Do you know how to turn your tongue into a superhero?

You just bite it real hard. It will become Thor.

Did you guys hear about the Superhero that only sleeps with married women?

He saves wives.

I always thought of my dad as a superhero.

The Invisible Man.

What's a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander Woman.

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Captain Marvel wasn’t the first standalone female superhero...

Iron man was, because he’s “Fe-Male”

An Australian superhero tracks down his arch nemesis...

He camps outside his evil lair to do some reconnaissance before going in. The next day he goes in but gets captured.

Villain: “Did you come here to die?”

Hero: “Nah mate, I came here yesterday.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

What do you call a Russian superhero?

Blyatman

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

There's only one superhero with the power to tackle a tough, frozen meal...

Leave it to Thor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the superhero buttcheek say to the other?

We can stop this shit together.

Which superhero is also a form of transport?

Bus Lightyear!

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"

He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One is a superhero and the other is a command.

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

Which city has the highest concentration of superheros?

Capetown.

We used to say my Grandad was like Spiderman, not because he was a web-slinging superhero...

But because he struggled to get out of the bath.

When it comes to the DCU, Mr. Freeze truely was the superhero.

I mean, justice can't be spelt without "Just ice".

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.

I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero

Would she be an xmen or a transformer?

I'm not allowed to dress up as a superhero and visit the children's hospital anymore.

And I put so much work into my Thanos costume.

What superhero would be the the best stripper?

The Flash

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I have sex, i feel like a superhero

Mostly because I'm wearing a mask

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

What do you call someone who is obsessed with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

If I could be any superhero, I’d be Aluminium Man...

My superpower would be foiling crime...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

I can't remember the name of superhero who is an inventor

Is it Elon man?

Who's the Best Traffic Signal Superhero?

Green Arrow

Why couldn’t the press take pictures of the fastest superhero?

No Flash photography.

Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

What did the Superhero wear to Court?

His Class Action Suit

I asked my wife if I'm a superhero in bed.

She said yes! The Flash.

Who is Micheal Barrymore’s favourite superhero?

Deadpool

What's the difference between a superhero and an ant that cannot speak?

Nothing, both are mutants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

How many billionaires does it take to make a superhero?

Three. Two to get murdered and one to never get over it.

Which superhero can beat Captain America?

Captain Vietnam

"As a blind man I never thought I'd see the day we'd have a blind superhero."

"I still haven't but I never thought I would either."

Grown-ups fooled us by making us think we would be superheroes on adulthood

Firefighter, Broker, Waterboy, Machinist, Driller, Embalmer, Goldsmith, Hydrologist, Lifeguard, Naturopath

My dad's a superhero

He's the invisible man.

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero...

I'm not sure what her name would be, but I'm quite sure she'd be a part of the Ex-men.

What did the critics say about Stallone's superhero movie?

It was DREDDful.

What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero?

Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?

The Necro Comic-Con

What do you call an all kid superhero team.......

Just Kids League

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex.

This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

How many superhero’s can you fit in a sedan?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 10 in the ashtray.

What do you call a group of superhero vultures?

“The Scavengers”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to him...

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

If a nihilist were to become a superhero...

...would they wear a Futility Belt?

Heard Caitlyn Jenner wants to be in a superhero movie.

I think she'll either be an X-Men or Transformers

Why are there no politically correct superheroes?

Because they don't want to assume the villain's agenda.

A research team asked a group of drug addicts who their favorite superhero was..

Oddly enough, almost all of them said Wonder Woman. The research team doesn't really know why, I guess they're just big fans of the heroine...

What do you call a family of superheroes, living in the Ozarks?

The Inbredibles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex & Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moan...

What superhero should you never have dinner with?

Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

An Old Joke Only Some People Are Going To Get

How do you take down a superhero?

Put a horse under him

Like I said this is an older joke that is completely outdated and it's not for everyone but for those of you old enough to remember this one is for you

What did the wedding invitation say to the fruit superhero?

Save the date!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish there was more diversity of superheroes. We have a few female and a few black superheroes. You know what I want to see?

An FTM trans hero kicking ass with Wolverine, Cyclops, and Storm. His name can be XX-Man.

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

Why did the superhero flush the toilet?

It was his duty!!!!

told to me by my 7yo son

Who is Vietnam's greatest superhero?

Vietman.

Superman walks into the Superhero Bar

and sits down next to Batman and orders a drink. Batman asks how his day was and Superman says "I was flying along checking things out when I looked down and saw Wonder Woman writhing on the beach nude. I couldn't help myself so I swooped down and started laying super pipe." Batman says "I bet that...

What do you call a Mexican superhero?

Juan Punch Man.

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