Monsters Jokes

I’m exercising my demons.

Not unless you Count Dracula.

Happy Spooktober everyone.

Because they taste like sheet.

Fish and ships

A Mike Wahousekey

Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

They read their horror-scopes.

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ... read more

Ghoul ghoul.

To celebrate Halloween, the classic Halloween monsters decided to throw a party. At full swing, some of the monsters decided to have a drink and sit down.

The werewolf said, “I can’t believe everyone came!”

Dracula chuckled and said, “Yes, this is a good party.”

Frankenstein’s m... read more

It seemed cute and funny at the beginning but it's been twenty minutes now, and I'm wondering if I should just crawl out already.

worst part of adulthood is realizing they were living there rent-free and you missed your chance to charge them

It's called Pokermon.

I mean it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste like the rest of the watermelon

Wednesday

So I switched them out for red bull.

A guy had a fear that there was a monster living under his bed, and he decided to seek professional help. During the consultation, the shrink told him his situation was unusual but not unheard of. He can be cured, but it would take at minimum 6 session at $250 each.

The guy declined citing t... read more

Monstrocity

When their cervix ripens

Honestly, I've seen stranger things

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night so I went to a shrink and told him... "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there is somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. ... read more

Ship n dip

They kill time

Look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean

Its horrorscope

Because they lactose.

A ship full of potatoes sails by and the first sea monster gobbles it up. A second ship full of potatoes sails by and the monster gobbles that one up as well. After seeing this happen several more times the second sea monster turns to the first and says “Dude, what’s with you and these ships?”
... read more

the ghoul scouts.

Windigogo!

Vietnom nom nom nom

I like to call them, “the accidents,” but my wife insists on calling them our children.

The truth is kept under Loch and key.

2 monsters were talking, one said he loved eating humans, the other disagreed. the first monster asked how he was cooking his humans. The second answered "I boiled him."So the first monster then asked if the second could describe the human he was trying to cook the second responded with "well, he wa... read more

"What's up with them?" he asks.

"Oh, that's scylla and charybdis."

"Are they usually this angry?"

"Yeah, but they're not violent. Just don't get between them."

They're always Kraken jokes.