What do you call a league with only two superheroes in it?

The Just Us League

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

What does a superhero do if they clean?

They fight grime.

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

Who is the worst superhero?

Vacuum Man. He sucks.

Which superhero has the ability to stop a moving car?

Peter *Parker*

Does anyone recall the guy in the superhero outfit at the Capitol on January 6th?

He was on the far right.

Who was the first superhero to get Covid?

Batman

Which superhero delivers the morning paper?

The newspaperman!

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

Did I tell you about the foot that became a superhero?

What a leg end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

Villain : Why is my calendar wrapped in aluminium?

Superhero : I’ve foiled your plan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary Jane, Gwen Stacy and Jessica Drew walk into a bar for superheroes. After a few rounds of drinks, they got to arguing over which of them was the greatest super-heroine..

Gwen Stacy: I’m Spider Gwen, so me being the best goes without saying.




Mary Jane: *Yawn*




Jessica Drew: Well I’m Spider-Woman! You can’t get any better than that!






Mary Jane: *Boring*.



Gwen Stacy: Oh, we’re boring you, MJ?...

What’s Matthew McConaughey’s favorite superhero?

All might

How many billionaires does it take to create a superhero ?

Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.

I'm not allowed to dress up as a superhero and visit the children's hospital anymore.

And I put so much work into my Thanos costume.

What's a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander Woman.

If you want to learn how to draw superheroes start with Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy

He's just a fancy stick figure

First day as a superhero

Villian: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?


Me: I foiled your plans

Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"

He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

What do you call a superhero whose power is misjudging the height of jumps?

Splatman

Did you guys hear about the Superhero that only sleeps with married women?

He saves wives.

I keep hearing about this great new MCU show featuring what I can only assume are Hispanic superheroes...

but I can't seem to find this *Juan Division* on any streaming service.

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero

The Invisible Man

What do you call a superhero with polio

The Iron Lung

There are 3 superheroes, The Fireball, Lady Aqua, and Tornado.

They all form a superhero trio, and try to stop villains from all over the world. They were all hanging at the SuperBase, when an emergency alarm went off.

The supervillain Master Garth is making their way to Paris, so that she can destroy the Eiffel Towel to be able to control all areas of E...

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thought I spotted the first English superhero earlier.

I saw a Liverpool man running down the road wearing a cape.

Turned out the fucker hadn't paid for his haircut.

Superhero

What do you call hulk when he’s not on a diet?
Bulk

If Caitlyn Jenner became a superhero...

Would she be an ex-man or a trans-former?

Captain Marvel wasn’t the first standalone female superhero...

Iron man was, because he’s “Fe-Male”

Which superhero is also a form of transport?

Bus Lightyear!

What does the cowardly superhero wear on their back?

An escape.

Why is spider-man the most relatable superhero?

cause if he misses one paycheck his life is over.

>!He's probably not holding up during the pandemic.!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 7 foot tall giant of a man walks into a bar...

...carrying a brown box. Everyone is staring quietly because of the sheer size of some random guy seemingly on a mission.
 
He walks up to the counter and orders two shots of whiskey. After downing them both in succession, he reaches into the box and pulls out a huge snapping turtle, shows it ...

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Why are all transwoman superheroes?

Because they are all ex-men

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.

We used to say my Grandad was like Spiderman, not because he was a web-slinging superhero...

But because he struggled to get out of the bath.

What do Daredevil and Scarlet Witch have in common?

They're superheroes dressed in red who lost their vision!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to him...

Marvel have a Muslim superhero?

I thought suicide squad was a DC thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While playing superhero's with my friend he told me his parents were transparent

I replied: "You mean invisible?" He said "No, my mom's beard is growing faster than my dad's tits".

Do you know how to turn your tongue into a superhero?

You just bite it real hard. It will become Thor.

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

What's the name of the superhero that stops crimes by nagging the evil-doers?

Chider-Man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the superhero buttcheek say to the other?

We can stop this shit together.

Iron Man is a superhero

Iron woman is a command.

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

Why couldn’t the press take pictures of the fastest superhero?

No Flash photography.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

In Wuhan, a bat signal isn’t a request for a superhero to respond,

it simply means dinner is ready.

My dad's a superhero

He's the invisible man.

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

When it comes to the DCU, Mr. Freeze truely was the superhero.

I mean, justice can't be spelt without "Just ice".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I have sex, i feel like a superhero

Mostly because I'm wearing a mask

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What superhero would be the the best stripper?

The Flash

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex & Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moan...

What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero?

Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

Which city has the highest concentration of superheros?

Capetown.

What do you call a superhero who's made out of instant noodles?

Ra-man.

What's the difference between a superhero and an ant that cannot speak?

Nothing, both are mutants.

I asked my wife if I'm a superhero in bed.

She said yes! The Flash.

What did the Superhero wear to Court?

His Class Action Suit

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?

The Necro Comic-Con

What is the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

One is a superhero and the other is a command.

I can't remember the name of superhero who is an inventor

Is it Elon man?

What do you call someone who is obsessed with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

What's Donald Trump's favorite superhero?

The white power ranger.

If I could be any superhero, I’d be Aluminium Man...

My superpower would be foiling crime...

"As a blind man I never thought I'd see the day we'd have a blind superhero."

"I still haven't but I never thought I would either."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus was the first superhero.

He's got a clouded and vague past, a life and death saturated with only the best intentions, and a shitty sequel that he bailed on less than halfway through.

What did the critics say about Stallone's superhero movie?

It was DREDDful.

What do you call a group of superhero vultures?

“The Scavengers”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

Which superhero can beat Captain America?

Captain Vietnam

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero...

I'm not sure what her name would be, but I'm quite sure she'd be a part of the Ex-men.

Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

Who is Micheal Barrymore’s favourite superhero?

Deadpool

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

What do you call an all kid superhero team.......

Just Kids League

How many superhero’s can you fit in a sedan?

2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 10 in the ashtray.

If a nihilist were to become a superhero...

...would they wear a Futility Belt?

What superhero should you never have dinner with?

Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hacker: I’m in!

Superhero: stay away from my assistant and do your job you useless fuck

Heard Caitlyn Jenner wants to be in a superhero movie.

I think she'll either be an X-Men or Transformers

I went to my tailor and said, "Make me look like a superhero."

He pulled out a pair of trousers and said, "Black pants, sir."

Grown-ups fooled us by making us think we would be superheroes on adulthood

Firefighter, Broker, Waterboy, Machinist, Driller, Embalmer, Goldsmith, Hydrologist, Lifeguard, Naturopath

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

A research team asked a group of drug addicts who their favorite superhero was..

Oddly enough, almost all of them said Wonder Woman. The research team doesn't really know why, I guess they're just big fans of the heroine...

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