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Villain Jokes

What did the villain say when he got his legs chopped off

Oh no I’ve been defeeted

Marvel's greatest villain is Thanos. DC's greatest villain

is Rotten Tomatoes.

Villain : Why is my calendar wrapped in aluminium?

Superhero : I’ve foiled your plan.

Movie ratings are an indication of who gets the girl

* Rated G - the prince gets the girl.
* Rated PG - the hero gets the girl.
* Rated R - the villain gets the girl.
* Rated X - everyone gets the girl!

What horror villain is best at saving money?

Pennywise

What do you call it when a villain is hit by a car?

Car-ma

If a villain wanted to kill Antman and Wasp….

Would they call in the SWAT team?

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What would you call Mike Tyson if he was a villain in Star Wars?

A Tit Lord

What is a Marvel villain's favorite monosaccharide?

Galactose

You either die young enough to be remembered as a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Just ask Jean-Claude Van Damme

Why is Gaston the most peaceful Disney villain?

Because he won the No-Belle Prize

French Navy can defeat any anime villain

They can just use the Power of French Ship

Why was Traffic Man often coughing while capturing villains?

Because he was always congested.

Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

2021 super villain names be like

Yung Riddler, Red $kull, Jeff Bezos

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

Prince Andrew is to star as the villain in a new episode of Scooby Doo

He would have gotten away with it too if he hadn’t have been meddling with those kids

What did the police say about the hair stylist turned super villain?

Their evil plans were dye-a-follicle.

I work part time at a liquor store, and as a super-villain

They call me, *the menace to sobriety*

You know, Frieza was a pretty cool villain…

…but his brother was Cooler.

Which Marvel villain loves Thanksgiving the most?

Goblin

What do you call a Spiderman villain who eats a lot?

Green Gobblin'.

Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic?

The Terminator.

I forgot - what's the name of that two-faced villain, something "dent"?

Never mind, I was able to remember. It is President.

How did the mathematician foil the villains plan?

(p + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln

Which Batman villain was excluded from "The Snap?"

Two-Face, he's perfectly balanced.

Back when I was a Scooby Doo villain I had an allotment....

Every time I went to tend to my vegetables I would find them covered in thin sheets of aluminium.

Those pesky kids were always foiling my plot.

(I'm sorry)

What's Fat Albert's super villain alias?

Fatal Bert.

There is one villain Iron Man could never be mad at.

He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.

Why are complex villains always buried 15ft down?

Because deep down, they’re very good people.

What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

I have the power to heal others. I am a villain. Who am I?

The American healthcare system.

Who's the worst villain in more games than any other?

EA

decepticon are the worst kind of villains

They’re transphobic

A hero without a villain becomes useless. A villain without a hero becomes..

The government.

Who is D.C. Movies most dangerous villain?

Mr. Reboot

Which Marvel villain is the master of subtlety?

Loki

I don't know why the villains of Gotham City can't prevent Batman.

The answer is apparent.

As kids we loved the heroes,

As adults we understood the villains.

Why does Batman not kill his villains?

Because he’s not a cop

What do you call a Mexican Biblical Villain?

Poncho Pilate

Why would a Batman villain be disguised as a nurse?

To Poison IV!

A Femme Fatale reports to her superior after a successful undercover mission.

"Excellent work, as always, agent. Operation *Girlfriend Experience* was an outstanding success because of you. The villain has been apprehended and is awaiting sentencing," the superior comments.

"Thank you, sir. Just doing my duty," she responds.

"But there is one thing..." he contin...

Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.

We need Batman now more than ever

Why is the villain of Avengers: Infinity War so good at tracking Infinity Stones?

Because he's good at smelling... he's The Nose.

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Bored Superman

One day Superman is flying around looking for crime. Lex Luther is locked up along with all the other villains so not much is going on. Superman sees Batman crouched next to a gargoyle on a building so stops by to see what's up. "Hey Batman what's good wanna do something?" Batman answers gruffly, "I...

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

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Dwayne Johnson is doing a battle scene for a movie...

When suddenly the villain he is fighting kicks him in the butt.

Dwayne shocked, responds "you've just hit rock's bottom"

Have you heard about Stan lee's new marvel villains?

"The Accusers"

Batma and Robi, having found the evil villain's lair, are running through it, trying to find him, before he can execute his evil plan.

They go through the entire thing, but the villain is nowhere to be found! Panicking, Batma yells,

"Where is the joke?!"

The roads were so bad after this weekend's snowstorm I was the villain from The King And I...

I was crawlin' home

Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?

He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!

If an Iron Man movie was made with Magneto as the villain, what would its title be?

Stop hitting yourself.

In one far away planet...

There is a substance called ‘nue’. Once something falls in it, it can’t get out and will sink and suffocate. There was once a woman who owned a cat, and one day she insulted someone- but she didn’t know they were a super villain. So, the villain, being a villain, took her to his secret base, stole h...

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

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John was visiting Germany when he met a local named Gunther.

They immediately struck up a friendship and began chatting. After a pleasant chat John asked Gunther what he did for a living. Gunther explained “while, I am the creator of the minions from the Despicable Me franchise.” “Wow, that is so cool, John says excitedly.” “My son loves those little guys. On...

Mr. Johnson walked into a movie theater and sat down next to a dog who was at the theater with his owner.

Much to Mr. Johnson's astonishment, the dog laughed at the funny parts, cried at the sad parts, booed at the villain's wicked deeds, and cheered at the hero's heroics.

When they left the theater, Mr. Johnson told the dog owner, "Your dog's reactions to that movie were amazing!"

"I thou...

Deep in the arctic, a fortress sits. This is Legion Prison, where all Supervillains are jailed.

And the Warden is having a very difficult time. In the beginning, it wasn’t so hard. A handful of villains can’t get up to too much trouble without their tools and weapon.

But as the prison filled up, things began to get more difficult.

MechaSlayer kept trying to fight Robo-Con.
...

If Caitlyn Jenner wanted to play a marvel villain, what would she be called?

Tranos.

I recently asked an enthusiast for the middle-ages on his thoughts about people watching public executions in the era, since I thought it was a villainous act to watch public executions.

He then told me:
“It’s not evil, it’s just medieval.”

In the 1930s, a farmer attempted to steal cows from a neighbouring farm.

He became a bit of a local legend. No one knew exactly why he stole them, and we still don’t know to this day. Some say he was just in a desperate situation, some say these cows had been abused and that he was rescuing them, some say he was just a greedy old farmer.

He attempted this great bo...

A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie

Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?

Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds

Head producer: You’re over-thinking this, let’s just keep it low-key

Aquaman met Batman at a party

Batman says 'I've never met you before. So, what do you do, exactly?'

Aquaman: 'I fight all the villains of the sea.'

Batman: 'Huh. I didn't know there were any villains in the sea?!'

Aquaman: *'Cause I do my JOB!'*

There are 3 superheroes, The Fireball, Lady Aqua, and Tornado.

They all form a superhero trio, and try to stop villains from all over the world. They were all hanging at the SuperBase, when an emergency alarm went off.

The supervillain Master Garth is making their way to Paris, so that she can destroy the Eiffel Towel to be able to control all areas of E...

The writers and the director all sit down to plot out the new Thor movie

The director asks, "Ok guys what do you think we should do for a villain?"

One writer responds, "Well I had idea for a flamboyantly-colored, three-headed dragon that shoots fire and speaks in riddles."

The director sighs, "That's way too much, let's keep the villain low key."

The intelligent dog

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero’s escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
“Excuse me,” she said, tapping Roxy’s owner on the shoulder, “that dog is extraordinary....

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A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful...

At Justice League HQ

Batman: so what do you do ?

Moonman : I fight all the villains on the moon

Batman : but I’ve never heard of any villains on the moon

Moonman : that’s because I do my job

Batman: .......

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

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Why Darth Vader?

Since I was little people asked why did I want to be Darth Vader. Easy, I wanna be a villain so I can saunter everywhere. Luke is always sprinting somewhere, always running, always sweaty and on the move. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Fuck no, and I ain’t about to either.

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What's the difference between movies having Certificate - U, A, XX and XXX?

U: Hero gets the heroine
A: Villain gets the heroine
XX: All the actors get the heroine
XXX: Entire shooting unit gets the heroine!

I told my sister that if you rearrange the letters in 'vanilla' you get 'pirate'

Her: no you don't

Me: yes, 'a villain' with a missing i.



Note: true story

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My Great Grandfather claimed to know Poncho Villa

As children we would pester him to tell us if he really did meet such a villainous man. He would lean forward in his rocking chair and, with a heavy Spanish accent, would say, "When I was a young man, I would ride to town to get food for the family. On one of these days, a man in a large sombrero ri...

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

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