What did the villain say when he got his legs chopped off

Oh no I’ve been defeeted

Scooby Doo villain apprehended in Colombian Capital

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

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It's sad that the villains of history are remembered but the heroes are forgotten...

Everyone knows about Hitler, but nobody knows about the valiant man that killed him.

I forgot - what's the name of that two-faced villain, something "dent"?

Never mind, I was able to remember. It is President.

What horror villain is best at saving money?

Pennywise

Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic?

The Terminator.

Why does Batman not kill his villains?

Because he’s not a cop

What did the police say about the hair stylist turned super villain?

Their evil plans were dye-a-follicle.

There's rumors of a New villain for the zelda Franchise

That isnt ganon tho

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?

He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.

Marvel's greatest villain is Thanos. DC's greatest villain

is Rotten Tomatoes.

I work part time at a liquor store, and as a super-villain

They call me, *the menace to sobriety*

Batma and Robi, having found the evil villain's lair, are running through it, trying to find him, before he can execute his evil plan.

They go through the entire thing, but the villain is nowhere to be found! Panicking, Batma yells,

"Where is the joke?!"

I have the power to heal others. I am a villain. Who am I?

The American healthcare system.

Why are complex villains always buried 15ft down?

Because deep down, they’re very good people.

What’s the difference between an Anime villain and a steak?

You know when ones been chopped in half

Mr. Johnson walked into a movie theater and sat down next to a dog who was at the theater with his owner.

Much to Mr. Johnson's astonishment, the dog laughed at the funny parts, cried at the sad parts, booed at the villain's wicked deeds, and cheered at the hero's heroics.

When they left the theater, Mr. Johnson told the dog owner, "Your dog's reactions to that movie were amazing!"

"I thou...

I don't know why the villains of Gotham City can't prevent Batman.

The answer is apparent.

Who is D.C. Movies most dangerous villain?

Mr. Reboot

How did the mathematician foil the villains plan?

(p + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln

Back when I was a Scooby Doo villain I had an allotment....

Every time I went to tend to my vegetables I would find them covered in thin sheets of aluminium.

Those pesky kids were always foiling my plot.

(I'm sorry)

If Caitlyn Jenner wanted to play a marvel villain, what would she be called?

Tranos.

Can you name the villain from The Jungle Book?

...because I Shere Khan!

There is one villain Iron Man could never be mad at.

He finds Magneto just too darn attractive.

Villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum

**Tony the Tiger:** they're kinda OK

**Voice-over guy:** just OK *is not OK*

I recently asked an enthusiast for the middle-ages on his thoughts about people watching public executions in the era, since I thought it was a villainous act to watch public executions.

He then told me:
“It’s not evil, it’s just medieval.”

The roads were so bad after this weekend's snowstorm I was the villain from The King And I...

I was crawlin' home

What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.

We need Batman now more than ever

Have you heard about Stan lee's new marvel villains?

"The Accusers"

Demetrius: "Villain, what hast thou done?"

Aaron: "That which thou canst not undo."

Chiron: "Thou hast undone our mother."

Aaron: "Villain, I have done thy mother."

 

Shakespearean "Yo momma" diss:

Act IV, Scene II of Titus Andronicus, Aaron taunts his lover's sons

What's Fat Albert's super villain alias?

Fatal Bert.

As kids we loved the heroes,

As adults we understood the villains.

A hero without a villain becomes useless. A villain without a hero becomes..

The government.

Why would a Batman villain be disguised as a nurse?

To Poison IV!

Why is the villain of Avengers: Infinity War so good at tracking Infinity Stones?

Because he's good at smelling... he's The Nose.

Who's the worst villain in more games than any other?

EA

What do you call a Mexican Biblical Villain?

Poncho Pilate

Which Marvel villain is the master of subtlety?

Loki

If an Iron Man movie was made with Magneto as the villain, what would its title be?

Stop hitting yourself.

A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie

Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?

Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds

Head producer: You’re over-thinking this, let’s just keep it low-key

There are 3 superheroes, The Fireball, Lady Aqua, and Tornado.

They all form a superhero trio, and try to stop villains from all over the world. They were all hanging at the SuperBase, when an emergency alarm went off.

The supervillain Master Garth is making their way to Paris, so that she can destroy the Eiffel Towel to be able to control all areas of E...

Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer?

He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the villains but Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

In one far away planet...

There is a substance called ‘nue’. Once something falls in it, it can’t get out and will sink and suffocate. There was once a woman who owned a cat, and one day she insulted someone- but she didn’t know they were a super villain. So, the villain, being a villain, took her to his secret base, stole h...

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Why Darth Vader?

Since I was little people asked why did I want to be Darth Vader. Easy, I wanna be a villain so I can saunter everywhere. Luke is always sprinting somewhere, always running, always sweaty and on the move. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Fuck no, and I ain’t about to either.

Aquaman met Batman at a party

Batman says 'I've never met you before. So, what do you do, exactly?'

Aquaman: 'I fight all the villains of the sea.'

Batman: 'Huh. I didn't know there were any villains in the sea?!'

Aquaman: *'Cause I do my JOB!'*

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My Great Grandfather claimed to know Poncho Villa

As children we would pester him to tell us if he really did meet such a villainous man. He would lean forward in his rocking chair and, with a heavy Spanish accent, would say, "When I was a young man, I would ride to town to get food for the family. On one of these days, a man in a large sombrero ri...

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A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful...

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

There is a hero that is a Llama

He is the best at fighting crimes, solving crimes and saving the day. However, a villain outsmarted him. He was faced with saving either Marley Dank or the Llama chick that he liked, he could only choose one to save. I guess you can say that he was having a dillama

I told my sister that if you rearrange the letters in 'vanilla' you get 'pirate'

Her: no you don't

Me: yes, 'a villain' with a missing i.



Note: true story

At Justice League HQ

Batman: so what do you do ?

Moonman : I fight all the villains on the moon

Batman : but I’ve never heard of any villains on the moon

Moonman : that’s because I do my job

Batman: .......

The writers and the director all sit down to plot out the new Thor movie

The director asks, "Ok guys what do you think we should do for a villain?"

One writer responds, "Well I had idea for a flamboyantly-colored, three-headed dragon that shoots fire and speaks in riddles."

The director sighs, "That's way too much, let's keep the villain low key."

The intelligent dog

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero’s escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
“Excuse me,” she said, tapping Roxy’s owner on the shoulder, “that dog is extraordinary....

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Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

How do you die by heroin?

When you are the villain

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