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Ascending Jokes

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A professor sits with a farmer on a train.

Bored, the professor says to the farmer: "I ask you a question, if you can't answer it, you give me $5; then you ask me a question, if I can't answer it, I give you $500, what do you think?" The farmer nods. The professor asks the farmer: "What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?" The fa...

Saw a janitor wiping the handrail on an ascending escalator

He was cleaning up

If I had a choice between stairs and a runged instrument for ascending things...

I would choose the ladder.

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I recently received a letter about my donkey dying, but as I was reading it, a gust of wind caught it and blew it up into the sky.

It became an ending sending ascending.

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A bricklayer has an accident at work and is being investigated, as the insurance company doesn't believe his injuries are real. They demand that he send them a description of the accident.

So he writes:

"I'm a bricklayer by trade. I had finished building the guard rail on the roof of the building. I use a barrel and pulley system to raise supplies up to the roof, and loaded the barrel up with the leftover bricks and my tools, weighing approximately 300 lbs, and then went below ...

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Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger...

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace sin...

A man wins the lottery...

[*I heard this joke for the first time as a 13 year old at a family party. So imagine my mild mannered German 70 year old great uncle calmly telling this joke to the whole table. I had never heard him tell a joke before. It's still one of my favourite jokes*]

A man wins the lottery after year...

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Three men hear of a wish-granting boulder.

This boulder is rumored to be located at the top of a steep cliff, so the men set out on a rather grueling hike in order to find it. Upon arrival at the very top, they find a natural monolith of sorts, and are greeted by a booming voice.

"Greetings, travelers!" the voice says. "I am the Rock ...

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The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...
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