What sort of monsters don't eat the crust?

I mean it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste like the rest of the watermelon

worst part of childhood is monsters in the closet/under the bed

worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them

What day of the week do sea monsters get married?

Wednesday

How do monsters tell their fortune?

They read their horror-scopes.

Are monsters good at math?

Not unless you Count Dracula

Nintendo is making a new game about gambling monsters.

It's called Pokermon.

My young daughter is afraid of “the monsters” in her bedroom.

So I switched them out for red bull.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With Apologies To Abbot And Costello

There were these two kids who ran away from their home in Why, Arizona. One was a tall, white kid. The other was a short, Asian kid. After running away from home, a police officer notices them. They were caught milking baby gila monsters for their venom. The cop didn't want to send them to juvi...

How do monsters know when to eat pregnant women?

When their cervix ripens

Why would you think a show about children and monsters is weird?

Honestly, I've seen stranger things

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

What search engine do spooky monsters use?

Ghoul ghoul.

What do you call a city full of monsters?

Monstrocity

A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a shitty year for Halloween monsters

Real life has been a lot scarier

From my 6 year old: What does a cloud wear beneath its pants?

Thunderwear!


Edit: Thanks so much for the awards! I told my 6yo this morning how much love his joke got, and he’s absolutely walking on air!

You may have just helped create a comedian, you monsters.

What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which monsters are most fond of sex?

Skeletons; they're always down to bone

I just finished installing a 5G mast for the local area when this crazy lady runs out of the house and starts throwing bizarre accusations of how 5G is hurting people's health and what monsters we telecoms guys are. What a screwball!

4G must've fried her brain.

What do witchers do when they're not busy killing monsters?

They kill time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the scarers in monsters inc are gay

They're always coming out of closets

Why is Wolfenstein known as THE first person shooter?

Because in the games before it, you only shot monsters.

There are three monsters that live in my house and steal all of my money,

I like to call them, “the accidents,” but my wife insists on calling them our children.

What is a sea monsters favourite snack?

Ship n dip

What is a superstitious monsters favorite daily read?

Its horrorscope

Bed monsters

A guy had a fear that there was a monster living under his bed, and he decided to seek professional help. During the consultation, the shrink told him his situation was unusual but not unheard of. He can be cured, but it would take at minimum 6 session at $250 each.

The guy declined citing t...

Why are monsters hipsters?

Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

Kids look under the bed before going to sleep to check there is no monster.

Monsters check there's no Chuck Norris

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