UPJOKE
supermanbatmanwonder womanspider-mananimecomic stripcaptain americairon mansupervillaintokusatsumangaherohal jordanmarvel comicsdc comics

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero

The Invisible Man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"

He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

Name one superhero that can beat Captain America...

Captain Vietnam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've always wanted to sleep with the stretchy mom from that superhero family movie

It would be fucking Incredible

DC has announced an Arab superhero will be featured in their new film.

The world can look forward to seeing O-man.

What do you call 8 Italian grandmothers, sitting on a bench next to a superhero?

Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN!

If Caitlyn Jenner became a superhero...

Would she be an ex-man or a trans-former?

I'm not allowed to dress up as a superhero and visit the children's hospital anymore.

And I put so much work into my Thanos costume.

What do you call a rapper that makes superhero movies?

MC U

The one thing I hate about superhero movies is how unrealistic they are,

Like what are the chances that a billionaire would do anything to help ordinary people?

What's a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Wander Woman.

Did you hear about the superhero who was bitten by a radioactive lawyer?

He got the power of attorney.

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic".

So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

A wife gives away her husband's huge collection of superhero items

She wanted their house to be Marvel-less

My dad's a superhero

He's the invisible man.

How many billionaires does it take to make a superhero?

Three. Two to get murdered and one to never get over it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My premature ejaculation problem started when my other half dressed up as a superhero

Before I knew it I came in a Flash

Which superhero has the ability to stop a moving car?

Peter *Parker*

What does a superhero put in their favorite drinks?

Ice.

_Just ice._

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Iron Man is a superhero.

"Iron Woman" is a sexist command

What Marvel Superhero is the best at HTML?

Spiderman.

Which superhero is the biggest peeping Tom?

Spied-her-man

Where do superheroes hang out?

Cape Town

Which superhero delivers the morning paper?

The newspaperman!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A superhero arrives in a village.

The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two week...

I think I just met a superhero at the pub

He said he could make any man or woman see through walls, he said his name was "The Glazier"

Who is the worst superhero?

Vacuum Man. He sucks.

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.

What us something you can't say in a superhero movie?

Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is its heading straight for the world trade center

We used to call our Grandad 'Spiderman', not because of his agility or that he was a superhero...

It's because he couldn't get out the bath by himself.

Did I tell you about the foot that became a superhero?

What a leg end.

Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who worked out too hard?

Hes really Thor

First day as a superhero

Villian: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?


Me: I foiled your plans

What do you call a superhero whose power is misjudging the height of jumps?

Splatman

What is the Great Gatsby's favorite superhero?

Green Lantern.
His least favorite?
Deadpool.

Does anyone recall the guy in the superhero outfit at the Capitol on January 6th?

He was on the far right.

Who was the first superhero to get Covid?

Batman

Did you guys hear about the Superhero that only sleeps with married women?

He saves wives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I have sex, i feel like a superhero

Mostly because I'm wearing a mask

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

Captain Marvel wasn’t the first standalone female superhero...

Iron man was, because he’s “Fe-Male”

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

What do you call an organised superhero?

Captain Plan It

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What superhero would be the the best stripper?

The Flash

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superheroes' day off

So it's the superheroes holiday and Superman is looking for some friends to hang out with so he starts flying around and uses his x-ray vision to see what his friends are up to.

He cruises by incredible hulk's place, uses his x-ray vision and sees hulk lifting weights. Superman thinks to him...

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thought I spotted the first English superhero earlier.

I saw a Liverpool man running down the road wearing a cape.

Turned out the fucker hadn't paid for his haircut.

Do you know how to turn your tongue into a superhero?

You just bite it real hard. It will become Thor.

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

There's only one superhero with the power to tackle a tough, frozen meal...

Leave it to Thor

What's the difference between a superhero and an ant that cannot speak?

Nothing, both are mutants.

What did the Superhero wear to Court?

His Class Action Suit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the superhero buttcheek say to the other?

We can stop this shit together.

When it comes to the DCU, Mr. Freeze truely was the superhero.

I mean, justice can't be spelt without "Just ice".

What does the cowardly superhero wear on their back?

An escape.

In Wuhan, a bat signal isn’t a request for a superhero to respond,

it simply means dinner is ready.

What do you call a group of superhero vultures?

“The Scavengers”

What superhero should you never have dinner with?

Spider-Man. He never saves any Uncle Ben's.

If I could be any superhero, I’d be Aluminium Man...

My superpower would be foiling crime...

If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero...

I'm not sure what her name would be, but I'm quite sure she'd be a part of the Ex-men.

"As a blind man I never thought I'd see the day we'd have a blind superhero."

"I still haven't but I never thought I would either."

What did the critics say about Stallone's superhero movie?

It was DREDDful.

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

If a nihilist were to become a superhero...

...would they wear a Futility Belt?

What do you call an all kid superhero team.......

Just Kids League

As a child, I always thought of my uncle as a superhero

Since I found him in my closet, in his underwear

What did the wedding invitation say to the fruit superhero?

Save the date!

How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity?

It's his altar ego.

Marvel have a Muslim superhero?

I thought suicide squad was a DC thing.

Did you hear about the Marvel superhero that got busted for stealing a truck full of soft French Cheese?

It was brie larceny.

Who is Micheal Barrymore’s favourite superhero?

Deadpool

Heard Caitlyn Jenner wants to be in a superhero movie.

I think she'll either be an X-Men or Transformers

I went to my tailor and said, "Make me look like a superhero."

He pulled out a pair of trousers and said, "Black pants, sir."

A research team asked a group of drug addicts who their favorite superhero was..

Oddly enough, almost all of them said Wonder Woman. The research team doesn't really know why, I guess they're just big fans of the heroine...

Why did the superhero flush the toilet?

It was his duty!!!!

told to me by my 7yo son

Who is Vietnam's greatest superhero?

Vietman.

What do you call a superhero-duo run over by a steam roller?

Flatman and Ribbon.

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.