... read more

The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....

Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire . The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...

The Mosque denied all responsibility!

So, the judge... read more

It's because they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

They both only care about the prophet

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

Imagine my disappointment when I found out the reason why you take your shoes off is not because there is a bouncy castle inside.

Elon's Mosque

Qurantine!

The mosquito is smaller.

The government, via the local mosque, announces that every married couple will receive 100, 000 rupees for every child they have, as a sort of relief check.

Johnny, a poor man with 7 kids, hears this joke.

He tells his wife, "O wife, we have 7 kids, and we will receive 700,000 rupees ... read more

I don't know, I just fly the drones.

A mosquito.

The Imam asks, "Why the wrong faith?"

In a church you see pew, pew pew.

In a mosque you hear pew pew pew.

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their la... read more

Although a waiting list has been set up.

The Priest and the Imam are back first, the Priest proclaims to have held a discussion with a bear and it would be attending his church next week.

The Imam says he too held a discussion with a bear, but it will be in the mosque tomorrow to begin studying for it's new faith.

After a whi... read more

The mosque

On the downside I'm now banned from ever entering any mosque again!

Were lost and looking for food/water. They found in the middle of the day a small city with a mosque in its entrance. The two men decided to go look for charity there. Before going in they had a discussion:
Man 1: I don't think they will provide us with food knowing that we're Christians, I'll sa... read more

David and Michael were going on a safari where they got lost and their car stopped working, they started wondering throughout the desert. With food and water supply almost ending and no reception anywhere they were desperately looking for help. After a very long time in the heat of the desert and al... read more

Their car broke down and they were wandering for hours. It's midday and the sun was scorching hot. They're lost, hungry and their throat were parched. In the distance they saw a huge mosque.

Man 1: Let's pretend to be Muslims and they'll give us food and water.

Man 2: You go ahead and... read more

I've been in both.

Bob and Steve, happened to be lost in Arabian desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque.

Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is
Mohammad, and you say that your name is Ahmed, this way we'll get some food! Deal?"

Steve s... read more

A mosque-ito.

Old Muslim joke.

Giorno and Gyro are lost in Morocco, they are hungry, they haven't eaten anything for 1 day.

Gyro sees a mosque :

- Gyro : hey it’s a mosque maybe we can ask for food.
- Giorno : we aren’t Muslims they probably won’t give us any food.
- Gyro : we can c... read more

So they finally come across a mosque, and guy1 says "I'm going to tell the imam my name is Mohammed so he'll give me free food and drinks." Guy2 says "its not a good idea, I'm gonna tell him my real name." So they enter the mosque and find the imam, and they say their names. Imam says "nice to meet ... read more

An Elon Mosque

He has no idea how jokes work.

He'd be Elon Mosque.

Mosque-y toe control is essential.

Mike and David are stranded in the desert. They've been walking for ages without food or even a sip of water. All of a sudden in the baron wasteland they find a mosque. David and mike agree that it is their best bet to go to the mosque because there'll be food and shelter. On the way to the mosque m... read more

A Mosque-Keto

The priest explains his process: « the way I do things is very simple. First, I take a big piece of chalk and draw a circle around myself. After that I take the money in my hands, throw it up in the air and what falls inside the circle is for me while all the money that falls outside is for the Lor... read more

Apparently a revolving mosque makes it difficult to pray towards Mecca.

Credit: comedian Milton Jones, king of the one-liners.

The rabbi says “I draw a small circle onto the ground, then I throw all the money into the air. The coins that land in the circle I keep for myself. The rest is for Jehovah and the synagogue”

The imam replies “I do almost the same. I draw a big circle onto the group, throw the money and every... read more

As they step inside, a ferarri pulls up and a man in red robes steps out with a beautiful blonde on his arm.

Shocked at such impropriety from a Cardinal, the pope asks Jesus what is going on.

"Oh," says Jesus, "he was a pious, celibate man his whole life, so dad gave him the opportuni... read more

A blonde woman decided that she was sick and tired of white men assuming she was stupid and easy because of her hair. She decided to buy a Muslim head covering and convert instead. After some diligent Googling, she set out to the mall to buy a Niqaab.
The next day she decided to sport it at the l... read more

They began to feel very hungry and thirsty. Then they saw a nearby mosque. Their names were Chris and Michael and Chris suggested to change names to Muslim names so they would give them food. Chris changed his to Ahmed but Michael refused and didn't change it. They approached the Sheikh of the mosqu... read more

Two guys, John and James, survive a plane crash in the middle of the desert. With nothing better to do, and no food or water, they set out in search of civilisation.

A long while goes by, over which time they develop a fierce hunger. Suddenly, off in the distance, they spot a building. Excit... read more

Mosque-itos!

Two Christian missionaries, David and Michael, were lost in a scorching desert, dying of thirst and hunger when they saw a mosque up front.

David said: “Michael, let’s pretend we are Muslims. Otherwise, we will not get any food or water and we will die. My name will be Ahmed. What will be yo... read more

Both christians, one named John and the other named Thomas. They were starving and about to collapse when they spotted a Mosque, They rushed there for help. The Imam came out and asked for their names, John came up with 'Abdullah' in a panic and Thomas just said his name. The Imam hastily told the p... read more

"I draw a circle" said the Priest, "I throw all the money in the air and whatever lands in the circle goes to my church, all the rest goes to God."
"I draw a line" said the Imam, "I throw all the money in the air and whatever lands on the left goes to my mosque, whatever lands on the right goes t... read more

The local Muslim community had raised enough money to build a new house of worship, but others in the community wanted to send the money as aid to less privileged countries. To choose what they would do with the money, the leaders of the Islamic community decided to have an event where everyone coul... read more