The 101+ Best Superman Jokes

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Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

Superman challenges The Flash to a race

"You will never beat me" said the flash, "but I guess I can let you try" they agree to run from the east coast of the U.S to the west.

The race begins and Superman runs as fast as he can, he puts absolutely everything he's got into it but when he gets to the west coast he see's the flash sit...

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If I saw a man in a suit, jump into a phone booth and then Superman jump out. I’d be like “Holy shit!”

A fucking phone booth!

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Bored Superman

One day Superman is flying around looking for crime. Lex Luther is locked up along with all the other villains so not much is going on. Superman sees Batman crouched next to a gargoyle on a building so stops by to see what's up. "Hey Batman what's good wanna do something?" Batman answers gruffly, "I...

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Superman vs the invisible man

Superman is super horny, in need of a ride he phones super girl and asks if he can come round for some sex.

She turns him down and says she’s busy.

Superman sad and rejected decides to go for a flight and passes super girls apartment.

Super girl is lying in bed legs spread moan...

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Superman is flying around, super horny.

He's flying over a building when he sees Batgirl on the roof, totally naked, legs spread, moaning, "Give it to me. Give it to me!"
Superman thinks he might get in trouble with Batman if he bangs Batgirl, but she's begging for it and he can just use his super speed to get the job done quick. So h...

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superman is flying along....

When he spots wonderwoman through a window in a hotel, she's on the bed stark naked and looks to be having the time of her life...

He thinks to himself.. "I could fly in at the speed of light, give her a quick one and fly out again before she even knew what happened!"

So with a sly gri...

My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”

“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman!...

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Superman is flying over Metropolis

And is feeling horny af. Suddenly, he sees Wonder Woman stark naked sunbathing on the roof of the Justice League HQ.

He thinks to himself "I'm Superman, right? Faster than a speeding bullet. I can fly down there and have my way with Wonder Woman and be away before she even realises..."
<...

Why can't Superman beat Dracula?

Because he's afraid to go into the krypt tonite!

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Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs down the steps calling for his help.

"Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped!" says the Minister.

"No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight".

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Superman had a huge crush on Wonder Woman...

He was always to scared to tell her, fearing it would ruin their work relationship. One day, he was using his X-ray vision to watch her in her apartment. He saw her put on music and start taking her clothes off. She sat down on her bed. She was getting in the romantic mood. She was squirming around,...

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

What money do they use on Superman's homeworld?

Kryptocurrency

Went on a date with a woman who bought along a 12 foot pole with a Superman cape tied to one end

for me that's a red flag

Why can’t Superman drive quickly?

He always gets stuck in the Lois lane.

Why does Superman live in the Fortress of Solitude?

Because it's just-ice

When people see Superman flying they always ask "Is it a bird? Is it a plane?" Why can't they recognise him?

>! Because he's in d' skies !<

Did you hear about the fight between Chuck Norris and Superman?

The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside

Chuck Norris challenged Superman to a manliness competition

Whoever lost had to wear underwear over their pants.

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Superman went to a Halloween party

Someone was dressed as a Bitcoin.

Someone dressed as a Dogecoin.

Someone else dressed asEthereum.

Superman was pissed.

He didn't realize it was gonna be a Crypto night.

What did Wonder Woman say after Superman gave her his bottled city?

"I appreciate your Kandor"

You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)

A democratic senator from Kentucky.

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Superman was flying through New York Skyscappers

And all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman on top of one of the SkyScappers sunbathing with her legs spread and he thinks.

Hey, I'm Superman, I'm very fast, I will go quick and fuck her and she won't even know what happened"

He goes, does the job really quick....Wonder Woman says "Wow, ...

Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC)

He already has supervision.

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

Where from the US is Superman from?

D.C.

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Superman is flying across town when

He spots Wonder Woman laying on a roof top naked. All exposed soaking up the sun. He thinks to himself, "I'm Superman. I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could swish down there, do a few pumps and be out before ya know it!"

So, Superman swoops down, pumps out at Mach III and is gone jus...

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Pink kryptonite turns Superman gay. What does Thor use?

The Bi-frost.

My 14 year old just came in and told me this one, said he made it up himself. I was impressed.

What's the difference between the Bloods and Superman?

One gets killed by Kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight

What type of currency will Superman never accept?

Krypto-currency

What does superman have at the top of his stairs?

A superhero landing

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

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Superman's day off

Superman has a very rare day off and decides to fly around to figure out how to spend it.

He flies over to Batman's place and approaches him. "Hey Batman, I have the day off want to hang out?". "Sorry Superman, I have to stop the Joker from killing my girlfriend". Superman replies, "Eh whatev...

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Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking in the city...

When they see a house with the sign on "Words prettiest woman contest". Snow White goes in and comes back out all happy, tiara on her head as a winner". They keep walking and see a gym with the sign up "Worlds strongest man contest". Superman goes in and comes back out as a winner with a trophy in h...

The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:

Neil before Zod.

Why does Superman hate trading Bitcoin after 7pm?

Because it's Crypto-night

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Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?

Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?
What the fuck were they so excited about?

Why did Superman slowly go insane?

Because he was fighting for Truth, Justice AND the American Way

Have you ever heard of Supermans powerless cousin?

Norm-El

Even though he had cash, why couldn't Superman pay his bar tab?

Because it was Crypto-Night.

What does Superman use to dry himself?

A Tow-El.

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Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.

Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was th...

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Superman was flying over a city NSFW

And he sees Wonderwoman laying naked on a rooftop patio in the sun. He swoops down and before she knows it, he rails her and flies off.
"What was that?" she cries.
The invisible man says "I dunno, but my asshole sure hurts."

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Superman was flying around Metropolis...[slightly NSFW]

Superman was flying around Metropolis one day using his Supervision to stop wrongdoers. As he is flying by the beach he spies Wonder Woman sunbathing face down, completely naked. So he thinks to himself, "I'll never get another chance like this I've always wanted to Superbone her so here's what I'll...

Superman may have died 50 years ago.

But they found his crypt-tonight.

Superman and Bitcoin

### Batman invited all the superheroes to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

Superman would have hated Elon Musk as much as Lex Luthor..

because Elon loves his Crypto.

What is Superman new weakness in 2020

Kryptokurrency

Is Superman a blood?

Because Batman took him down with a crip tonight

[NSFW] Superman had a hard week fighting crime and was ready for some fun.

He was flying home when he saw Wonder Woman sunbathing naked on the beach. "Wow", he said to himself, "I can fly down there at the speed of light and get a quickie before she knows what happened"
So Superman flew down, took advantage and then was gone.

"What the hell was that" asked Won...

Why does superman wear tight shirt?

Because it's sized "S"

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Superman is flying around the world, bored out of his mind, looking for some excitement...

As he zips past the beaches of Brazil, he looks down and sees Wonder Woman, completely naked, legs spread, laying on her back catching a tan.

At that moment, he thinks to himself how long it’s been since he last got laid. He then says to himself, “I’m Superman! I can fly down there in a split...

Superman has to make a doctor appointment...

The doctor is baffled when he walks into the patient room and finds THE Superman sitting on the bench.

"Erm... hello Superman, what seems to be the problem? I'm going to be honest I didn't realize that the man of steel needed to go to the doctor.."

Clearly uncomfortable Superman lowe...

Where will they bury Superman?

Crypt O' night

Superman can fly.

But Clark Kent

The new patient the psych ward says to another patient, "I'm Superman!"

"No you aren't", the other guy replies.

"I am, I swear it!", says the first guy.

"You are definitely not Superman"

"Oh yeah, wise guy", growls the first guy, "How do YOU know I'm not Superman?"

"Because", the first guy responds calmly, "I am Superman"

The first guy...

Why can't Superman attend the Daily Planet meeting?

Because Clark Can't.

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Spiderman, Iron-man and Superman decided to check who has the strongest erection

Spiderman, Iron-man and Superman decided to check who has the strongest erection

 

Iron-man thinks about Pepper Potts hangs 5-gallon bucket on his shlong and walks 5 yards. Everybody praises him.

 

Spiderman thinks about Gwen Stacy hangs 20-gallon ke...

Aussies believe Trump is Superman.

After leaving the Whitehouse, Donald Trump goes to Australia for vacation. When asked how it’s going he replies “It’s wonderful here. Everyone thinks I’m Superman. Everywhere I go I hear people shout “Oi, Kent!!””

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Superman is Horny

Superman was horny one day as he's flying around.

He sees Batman and flies up to him and starts chatting him up.

>Superman "So Batman, you wanna go look for some pussy tonight?"

>Batman "Sorry Supe, Commissioner Gordon wants to meet with me tonight to discuss some of the c...

Why is Superman so nice?

Because he was created by a Canadian.

Superman...

Superman walks into a room with a pancake on his head...

Not all heroes wear crepes.

What’s Superman’s favorite workout?

Kal-Elisthenics

Did you hear that Superman is going out with a woman who swallows jewellery?

I don't know what he sees in her.

I've been training to become the next Superman.

My progress is slowly but surely improving.

i just gotta get used to wearing my underwear over my pants.

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

Superman lost all of his money on a digital currency scheme

It was his cryptonite.

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A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter.

She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer", he says
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you...

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Superman Sex

Wonder Woman is laying in her bed naked in her apartment. Superman is flying by and he is using his x-ray vision to see if any crime is going on. He then happens to come across Wonder Woman's place and sees her there naked and she seems to be having an orgasm.

Superman then wonders to himself...

I went to a Superman themed nightclub.

Everyone looked really fly...

but there was a massive queue for the cloakroom.

Superman is useless on Wednesday evening because he goes to a weekly Bitcoin meet up.

It's his Crypto-night.

Superman grandpa

On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an ...

Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

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Superman was flying over metropolis and thought "Man, I am horny af."

Just then he saw Wonder Woman on top of a building getting a tan. Asshole naked with her legs spread wide open. Superman thought, " I can fly down there, get some of that Wonder pussy and fly away before she even knows." So he flies down, gets it in, gets off, and flies away. All in under a second. ...

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Lonely superman

So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women naked on the beach having what looks like a wet dream.

He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he go...

Superman is so incompetent...

He can’t do anything without supervision.

What do Superman and constantly watched employees have in common?

supervision

Did you hear of the Indigenous Superman?

Before taking off, he could be heard saying, “Up, up, anyway...”

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After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action

He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happe...

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Superman's extended family

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.

Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.

1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H...

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Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

What did Superman say when he saw a puppy pointing in the direction he should fly?

A pup and a way!

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Superman is flying through Metropolis

Superman is flying through Metropolis, feeling rather horny. He glances around, and spots Wonder Woman lying naked on a rooftop with her legs spread apart.

Using his super speed, Superman flies over to her, does what he came to do, and in the blink of an eye, is gone.

"What was that?" ...

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Superman is flying around metropolis one day, doing his normal surveillance.

He looks down and notices Wonder Woman, laying on the roof of her place, legs spread apart, completely naked.

The thought occurs to him; he's as fast as a speeding bullet, he could fly down there, do his thing, and get out before she suspected a thing.

Without a second thought he pull...

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Superman sees Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the top of a building

he is overcome with passion, and simply cannot help himself, he flies down and, faster than a speeding bullet, has his way with her.

"What the fuck was that?" she said!

To which, the Invisible Man replied, "I don't know, but my ass sure hurts!"

Two well dressed men....

Two well dressed men are talking at a rooftop bar about 70 stories from the ground floor. They over hear a guy talking about how he's a hedge fund manager and how much money he makes. One of the well dressed men mentions to his friend how much he hates hedge fund managers. His friend agrees.
The ...

I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size.

It was a narrow "S" cape.

Superman got a divorce...

He can only see his kids with super vision now.

What's the one currency superman can't hold?

Kryptocurrency.

What is it called when Batman and Superman challenge each other to a race?

A Marthaon

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Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman...

Who is faster? Superman or the flash?

Umm. The cameraman?...

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Drunk Superman

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.

Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.

...

Which city is the South African Superman from?

Cape Town

Why has no one ever pulled a “your mom” joke on Batman or Superman?

Oh...right...

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Superman is out flying one night when he sees wonder woman lying naked on a roof.

Seeing her naked body turns him on and he thinks to himself "I could probably fly down, fuck her, and fly away real fast without her noticing."

So he swoops down and does his deed and as he flies away wonder woman says "what was that wooshing sound?"

The invisible man answers "I don't ...

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One day Superman was feeling a bit horny

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to
ask his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get
a bit of action. "Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonderwoman is the best
sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?", replied B...

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Superman

Reminds me of joke where Superman is flying over a town and spots Wonder Woman laying out nude on the roof of a high rise.

Superman thinks to himself, "I should fly down knock off a quick piece faster than she can know what happened."

Whosh, zap, a bit of the old in out and off he...

What was the money called on Superman’s home planet?

Kryptoncurrency

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