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Rising Jokes

Due to rising costs, Old McDonald had to sell his farm.

E-I-E-I-Owes a lot of money.

Two muffins are rising in the oven

One says to the other "Hot enough in here for ya?"

The other muffin says "Oh my god! a talking muffin!"

If food prices keep rising

The five second rule will be replaced by the “ not fuzzy yet” rule.

My Dog is really worried about the rising price of groceries, with a can of dog food now costing £2.99....

That's almost £21 in Dog money.

Have you heard about the rising political tensions between yogurt and penicillin? One side is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic.

They're calling it a culture war.

Due to rising costs, I stopped using toilet paper. Instead, I'm using newspaper now

Man, The Times are rough.

Sister Mary Margaret woke up and saw from the rising sun that she was late.

She jumped up, dressed in a hurry and headed down for morning prayers. Sister Agnes took a look at her and said "Well, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today" and smirked. Sister Mary Margaret just shook her head, slightly annoyed, and kept going. Then she saw Sister Martha who looked at ...

A priest is being chased through the woods by a hungry bear.

As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!

Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising u...

As a result of rising gas prices...

kidnap victims will no longer be taken to a second location.

With the rising toilet paper crisis

Does anyone know where to buy 3 premium seashells

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stalin wakes up one morning and walks onto his balcony to see the sun rise.

"Good morning, Comrade Sun" he says.

"And a very good morning to you, Comrade Stalin" the sun replies.

Later in the day, as Stalin is heading to NKVD headquarters to meet with Beria he says, "Good afternoon, Comrade Sun"

"And a very good afternoon to you, Comrade Stalin" the Sun...

A local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.

The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"


The lawyer thought about it for a minut...

The whole of Ireland is at risk from rising sea levels.

Apart from Cork, which will stay afloat.

A man dies, and wakes up on a beach.

There is nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. Suddenly, Satan comes up to him.
"Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me", he says. ...

For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases

But that doesn’t seem to scare anyone

Vaccination awareness is rising

Last night I saw a young man vaccinate himself behind a dumpster

EDD doubled their workforce to handle rising jobless claims

Now they can hang up on you in half the time.

What holiday celebrates the rising of dough?

Yeaster.

Rising sea levels have lowered the value of my home.

Now my mortgage is underwater.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Concerned about the rising drug problems on Earth

Jesus decides to send some of his disciples back to Earth to obtain some drugs so that they would better understand how to help mankind.

After 3 days they begin to return.

There is a soft knock on the side door at Jesus' pad. "Open up, man, it's Matthew."
The door opens just a cra...

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day...

He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

A bard and a priest are trapped amid rising floodwaters.

"What are we gonna do?!" Screams the bard.

"Quick," the priest says,"Give me your guitar!"

"We're going to die and you want to play guitar?!" The bard exclaims.

"Trust me."

And with a single strum, a white light envelops them. When the light clears, they find themselves o...

Jesus and Moses in Heaven

One beautiful day in Heaven, Jesus and Moses were fishing in a lake. After a while of silence, Jesus asked Moses, "Hey Moses, can you still do it? You know... 'Your thing'?" Moses then answered, "I don't know, let me see if I still got it!"

He then stood up and drew his arms forwards, and the...

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China?

They need clean air.

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is...

advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in ...

Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices...

Now I get less bang for my buck!

What did the rising sun say to the morning dew?

You will be mist.

Religious gardening rising in popularity with today's youth.

Parents around the nation are alarmed at their teens obsession with Sects and Violets.

I don’t get it. What’s the problem with climate change, ice bergs melting and the sea level rising?

I mean the excess water just flows down the edge of the Earth.

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