What type of currency will Superman never accept?

Krypto-currency

Where will they bury Superman?

Crypt O' night

Why did Superman slowly go insane?

Because he was fighting for Truth, Justice AND the American Way

Superman would have hated Elon Musk as much as Lex Luthor..

because Elon loves his Crypto.

I once had a fight with Superman

We decided the loser has to wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.

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Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

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Superman was flying through New York Skyscappers

And all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman on top of one of the SkyScappers sunbathing with her legs spread and he thinks.

Hey, I'm Superman, I'm very fast, I will go quick and fuck her and she won't even know what happened"

He goes, does the job really quick....Wonder Woman says "Wow, ...

What is Superman new weakness in 2020

Kryptokurrency

Even though he had cash, why couldn't Superman pay his bar tab?

Because it was Crypto-Night.

Have you ever heard of Supermans powerless cousin?

Norm-El

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

Your Parents when you move out ;)

Is Superman a blood?

Because Batman took him down with a crip tonight

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A Guy goes to the bar in the 100th floor

He orders a Beer, exes it and goes to the balcony and jumps off. A guy sitting in the bar sees this and wants to call 911 but the Guys comes out of the elevator. The guy is a bit confused but doesn't say anything. The other orders another beer, exes it and goes to the balcony and jumps off.

H...

Superman can fly.

But Clark Kent

Why can't Superman attend the Daily Planet meeting?

Because Clark Can't.

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

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Spiderman, Iron-man and Superman decided to check who has the strongest erection

Spiderman, Iron-man and Superman decided to check who has the strongest erection

 

Iron-man thinks about Pepper Potts hangs 5-gallon bucket on his shlong and walks 5 yards. Everybody praises him.

 


Spiderman thinks about Gwen Stacy hangs 20-gallon ke...

'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

‘Sure.’

‘Oh no! Kryptonite!’

‘That’s Superman.’

‘Thanks man. I’ve been practicing.’

Who is faster: Superman or The Flash?

The Camera Man

A joke my late grandad used to tell me

2 men, Mr. Kent and Mr. Olsen are on the roof of a 20 story building. Mr. Kent turns to Mr. Olsen and says "The great thing about this building is that they've rigged it to prevent suicides". Mr. Olsen asks how and Mr. Kent says "If anyone jumps off the roof, something in the building pulls you in t...

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A Man Walks Into A Bar

The bar is on the 22nd floor of a tall high rise. He walks up to the bar and sits down next to a guy who is very drunk. After the bartender gets him a drink, the drunk turns to him and says, "Hey buddy, see that open window over there?"

The man looks and sees one of the large windows standing...

I went to a Superman themed nightclub.

Everyone looked really fly...

but there was a massive queue for the cloakroom.

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

Superman is so incompetent...

He can’t do anything without supervision.

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Lonely superman

So one day superman is flying around lonely when he noticed wonder women naked on the beach having what looks like a wet dream.

He figures if he can fly down at the speed of light and do his business she would never even notice. After a few minutes he finally builds the courage and boom he go...

I've been training to become the next Superman.

My progress is slowly but surely improving.

i just gotta get used to wearing my underwear over my pants.

Superman lost all of his money on a digital currency scheme

It was his cryptonite.

Did you hear of the Indigenous Superman?

Before taking off, he could be heard saying, “Up, up, anyway...”

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A new bloke starts works on a building site...

He meets his new workmates and they head up to the roof to start work.
One of the workers picks up a pile of bricks and steps off the edge of the building falling 10 stories and landing safely at the bottom.
He takes the elevator back to the top and keeps working.
No one seems to even bat a...

Why can’t Superman beat Dracula?

Because he can’t go to the Krypt Tonight.

Why does superman wear tight shirt?

Because it's sized "S"

Did you hear that Superman is going out with a woman who swallows jewellery?

I don't know what he sees in her.

What does Superman use to dry himself?

A Tow-El.

What do Superman and constantly watched employees have in common?

supervision

Superman...

Superman walks into a room with a pancake on his head...


Not all heroes wear crepes.

Why is Superman so nice?

Because he was created by a Canadian.

What’s the difference between The Bloods and Superman?

One gets killed by kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight.

The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.

The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.

Now I understa...

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After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action

He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happe...

Superman is useless on Wednesday evening because he goes to a weekly Bitcoin meet up.

It's his Crypto-night.

Superman grandpa

On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an ...

What did Lois Lane say when she found out that Superman has ED?

Clark can't.

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Superman was flying over metropolis and thought "Man, I am horny af."

Just then he saw Wonder Woman on top of a building getting a tan. Asshole naked with her legs spread wide open. Superman thought, " I can fly down there, get some of that Wonder pussy and fly away before she even knows." So he flies down, gets it in, gets off, and flies away. All in under a second. ...

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Superman is flying around the world, bored out of his mind, looking for some excitement...

As he zips past the beaches of Brazil, he looks down and sees Wonder Woman, completely naked, legs spread, laying on her back catching a tan.

At that moment, he thinks to himself how long it’s been since he last got laid. He then says to himself, “I’m Superman! I can fly down there in a split...

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Superman was flying over a city NSFW

And he sees Wonderwoman laying naked on a rooftop patio in the sun. He swoops down and before she knows it, he rails her and flies off.
"What was that?" she cries.
The invisible man says "I dunno, but my asshole sure hurts."

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If I saw a man in a suit, jump into a phone booth and then Superman jump out. I’d be like “Holy shit!”

It's a fookin phone booth.

SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale.

**BATMAN:** *[shifts uncomfortably in his chair]*

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Superman (oldie but goodie)

One day Superman is flying around Metropolis as he normally does.

He looks down and notices through the open window of her apartment, Wonder Woman, laying on her bed, legs spread apart, completely naked.

The thought occurs to him; he's as fast as a speeding bullet, he could fly down ...

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Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

What did Superman say when he saw a puppy pointing in the direction he should fly?

A pup and a way!

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

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Superman is flying through Metropolis

Superman is flying through Metropolis, feeling rather horny. He glances around, and spots Wonder Woman lying naked on a rooftop with her legs spread apart.

Using his super speed, Superman flies over to her, does what he came to do, and in the blink of an eye, is gone.

"What was that?" ...

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

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Superman is flying around, super horny.

He's flying over a building when he sees Batgirl on the roof, totally naked, legs spread, moaning, "Give it to me. Give it to me!"
Superman thinks he might get in trouble with Batman if he bangs Batgirl, but she's begging for it and he can just use his super speed to get the job done quick. So h...

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

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Superman's extended family

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.

Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.

1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H...

Why does Superman has an S in his shirt

Because the store he bought it from ran out of medium

Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?

Because not all heroes wear caps.

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Superman was taking a stroll one night

As he walks past the local church, the priest runs out to him and says "Superman, you've got to help us. The walls that lead to the basement has collapse, and there are people trapped down there!!

"No way", he replies. "I can't go near the crypt tonight!"

You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)

A democratic senator from Kentucky.

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Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?

Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...?
What the fuck were they so excited about?

Jack takes ball bearings to school

He gets bored during class, takes them out, and rolls them back and forth across his desk. A couple of them roll right off the desk, up the aisle between the desks, and right up to the teacher. She sees the ball bearings and realizes that someone has been playing instead of paying attention.

...

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Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.


Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was th...

Superman got a divorce...

He can only see his kids with super vision now.

In a long lost episode, Superman has a close shave with death because his cloak wasn’t the right size.

It was a narrow S cape.

Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC)

He already has supervision.

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

‌‌Superman h‌‌ad a‌‌ h‌‌uge c‌‌rush o‌‌n W‌‌onder W‌‌oman but he was t‌‌oo s‌‌cared t‌‌o t‌‌ell h‌‌er, f‌‌earing i‌‌t w‌‌ould r‌‌uin t‌‌heir w‌‌ork r‌‌elationship.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay, h‌‌e w‌‌as u‌‌sing h‌‌is X‌‌-ray v‌‌ision t‌‌o w‌‌atch h‌‌er i‌‌n h‌‌er a‌‌partment. H‌‌e s‌‌aw h‌‌er p‌‌ut o‌‌n m‌‌usic a‌‌nd s‌‌tart t‌‌aking h‌‌er c‌‌lothes o‌‌ff. S‌‌he s‌‌at d‌‌own o‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ed. S‌‌he w‌‌as g‌‌etting i‌‌n t‌‌he r‌‌omantic m‌‌ood. S‌‌he w‌‌as s‌‌quirming a‌‌roun...

Pinocchio, Snow white, and Superman

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine.

As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out an...

What is it called when Batman and Superman challenge each other to a race?

A Marthaon

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman sees Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the top of a building

he is overcome with passion, and simply cannot help himself, he flies down and, faster than a speeding bullet, has his way with her.

"What the fuck was that?" she said!

To which, the Invisible Man replied, "I don't know, but my ass sure hurts!"

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Superman was flying around Metropolis...[slightly NSFW]

Superman was flying around Metropolis one day using his Supervision to stop wrongdoers. As he is flying by the beach he spies Wonder Woman sunbathing face down, completely naked. So he thinks to himself, "I'll never get another chance like this I've always wanted to Superbone her so here's what I'll...

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A guy walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to a very muscular man.

He asks the man, "Wow. I didn't realize you could look that great and drink! What are you drinking?" The man responds, "Why, this is magic beer." The guy, feeling a little insulted responds, "Oh yeah? What's so magical about it?" The man stands up, walk over to the edge of the building, jumps off, a...

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Superman

Reminds me of joke where Superman is flying over a town and spots Wonder Woman laying out nude on the roof of a high rise.

Superman thinks to himself, "I should fly down knock off a quick piece faster than she can know what happened."

Whosh, zap, a bit of the old in out and off he...

What's the one currency superman can't hold?

Kryptocurrency.

Why couldn't Superman find the local playground as a kid?

Adult supervision was required

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Superman is out flying one night when he sees wonder woman lying naked on a roof.

Seeing her naked body turns him on and he thinks to himself "I could probably fly down, fuck her, and fly away real fast without her noticing."

So he swoops down and does his deed and as he flies away wonder woman says "what was that wooshing sound?"

The invisible man answers "I don't ...

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Superman & Batman meet to go for a Costco run.

Every 3 months or so, Superman & Batman meet up and go for a Costco run together. This particular morning, Batman is waiting for Superman to show up and he's late by over an hour. He's always been on time up until this morning. A little while later, Batman sees Superman flying towards him. As Su...

They say that whenever Superman hears a woman's high-pitched cry for help, he immediately comes.

BDSM must really turn him on.

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One day Superman was feeling a bit horny

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to
ask his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get
a bit of action. "Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonderwoman is the best
sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?", replied B...

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Superman's day off

Superman has a very rare day off and decides to fly around to figure out how to spend it.

He flies over to Batman's place and approaches him. "Hey Batman, I have the day off want to hang out?". "Sorry Superman, I have to stop the Joker from killing my girlfriend". Superman replies, "Eh whatev...

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Drunk Superman

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.

Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again.

...

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Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman...

Do you know what the African Superman is called?

*"tongue click"* Kent

I invited Superman to a funeral this evening...

But he said he was feeling weak so he didn't want to go to the crypt tonight.

BLACK SUPERMAN

I hope they cast a black Superman. It would nice for a brother to finally be faster than a speeding bullet.



Credits:Someones Tweet

Which city is the South African Superman from?

Cape Town

I just googled "Superman football stats," and it didn't have his FA cup stats...

...just his league

My girlfriend just dumped me because of my superman comic collection.

She said I have too many issues.

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Superman is flying around the world when he sees WonderWoman tanning on the beach....

He notices that she's naked and spread eagle and has a thought.

Superman: I bet I could fly down there and have sex with her and fly away before she even knew it.
So like a depraved bastard he does exactly that and hears a conversation as he flies away.

Wonderwoman: Did you feel tha...

What was the money called on Superman’s home planet?

Kryptoncurrency

Superman's weakness

Superman started to invest in bitcoin but last night the currency dropped really bad and he got sad. Before he went to bed he told me:
- My only weakness is that crypto. 'night!

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Superman

Superman is just flying arround through Metropolis using his x-ray vision when he spots wonder woman in her house completely naked laying in her bed with her legs spread wide open. He turns arround, and sees her again but this time on all four.
He's so horny that he thinks to himself I'll use my ...

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Superman is Horny

Superman was horny one day as he's flying around.

He sees Batman and flies up to him and starts chatting him up.

>Superman "So Batman, you wanna go look for some pussy tonight?"

>Batman "Sorry Supe, Commissioner Gordon wants to meet with me tonight to discuss some of the c...

Did you know Superman has a brother who doesn't celebrate Christmas?

His name is No-El.

Merry Christmas!

A wave of crime is sweeping Metropolis. Superman is helpless to stop the instigator, a code-breaking enthusiast dressed in full plate armour.

Can no one save us from the Crypto-Knight?

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