What do you get if you cross Islam with Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bom...

TIL: ”Buckwheat” from the “Little Rascals” tv show converted to Islam...

His new name is “Kareem O Wheat”

Islam is the true religion

After all, the universe started with an explosion.

Why did F and H not convert to Islam?

Because Jihad.

Sinead O'Connor has converted to Islam and stated that she "no longer wants to spend time with white people". What a great loss...

For the Islam community.

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

Catholicism has 1.2 billion followers around the globe, second only to Islam with 1.8 billion

But that's okay because the Catholic church doesn't mind coming in a little behind.

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Why is the British weather like Islam?

Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite

What do you call a cow that practices Islam?

A mooslim.

Join Islam and you’ll get seventy virgins in the afterlife

Join Oxfam and you’ll get Haiti.

Islam makes more sense than Christianity

Because the universe was created with the Big Bang.

Eminem has decided to convert to Islam.

He's now known as Muslim Shady.

Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!

Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.

So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic

Imam :So tell me,what happens if a ma...

What do you get when you square root a Muslim?

Radical Islam.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] How are radical Christianity and Islam similar?

They both fuck kids.

I aced the convert-to-Islam test today.

I answered "allah the above"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a man that as sex with his 9 year old wife?

The holiest Prophet of Islam.

I was going to post a joke about radical Islam...

but I feel that would be self-destructive

What do you call a Mexican girl who converts to Islam?

Dora the Exploder

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

A woman converting to Islam

is like a black person converting to slavery.

Islam IS a RACE

to the 7th century.

I think I'm gonna fail my Women in Islam class

The course covers everything

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam.

I told her, "Yeah, it's haram, bae."

Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ.

It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian

What did Miss Piggy become when Kermit converted to Islam?

Haram-Bae

I know Muslims can't eat pork.

Islam ok though?

A fat Hawaiian man recently converted to Islam

Aloha Snack-bar

What did Mohammed Ali do after converting to Islam?

He-jab

Islam is not too popular these days.

So Muslims decided to hire the Mulla Nasreddin ad agency. The agency worked day and night. But due to strict new laws on false advertizing, regulators rejected most of their proposals. Finally after much thought the agency came up with the following slogans.

Islam, 2/3 less wrong than Christi...

Scottish boy asks his dad about Islam

Son: "Ey dad, what is Islam?"

Dad: "Oh, well Sunni, it's a Shiite religion"

I've never heard a good joke about islam...

They've all been a bit shiite

I told my redneck uncle how I learned about the five pillars of Islam.

He said Muslims must all be a bunch of pansies. Just one pillar has always been enough for him, and he sleeps just fine!

About wearing the hijab...(x-post from /r/Islam)

I grew up in a fairly religious household and my parents are both practicing, despite that the hijab was never really something we talked about. My mom keeps a dupatta and wears hijab and burqa when she goes outside but she never taught me to wear it or ever enforced it on me. Recently, I started we...

Why is Islam so unethical towards its employees

Ironically, it's all about prophets

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Christian, a Muslim and a Jew are watching the Super Bowl.

Sitting directly behind one of the field goals, they've had the best seats in the house to a terrific contest.

​

With only one second left on the clock, a kicker runs up to potentially seal victory.

​

He kicks the ball hard and true, and it sails rig...

Kermit the frog wanted to divorce Ms. Piggy

Due to him converting to Islam, he couldn't eat pork.

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

How does a Muslim close a door?

Islam's it

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business...

...when a carload of gun toting, young and very loud tea partiers, shouting anti-Obama, anti-Muslim slogans, with a Gadsden flag duct taped on the trunk and a confederate flag taped to the hood, "All I need to know about Islam, I learned on 9/11" spray painted to the side, pulled up and stopped next...

True story but potential to be a joke (my friends experience this morning on the train)

Woman jumps on the train this morning with a veil type hood covering her hair and her face where you see nothing but the eyes (I dont know religious garments but didn't really look like a religious garment to me). When she gets on, the guy next to her leans over and calmly whispers "You know we live...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was pulled over by a terrorist

The terrorist said " If you are not Islam, you will die"

The man raised his hands and said "I am a muslim"

The terrorist then shouted "Prove it, recite a verse from the Quran"

The man recited "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given t...

If religions were movies...

...then Judaism is the prequel, Christianity is the first sequel, Islam is the second sequel, and Mormonism is the cult fan-fiction based off the first sequel but not the second.

The Arabs invented a time machine.

It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century.