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Ups Jokes

Break ups are the worst in China

You see her face everywhere

How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?

All of them

called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift

they said VR ready

Push-ups are easy.

I can do them with my eyes closed.

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up a letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.
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Did you know UPS consulted Matthew McConaughey to help UPS eliminate inefficient left turns on deliveries?

He told them, "All right all right all right"

Do you know what happened to the UPS driver who had an abortion?

She didn’t deliver.

Two strangers get paired up golfing

They’re both pretty avid golfers, so they’re playing a speedy round.

They play through a couple groups and end up behind a couple ladies further up the fairway.

The one chap decides to walk up and ask if they can play through. About halfway towards them, he stops dead and turns aroun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Next time you’re feeling down, remember that life is full of ups and downs and is all about perspective..

I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, and yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison..

Did you hear about the merger between UPS and Fed-Ex?

The new name will be Fed-Up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I can’t do pull-ups or push-ups

Wife: But you can do a lot of fuck-ups

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life has its ups and downs.

I seem to have a lot of ups.



Fuck ups.

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