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Monsters Jokes

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What do Japanese monsters drink for vitamin C?

Kai-Juice!


(My mom came up with that one.)

I saw this guy running down the road with a bunch of monsters. When I asked him what he was doing he said:

I’m exercising my demons.

Are Monsters good at math?

Not unless you Count Dracula.

Happy Spooktober everyone.

Why don't monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships

How does Sully from Monsters Inc. get into his home ?

A Mike Wahousekey

Why are monsters hipsters?

Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

How do monsters tell their fortune?

They read their horror-scopes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it hard to tell if monsters are gay?

Because they are in the closet

A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ...

A monster party

To celebrate Halloween, the classic Halloween monsters decided to throw a party. At full swing, some of the monsters decided to have a drink and sit down.

The werewolf said, “I can’t believe everyone came!”

Dracula chuckled and said, “Yes, this is a good party.”

Frankenstein’s m...

My 6 year old daughter has been complaining about monsters under her bed for ages.

It seemed cute and funny at the beginning but it's been twenty minutes now, and I'm wondering if I should just crawl out already.

worst part of childhood is monsters in the closet/under the bed

worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them

What search engine do spooky monsters use?

Ghoul ghoul.

Nintendo is making a new game about gambling monsters.

It's called Pokermon.

What sort of monsters don't eat the crust?

I mean it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste like the rest of the watermelon

What day of the week do sea monsters get married?

Wednesday

My young daughter is afraid of “the monsters” in her bedroom.

So I switched them out for red bull.

Bed monsters

A guy had a fear that there was a monster living under his bed, and he decided to seek professional help. During the consultation, the shrink told him his situation was unusual but not unheard of. He can be cured, but it would take at minimum 6 session at $250 each.

The guy declined citing t...

What do you call a city full of monsters?

Monstrocity

How do monsters know when to eat pregnant women?

When their cervix ripens

Why would you think a show about children and monsters is weird?

Honestly, I've seen stranger things

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the scarers in monsters inc are gay

They're always coming out of closets

Monsters under my bed

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night so I went to a shrink and told him... "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there is somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. ...

What is a sea monsters favourite snack?

Ship n dip

What do witchers do when they're not busy killing monsters?

They kill time

Roses are red, monsters are green

Look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean

What is a superstitious monsters favorite daily read?

Its horrorscope

Why do milk monsters walk weirdly?

Because they lactose.

Two sea monsters are chillin’ in the ocean.

A ship full of potatoes sails by and the first sea monster gobbles it up. A second ship full of potatoes sails by and the monster gobbles that one up as well. After seeing this happen several more times the second sea monster turns to the first and says “Dude, what’s with you and these ships?”
...

who do monsters buy their cookies from?

the ghoul scouts.

What do You call a crowdfunding site for cannibalistic monsters?

Windigogo!

What is cookie monsters favorite war?

Vietnom nom nom nom

There are three monsters that live in my house and steal all of my money,

I like to call them, “the accidents,” but my wife insists on calling them our children.

The government has covered up the existence of monsters for centuries...

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

2 monsters started talking

2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he wa...

A Greek guy walks into a tavern and sees two sea monsters arguing

"What's up with them?" he asks.

"Oh, that's scylla and charybdis."

"Are they usually this angry?"

"Yeah, but they're not violent. Just don't get between them."

You should never take what a sea monsters says seriously.

They're always Kraken jokes.

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