In movies these days, half the time the villains are on the right side

The other half they're on the left side.

Someone asked me who the villain of the 2002 Spider-Man movie was.

I said Willems da Foe.

Villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum

**Tony the Tiger:** they're kinda OK

**Voice-over guy:** just OK *is not OK*

How are Bond Villains like Onions?

They have many lairs.

Marvel's greatest villain is Thanos. DC's greatest villain

is Rotten Tomatoes.

How did the mathematician foil the villains plan?

(p + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln

Back when I was a Scooby Doo villain I had an allotment....

Every time I went to tend to my vegetables I would find them covered in thin sheets of aluminium.

Those pesky kids were always foiling my plot.

(I'm sorry)

Can you name the villain from The Jungle Book?

...because I Shere Khan!

If Caitlyn Jenner wanted to play a marvel villain, what would she be called?

Tranos.

I don't know why the villains of Gotham City can't prevent Batman.

The answer is apparent.

There is one villain Iron Man could never be mad at.

He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.

The roads were so bad after this weekend's snowstorm I was the villain from The King And I...

I was crawlin' home

Why are complex villains always buried 15ft down?

Because deep down, they’re very good people.

I have the power to heal others. I am a villain. Who am I?

The American healthcare system.

Demetrius: "Villain, what hast thou done?"

Aaron: "That which thou canst not undo."

Chiron: "Thou hast undone our mother."

Aaron: "Villain, I have done thy mother."

 

Shakespearean "Yo momma" diss:

Act IV, Scene II of Titus Andronicus, Aaron taunts his lover's sons

What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

Why would a Batman villain be disguised as a nurse?

To Poison IV!

Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.

We need Batman now more than ever

What do you call a Mexican Biblical Villain?

Poncho Pilate

You know, Frieza was a pretty cool villain…

…but his brother was Cooler.

A hero without a villain becomes useless. A villain without a hero becomes..

The government.

Who's the worst villain in more games than any other?

EA

What's Fat Albert's super villain alias?

Fatal Bert.

Which Marvel villain is the master of subtlety?

Loki

In one far away planet...

There is a substance called ‘nue’. Once something falls in it, it can’t get out and will sink and suffocate. There was once a woman who owned a cat, and one day she insulted someone- but she didn’t know they were a super villain. So, the villain, being a villain, took her to his secret base, stole h...

If an Iron Man movie was made with Magneto as the villain, what would its title be?

Stop hitting yourself.

An Australian superhero tracks down his arch nemesis...

He camps outside his evil lair to do some reconnaissance before going in. The next day he goes in but gets captured.

Villain: “Did you come here to die?”

Hero: “Nah mate, I came here yesterday.”

Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?

He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

Aquaman met Batman at a party

Batman says 'I've never met you before. So, what do you do, exactly?'

Aquaman: 'I fight all the villains of the sea.'

Batman: 'Huh. I didn't know there were any villains in the sea?!'

Aquaman: *'Cause I do my JOB!'*

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

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Why Darth Vader?

Since I was little people asked why did I want to be Darth Vader. Easy, I wanna be a villain so I can saunter everywhere. Luke is always sprinting somewhere, always running, always sweaty and on the move. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Fuck no, and I ain’t about to either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Great Grandfather claimed to know Poncho Villa

As children we would pester him to tell us if he really did meet such a villainous man. He would lean forward in his rocking chair and, with a heavy Spanish accent, would say, "When I was a young man, I would ride to town to get food for the family. On one of these days, a man in a large sombrero ri...

Why are there no politically correct superheroes?

Because they don't want to assume the villain's agenda.

There is a hero that is a Llama

He is the best at fighting crimes, solving crimes and saving the day. However, a villain outsmarted him. He was faced with saving either Marley Dank or the Llama chick that he liked, he could only choose one to save. I guess you can say that he was having a dillama

At Justice League HQ

Batman: so what do you do ?

Moonman : I fight all the villains on the moon

Batman : but I’ve never heard of any villains on the moon

Moonman : that’s because I do my job

Batman: .......

I told my sister that if you rearrange the letters in 'vanilla' you get 'pirate'

Her: no you don't

Me: yes, 'a villain' with a missing i.



Note: true story

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A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful...

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What's the difference between movies having Certificate - U, A, XX and XXX?

U: Hero gets the heroine
A: Villain gets the heroine
XX: All the actors get the heroine
XXX: Entire shooting unit gets the heroine!

The intelligent dog

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero’s escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
“Excuse me,” she said, tapping Roxy’s owner on the shoulder, “that dog is extraordinary....

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Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

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