Twenty years from now, kids listening to "Baby it's cold outside" are gonna find it really, really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood in the context of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside.

I never understood school shootings

I guess they are aimed at a younger audience

I have never understood why women love cats

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Since my work is reliant on it i might be biased, but i never understood why people say wind power is ineffective

Honestly i'm a big fan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never understood couples bragging about trying for kids.

You say "yea we have been trying for a child for months now"

I hear "Yea I've been doing HUGE Cum dumps in her pussy for Months. No luck yet"

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips.

I’ve never understood the idea of invisible planes.

I just can’t see them taking off.

What did the hydroxide ion say when it suddenly understood its purpose in life?

OH-

I've never really understood Psychology

It's just mental

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I never understood how Ty Lee joined the Kyoshi warriors at the end of Avatar.

That's like if the United States hired Nazi rocket scientists to work on our space program after WW2 ended.

As a lad I never understood threesome.

Why would I want to disappoint 2 ladies at the same time.

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.

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I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

Growing up in a family involved with the mob, I never quite understood what my mom meant when she said that dad was a “made man”

Until I walked in on him banging the maid.

I haven't understood a single joke since this quarantine started.

They must all be inside jokes.

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I’ve never understood the difference between butter and ghee.

Perhaps someone could clarify.

I never understood why people are surprised to hear Elvis died on the toilet.

Historically it's rare for a King to leave the throne alive.

A joke my Dad told me that I never understood when I was a child.

A man walking along a California beach is deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, Grant me one wish."

The sunny Californian sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"<...

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[Long] A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept...

The famed Montana Buffalo Steak

A cowboy rode to Montana to try the famed Buffalo Steak he had heard about in his travels. He ventured to a tribe of Natives and asked if they had ever herd of or eaten Buffalo steaks before. He of course did not speak their language, but they understood his silly gestures, nodded and equally gestur...

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Two guys are camping when...

Hello everybody. I am transalting this joke from my native language so
1 Sorry for any grammar error
2 I hope it s a new one for some of you

Two friends are camping in the mountains.
They are relaxing, walking into the nature, breathing fr...

I’ve never really understood how jokes work

So one day I told my friends I was going to be doing some comedy. I even got a bouncer and rolled out a red carpet for this big event. I texted everyone I knew. I was so excited for it. However, when my friends showed up and saw me standing at the end of the carpet with boxing gloves on, they turned...

I never understood people who have the confederate flag and the american flag bumper stickers.

It seems like a bad relationship. It's like, "this one is to commemorate my love for Steve! And this one is to commemorate the time I tried to escape from Steve...."


Credit goes to Neal Brennan

I've never understood the concept of bullying

Why are YOU mad that I'M ugly?

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Back in high school I made friends with this girl that had lost her legs. I never understood why people didn't talk to her. Since I was a close friend, she had invited me to a party with other girls without legs.

That place was crawling with pussy.

I’ve never understood the stereotype that Asian people are good at math,

so I decided to test it out.

I went up to at least 100 different people in China and asked them a couple of math questions

The first was “What is 109 squared?”. Around 68% of them answered correctly, which I was shocked about.

Then I asked “If 2 lengths of a triangle are 37 and ...

On my jog today, I saw this little old lady talking to her cat. From her hand gestures and body language it was clear she thought the cat understood her. I hope I never get that lonely and senile.

Anyway...I went home and told my dog about her. We laughed and laughed..

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A cruise ship spies a seemingly deserted island in the distance...

(Warning: This is a joke that might only be understood by Jews. That said, it's a classic, and one that most Jews find to be extremely funny and spot on. If you're not Jewish, read on if you would like to glean some insight into Jewish humor and culture.)

&nbsp;

So a cruise sh...

I used to think I understood the Dunning-Kruger effect...

but the more I look into it, the less sure I am.

I never understood how diabetes runs in my family

No one runs in my family...

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Iv never really understood the point of lapdancing...

I mean, if I wanted someone to sexually frustrate me and take all my money then I'd just stay at home with the wife!

I never understood why people are so scared of snakes

They're completely armless

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then ...

My Chinese friend from Wuhan emailed us a joke about how Covid-19 began, but nobody understood.

I guess you had to be there to get it.

I’ve never understood why so many rich parents buy second hand Ferraris for their spoilt children

Why would you want two things that are twenty years old and don’t work?

I’ve never understood when someone sticks out their index finger

What’s the point?

The spirit in the bottle.

A lady walks into Walmart. She bumps into a bottle on a shelf, it falls down and a spirit comes out. Ahh that was good said the spirit. As a thank\`s for helping me out of this bottle, I want to give you one wish that comes true. The lady is a little confused, thinks a little and says, I have a wish...

The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the N...

I never quite understood why so many people don’t get along with vegans.

I never had a beef with one.

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A bus full of nuns gets into a terrible accident and there are no survivors.

They arrive at the pearly gates to see a bleary eyed St. Peter sitting there with a list of all their names. "Sister Martha," he calls out. "Please come here." She comes out of the group and they begin to form a line. St. Peter continued, "You as a nun understood your vow of chastity and what that e...

I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue.

I though they were the aqua-marines.

My friend never understood the coronavirus

But now he got it.

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I've never understood why homophobics wore clothes

because clothes come out of the closet and that's gay

I miss understood a Sleeping Beauty

Ill never be welcome to a funeral again.

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I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us Nazis to shoot again.

Sooo, are you....?

An elephant meets a boa for the first time. Intrigued, he asks him:

\- You're a weird creature ... how do you move? You have no legs.

\- Well, it's simple, I'm crawling…

\- Oh, Okay!

The elephant start to move, but, even more intrigued, he turns and asks again:

\- ...

I never understood people's fanatic attachment to their clothes..

..it's just sew material.

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I never understood why people watch porn.

Beats meet...

I never understood how a grown man could cry at his own wedding.

That was until my father in law prodded me with his shotgun.

As a college girl, I never understood the whole Sorority thing

It's all Greek to me

I finally understood Einstein's theory of relativity.

It was about time.

For the first time ever I understood what all the fuss was about 80s music

It was an Aha moment

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With Apologies To Abbot And Costello

There were these two kids who ran away from their home in Why, Arizona. One was a tall, white kid. The other was a short, Asian kid. After running away from home, a police officer notices them. They were caught milking baby gila monsters for their venom. The cop didn't want to send them to juvi...

Never understood the point of black friday

Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month

I once told story about pregnancy that nobody understood except for my twin sister

It was our little inside joke

I never understood how glass worked

But it's clear to me now.

I never really understood #notallmen.

Don't women usually like tall men?

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.

I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"

I never understood the term "cash cow"..

Sounds like utter non-cents to me.

I never understood why white people can’t say the n-word

I mean we’re the ones who invented it after all

Little Johnny's neighbour just had a baby.

Sadly, the baby was born without any ears.

When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.

Johnnys dad also told him t...

I never understood how Dr. Frankenstein got overpowered by his monster...

... I mean, the guy was an amazing body builder.

What's the least understood topic in the world?

Planes
They go over your head fast.

I explained to my son how batons are used in relay races, and he understood right away.

I gotta hand it to him.

I never really understood what the "blue screen of death" meant

But when my self driving car had one the name started making a lot more sense

I have never understood why living in the poor part of town...

...makes your skin darker.

Dad's joke: What kind of bee can never be understood?

A mumble-bee

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

As a young man, I never really understood insanity.

Until I got married.

Misunderstood...

3 people (one is stuttering) decided to go on a fishing trip in a yacht.

They were in the sea for over 3 hours and were having a good time, when suddenly a ship was arriving at high speed with intetion of stoping.

The stutterer noticed it was trying to warn the others but was stuck...

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I never understood the expression "for shits and giggles"

Until my girlfriend tickled me when I had the stomach flu

I never understood fog machines.

They mystify me to this day.

My Grandfather really liked Fall Out Boy

I never understood why, considering the age gap between him and the band. Every week, I’d go sit with him on his porch and we’d listen to the band, jamming out to some sick tunes and laughing our hearts out at each other’s awful singing. Unfortunately as time passed, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’...

I asked my ex if she understood why she was so odd.

She said she can't even.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never understood how you got dick from Richard.

Apparently you just get him drunk first.

I never understood why being called an Einstein is bad.

It's only relatively insulting.

I never understood the concept of lunch money

It doesn't taste any different than regular money.

I thought I understood the meaning of when pigs fly,

But then the swine flu

I never understood what was so good about having a threesome...

If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I could just go have dinner with my parents.

Magician and Parrot

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every ...

I'm full of problems, I wish people understood me.

Said *the math book*

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?

Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages.

Please tell us what languages they are in.

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Edit: Look, I don't want to be one of those redditors who say 'thank's for the gold kind stranger' every time they get awarded, but after seeing this post rise I get it why they do that. For me, whose posts never g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never understood why soldiers hate digging latrines.

It's not a piss-poor assignment.

I finally understood the end of the 6th Sense

All those names at the end were people who worked on the movie.

A joke my Uncle told me that I never understood when I was a child.

Q: What does Sinead O'Connor do after she finishes brushing her hair?

A: She pulls her pants up

I was testing children in my Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered in unison.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man drives into a traffic stop by the police...

As soon as he stops a police officer is walking up to the man's car and asks him to roll down the window.
Police Officer: Good evening Sir! May I see your driver's license and registration?
The Man: Yes sure Officer.
As the man hands over his papers he asks the Officer:
Why are you ch...

I've never understood why new pencils come unsharpened...

Seems pretty pointless to me.

I've never understood picky eaters...

you won't eat a tomato but you'll put someones unwashed genitals in your mouth.

English is weird... but it can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

Yeah you red it rite.

I've finally understood the meaning of "politics"

It's derived from "poly", the Greek word for "many", and "tics", a blood sucking parasite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never understood when my wife said I'm like an Olympian in bed.

How the fuck do I come third?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First time

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 5 husbands.  On their wedding night she told him, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."

"How can that be with all your marriages?"

"Husband #1 was an Engineer, he understood the process, but wanted three years to resea...

A guy goes to Court because he thinks that his neighbor stole the fence surrounding his yard

Guy: This man has stolen the fence surrounding my house, which was contained in my property

Judge: understood. Do you, the accused have a defense?

Neighbor: yes.

Judge: **Guilty**

I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar

After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.

my girlfriend told me that i never understand what she's trying to say and that i'm dense.. i understood perfectly

and i explained to her that i can't be that dense since i am ~70% water

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I participated in a joke writing competition on this sub three years ago.

The mods laid out 4 simple rules quite clearly:

1. For the following two days, all posts on this sub would be considered as entries for the competition.

2. The post with the most upvotes would be declared as the winner, i.e., the best joke. The number of upvotes until the end o...

I eventually understood USB Type C design...

And now, I can't really see any downside in it

Upside to masks

The only upside to wearing a mask during COVID, other than not getting sick and dying alone drowning in one's own fluids, is that this last holiday season I watched all the "Charlie Brown" specials and understood everything the teacher said.

An ambitious Chinese man named Hoo Ming wanted to run for president. He understood the problems that Americans faced every day and so he wanted to show everyone he planned to solve it by making it his slogan...

Hoo Cares!

My house was burgled the other night. When the police arrived, they asked me, “Did you happen to see, or can you tell us anything about, the burglar?” “Well... it was rather dark,” I replied.

The police officer says, “Okay… and how tall was it?”

I don't think he understood me very well.

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