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Superman was flying over metropolis and thought "Man, I am horny af."

Just then he saw Wonder Woman on top of a building getting a tan. Asshole naked with her legs spread wide open. Superman thought, " I can fly down there, get some of that Wonder pussy and fly away before she even knows." So he flies down, gets it in, gets off, and flies away. All in under a second. ...

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Superman

One day superman suddenly really wanted to fuck Wonder Woman, don’t know why, just did.
He said to himself “next time I’ll see her I’ll fuck her quick using my super fast powers”
One day he sees her on a rooftop bare naked and her legs spread apart and he thinks this is his lucky day! So quick...

Superman lost all of his money on a digital currency scheme

It was his cryptonite.

Did you hear of the Indigenous Superman?

Before taking off, he could be heard saying, “Up, up, anyway...”

The only weakness Superman has on the internet is..

krypto-currency

What do Batgirl and Superman have in common?

Crippling spinal injuries

Why can’t Superman beat Dracula?

Because he can’t go to the Krypt Tonight.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”

“Thanks, man, ” he replied, “I’ve been practising it a lot.”

Why doesn't Superman like to go into gang territories after sun down?

His weakness is a Crip at night.

Why is Superman so nice?

Because he was created by a Canadian.

Why does superman wear tight shirt?

Because it's sized "S"

I went to a Superman themed nightclub.

Everyone looked really fly...

but there was a massive queue for the cloakroom.

Superman is useless on Wednesday evening because he goes to a weekly Bitcoin meet up.

It's his Crypto-night.

Superman grandpa

On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an ...

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Superman is flying around the city, feeling horny as hell.

He suddenly spots Wonder Woman lying naked on top of a building with her legs spread apart.

He thinks, “This is my chance!” and swoops down faster than a speeding bullet, fucks her deep and hard and is gone in the blink of an eye.

Wonder Woman sits up and says, “What the hell was tha...

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

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If I saw a man in a suit, jump into a phone booth and then Superman jump out. I’d be like “Holy shit!”

It's a fookin phone booth.

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The Wicked Superman

Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye".


So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears ...

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A guy walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to a very muscular man.

He asks the man, "Wow. I didn't realize you could look that great and drink! What are you drinking?" The man responds, "Why, this is magic beer." The guy, feeling a little insulted responds, "Oh yeah? What's so magical about it?" The man stands up, walk over to the edge of the building, jumps off, a...

Superman and Chuck Norris once agreed to a fight.

The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants for the rest of their life

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Two guys walk into a bar,

One of them asks the bartender for a drink. He takes a sip and jumps out of the window and starts flying. He then comes back in and said to his friend, "You have to try this drink, it makes you fly."

So his friend takes a sip, runs over and jumps out the window, and falls right onto the concr...

What does Superman use to dry himself?

A Tow-El.

What did Lois Lane say when she found out that Superman has ED?

Clark can't.

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Superman is flying around the world, bored out of his mind, looking for some excitement...

As he zips past the beaches of Brazil, he looks down and sees Wonder Woman, completely naked, legs spread, laying on her back catching a tan.

At that moment, he thinks to himself how long it’s been since he last got laid. He then says to himself, “I’m Superman! I can fly down there in a split...

‌‌Superman h‌‌ad a‌‌ h‌‌uge c‌‌rush o‌‌n W‌‌onder W‌‌oman but he was t‌‌oo s‌‌cared t‌‌o t‌‌ell h‌‌er, f‌‌earing i‌‌t w‌‌ould r‌‌uin t‌‌heir w‌‌ork r‌‌elationship.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay, h‌‌e w‌‌as u‌‌sing h‌‌is X‌‌-ray v‌‌ision t‌‌o w‌‌atch h‌‌er i‌‌n h‌‌er a‌‌partment. H‌‌e s‌‌aw h‌‌er p‌‌ut o‌‌n m‌‌usic a‌‌nd s‌‌tart t‌‌aking h‌‌er c‌‌lothes o‌‌ff. S‌‌he s‌‌at d‌‌own o‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ed. S‌‌he w‌‌as g‌‌etting i‌‌n t‌‌he r‌‌omantic m‌‌ood. S‌‌he w‌‌as s‌‌quirming a‌‌roun...

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Superman was flying over a city NSFW

And he sees Wonderwoman laying naked on a rooftop patio in the sun. He swoops down and before she knows it, he rails her and flies off.
"What was that?" she cries.
The invisible man says "I dunno, but my asshole sure hurts."

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

Did you hear that Superman is going out with a woman who swallows jewellery?

I don't know what he sees in her.

What’s the difference between The Bloods and Superman?

One gets killed by kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight.

SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale.

**BATMAN:** *[shifts uncomfortably in his chair]*

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Superman's Affair

One night, Superman flies to chase a criminal. Suddenly he saw a naked woman at the rooftop of a building. And the woman bowed. From the top of the building, Superman stops flying. When he floated, he began to check who the woman was.

"Oh my God! That's Wonder Woman!" "What is she doing in th...

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After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action

He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happe...

Why doesn't superman fight cyber crime?

Because he's scared of krypto currency.

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Superman (oldie but goodie)

One day Superman is flying around Metropolis as he normally does.

He looks down and notices through the open window of her apartment, Wonder Woman, laying on her bed, legs spread apart, completely naked.

The thought occurs to him; he's as fast as a speeding bullet, he could fly down ...

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

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Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

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Superman's extended family

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.

Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.

1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H...

Why does Superman has an S in his shirt

Because the store he bought it from ran out of medium

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Albert is staying in a nice hotel goes to the bar on the roof.

As he pulls up his stool, he asks the man next to him what he's having.
"Oh, this?" says the man. "This is magic beer."
"Bullshit." says Albert. "No such thing.
"Oh, yeah?" the man says. "Watch this."
The man then downs his beer, gets up and jumps off the roof.
In disbelief Albert se...

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A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

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Superman was taking a stroll one night

As he walks past the local church, the priest runs out to him and says "Superman, you've got to help us. The walls that lead to the basement has collapse, and there are people trapped down there!!

"No way", he replies. "I can't go near the crypt tonight!"

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Superman is flying around, super horny.

He's flying over a building when he sees Batgirl on the roof, totally naked, legs spread, moaning, "Give it to me. Give it to me!"
Superman thinks he might get in trouble with Batman if he bangs Batgirl, but she's begging for it and he can just use his super speed to get the job done quick. So h...

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The Drunk and the Bum

There was a drunk and a bum. The drunk said, “you can jump off a building and pop back up to the top.”
Bum said, “no way. If you jump off a building you will die.” So the drunk took the bum to the tallest building in the city. Jumped off the building and popped back up to the top. Not a scratch o...

In a long lost episode, Superman has a close shave with death because his cloak wasn’t the right size.

It was a narrow S cape.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

Not sure how it'll be received now. Something from back when their costumes were different

Q: Who's smarter? Batman or Superman?
A: >!Batman. They both wear their underwear outside of their pants but Batman covers his face.!<

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A man is sitting at a rooftop bar and turns towards the patron next to him: "I want to make a bet. If I jump off the balcony and survive, you buy me a bottle of champagne."

"You don't mean that, do you?", the patron asks. "This building is twelve stories high."

"It's a magical balcony", the man says. "I'll be fine."

"Whatever man", the patron says. "I know you won't do it."

The man gets up, walks towards the balcony and drops headfirst towards the ...

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A guy walks into a bar and starts a drunken conversation with one of the patrons. “Hey what’re you drinking?” the patron asks. “Magic beer,” says the guy.

After arguing about it for a few minutes the guy says, “I’ll prove it to you.”
They go outside and walk to a nearby cliff. The guy chugs his Magic Beer, then jumps off. Miraculously he floats back up and settles down next to the stunned patron.The patron runs back to the bar and says to the barte...

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Superman sees Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the top of a building

he is overcome with passion, and simply cannot help himself, he flies down and, faster than a speeding bullet, has his way with her.

"What the fuck was that?" she said!

To which, the Invisible Man replied, "I don't know, but my ass sure hurts!"

Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?

Because not all heroes wear caps.

Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

What is it called when Batman and Superman challenge each other to a race?

A Marthaon

Who is faster? Superman or the flash?

Umm. The cameraman?...

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One day Superman was feeling a bit horny

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to
ask his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get
a bit of action. "Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonderwoman is the best
sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?", replied B...

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Drunk Superman

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.

Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.

...

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Superman had to stop the world from being destroyed while he had a boner,

Saving the world had never been so hard.

Why couldn't Superman find the local playground as a kid?

Adult supervision was required

As she lay there in screaming agony...

her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try to undress a woman with his eyes.

Superman got a divorce...

He can only see his kids with super vision now.

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The testicle theory

If you got 1 testicle you have a condition
If you have 2 testicles your normal
If you have 3 your superman
If you find 4 then wake up ya idiot your uncle bob is in town

They say that whenever Superman hears a woman's high-pitched cry for help, he immediately comes.

BDSM must really turn him on.

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Superman

Reminds me of joke where Superman is flying over a town and spots Wonder Woman laying out nude on the roof of a high rise.

Superman thinks to himself, "I should fly down knock off a quick piece faster than she can know what happened."

Whosh, zap, a bit of the old in out and off he...

Superman's weakness

Superman started to invest in bitcoin but last night the currency dropped really bad and he got sad. Before he went to bed he told me:
- My only weakness is that crypto. 'night!

Was Superman a Blood or a Crip?

Both, he was a blood by day and a Kryptonite

Do you know what the African Superman is called?

*"tongue click"* Kent

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

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Two men are sitting in a rooftop bar, 20 stories high...

And one turns to the other, asking “what’s that you’re drinking?”

The other man, a regular customer, catches the bartender’s eye as he replies “this is no ordinary drink. This drink gives me superpowers.”

The first man smirks and says “prove it.”

So the second man takes a swig, ...

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Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.


Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was th...

I just googled "Superman football stats," and it didn't have his FA cup stats...

...just his league

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

BLACK SUPERMAN

I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.



Credits:Someones Tweet

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Superman is out flying one night when he sees wonder woman lying naked on a roof.

Seeing her naked body turns him on and he thinks to himself "I could probably fly down, fuck her, and fly away real fast without her noticing."

So he swoops down and does his deed and as he flies away wonder woman says "what was that wooshing sound?"

The invisible man answers "I don't ...

Did you know Superman has a brother who doesn't celebrate Christmas?

His name is No-El.

Merry Christmas!

You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)

A democratic senator from Kentucky.

A wave of crime is sweeping Metropolis. Superman is helpless to stop the instigator, a code-breaking enthusiast dressed in full plate armour.

Can no one save us from the Crypto-Knight?

I invited Superman to a funeral this evening...

But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.

My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.

She said I have too many issues.

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Superman was flying around Metropolis...[slightly NSFW]

Superman was flying around Metropolis one day using his Supervision to stop wrongdoers. As he is flying by the beach he spies Wonder Woman sunbathing face down, completely naked. So he thinks to himself, "I'll never get another chance like this I've always wanted to Superbone her so here's what I'll...

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Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman...

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Superman's day off

Superman has a very rare day off and decides to fly around to figure out how to spend it.

He flies over to Batman's place and approaches him. "Hey Batman, I have the day off want to hang out?". "Sorry Superman, I have to stop the Joker from killing my girlfriend". Superman replies, "Eh whatev...

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Superman

Superman is just flying arround through Metropolis using his x-ray vision when he spots wonder woman in her house completely naked laying in her bed with her legs spread wide open. He turns arround, and sees her again but this time on all four.
He's so horny that he thinks to himself I'll use my ...

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”

“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman!...

What's the one currency superman can't hold?

Kryptocurrency.

What was the money called on Superman’s home planet?

Kryptoncurrency

Superman walks into a bar with Batman, the Flash, Wonder Woman and Aquaman

He walk up to the bar and orders 5 whiskeys on the rocks.
“Would you like any coke or a slice of lemon in those?” asks the barmaid.
“No thanks,” says Superman, “we’re the just ice league!”.

Standing in a graveyard, Lex Luthor and his subordinate are planning Superman's demise

Lex: This is the night I bury Superman!

Henchman: You've finally figured out his weakness?

Lex: Yes, this evening, I'll lure him into this tomb and he'll be incapacitated!

Henchman: How does that work?

Lex: It's his crypt-tonight.

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Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?

Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?
What the fuck were they so excited about?

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Superman is flying around the world when he sees WonderWoman tanning on the beach....

He notices that she's naked and spread eagle and has a thought.

Superman: I bet I could fly down there and have sex with her and fly away before she even knew it.
So like a depraved bastard he does exactly that and hears a conversation as he flies away.

Wonderwoman: Did you feel tha...

Which city is the South African Superman from?

Cape Town

When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.

He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.

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A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he's drinking...

He says, "Magic beer. You want one?"
"Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" she says.
"Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself  out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the  building, and back into bar window.
"That's incredibl...

Superman initially flew with his right arm outstretched and his left hand at his hip. Later he started flying with both arms out.

He switched from manual to auto.

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Superman was flying over the city

When he looked down he saw Wonder Woman sunbathing on a roof, naked. As he’s flying, Superman gets this crazy idea. He thinks about it and thinks about it for a bit then decides, “What the hell”. So he flies down, does the deed, and flies back into the sky, all in half a second. When he’s back up in...

How do you reveal Supermans identity?

You Kent

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A guy recently got dumped by his girlfriend...

He also lost his job and has no money. He decides to go to the bar to forget his problems. When he gets there there are two other guys sitting at the bar. One of them notices that the guy is sad, and walks over to him.

"Hey man, whats got you down?" the man says

"I lost my job and my ...

Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC)

He already has supervision.

How did Superman get rich in the 2010s?

By investing in Krypto-currency.

Does this sub take requests? Please share your favorite Chuck Norris joke!

They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!

Chuck Norris and Superman fought once and placed a bet on the outcome. The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside!

Why does Superman only daytrade bitcoin?

Because he can’t go near [email protected]

What does Superman put in his drink?

Just ice.

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