I broke up with my video game console, now it's my ex-box

Nothing personal, it was just time for a switch

I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

In 2019 if you were unemployed and stayed home all day playing video games, you were a lazy bum.

In 2020 this would make you a responsible adult.

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...

I'm working on a video game where you go back in time and kill Adam and Eve

it's going to be the first ever First Person Shooter.

There’s no way video games cause violence.

If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.

Why is great to have garbage men as my video game teammates?

They are used to carrying trash.

Asked my French friend if he played any video games

He said "wii"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa told me, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

What's prince zukos favorite video game?

Dishonored

My life was ruined by my obsession with video games.

Fortunately, I had another two lives.

What Do People and Video Game Consoles Have in Common?

No one can agree on which generation is the best.

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!

wait....

Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.

Working in customer service already did that.

I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one...

It's going to be a game changer....

Hey, have you heard of the person who got dumped over playing too much video games?

That's such a trivial thing to Fallout 4.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ok r/askreddit if you had to give up video games or blow jobs for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Edit: Yea guys I'd pick blow jobs too, they hurt my jaw

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What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft

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What's does a penis and a video game have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

If Beyblade’s were a video game the final boss would be

a garbage disposal

Car rides and plane rides are just like video game loading screens if you think about it.

Most of the time they both take way too long.

My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.

Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

Why are Boy Scouts annoying to play video games with?

Because they’re good at camping!

Do you hear about the man who died playing an erotic video game?

He had his final fantasy.

TIL that in most video games it's better to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons

Because that way you don't have to worry about Fall damage

What do online video games and sonnets have in common?

Both end in a GG.

If Reddit was a video game, it'd be really broken and unbalanced

Because everyone would be OP

I think video games like Call of Duty set a terrible example for children.

There's no lag when you shoot someone in real life.

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During an Intense video game session, I went and explained in detail about how I'm going to f*ck the balls out of my opponent's mom!

My son won't stop crying now

People are forever going on about how video games are an unhealthy influence on the young.

But I grew up in the 1980s when all we had was Pacman and it's not like we spent all our time running around in the dark munching pills to weird repetitive music!

What's Bernie Sanders' favorite video game?

Fire Emblem: Three Houses.

If life was a video game...

...Id return it right away

I wasn't allowed to speak at a university conference about jump mechanics in video games..

..due to no platforming.

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Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

Thanks to video games, kids today have a warped sense of the word "Boss"...

Last weekend I introduced my son to my boss ...he drank a potion, then attacked her!

Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies

For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house

Jeffery Epstein likes his video games like he likes his suicides

Co-op

Stop blaming the video games for violence.

Some of you played Mortal Kombat your whole lives and never learned how to finish her.

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Sex is like a video game for me.

I usually just watch gameplay footage of it but never actually play it myself.

My mom asked me how I can have fun playing video games all the time...

I said, "They're actually designed that way."

TIL the movie Starship Troopers was never adapted into a successful video game because...

...bugs.

I beat my kids when we play my old video games.

Sometimes I win at the games, too.

Death Stranding is not a video game...

it's a Hideo game

What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink?

Sprite.

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

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I always have exactly 8 Strength in video games

Because I'm not gay.

What did our parents do when they were bored back in the days before the internet or video games?

I asked this question to my 24 brothers and sisters too...

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Ever heard about the guy who had a fetish for broken buttons on video game controllers?

He got off to a bad start.

People playing video games get so upset when it says "you can't go any further."

Geez, people, it's not the end of the world.

What does a communist say after they rage quit a video game?

I don’t know either, but they’ll probably be uninStalin the game.

The government swore to shut down Fortnite due to claims of the video game aggravating children and teens worldwide.

Two weeks later, Fortnight was finished.

Why does Jesus hates playing video games?

Because it takes him three days to respawn.

The day after violent video games became illegal...

...a school was flooded with lava in the world's first mass griefing.

Why did the pirate not like the old video game with a liberal-leaning political message?

It was hard to port

A Male kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a scotch and starts talking about the good old days when nobody was on their phones, when video games were for the rich, and the ozone layer was whole.

“Ok boomer”

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If I played video games for 8 hours, I'd be called a loser bum

But if I watched TV for 8 hours straight, people would just think I didn't have anything to do that day

My roommate was playing a video game last night and when he died he completely smashed his keyboard...

yeah, he definitely lost Control.

One day TV is broadcasting about a gun shot in campus and the experts analyze that it is linked to the murder's massive time in playing violence video game.

Mum: No sense, my son is always playing dating sims and he still unable to find a girlfriend.

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Caught a young boy stealing a video game from a video shop.

I said, "Little fella, if I was your dad, I wouldn't be best pleased."

"Why's that, fuck face? Never witnessed a crime before?" he blurted out, surprisingly.

I said, "It's not that. You're just not very handsome."

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I always use incognito mode when looking at porn and video game walkthroughs.

I don't want my wife to think I'm a cheater.

What video game system do police officers play in their cars?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

I don't want to say video games cause violence...

...but after a month of playing Pong, I beat Rafael Nadal in a best of five match and might be Venus Williams' new baby daddy.

My wife left me because I spend too much time playing video games

Now I do it because I enjoy it

What’s a pirates favorite video game?

**DDRRR**

No it’s not 2004 and I’ll see myself out.

Heard that Backstreet Boys is getting a video game for them on the PC.

Definitely not going to be released on Xbox and PlayStation though as it is inconsolable.

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