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Superhero Jokes

What do you call a league with only two superheroes in it?

The Just Us League

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

billionaire superheroes

How many billionaires does it take to create a superhero?

Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

Name one superhero that can beat Captain America...

Captain Vietnam

What's a superhero's favourite holiday destination?

Cape town

My wife was photographing some superheroes last night. I suggested to her to turn the flash on...

...turns out, he really enjoys a lap dance.

Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"

He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

DC has announced an Arab superhero will be featured in their new film.

The world can look forward to seeing O-man.

What do you call 8 Italian grandmothers, sitting on a bench next to a superhero?

Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN!

The one thing I hate about superhero movies is how unrealistic they are,

Like what are the chances that a billionaire would do anything to help ordinary people?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've always wanted to sleep with the stretchy mom from that superhero family movie

It would be fucking Incredible

If Caitlyn Jenner became a superhero...

Would she be an ex-man or a trans-former?

I'm not allowed to dress up as a superhero and visit the children's hospital anymore.

And I put so much work into my Thanos costume.

What's a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander Woman.

Where do superheroes hang out?

Cape Town

I’m making a comic book about a superhero toilet.

Billionaire bidet, crime fighter by night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iron Man is a superhero.

"Iron Woman" is a sexist command

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My premature ejaculation problem started when my other half dressed up as a superhero

Before I knew it I came in a Flash

It’s strange how African superheroes have the same origin story..

They’re all from Cape Town

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero

The Invisible Man

What Marvel Superhero is the best at HTML?

Spiderman.

Which superhero is the biggest peeping Tom?

Spied-her-man

Which superhero has the ability to stop a moving car?

Peter *Parker*

We used to call our Grandad 'Spiderman', not because of his agility or that he was a superhero...

It's because he couldn't get out the bath by himself.

I think I just met a superhero at the pub

He said he could make any man or woman see through walls, he said his name was "The Glazier"

What us something you can't say in a superhero movie?

Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is its heading straight for the world trade center

Does anyone recall the guy in the superhero outfit at the Capitol on January 6th?

He was on the far right.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Did I tell you about the foot that became a superhero?

What a leg end.

Which superhero delivers the morning paper?

The newspaperman!

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

What does a superhero put in their favorite drinks?

Ice.

_Just ice._

Who is the worst superhero?

Vacuum Man. He sucks.

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.

Who was the first superhero to get Covid?

Batman

My dad's a superhero

He's the invisible man.

If you want to learn how to draw superheroes start with Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy

He's just a fancy stick figure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

Captain Marvel wasn’t the first standalone female superhero...

Iron man was, because he’s “Fe-Male”

Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who worked out too hard?

Hes really Thor

First day as a superhero

Villian: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?


Me: I foiled your plans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to him...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex & Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I have sex, i feel like a superhero

Mostly because I'm wearing a mask

What do you call a superhero whose power is misjudging the height of jumps?

Splatman

I keep hearing about this great new MCU show featuring what I can only assume are Hispanic superheroes...

but I can't seem to find this *Juan Division* on any streaming service.

Do you know how to turn your tongue into a superhero?

You just bite it real hard. It will become Thor.

Did you guys hear about the Superhero that only sleeps with married women?

He saves wives.

What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero?

Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary Jane, Gwen Stacy and Jessica Drew walk into a bar for superheroes. After a few rounds of drinks, they got to arguing over which of them was the greatest super-heroine..

Gwen Stacy: I’m Spider Gwen, so me being the best goes without saying.




Mary Jane: *Yawn*




Jessica Drew: Well I’m Spider-Woman! You can’t get any better than that!






Mary Jane: *Boring*.



Gwen Stacy: Oh, we’re boring you, MJ?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thought I spotted the first English superhero earlier.

I saw a Liverpool man running down the road wearing a cape.

Turned out the fucker hadn't paid for his haircut.

Why are all transwoman superheroes?

Because they are all ex-men

There are 3 superheroes, The Fireball, Lady Aqua, and Tornado.

They all form a superhero trio, and try to stop villains from all over the world. They were all hanging at the SuperBase, when an emergency alarm went off.

The supervillain Master Garth is making their way to Paris, so that she can destroy the Eiffel Towel to be able to control all areas of E...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While playing superhero's with my friend he told me his parents were transparent

I replied: "You mean invisible?" He said "No, my mom's beard is growing faster than my dad's tits".

When it comes to the DCU, Mr. Freeze truely was the superhero.

I mean, justice can't be spelt without "Just ice".

What's the difference between a superhero and an ant that cannot speak?

Nothing, both are mutants.

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What superhero would be the the best stripper?

The Flash

Which superhero is also a form of transport?

Bus Lightyear!

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?

The Necro Comic-Con

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

Marvel have a Muslim superhero?

I thought suicide squad was a DC thing.

What does the cowardly superhero wear on their back?

An escape.

What did the Superhero wear to Court?

His Class Action Suit

If I could be any superhero, I’d be Aluminium Man...

My superpower would be foiling crime...

In Wuhan, a bat signal isn’t a request for a superhero to respond,

it simply means dinner is ready.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the superhero buttcheek say to the other?

We can stop this shit together.

Why is Batman great in bed?

Since he’s not a superhero, he uses gadgets

There's only one superhero with the power to tackle a tough, frozen meal...

Leave it to Thor

What superhero should you never have dinner with?

Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero...

I'm not sure what her name would be, but I'm quite sure she'd be a part of the Ex-men.

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

What did the critics say about Stallone's superhero movie?

It was DREDDful.

Why did the pea never make it as a superhero?

He could never snap into action.

Who is Vietnam's greatest superhero?

Vietman.

What do you call a group of superhero vultures?

“The Scavengers”

"As a blind man I never thought I'd see the day we'd have a blind superhero."

"I still haven't but I never thought I would either."

Heard Caitlyn Jenner wants to be in a superhero movie.

I think she'll either be an X-Men or Transformers

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

If a nihilist were to become a superhero...

...would they wear a Futility Belt?

What do you call an all kid superhero team.......

Just Kids League

How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity?

It's his altar ego.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A superheroes joke

Im sorry if the english is bad but im translating this joke from the Spanish:

It's saturday night. The Flash wants to go out and meet some women, so he decides to go and ask Batman to come with him, he runs to the batcave and asks him:
- Hey Bruce! Lets go out to a club tonight and get so...

Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

Who is Micheal Barrymore’s favourite superhero?

Deadpool

How many superhero’s can you fit in a sedan?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 10 in the ashtray.

A research team asked a group of drug addicts who their favorite superhero was..

Oddly enough, almost all of them said Wonder Woman. The research team doesn't really know why, I guess they're just big fans of the heroine...

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