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Islam Jokes

What do you call a Mexican girl who converts to Islam?

Dora the Exploder

Why do islamic people dont play chess?

Because the woman can move freely

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Due to the sad state of my sex life, I have decided to convert to Islam.

My new name is Seldom Bin Laid.

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst

You can't drink alcohol
Or dance.


Women can get Stoned though, no questions asked.

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start?

A: By looking over your shoulder.

We all know Islam hates the West.

Turns out they hate the North, South and East just as much

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Islamic Book Shop

I went into an Islamic book shop the other day. I was walking round, looking for a book but couldn't find what i wanted. Eventually, the cashier came over and asked if he could help. So i said "Do you happen to have the British Immigration Policy Book for Muslims"?
The cashier said angrily "Fuck ...

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Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!

Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.

So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic

Imam :So tell me,what happens if a ma...

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How do you know Jeffrey Epstein converted to Islam?

He was promised 72 virgins in the afterlife and he just couldn’t wait.

I have one Islam joke.

But, I'm afraid I also have one head.

It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bom...

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Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?

They're always just a stone's throw away.

Islam IS a RACE

to the 7th century.

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

Islam is a religion of piece.

There's a piece of you over there, a piece over there, another over there..

I was going to post a joke about radical Islam...

but I feel that would be self-destructive

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Islamic fundamentalist‘s sexdolls

they blow themselves up

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What's the difference between heaven according to Islam and 60 engineering students?

12 virgins

A woman converting to Islam

is like a black person converting to slavery.

When Elon Musk converts to Islam

He'd be Elon Mosque.

I used to think that Islamic countries were tight on their drug laws...

...but that can't be right. They still let women get stoned, don't they?

What did the hungry Islamic Terrorist say when he landed in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar.

Why is the British weather like Islam?

Because it's either Sunni or Shi'ite

You know snow is not a problem in most Islamic countries but...

...ISIS

What do you call an Islamic capitalist?

Profit Muhammad

Knock Knock, Islam

Knock Knock


Who's there?


Allah


Allah who?


Allah who ackbar!!!!


***BOOM***

What’s an Islamic persons opinion of Muhammad?

They’re allah bout him

If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy...

Haram bae?

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[NSFW] How are radical Christianity and Islam similar?

They both fuck kids.

Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ.

It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian

What do you call an Islamic cow?

A Mooslim.

I have a joke about Islamic financing

But there’s no interest .

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While walking through the mall I spotted the Islamic Book Store and I went in.

The clerk asked me, "can I help you?" I said, "yes, can you tell me where I can find Donald Trump's book on refugees?" He turned beet red and said, "eat shit, get the fuck out and stay out." I said, "yes, that's the one, now where is it located?"

How is Islam like a GPS?

You may think you're on the right path, but if you follow it literally, you'll end up crashing into a building.

What do you call a radically Islamic cowboy?

A yeehawdist

About wearing the hijab...(x-post from /r/Islam)

I grew up in a fairly religious household and my parents are both practicing, despite that the hijab was never really something we talked about. My mom keeps a dupatta and wears hijab and burqa when she goes outside but she never taught me to wear it or ever enforced it on me. Recently, I started we...

What’s the difference between an islamic hide out and an Afghan pine nut farm?

I don’t know, I just fly the drones.

A ca. 800 year old joke from Islamic folklore about Mullah Nasruddin

One day, a neighbor whom Mullah Nasruddin didn't like came to see him. The neighbor asked Nasruddin, "May I borrow your donkey?"

Nasruddin did not want to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like. So, he told him, "I would be glad to loan you my donkey. Unfortunately, my brother came y...

What do you do if your Islamic dog bites you?

Muslim

Eminem converted to Islam

Muslim shady

On a hot Ramadan day...

On a hot Ramadan day, the Bektashi and his friend are caught by the police while eating watermelon in public. Both are taken to the police station. The commissioner asks the friend:

"It's the holy month of Ramadan, aren't you ashamed to eat openly?"

The friend, with a bowed head, can't...

What do you call an islamic crime syndicate?

A gang bang

After the Little Rascals Buckwheat converted to Islam...

He is now known as Kareem of Wheat

Which is an Islamic trait?

A.heading
B.heading
C.heading

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

Islam makes more sense than Christianity

Because the universe was created with the Big Bang.

Sky News: Islamic State have been defeated.

Is that the opposite of being beheaded?.

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An Islamic terrorist blows himself up and ascends to paradise.

When he gets there he's greeted by Allah and an elderly lady who immediately wraps her frail arms round the terrorist, removes her false teeth and gives him a huge sloppy kiss.

Confused, the terrorist says, "Allah, I'm sorry to question your benevolence, but I thought there would be 72 virgi...

Did you hear about that Islamic singer?

His songs were Shiite

Catholicism has 1.2 billion followers around the globe, second only to Islam with 1.8 billion

But that's okay because the Catholic church doesn't mind coming in a little behind.

What did Mohammed Ali do after converting to Islam?

He-jab

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Islamic Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a United States Marine Corps General.

As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in
America ."
<...

What do they call cows in Islam?

Moohammed

Why did F and H not convert to Islam?

Because Jihad.

What do radical Islamic wrappers spit?

Allahu Ak-BARS

I think I'm gonna fail my Women in Islam class

The course covers everything

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Join Islam and you’ll get seventy virgins in the afterlife

Join Oxfam and you’ll get Haiti.

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam.

I told her, "Yeah, it's haram, bae."

Why is Islam so unethical towards its employees

Ironically, it's all about prophets

What's an Alcoholic Islamic extremists worst nightmare?

A-Locked-Bar

What do you call a group of Islamic people living in poor housing?

Muslums

I told my redneck uncle how I learned about the five pillars of Islam.

He said Muslims must all be a bunch of pansies. Just one pillar has always been enough for him, and he sleeps just fine!

Islamic state claimed responsibility

for american presidential elections.

I've never heard a good joke about islam...

They've all been a bit shiite

What’s the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity?

Allah-cart.

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I'm going to make a calendar of sexy Islamic extremists

I will call it, Ji-hotties

A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi A...

A fat Hawaiian man recently converted to Islam

Aloha Snack-bar

What do you call an Islamic place of worship in Ecuador?

A "mosquito"

What do Islamic McDonalds employees wear?

A cheeseburka

What do you call an Islamic militant Shakespeare?

The Allahu Ak-Bard.

You know what I have to say about Islamic dietary restrictions?

HA LAL

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business...

...when a carload of gun toting, young and very loud tea partiers, shouting anti-Obama, anti-Muslim slogans, with a Gadsden flag duct taped on the trunk and a confederate flag taped to the hood, "All I need to know about Islam, I learned on 9/11" spray painted to the side, pulled up and stopped next...

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

A top Islamic cleric today condemned President Trump for being anti muslim

Trump tweeted back 'This is just fakir news'

My wife cooked me a beautiful Islamic dinner from the Middle Ages last night.

It was very Moorish.

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A Muslim and a Christian get into a fight.

Christian: ever seen a cross? I’m gonna shove one up your ass.
Muslim: oh yeah?? Shove the five daily prayers up your ass.
Christian: WTF are the five daily prayers?
Muslim: they’re a pillar of Islam.

(hope it translates well, It’s more hilarious in Farsi)

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