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Bob's wife was very mad at him for forgetting their anniversary...

At this point, she had enough of Bob's shit. "When I wake up tomorrow, I expect to see something shiny and silver that can go from 0-300 in under 4 seconds!" said the wife.



When she awoke the next morning, to her surprise she noticed a box with a bow in the garage. When she opened it ...

Today would have been my 20th wedding anniversary, so I remembered this joke...

People gather for a 20th wedding anniversary at the couple's house, but husband is missing, as the party is about to start. Wife goes looking for her husband and finally finds him curled up and sobbing in a corner of the attic.

"What's the matter, dear? The guests are here, party is about to...

An elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary.

It was a beautiful thing to see.

Amid the jolly celebrations, the old man leaned closer to his wife and softly whispered, "Dear, we have been married for 50 years now, and I want to assure you that these past 50 years were the happiest time of my life. But there's one thing that has always be...

I took my wife skating for our anniversary today

Which sounds a lot better than I lost control of the car on the ice and she died

I actually just realized that cake day is your Reddit anniversary and not your birthday because of a notification I just got.

It’s me. I’m the joke.

Today is the anniversary of the Diet of Worms

Another weight loss fad

50th Wedding Anniversary

It's the morning of a couple's 50th wedding anniversary. They're sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast and reading the newspaper.

The wife looks at the husband and says "you know, if this was 50 years ago, we'd be sitting at this table naked".

The husband replies "you know wha...

My wife was giving a speech at her parents’ wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it.

Now I’ll never hear the end of it.

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My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared...

How does President-Elect Biden Celebrate his anniversary?

Netflix & Jill.

Anniversary dinner

A husband takes his wife out to dinner for their anniversary. They both order lobster and a salad.
After a few bites of her salad the wife started holding her mouth as if in pain. The husband asks whats wrong? She said "This salad is extremely cold!" The husband replied "Of course, it's made wi...

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Happy Anniversary

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f...

How many people does it take to celebrate an anniversary in Reddit?

Dozens

Old married couple eating a quiet 50th anniversary dinner

A husband and a wife are celebrating their 50 year anniversary by having some dinner. After being together for so long they don’t have many secrets but the husband always wanted to know.

“Hey honey, have you ever cheated on me? We’ve been together so long it doesn’t even matter, but I’d li...

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Two old southern bells are having iced tea

They are reminiscing of their younger years on their wraparound porch of an 18th century plantation home.


The first lady recounts in a charming antebellum drawl: "You see these earrings? These 24k gold diamond earrings? My husband got me these on our 5th anniversary."


The seco...

As we observe the anniversary of 9/11 today, remember...

All buildings matter.

For our upcoming anniversary, my wife wanted something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.

I bought her a scale.

It's farmers Wilma and Henry's 60th wedding anniversary and Henry would like to "do it" once again.

Like when they were young, beautiful and wild, in the farm yard, against the fence, under the caresses of the sun and the fresh breeze.

Wilma ponders a moment and then agrees and so they go, and begin, and quickly Wilma goes off like a rocket. They make love like crazy and when they're done, ...

It was the day of my anniversary, and I had forgotten to buy my wife a present.

In a panic, I told her that my gift was that I would cook her whatever she wanted for dinner. She said she'd always wanted to try escargot, a fancy French dish made of snails and she wanted me to go out and buy them. So I went out and bought a bag of snails, but it was early in the evening so I thou...

It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"...

I said "Its a scarf"...

Italian Anniversary

At the church's husbands' marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th
wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to
stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I've-a tried ...

30th Wedding Anniversary

On her 30th wedding anniversary a woman is asked what advice she would have for new brides.....

The woman's response: If you poison him now you will be out on parole within 30 years.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife wo...

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A man wants to show his devotion to his wife for their 1 year anniversary...

A man wants to show his devotion to his wife for their 1 year anniversary the next day, and gets her name "Wendy", tatooed on his penis. When he comes home that night, he tells Wendy he has a surprise for her. He undresses and shows off his dong to her, but she is confused.

"Why did you get "...

Anniversary gifts

A friend of mine was explaining to me that she wasn't sure what to get her boyfriend for their upcoming anniversary but that he was dropping hints about matador equipment and communist paraphernalia. I told her those are big red flags.

Respectfully cheating

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. ...

This year is my wool anniversary so I got my wife dryer balls.

After seeing the gift she told me she got me blue ones.

Wife: How time passes, it's our 30th anniversary tomorrow, and it still feels like we got married yesterday.

Husband: Only the prisoner feels the slow passage of time, not the jailer.

Son: "Hey Dad, Happy 25th Anniversary. Jeez! Almost all my friend's parents are divorced. What did you have to do to stay married for this long?"

Dad: "Keep mum."

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Wedding Anniversary

*Two old friends were talking*

"When I and my wife made 25 years of marriage I took her on a trip to Japan"

"Really? And what are you going to do to celebrate your 50 years wedding anniversary?"

"I'm bringing her back"

A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary

They celebrate it in the same hotel as where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.

The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife "isn't it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?" The wife replies saying "yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50...

A husband and wife are out to dinner for their anniversary...

The husband raises his glass and toasts “To 50 wonderful years together. It may not have always been easy, but I have always loved you and been honest with you, and I hope you have always loved and been honest with me as well”

The wife replies, “Well, remember when we were first married and y...

NSFW A man returns to work on Tuesday after a long weekend due to his 25th wedding anniversary he had celebrated over the weekend. His buddies were happy to see him and wanted to know how his little vacation was. "Perfect!", he replied. "I came home, and nobody was home. So I went upstairs to

the bedroom and there she was; naked and on all fours, and she tells me happy anniversary, you can do whatever you want to me!
His friends asked, "So what did you do!?!?"
He replied, "I sent her to her mother's!"

My wife and I just celebrated 10 years of a happy marriage!

Coincidentally it happened to be our 30th anniversary.

Bought my wife a clock for our anniversary

Because, there's no present , like the time.

There was a couple celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary by having a round of golf together as was their weekly custom since they had met.

The husband was set to tee off as his wife was waiting for her turn in the cart.

"You know honey?" the husband said. "I have a confessions to make. Years ago, after we were first married, i had an affair. It did not last long but i never told you and i wanted to tell you now."

His wif...

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.


Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I cou...

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Anniversary

Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their
honor.



"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ....'Sorry I'm
running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know
how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift...

25th Anniversary

A loving couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary privately at home with a couple of bottles of champagne. Tipsy and feeling very intimate, the husband asked, "Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

"Hmmm," she replied. "Since you ask, I have been unfaithful on th...

A couple was celebrating their 25th anniversary and their 60th birthdays.

The wife gave her husband a lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie popped out and gave him one wish. The husband said,” I wish that I had a wife that was 20 years younger than me!” So the genie made him 80 years old.

Due to covid-19, I am not able to have a wonderful wagyu steak dinner at a restaurant for my anniversary

Usually it's due to the lack of money.

Wedding anniversary gifts can be pricey: 5 year celebration gift is Silverware, 15 years are Rubies and Pearls are 30. Now, at 31 years there is finally one I can get behind,

we're going to Baskin-Robbins.

Baked beans

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a...

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A man and his wife visit Las Vegas for their 15th anniversary. Being the spontaneous couple they always have been the husband decides that their first night he will do all the planning.

They go out a fancy steak dinner and he pays extra to have the band sing their wedding song tableside and serenade his wife. She melts.

He then takes her to a magic show and pays extra to have her involved in the main act as the woman who disappears within the act. She is beaming with joy....

My wife told me that she wanted to see a huge ring on our anniversary...

So I got her tickets to Wrestlemania.

My head chef had his 10 year anniversary in work today. I put some salt and pepper on him.

He's a seasoned professional

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And then the fight started . . .

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'
  
And then the fight started...

----------

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do yo...

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A lesson in etiquette

Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle.

Eliza says to the other two, "You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings."

"How wonderful!...

For the 1 year anniversary of the priest Jhon at a church many people came hearing the mayor speech.

The mayor was late so the priest Jhon started talking:

-You know first my expectations for this city was really low the first man who confesses to me was an horrible human being. He cheats on his wife multiple time with different women, he lies to everyone and admits being corrupted in his jo...

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50th anniversary

For their 50th wedding anniversary, an elderly couple in their 80s decided to relive their honeymoon. They got the same room in the same little cottage in the small town the got married in those many years ago.

While her husband excused himself to go to the bathroom, the wife thought she'd s...

It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days and in a rare tender moment, he described the first time he ever laid eyes on Melania...

..and clicked 'add to cart'

wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary

husband: sure , why not

wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.

husband: sure

wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .

husband: sure. keep your ph...

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Anniversary fantasy

A man and wife were married for almost 15 years but their sexual life was lacking. The husband desperately wanted to please his wife so he said,

“honey whenever we have sex you don’t seem to be having any pleasure, tell me your fantasy, anything and I’ll do it”

She says “Well... there ...

Today is my parents 44th wedding anniversary! And all I can think it is…

Why did they get married so many times?

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Anniversary idea

For my wife and I's first wedding anniversary, we made a bet that the first one to wake up would have to surprise the other one with oral sex. Well, when the day came I was the first to wake up, so I rolled over, pulled the bed covers back, and slooooowwwwllllyyyyy shoved my dick in her mouth.

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A woman asks her husband where he’s taking them for their 20th anniversary

“To Japan,” replies her husband.

“Oh my! That’s wonderful!” said the woman with extreme joy. She then asked, “and where will you take us for our 30th anniversary?”

“I’ll go pick you up.”

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary...

I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

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A Poor Man And A Rich Man

Once there were to buddies. One was a poor man who worked all his life, the other a rich man whom owned several businesses.

They did a lot together. Got married the same day, had kids around the same time.

When It came time for their 50th wedding anniversary the to men were contemplati...

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A friend wished me a happy anniversary

"How long have you been married?"

Me: "Two fucking years."

Wife: "Umm, it's been five years."

Me: "Thank you honey. I was just getting to that part. ...and three non-fucking years."

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A few years back, I dated a Weather Girl...

When she broke up with me on our first anniversary, she said

"Our sex life is like the rainfall in Egypt. 7 inches a year."

But it's funny, I don't remember fucking her a second time.

It’s the anniversary of my dear grandfather’s death, and I’ll never forget what he said to me right before he kicked the bucket.

He said,

“wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?”

As you may know, we have approached the 10th anniversary on the death of Michael Jackson...

I think we should pause and think of all those he's touched.

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It's Bill and Hillary Clinton's fiftieth anniversary...

As they sat over a candle lit dinner, Hillary made a confession. "Bill," she says. "You know that box in the basement you told me never to open?"
"Yes" says Bill.
"It had been bothering me for years and finally curiosity won over. I opened it."
Bill sighed in disappointment. Hillary asked...

Buzz Aldrin and Mike Collins were invited to the White House to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing...

Buzz got to enter the White House and meet with the president, but Mike had to spend the entire visit driving in circles around the White House.

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A man and his wife were sharing their very first wedding anniversary... (NSFW)

The wife says "Honey, I'll do anything you want for you tonight"

Husband replies "Nice! How about a 69er!"

"I can't, I'm on my period!"

"I don't give a fuck!"

"Well" she says, "if you don't care then I certainly don't, let's do it."

So they are going at it for a bi...

A soviet worker wants to surprise his wife for their 10 year anniversary

A poor, soviet worker, who works in a vacuum factory wants to make his wife a present for their 10 year anniversary. He has barely enough money to survive tho, so he hatches a plan:

every day while standing at the production line he steals one vacuum part and brings it home. After a few week...

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Today is my wife and I's anniversary...

I wanted to have sex, but she wanted to go to Outback Steakhouse. Her parents suggested that we go to church and renew our vows. We compromised.

So we did it outback by the church.

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I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

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For his 50th wedding anniversary, a man decided to buy some lingerie for his wife.

He went to one of the finer stores in town and asked to see some of their nightgowns. When the salesperson brought out the first item he asked how much it was and was told $100. “I’d like something a little more sheer” said the gentleman. The salesperson brought out a second item, whereupon the gent...

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A Rich man and a poor man.

Rich man and a poor man, got the same wedding anniversary. standing on Madison Ave. shopping and talking about gifts. The poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife, and he says he got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes.

The poor man asks why, to which the rich man responds "if she dont l...

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What Does an anniversary, a clitoris and a toilet have in common?

Men usually miss all 3

This year was the 18th anniversary of 9/11.

Now 9/11 is finally old enough to die for its country.

Red Skeleton’s Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I...

I have known my girlfriend, Edith, for three years now and today I finally bought her a gold ring for our anniversary.

Edith: wow thank you, that is my first gold!

I tried to book a trip over the phone today

"I'd like to take my wife to her favourite US state for our anniversary," I said.

"Which state is that then?" the salesman replied.

"Alaska," I responded.

"Don't you think you should have found out *before* you made the call so you weren't wasting my time?" the salesman said ang...

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For our silver wedding anniversary I got a map of the world, gave my wife a dart, and said we'd go wherever the dart lands!

I'm happy to announce in october were going to spend a lovely 2 weeks by the fucking skirting board!

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It’s the night of a couples 70th wedding anniversary

The wife wants to do something special for the husband. She says “I’ll be right back” and runs into the bathroom, strips down, and puts a cape on. She come out of the room and says “super pussy!” The husband responds, “ill have the soup”

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An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern...

The husband leans over and asks his wife,
“Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you.”
“Yes,” she says,
“I remember it well.”
“OK,” he says,
“how about taking a strol...

In their 5th marriage anniversary the guy took his wife to china

when he came back his friend asked him "what did you do for the anniversary?"

"I took her to china", the man said.

his friend: "wow, that was only for your 5th anniversary, I wonder what you gonna do for your 50th one?"

he replied: "I'm gonna go get her back".

Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:

Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it....

Husband: "I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary" - Wife: "Nothing would please me more"

Husband: *Gets her nothing instead*

My wife told me she wants something more wild for our anniversary

so i surprised her with a trip to the zoo!

...

it's 12:00AM now, i still don't know why she's in that outfit and upset

For the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, they're building a restaurant up there.

The food is good, but there's no atmosphere.

This is my 27th wedding anniversary, does anyone know the gift for that year?

Is it concrete or lead?

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A husband and wife are eating at Hooters for their 20th anniversary.

A busty gorgeous blond waitress comes up and asks them what they'd like to drink.
"Oh my god you are gorgeous." Said the husband with the intent of pissing his wife off.
His wife just shook her head and smiled.
"Why don't you introduce your wife to her you pig, or better yet, introduce her...

A couple who's been married for 25 years are discussing their anniversary plans

Wife: what do you plan to give me on our silver wedding anniversary?

Husband: Surprise! I'm taking you to Europe!

Wife: Wow! How are you going to top that on our golden anniversary?

Husband: Well, I suppose I'll pick you up!

Two men, Mark and Steve and a woman were having a threesome

And suddenly they hear the woman's husband pulling into drive way. Startled, men could not find proper places to hide. Mark goes into cupboard and Steve climbs into attic, hoping that husband wouldn't notice.

Husband enters the bedroom, sees his wife lying naked and goes into bed with her. Fe...

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Bob and Mary are celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary.

The local news decides to do an op-ed on them. The reporter asks Bob, You two have been married 75 years, what's your secret?

Bob says...Well on our honeymoon, we decide to take a trip to the Grand Canyon. We rent some donkeys and start our adventure. An hour in, Mary's donkey slips on some ...

Wife: “It’s our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?”

Husband: “With a minute of silence.”

Who says guys don’t remember anniversaries!

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wip...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, when...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all ...

For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to China

For our 50th I plan on picking her up

A woman is being interviewed for jury selection

She says to the judge, “I can’t be on the jury since I don’t believe in capital punishment.”

The judge replies, “Don’t worry, ma’am. This case is about a man who promised his wife an expensive necklace for their anniversary but blew all the money playing roulette.”

“Oh, in that case,” ...

Today is my dad’s anniversary

I know he is in a better place. He is following my every step, watching my every move and listening to my every word. Congratulations dad for you 10 year work anniversary at Google.

25th anniversary

Wife to husband- ” this is our 25th anniversary, didn't even realise how time has passed”

Husband - ” hmm inmates realise the time, not the jailer... ”

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I tried to be romantic and gave my wife a certificate for our anniversary

I wrote that she can have great sex anyway she wants it.
She jumped up kissed me on the forehead and said she’ll be back in a couple of hours.

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With the news of the 75th anniversary of the D-Day landings, I remember my Grandfather who died at a concentration camp in Nazi Germany...

He fell out of the guard tower and broke his neck

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"

"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.

"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" an...

For our 35th wedding anniversary, my wife hinted that something in Jade or Coral would be lovely.

Admittedly, they were expensive hookers, but after 35 years of marriage, I thought we deserved it.

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It’s their 50th anniversary and Mary walks into the bedroom wearing a seethrough nightie.

“John “, my darling”, she says seductively. “Do you remember on our wedding night I wore this exact same outfit?”

John says “yes, I remember”

“And do you remember what you said when I first came out of the bathroom and you saw me wearing this?”

“Yes I told you I was going to fuc...

To celebrate their 10th anniversary, Fruit Ninja decides to host a live event.

They decide to commission for an arcade style game/exhibition to be made where the visitors can pick up physical weapons at each of the fruit stations and hit the designated fruit with them. After they hit the fruit the computer would display their score and play a congratulatory tune if they got ab...

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A man is at work on the day of his marriage anniversary...

However, on the same day, his incredibly hot secretary confesses her feelings and offers to have sex with him.

Because he had been stressed over work, the man takes her up on her offer, and the two make love at a nearby hotel room. They went at it so hard to the point that neither realized i...

Today’s my 69th Day Anniversary for my Reddit Account.

Am I in a good position?

A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary.

A married woman has a dream on the night before her anniversary. She dreams that her husband bought her a gift box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

Inside that box was another box.

And inside the fourth box was a glistening diamond ring.<...

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A Couple has their 60th anniversary....

So, at nighttime, the wife gets ready for bed, takes a bath, puts on perfume and a seethrough babydoll. Nothing underneath. She lets her long grey hair open over her shoulders. The husband walks in. Very shy she says: On our wedding night, 60 years ago to this day, it was the first time you saw me n...

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'" "Yeah?!" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?

Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?

A trip to Thailand?

Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary?

Then I pick you up again. :)

What did the Canadian deer say to her boyfriend when he forgot their anniversary?

Do you even caribout me?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An anniversary story

An elderly couple is nearing their 50th wedding anniversary so the husband decides to do something to try and keep things fresh in the bedroom. After 50 years of marriage it’s not such a bad idea.

He goes down to the store and asks the shop assistant to show him a nice shear negligee. She sel...

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

A couple is about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.

The old man goes down to a lingerie store and picks out a sheer little number for his wife.

At home after their anniversary dinner, he gives her the lingerie and tells her to go try it on.

The old lady goes into the bathroom to change, but then says to herself, "That old fart is blind ...

Why was the robot couple’s anniversary in the Fall?

They were autumn mated.

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