UPJOKE
maskheadscarfwimplehijabhidefacechadorburqaobliteratecaulgownjudaismislamhead coveringhumeral veil

Veil Jokes

I knew a nun who always wore an old, faded veil.

I said "Sister, you have a terrible habit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

I before E except after C

We feign agreeing, but this foreign poltergeist of a rule is neither efficient nor smart- and therein lies the height of the issue. It's as if an ancient deity has deigned to influence the zeitgeist of the people. We must remove the weight of this veil from their eyes, and forfeit the obeisance of t...

As my wife-to-be strolled to meet me at the aisle, looking beautiful in her wedding dress, I could tell something was wrong...

She told me she was going to kill me... It was a thinly veiled threat.

A lovely Russian lady came up to the counter where I work and said "Please, I am looking for one night stand"

I had the shop shut up and the door locked before you could say knife, and we went to a bar for a couple of aperitifs, a nice restaurant, a club I know where they have a good floorshow, and then I took that lovely lady home and, being a gentleman, I will draw the veil of discretion over what followe...

A groom asks the priest how much they owe him for the ceremony

The priest replies that there's no fixed scale, but he can always make a donation based on, for example, the beauty of the bride. The groom looks awkwardly around him and gives the priest a quarter. The priest goes to the bride and lifts up her veil.

After a moment he then goes back to the m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two young Mormon missionaries are spreading the good word around South-East Asia when they accidentally walk in to a brothel

This becomes increasingly clearer to the two young men as the attractive, scantily clad women begin to make poorly veiled sexual entreaties in broken English. The two have practically no knowledge of, or experience with, women, and begin sweating profusely when the truth dawns. The first missionary ...

I was recently the victim of a drone attack.

I forgot to wear my beekeepers veil.

A Muslim schoolgirl is complaining that she has been excluded from her Camden school for wearing a veil.

Ironically, if she lived in a Muslim country she could wear a veil to her heart's content, she just wouldn't be allowed to go to school.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

True story but potential to be a joke (my friends experience this morning on the train)

Woman jumps on the train this morning with a veil type hood covering her hair and her face where you see nothing but the eyes (I dont know religious garments but didn't really look like a religious garment to me). When she gets on, the guy next to her leans over and calmly whispers "You know we live...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A King had a Donkey

He enrolled his donkey in a race & won. Local papers read:’KING'SASS WON'

The king was so upset with this kind of publicity that he gave the donkey to the Queen.

The local paper then read:
"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The King fainted.

Then the Queen sold the...

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

A Scary Midnight Story

A taxi driver is going home at midnight when he decides to take a shortcut through a cemetery. He's driving slowly through the dark when he suddenly stops in shock. In front of his headlights is a lady in white hailing him down.

Before he has time to think, the woman climbs in and says in a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God gets on a bus. He sits down next to a nun.

"Hello," He greets the nun.

She is shocked, but manages to squeak out a "Hi".

God turns around, and suddenly sees the bus driver. He is the most beautiful man God has ever seen.

"He is beautiful." God whispers.

The nun, hearing this, gets an idea. "D- do you want to have...

Young man and young lady dated and...

After few dating with young lady for some time, young man decides it is time to marry her.

He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes.
On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little hedgehog and an ass

A little happy hedgehog walks through a sunny forest, carrying an apple on his spines. Birds sing, sky's blue, and the apple will be delicious, so the little hedgehog sings happily on his stroll.

But suddenly a cold wind rises. Sky darkens, veiled by black clouds. Rumble of thunders is heard,...

A priest is on a bus (kinda long)...

...and spots a very beautiful nun sitting a couple of rows ahead. He was about to approach her when he remembered that nuns took vows of celibacy. Disheartened, he sat down. The bus driver, noticing this, asked the priest, "What's wrong?" The priest explained his situation to the driver. The driver ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.