Why are all transwoman superheroes?

Because they are all ex-men

Why is spider-man the most relatable superhero?

cause if he misses one paycheck his life is over.

>!He's probably not holding up during the pandemic.!<

If you want to learn how to draw superheroes start with Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy

He's just a fancy stick figure

Which superhero delivers the morning paper?

The newspaperman!

How many billionaires does it take to make a superhero?

Two to die, and one to never get over it.

What does a superhero put in their favorite drinks?

Ice.

_Just ice._

What's Donald Trump's favorite superhero?

The white power ranger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thought I spotted the first English superhero earlier.

I saw a Liverpool man running down the road wearing a cape.

Turned out the fucker hadn't paid for his haircut.

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While playing superhero's with my friend he told me his parents were transparent

I replied: "You mean invisible?" He said "No, my mom's beard is growing faster than my dad's tits".

Marvel have a Muslim superhero?

I thought suicide squad was a DC thing.

Do you know how to turn your tongue into a superhero?

You just bite it real hard. It will become Thor.

What do you call a superhero whose power is misjudging the height of jumps?

Splatman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big, burly, 6’10” 283lb guy walks into a bar carrying a brown box...

Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.

He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it to everyone around. Then t...

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero

The Invisible Man

What's a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander Woman.

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.

Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"

He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

Captain Marvel wasn’t the first standalone female superhero...

Iron man was, because he’s “Fe-Male”

An Australian superhero tracks down his arch nemesis...

He camps outside his evil lair to do some reconnaissance before going in. The next day he goes in but gets captured.

Villain: “Did you come here to die?”

Hero: “Nah mate, I came here yesterday.”

In Wuhan, a bat signal isn’t a request for a superhero to respond,

it simply means dinner is ready.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

Did you guys hear about the Superhero that only sleeps with married women?

He saves wives.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the superhero buttcheek say to the other?

We can stop this shit together.

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

Which superhero is also a form of transport?

Bus Lightyear!

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.

I'm not allowed to dress up as a superhero and visit the children's hospital anymore.

And I put so much work into my Thanos costume.

When it comes to the DCU, Mr. Freeze truely was the superhero.

I mean, justice can't be spelt without "Just ice".

If Caitlyn Jenner became a superhero...

Would she be an ex-man or a trans-former?

We used to say my Grandad was like Spiderman, not because he was a web-slinging superhero...

But because he struggled to get out of the bath.

Which city has the highest concentration of superheros?

Capetown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What superhero would be the the best stripper?

The Flash

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I have sex, i feel like a superhero

Mostly because I'm wearing a mask

A man goes to Blockbuster and starts looking at films

He goes through different genres until he stops at superheroes and ask to the shop assistant:

\- Could I rent "Batman Forever"?

And the shop assistant replies:

\- No, Batman returns always to the shop

I asked my wife if I'm a superhero in bed.

She said yes! The Flash.

If I could be any superhero, I’d be Aluminium Man...

My superpower would be foiling crime...

Why couldn’t the press take pictures of the fastest superhero?

No Flash photography.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

What do you call someone who is obsessed with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

My dad's a superhero

He's the invisible man.

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.

I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

Who's the Best Traffic Signal Superhero?

Green Arrow

What did the Superhero wear to Court?

His Class Action Suit

"As a blind man I never thought I'd see the day we'd have a blind superhero."

"I still haven't but I never thought I would either."

What's the difference between a superhero and an ant that cannot speak?

Nothing, both are mutants.

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero?

Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

Which superhero can beat Captain America?

Captain Vietnam

Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

Who is Micheal Barrymore’s favourite superhero?

Deadpool

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?

The Necro Comic-Con

If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero...

I'm not sure what her name would be, but I'm quite sure she'd be a part of the Ex-men.

What did the critics say about Stallone's superhero movie?

It was DREDDful.

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

How many superhero’s can you fit in a sedan?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 10 in the ashtray.

I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

What do you call a group of superhero vultures?

“The Scavengers”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex & Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moan...

If a nihilist were to become a superhero...

...would they wear a Futility Belt?

Heard Caitlyn Jenner wants to be in a superhero movie.

I think she'll either be an X-Men or Transformers

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

A research team asked a group of drug addicts who their favorite superhero was..

Oddly enough, almost all of them said Wonder Woman. The research team doesn't really know why, I guess they're just big fans of the heroine...

What superhero should you never have dinner with?

Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

What do you call a family of superheroes, living in the Ozarks?

The Inbredibles.

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